Hello!
We have a soon to be 4 year old son who has recently started giving us a lot of trouble at bedtime. He has always been a good night time sleeper (although an early morning riser). We are a very routine driven famiily and he has gone to been on his own since he was a year old.
His main issue is that he just does not seem tired at bedtime (stories start around 8pm).
Up until about two weeks ago he was still taking 1 to 1 1/2 hour nap every day (no problem at nap time). We tried pushing his nap time early in the day and making sure he was up no later than 1-1:30pm -- that didn't help. Then we tried cutting the actual sleeping time back to 30-45 mins ---- that hasn't helped.
We are planning on just keeping him awake and putting him to bed 7-7:30pm, but we recognize we will probably be in for afternoon/early evening battles.
Any thoughts or ideas are appreciated.
**Further Info: I thought I would add a few more things based on some of the initial feedback.
1) Our son is SUPER active and we almost always have an activity in the morning (park, YMCA class, swimming, ect) -- home for lunch and nap/rest time -- and activities in the afternoon (more outside play, running errands, trip to Y, ect).
2) We did try just "rest time" --- trouble was that he would still typically fall asleep. This is when we moved to waking him after 30-45 mins.
3) Dinner time is usally our famiily "catch-up" time and we try as often as possible to sit and eat dinner at the dining room table with no other distractions. We also usually have a calm hour or so before bedtime. We do typically have the tv on, but this has not been an issue in the past. For the last year or so we have allowed our son one "show" (30 mins) before bedtime. Then we do stories (15-20 mins) and then lights out.
Thanks for all the great responses. Sometimes it is nice to just have a reminder that you are not alone.
So we did two days without an afternoon nap --- just some quiet time watching cartoons for about an hour after lunch. My husband (primary provider) had to make sure he didn't fall asleep. Last night DB was a little crankier than usual and a little whinny, but bedtimes have not been an issue. He has gone to bed between 7:30-8pm both nights and has woken up between 5:30-6am (normal morning wake up).
My guess is today he'll get a short snooze in the car --- DB & hubby have a mid morning playdate at the park. We figured the 20-30 mins shouldn't be too big a deal and DB can go to bed a little later if needed.
Tomorrow should be interesting --- it is DB's one daycare day of the week and daycare is not legally allowed to wake a sleeping child under 5 years old. We'll see what happens.
Selfishly we are choosing to eliminate most naps because we want that time at the end of the day as adults. Well, that and we have a new bundle of joy coming in October and we would like to trouble shoot difficult or late bedtime issues before the next one arrives.
Thank you again to all who commented!
I would eliminate the nap & switch to quite time instead. Have him read books, listen to music, play quietly etc. so he does get some rest but too much where bed time is a problem.
Good Luck
He might be getting too much sleep. My daughter is 4 and outgrew her naps before she was 3. She goes to bed around 8pm-9pm and wakes around 6am-8pm.
I'm not sure I would give up the nap, that might make bedtime even harder. And in the summer, 7-7:30 is so early.
My daughter took naps right up until she started Kindergarten. Maybe bedtime needs to be 1/2 hour later? I would just see if this is a phase that you could get through.
Hmm, The only thing I can suggest is some super active play in the afternoon.. Swimming for hour or hour and a half.. Riding his bike, running, jumping, climbing.. again non stop for at least hour and a half..
Then make sure dinner time is quiet, no tv or distractions.. Do quiet activities after dinner or short play time with a half hour calm down then quiet bath then start bedtime routine..
Maybe cut back on the nap to only 1 hour or to have him just "rest quietly".. In Kindergarten after lunch they have head rest on their desks while the teacher reads (they turn off the lights) or quiet time looking and reading books.. Usually 20 to 30 minutes..
I went through the same thing with my kids when they were four (triplets). I was also very structured with naps/bedtime and various routines throughout the day. But it got to the point where my boys were going to bed at 8:00 and not falling asleep until 9:30 and still waking up at 5:30 a.m. (or earlier). I took their naps away shortly after their 4th birthday and they would be in bed sleepng by 7:30, no struggles. A litle more irritable in the evening, but worth it I thought, to not deal with the messing-around-in-bed-for-an-hour-every-night drama. :) Good luck!
Yep, time to get rid of the nap and put him to bed an hour earlier. He may seem tired at first, but the body will regulate. Good luck!
I assume bath time is part of the bed time routine? It usually helps our almost 4 year old a lot, especially when we add the Johnson's bed time bath products to help calm and relax him.
As kids get older they will eventually lose the nap. It's a sad day for many parents. If your son still seems to need it (falls asleep in a "quiet time") I guess I would let him nap even though it will mean a later bedtime. When our just turned 4 year old naps, she is up until 9:30ish or sometimes even 10PM. She wakes up around 7AM. The thing is . . .she is HAPPY when she naps and fun to be with and fairly obedient. If she doesn't nap when she is tired, then we get melt downs and constant crabby behavior that disrupts the other two kids and puts all of us in bad moods. I just think it is not worth it to struggle from 2 or 3PM on through supper and try to make it to a 7ish PM bedtime. At some point your son will have trouble falling asleep in the day and then it will be a clear signal he's done with naps. Maybe you can be creative with what activities he can do between what you want his bedtime to be and when he gets tired. We let our 4 year old play PBS kids website games, color, look at books, or play quietly while we parents do our own work. We've even found some special times with her in the evening. Her older sister is asleep and her little brother is asleep...so it's good for the middle child to have some one on one time with mom or dad. Hope it works out for you.
I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter and she will still nap, but bedtime is much harder if she does. We have started quiet time instead. Some days she will still fall asleep and it's obvious that she needs the nap that day, but she probably only sleeps about 3 days per week now. Bedtimes are a lot smoother when she doesn't nap every day. Try instituting quiet time instead of naptime. Let him play quietly in his room, read books or watch a movie quietly. He probably needs some down time during the day so he isn't going non-stop, but if you don't actually let him sleep, it could help with bedtime a lot. Good luck!
N. -
I have two very active five year old boys. I struggled with nap time just after they turned 3 so we have not done naps since then. I don't believe you mentioned what time they get up in the a.m.? In my opinion, I would eliminate the nap b/c the struggle to get him to nap is a battle I wouldn't choose to fight. Or perhaps maybe just do a catnap for 20-30 minutes. I would also suggest some quiet time reading books or coloring during the day and an earlier bedtime.
The adjustment was rather tough at first b/c they would turn into little bears by 5 p.m. But eventually it all worked out. However, I was typically the one that needed the nap then! LOL
You can try ditching the nap and see how it goes but if he is cranky pants in the afternoon then you need to let him get some rest during the day. There is no reason for him to be miserable till bedtime.
Kids go thru stages where they fight things they have always done then go right back to normal. You need to experiment and see what is going on-if it's just a minor bump in the road phase or if he is ready to give up napping.
