Most men shut down when they're feeling stong emotions, because they can't handle them, don't know how to express them, and feel weak if they try. He will not react to things the way a sister or girlfriend would, or often even in a way that makes sense to you, because he's a guy.
My sister divorced her first husband because she felt the relationship was lacking passion. She also felt that she was making all of the important decisions; his input of, "Whatever you want, honey," struck her as weak. She started to have affairs, and be very open about it, as a test to see if he cared about her. When he remained very quiet and accommodating, saying, "I just want you to be happy," she decided that he really didn't care about her at all. She assumed that if he cared, he'd fly into jealous rages. She actually would have been happier if he'd screamed, broken things and called her names.
Fast forward 20 years. Her ex has been clinically depressed for most of his life, and is on antidepressants. He hasn't had a serious relationship since they broke up. He tells everyone that he knows he needs to move on, but he'll also admit that he never got over their breakup. One of her later relationships was with a man who she said swept her off her feet. She thought he was romantic, caring and strong, and said things like, "He takes such good care of me. I don't have to worry about anything." She now says she was lucky to get out of that relationship alive. He was not only controlling (traits that she first pegged as "taking care" of her), isolating and critical, but ended up being violent and abusive. She's with her current husband just for the sake of their kids, having given up on finding what she wants.
You say he does everything around the house and helps family and friends, but you also say that he doesn't take care of you. What is your definition of "taking care?" It seems that he's reliable and loyal, but you say you don't have a "solid, safe place." He tells you that he can be the man you need, but you don't feel he'll "catch you if you fall." That doesn't seem quite possible; those sentiments are very contradictory. What, exactly, are you expecting?
If you, or a friend, were a stay at home wife, would you think it was fair to have your (or her) husband say, "I feel I could hire someone to do what you do around here"?
You say that you've talked a lot about what you want - have you talked about what HE wants? There are two of you in the marriage. Are you trying as hard to be what he wants as you are expecting him to try to be what you want? Or is he very happy with what you have together, but you don't think that counts as much as what you want?
Men also need very specific, detailed requests. When you say you want "romance," what does that mean? Tell him exactly what you want, and why. Many women fall into the trap of thinking that, "It doesn't count if I have to ask," or, "If he loved me, he'd know what I need." He's not psychic; he can't read your mind. Even if your girlfriends would know exactly what you meant by words like "romance", don't assume that he will. He's a MAN. Does it mean him bringing home flowers? Does it mean dates to your favorite restaurant? Does it mean being wooed into bed? TELL him, in detail, or he won't know.
The grass is not always greener elsewhere. Expecting things to be the same way they were when you were younger is unrealistic. "Passion" is generally a "FALLING in love" thing, not a "BEING in love, long term" thing. Having to work at a relationship does not mean that the relationship is wrong.
I wish you the best.