Beginning Potty Training - How Do I Start?

I have posted this so many times the URL should be tattooed into my brain:

http://www.betterkidcare.psu.edu/AngelUnits/OneHour/Toile...

Because of his age, if he prefers the chair to the insert, start with that. My son was 3 yrs 3 months when he showed readiness, and needed to use the low potty for a while, just to get comfortable and have easy access. Sitting down is one easy step: having to put in the insert, move the stool, climb up, etc. is a lot more work.

I think the article posted will actually answer most of your questions. I have worked with children in preschool/toddler care/ nanny environments and have helped a great many children to use the toilet. When I used the toilet-learning methods instead of the traditional rewards, this process became much more straightforward and more long-lasting. I did find a few consistencies, and will briefly share them with you:

1. While we like the idea of rewards, they are often problematic in so many ways. Staying dry is the natural result of learning the body's cues, and I've found charts/M-n-M's and other goodies just complicate things.

2. Keep away from the Pull-Ups. These are "magical underpants" to children, who don't perceive them as a diaper. If you need a diaper, use a diaper. Kids get incredibly confused by pull-ups, and also very attached to them (all the cache of underwear without the work of using the toilet promptly). I've seen toilet learning significantly prolonged and riddled with power struggles because of this product. Kids just can't tell when they are wet, and there's no realistic result to learn from when they have accidents: wet pants are wonderfully informative for a toilet-learning child.

3. While we like to be polite, civilized parents, our tendency to ask a child if they need to go actually thwarts the learning process. Our children are at an age developmentally where A. they are inclined to answer "no" just because they can (two is the classic age for NO!) and B. They need to be directed. If we ask them "do you have to go", they are likely to say no, then when we insist they use it anyway, they are very likely to feel angry and disrespected because we had asked them for their assessment of their need and now we are over-riding it, which is subconciously absorbed as a 'no confidence' vote from us. In short: never ask, but always tell/invite the child to use the toilet, and regularly. (I have even had to tell 5 year olds to 'go use the bathroom, please'. They'll sometimes just wait and wait.)

3. Because you are wanting your son to be the author of this process (it's his process, right?;) ), if he only has the patience to sit for 30 seconds, just start with that. Sometimes a child will appreciate holding a book or small toy or being read a short story. I always say never more than a couple minutes, because this can also develop into a power struggle. You are introducing an opportunity for self-development, and the more autonomy your son has in this process, the more likely he will be to create longer-lasting successful results.

I've discovered, over the years, that the more parents try to control and insert themselves into a process which is really the *child's challenge*, the more frustrating the process becomes for everyone. By setting the stage well, providing objective support and feedback (either, "Oh, you made it to the potty and your underwear stayed dry" or "Oh, I see that your pants are wet. Looks like the pee came out before you got on the potty. Let's get changed and then we'll give it a try again soon.") and keeping your cool, that will keep the experience grounded and managable for everyone.

And stick with the cloth diapers for as long as you feel you need to. Cloth is fabulous, because kids can feel they are wet. You might find that when you look through the list for assessing readiness, your son may be interested but not 100% ready to take on all the activity involved in toileting. There's a reason we don't let a child practice a sport until they have all their appropriate equipment, and so it goes for readiness. If we start before they have all the skills, it will be more frustrating all-round and take just as long as if we'd waited for them to be completely ready.

H.

When I started with my son I set the "pee pee bell" and made a huge deal when it went off every 20 minutes. We would run to the potty and he would try to go. As he got better we could extend the time. Some people offer a small treat like 1 mnm or a goldfish if they go. I wouldn't waste money on a sticker chart. He probably won't really get it. And you may find as you are training him you have to switch up how you go about it. Just follow his lead and adjust accordingly.

You might try bare bottom (yes, there will be messes) or you could put a cover/pocket diaper on him with no prefold/insert and that would catch an accident but also help him feel it more.

I'm not in the camp of making them sit for a while. when he sits talk about letting the pee pee out or whatever you want to say.

Well, you can start by putting him on the potty before and after naps and before and after meals. Praise if something is in the potty, make no big deal if there is not. Encourage him to tell you if he has to go. Reward with praise only. Good luck to you!!

My daughter will be 2.5 soon and we're still at the start of the process. She can stay dry overnight and I'll put her on the potty (we have both, too, but she likes the idea of the big toilet) and we'll sing songs til she pees. We cloth diaper PT, and I went to training pants (for short durations while we are home) instead of pull ups. I want it to be different than diapers and cloth pants can be washed with her diapers anyway.

I did find that when I tried to jump to the next level (in our case, pooping) too soon, she regressed and would not go anywhere near the potty. We finally went back to sitting and doing nothing and then sitting and peeing, which is where we are now. I would keep trying to have him sit, perhaps pick a time like first thing in the AM (I got that tip from a friend) and just make it part of your day.

Good luck. As my husband (who trained his older two kids) said, they are unlikely to go to school still untrained.

I also agree that you don't ask. You tell. I babysit a friend's son (4) and you just tell him "Go potty before we go outside to play." or he won't stop to pee. And I tell him before the activity instead of during or after because kids often don't want to quit playing once they've gotten into a game.

I haven't read the other responses yet, but we just started pottytraining this past weekend. My dd is a little delayed in a few areas, potty training included (she turned 3 in december), but I thought since I would be home for a few days straight, I'd give it a shot. We jumped in hard core. I sat her down in her room when we were getting her dressed and said "These are your big girl panties! See the princessses on them? They are your friends! We don't go peepee on our friends, OK? We are going to go pee pee in the big girl potty". She got really excited. I knew I was in for a long weekend of lots of changes and laundry, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She had three accidents the first day, two the second day, Saturday we were out all day so it was back to diapers (arg), but NO accidents yesterday! I called the daycare today to see how she is doing today, and so far no accidents. Hopefully she can keep it up! So I am a big fan of "bite the bullet and do it" and I think you might try that too.
We made our own reward chart. I got a piece of bright orange construction paper and just drew one up myself. She gets to put a sticker next to the date for every time she goes potty. Way cheaper than buying one and just as effective.
I would suggest taking his diaper off when he sits at the potty with you. He can't learn that he is really supposed to go there if he never gets the chance to try. I would leave him there for a couple of minutes each time and see what happens.
I would say take him with you each time you go. Once he kind of gets what he is really supposed to be doing there, i would start taking him every half hour or so and trying. That's what we did and it's worked great!
Good luck mama!

I highly recommend www.3daypottytraining.com. I used it with my daughter when she was 2 years 9 months and with my son when he was about 26 months. It worked for both. Follow the instructions exactly. It didn't click for my daughter until around 5 pm on the third day, but after that she was potty trained. My son was getting the hang of it by the end of the first day. The method is kind and patient...no making the child clean up their accidents or shaming them. She answers all the questions you pose in her guide. I think it costs $20, about the cost of a box of diapers. Worth every penny! Message me if you want more details.