Behavior - Memphis,TN

Me and my little brother both have severe ADHD (used to they told me I had ADD and he had ADHD but they've since eliminated the ADD and both are classified as ADHD, there are just different ways it can present..) this sounds a lot like him if he would not have been so shy.. he def couldn't sit still for anything and it sounds like you need to get him tested. Just know that medicine is NOT evil, my dad refused to medicate my brother for 14 years and watching him struggle was horrible.. and I agree with the post below, rewards and/or consequences don't do a thing for impulsive behavior that you can't control.

Has he been tested for ADHD?

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Our oldest has ADHD and that's exactly how he was in preschool. If that's what your grandson's dealing with, he can't control his behavior, so rewards and consequences won't work.

I would ask his pediatrician for a referral to a specialist like a child psychiatrist who can do an evaluation. If it's not ADHD or it's something else, they'll tell you. In any case, you need to pursue medical help at this point.

Also, from our own experience, be prepared for him to be kicked out of preschool. There's very low tolerance for ADHD behaviors. They won't say they're kicking him out but rather, "They're no longer the best environment for him." I don't mean to scare you, but I know I wish someone had prepared me for what was likely to happen.

Best of luck to you and your grandson!

Everybody else has offered great advice. I just wanted to share that my son would be like this when he ate anything with red food coloring in it. It made him wild and emotional. I figured it out when he was 2 and if I hadn't I would have pulled my hair out and/or put him on medication. I know he is not the only one either. I have run into other parents who have discovered the same thing about their child. I just wanted to mention it in case it helps.

I would have him evaluated for disabilites of any kind: emotional, mental, learning, behavioral.

Once that is out of the way, I would sit down and come up with a list of rules and the following consequences, both positive and negative, for each rule. Get him involved as much as you can in making the rules, even if it is in a non structured way, like when you are in the car just ask him what he thinks a good rule is for hitting: should you ever hit, why or why not, what can you do instead and so on.

Write them and post them within his sight and then stick to your guns. Consistency is everything and I know there was a time when I gave up too fast because a method didn't work as fast as I thought it should.

Consequences that are natural are best. If you talk back to me, then you can't be around me for a while and need to go to your room. If you don't pick up your toys, I will pick them up and put them in toy time out for a few days. If you hit your friends you don't get to play with your friends because no one likes to be hit.

Rules should be positive, telling him what to do instead of what not to do:

Be kind with your words
Be kind with your hands
Listen to your parents, teachers and friends
Respect your home and school
Respect your things and other people's things.

Also take anything out of the house you don't want him to eat. No junk food ever. He can't eat it if it isn't there and when he gets hungry he will eat what is available. Keep the things that he likes that aren't junk food in good supply.

Hope this helps.

I have two kids. Both were doing the same exact thing. Everyone was telling me ADD or ADHD too. Same thing my parents were told when I was a child. ITS NOT ALWAYS ADD OR ADHD!!! I'm 27 and after a lifetime of misery I finally found out the truth. Instead of ADHD like they were told, it was Aspergers. No wonder the meds and 'treatment' didn't work. An unbelievable amount of kids in my generation actually have Aspergers not ADD or ADHD. Doctors back then didn't know about it. It was more widespread as of 1993. Aspergers is on the Autism spectrum. High-functioning. I'm highly intelligent, but socially have to mimic and adapt which doesn't always work. As for my kids, same behavior issues. After the hell I went through as a kid and not learning the truth until I was an adult I was determined to prevent that fate for them. I talked to their pediatrition and she referred them to speech, behavioral and occupational therapy. Both have made a huge improvement. I 100% recommend therapy. Medical Card here in KY has paid for most of the bills. I noticed though they were having some days better than others. That's normal, but I began to notice a food link. I did research online. Casien in dairy, gluten and sugar all can contribute to the bad behavior. So, I started them on a multi-vitamin and (dairy-free, gluten-free) pediasure and eliminated dairy and switched to soy and rice milk. Then got rid of gluten in their diet. It's very suprising how many things it's in once you start to look. That means no bread, cookies, cakes, pasta, cereal, crackers, chicken nuggets or breaded items, anything with wheat, barely or rye. Within a few days HUGE improvement!! You would have to see them to understand. I started the same diet and have more energy, am less hyper and finally no more stomach upsets! Thankfully Wal-mart and places are carrying more Gluten free foods like rice crackers (my husband us on normal diet and likes them), cereal etc. To finally have a sense of peace and normalcy is worth the learning curve with this new diet. My Husband thought I was crazy at first and punishing them. Then after a few weeks they were calmer and getting quickly smarter, then a family member gave then pizza and that day was literally hell....back to screaming, tantrums, acting out, etc. As for the junk food, don't buy it. If it's not in the house he'll have to eat what's there or be hungry. Chocolate pedicure, fruit smoothies, apple-cinnamon rice cakes, peanut butter and apple slices (or carrots etc), raisins, popcorn and things are healthier and less sugar. Mine still get candy occasionally, but to where it's a treat and appreciated more. Trust me, get him the help my parents couldn't get me. I was raised mostly by my Grandma because I drove them nuts...eventually she tried to get me some help, but there just wasn't much then. With the resources now, ge can be an amazing child...no longer an animal trapping you in his zoo. Good luck!

Edited to add: Also consider the circumstances of why you have custody. He could be acting out. I would definately get him to a therapist so he can talk to someone that ge doesn't have to worry he'll get in trouble with. It's easier to talk to someone neutral that you don't live with. I had bad behavior towards my Grandma when I first lived with her.

Please know I feel your pain. You need to take some love and logic parenting classes, need to find a Grandparents raising grandchildren support group in your area, and need to sit down with the school counselor and visit about your grandson being observed and evaluated for sensory issues and possibly adhd. If you have a local mental health facility then make an appointment with them too for some assistance. He has been through a lot and needs structure, limited choices.

You are the grown up, he gets to choose the big part of the basket or the seat part of the basket. If he doesn't choose he gets to go to the car with a helper you have ready to take him when he misbehaves. These are tactics you will learn in L&L classes. I have a different outlook on parenting since taking them.

Good luck with him. I am serious about the grand-parenting group though. Ours here is totally awesome and have so many people. There are hundreds of thousands of us out there and the laws are changing in our favor and more and more support is there for us.

I see most of the replies immediately suggest your grandson has ADHD, which may be possible, but in all honesty, he sounds like a typical boy who has not had much structure and discipline in his life. How long have you had custody of him? If this is a recent change, it is very possible he is acting out due to the major changes in his life and he is not quiet at the age emotionally to be able to express how he is feeling. My brothers and I were raised by my grandparents from the time I was 7. My younger brother had just turned 5 and I remember him acting out horribly. For me, even with all the explanations of why we were going to live with our grandparents, it was still a very emotional and confusing time.

Also consider if you haven't had custody of him for long, how was his home life with his parents? If they didn't provide structure and discipline, this could be how he is used to behaving and not being punished for it.

My 3 1/2 year old son was a little terror at daycare, even with proper discipline at home. I've seen several parents recommend the 1,2,3 Magic book and finally decided to check it out. I started implementing the program the beginning of July and within a couple of weeks, he very quickly grasped the concept that his behavior was not going to be tolerated. Now most of the time we don't get past a 2 count before unwanted behavior stops. I would highly recommend checking out the book and seeing if it may help.

I've spoken to so many parents of boys and they all say the same thing, they tend to be so much more defiant and full of energy than girls. Boys tend to want to be on the go and they don't want to sit and focus on any one thing for too long. Please consider all possibilities with his behavior and various discipline techniques before writing him off as ADHD and medicating him. If you put an honest effort into working with him and he still seems to have issues, then talk to his pedi and see what he suggests.