My son is in kindergarden & has never been in trouble>>in fact his teacher has said he is such a well behaved sweet child>>>Today, i get a call from the school saying that at lunch my son pushed his friends face in his spaghetti!!!! The teacher & asst. princ. said they know this was way out of character for my son & would leave it to me to deal with at home>> I talked to my son on the phone while he was in the princ. office & asked why he did it>>He said he was just playing ( he was crying)>>>I told him to apologize to his friend, his teacher & asst. principal>>>I've already decided to take rockband & computer away for today>>And stress to him that he is big school now & cannot be getting in trouble at school>>I called & left message for the other childs mother apologizing>>>My son & this child are friends>Kinda 2 peas in a pod>>>This is my first experience with this>>Just need some input>>Thank You!!!!
Thank You All so much for the uplifting responses!! Talked to his teacher this morning & she even laughed>She said she was so suprised that he had done this, & knew that he was only trying to be funny & wasnt trying to hurt anyone>>I guess this is just the first of many crazy things i'll deal with for the next 14 yrs!!! My children are the JOY of my life!!
I wouldn't worry to much. It sounds like he had seen it on TV or in a movie. He probably thought it was funny on TV and wanted to do it. He didn't think about the out come, and relizes now that he did a bad thing to his friend. This is his first offense go easy on him. It sounds like he is sorry.
You did exactly the right thing, in my opinion.
As my son gets older, I cringe at more and more things I see "friends" doing to eachother while playing. It's sooooo hard to know when to let it slide and when to get involved when you're there watching, but a phone call from school is definetly time to step in and let him know he crossed a line. Basically, he needs to think about how he would feel if his friend had done that to him, and he needs to understand that just because you're "just kidding" doesn't mean something is funny. Boys tend to be impulsive-- they do and say what's on their mind without thinking it through at all. He also needs to know that he's lucky it was a good friend because as he gets older if he does something like this, the boys will retaliate instead of tattle. I was on a cub scout camping trip with 5th grade boys and they would push eachother down, throw sand at eachother, throw eachother's shoes, etc and it was "all in fun"--- drove me up a wall!! Boys will be boys, but when it hurts someone's feelings or causes someone to get hurt then a line is crossed. You know how you can point at a spot on someone's shirt and when they look down you pop them in the nose? It can be funny but you can also "pop" them too hard and hurt them-- it's hard at his age to kwow what's funny and what's too much.
One final thought... just wait until your daughter gets to "big school"... remember how catty and cliquish girls can be?? ugh!
I'd encourage you to not get too concerned about it and not put fear into your son about getting into "trouble." Just let him know that in school we need to respect the rules that are in place there since those rules help keep people safe and help make it easier for teachers to focus on teaching... and that even really good kids like him may forget or make a mistake on rare occasions, and when that happens just accept responsibility and consequences and move on - you love him just as much when he forgets a rule as when he's being on task. Having restrictions for more than a day isn't really useful for that age, so I wouldn't impose long-lasting consequences for undesirable behavior. It's more important to show appreciation and recognition of positive behaviors than to respond to negative ones.
Hi Lynn,
It sounds like your son is already remorseful for what he did. Hooray! New school, peer pressure, examples being set by other children (not to mention food fights on Disney, aarrrgh!) are all going to affect him. He seems like a sweet child and will recover quickly from this. Remember sometimes these are the things that make them stronger.
Keep an eye out that he really has gotten past this and it's not a trend. You sound like you have covered all the bases.
God bless!
Hi Lynn!
I know you will get a lot of great advise from all of the wonderful Mom's on this site. I have 3 children who are for the most part able to avoid conflict in class but last year my 4 year old daughter was sitting outside of her classroom in time out. Her teacher came right out and told me she bit another child and that they were pretending to be lions. I asked her if that was the story and she said, "no, she was in my face and would not get out of it!" I was so upset and felt so badly for the poor little girl that she bit. I talked to her and took her home and punished her also by talking something special away.I thought I was raising a brut. Luckily to date that was the only incident. I think you did th right thing and you sound like a wonderful Mother! I'm sure that he has learned his lesson. Making him appoligize is punsihment in itself too! Take Care! L.
Hi lynn,
This is me, sounds so innocent. He's a boy. They do funny things like that. He probably really was playing. I'm sure he got the message that this was not behavior we need to repeat in school. I wouldn't be so hard on him. Be careful not to take the "boy" out of him too much. I'd say the trip to the principal's office was enough to take care of it. Good luck!
I agree with Mimi on this one. You do the best you can in letting him be sure that behavior like that is not appropriate and then let him learn from it. He does sound remorseful. He's still so young and learning about cause and effect and what his boundaries are. Heck, at that age, they're still learning that other people have feelings too. He may have thought it would be a funny thing to see something like that and tried it out. Without realizing that his friend may not think that was so funny. He'll learn empathy with situations such as this one.
Give him a chance to grow from it. And hopefully it won't become habitual. Stick with your punishment for today and reinforce what it's not appropriate. And then don't continuously bring it up. Especially to other adults in front of him. Sometimes the telling of the story within earshot can cause more harm than good.
Lynn,
I would like to congratulate and welcome you to the trouble at school phase of your child growing up. You know, it is going to be a time of laughter (that your child won't see you do.) and a time of developing him into an even more responsible little tyke than you have already made him. It will be a time of defining and refining, and you both will get through it all with flying colors.
I don't think there is cause to punish excessively here, he is doing what most kids his age do, and some are not observed, it's just that he was. Just talk to him about the rules at school and how important following them are, just like he does at home. Explain to him, many of the rules at school are there to keep him and others safe. Try not to bring it up to him again, unless there is absolutely a need for it. I think the drama of the teacher and the principal were enough coupled with you talking to him about it. Now sit back and trust him. Don't become overwhelmed when you get a report from school. Remain calm and address it concisely and firmly letting the child know what may have happened for the infraction committed. Some parents cause the behavior to continue by how they respond and in this case, I think you deserve a big fat "A" for the day!!
Good luck! and Hugs to your kindergartner!!!
Jen
I wouldn't punish for a LONG time...
I immediately flashed back on some of my "jokes gone bad" through my many years... and how difficult it is to get the "timing" right on jokes, sometimes...
Yes - talk about it and taking away the toys for the day seem good to me...
You may want to point out that faces into food seem funny, but if the spaghetti had been hot somebody might have been hurt or if the sauce had stained his clothes, there might be expenses involved... And - school is probably not such a good place for those kind of "jokes"... etc...
I love a sense of humor in a kid. Don't remove his funny bone, but - help him see that not all things he initially thinks of will actually "work" as jokes and he should think before he acts...
(I also laughed when I read your story. I'll bet he's a fun kid to be around?)
Don't stress too much, kids will be kids. If this was ongoing behavior you would have a worry, but an unusual incident here and there is normal. Kids have to try things out to learn what is okay and what is not.
Hi, Lynn. Well, the problem is that we see this kind of prank all the time on TV. America's Funniest Videos has at least half a dozen of them every episode. Everybody laughs hysterically when this prank is shown. So your sweet son has seen this on TV, no doubt, and believes it's OK because no one punishes anyone for this kind of prank. He probably didn't know anything was wrong with it.
So I would start there with re-educating him. I wouldn't panic -- he doesn't sound like a bully or a mean little kid at all. Also, 5-year-olds don't know their own strength, so he probably doesn't understand that he could've hurt the other kid by slamming his head into his plate.
I'm sure it looks worse than it really is. However, I would make sure he understands that this kind of prank is mean, and it's wrong to laugh at someone getting treated this way. Maybe you should keep him from watching that kind of show where people play pranks on each other and get praised for it. I don't watch that show very much myself because I really don't like to laugh at other people's pain. Call me a weirdo, but I really don't.
I hope this is helpful.
Peace,
Syl
Hi Lynn,
Since you stay at home, maybe it would be beneficial to homeschool, or at least participate a lot in his school where you can be close to him. Most children act out like that in school settings because of attention, and especially in kindergarten they are still so young, homeschooling would be really good for him and help you to bond and learn how he learns and you can teach him. I don't know, but just a suggestion. I have 4 children and homeschool my 2 oldest. The 2 youngest are too young to start school and we really enjoy it and I know what kind of education they're getting and what they're learning from the books and away from the books.
Take care and don't forget to ask God for guidance too!
V.
I do believe that must discipline our kids. I have a 5 yr old too...BUT, there are always 2 involved...and usually only one gets the blame; and of course, in this case it is going to be the child without the "spaguetti face"...I do understand that sometimes they do things that we never imagine they would be capable to do and it is when we get upset, BUT, Did you ask him why did he do it, did you get to the bottom of it? Maybe he was told to do it...I do not know...I agree that what he did was wrong but because of his good behavior, maybe something pushed him to do it! My son did something similar (throwing pretzels across the table) and when I asked him why, he said that the other friend was doing it too and he thought it was fun...He knows we do not tolerate that behavior at home, but he did it anyway. The cafeteria lady was not aware of the other kid doing it and then he was approached for his behavior too. Good luck !
