Hello Mamas,
My best friend had a miscarriage quite a while ago, very early on. Tomorrow would have been her due date. What should I do for her? She has planned her other childs birthday party for tomorrow to keep her mind occupied. I have already bought a very sweet card but I am wondering if anyone had any other ideas. Thanks!
So I decided to send her flowers. A small arrangement that they delviered to her home on the day I posted my question after reading some of your posts. I didn't mention anything about the misscarrige, I just had them write in the card "to brighten your day" and she called me as soon as they arrived. The actual day was the next day and after the party we all went to eat and a movie. She said I was the bestest friend ever. So I guess I did good. Thanks for all your input.
Bring her some flowers. It will let her know that you are thinking of her. Hand them to her and ask how the day is going. If she wants to talk, she will. If not, she will know that she can talk to you if she needs to.
I'm very sorry. I truly believe for every parent of of a loss of a child, there is a place in heaven.
I don't think anyone wants to be reminded...plan to spend some time with her and just by letting her know you are always there for her means a lot. She is very lucky to have a friend like "you".
I went through my childs birthday yesterday. He was full term but because of known issues did not live for more than 2 hours. I was relieved to have something to do. I cooked a big meal, I cleaned, I sewed, I asked moms on here for riddles (yeah only got one of them lol). It is a hard day. I liked it how everyone stayed on possitive subjects and helped me keep my mind off of the bad. When the day was almost over and my first born was in bed me and Trav mourned our loss. We talked about everything that needed to be talked about. Cried and released pressure that built through the day.
The best thing you can do is keep her possitive. Help her laugh. And if/ when she breaks down hold her. Let her let it out and try to comfort the pain. Try to stay possitive and off the topic unless she brings it up. Atleast this is what I wanted. I dont know if it will help much with your friend. God bless her through this time and she is in my prayers. Its hard.
Just be there. That's really all you can do.
I'm sorry for her loss.
just be available to her. follow her lead. does she want to talk? listen. does she want to be distracted by a movie? take her. does she want to be left alone? let her know you're on the other end of the phone.
you're a sweet friend.
khairete
S.
I'm sorry to hear about your friends loss. It is such a troubling topic. A dear childhood friend of mine had a similar situation with her first child and many complications with her second child, which ultimately passed away a couple weeks after birth. She created a blog about her and her family's experience. She found a lot of comfort in her faith. I thought I would share her blog with you so it could possibly help your friend during this trying time. She's not the only one that has gone through this, though I'm sure she feels like it.
This is about their first child:
http://huckbodytale.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2011-...
This is about their second child:
http://huckbodytale.blogspot.com/2012/10/emily-evelyn-huc...
Both are very heartwarming and inspiring stories.
Wish you the best of luck and many heartfelt prayers are sent your friends way!
You need to follow her lead. Do you know how she feels about the miscarriage at this point? How early was the loss? I lost my first pregnancy at 6 weeks and while I was sad and disappointed at the time, 8 months later I'd have been hard pressed to recall when the due date was.
I'd keep the card in your purse and visit her. If she's happy and not thinking about the miscarriage, keep that sucker in your purse and don't mention it. An if she's sad or needs comfort, you can whip the card out and give to her.
It's really sweet of you, to remember your friends loss. I think most wouldn't recognize the date. I would probably let her enjoy her other child's birthday & then do something small to let her know you're thinking of her & acknowledging her loss.
Celebrate the birthday party that is planned. Do not bring up anything about the miscarriage unless your friend does.
By planning the party, she is sending a message. I have a couple of friends who have loss babies. One full term. One two months old. I will usually just e mail a message. Thinking of you today. Much love. Very simple. They know I am thinking of them, but I let them be and spend time with their families. Less is more.
I was not sure if I should acknowdge these two perfect babies every year ,but both friends were really touched that I never forget.
Only you know your friend.
You are a very thoughtful friend!!
I was 5 months along when we lost our last child. I have 3 healthy kids that I am so grateful for. THere is still a part of me that mourns the loss of that child we lost 3 years ago. But, I have filled my life with enjoying my family, other people's children, friends and hobbies.
I think your friend is remembering the day in a very healthy way...life goes on...celebrate life with those around us.
If I were your friend I would appreciate a hug from you, maybe a little note and simple bouquet of flowers Simple but the thought is there that the day is not forgotten..that little baby is not forgotten in the hearts of others as well. We mourn for our friends..we mourn with our friends..that is what friends do.
Phew...wow..this was hard to write. See? 3 years later and it still conjures up a little hole in my heart.
Go help her with the party if she will allow it...who doesn't need a friend there to help with party craziness when her mind might just be a little preoccupied every now and then.
Good luck and best wishes!!
Celebrate the birthday party that is planned. Do not bring up anything about the miscarriage unless your friend does.
If she planned her other child's party on that day, I would think that she didn't want to focus on her loss. I think if you already have a very sweet card, take it with you and leave it where she will find it when the party is over and guests have gone. Don't draw attention to the fact that you got her a card for "the occasion". Maybe just let her know on your way out, I left something for you on your desk. That way she will know you are thinking of her and being present in her life. If she needs a friend, I'm sure your phone will be the first to ring.
Go to mend.org (mothers enduring neonatal death). They have a huge group in Dallas. Their site should have good suggestions on helping a friend mourn.
As someone who has had miscarriages and grieved the due date, I personally didn't want anyone to carry on with brining it up. I especially wouldn't bring it up when she is trying to focus on entertaining and another child.
I had to put my cat down the day before my wedding. I called ahead and requested that no one ask me about it, or bring it up to me until after the wedding. It seems the same idea would apply here.
So maybe wait until she is done entertaining and let her know after the fact you were thinking about her.
Oh - you are the sweetest friend. I had 4 miscarriages including one pregnancy that went to 20 weeks and no one ever acknowledged how I was feeling on the due date and trust me I still remember 2 of them. I would have loved a card, a call, a hug saying I know you must be sad..... any type of recognition of my emotions would have meant the world to me. I'm not sure there's much more needed just knowing she has such a thoughtful, wonderful friend I think will make her day!
