For the last few weeks or so, we have been working on getting our 22 month old daughter a big girl bed and room. Last Saturday she took her first nap in there all the while making a big deal of her big girl room. I stayed in their with her until she was asleep because it was a big move for all of us, however, I'm not ok with that becoming a routine. Sunday, she napped and went to bed in her big girl room and again, we ended up staying with her because she sits up and starts screaming the second we close the door then gets out of bed to scream at the door. A few times, when we sit by her she starts to play which is frustrating. Last night, it took us 1 1/2 hours to get her to sleep in her room which consisted of our normal bedtime routine, telling her we'd be in the kitchen, saying goodnight as I stepped outside the door, and she starts screaming. We would let her cry for 5 minutes and then go back in and soothe her while putting her back to bed. Towards the end, both my husband and I tried to lay with her because we were exhausted of the whole ordeal and frustrated thinking she was manipulating the situation. Finally, we put her in the pack-n-play and let her cry herself to sleep. I want to teach her to stay in her bed, I want her to go to sleep happy like she used to, I refuse to stay in there with her until she falls asleep for each nap and bedtime, and we need help. Is it too much to teach her to stay in bed while having her transition to another room and a big girl bed all at once? Any ideas of how to make the transition easier and less traumatic?
Thanks
I did go through this, but with both of my children, the closing of the door, was the downfall. If I left the door open they would go to sleep. Even if I closed it after they were asleep they would wake up & scream. With my daughter before her brother was born we worked on her & her special bed. Just could never close that bedroom door.
I hope this helps.
She is already going through a HUGE transition with having a new brother! I wouldn't put her through any more transitions now. I know this isn't what you are asking, but I really believe the family bed is by far the best way to go. She would feel included and not left out. She is probably terrified that she has been "replaced" by the new baby. She needs lots of reassurance and touch and comfort! If you do insist on getting her to at least start out the night in her own room, I would highly recommend lying down with her and snuggling/singing/story-telling her to sleep. I nursed mine to sleep until they were at least 3 years old, then snuggled them to sleep for a few years after that. She NEEDS you, that is why she protests being abandoned! Especially if you are planning on returning to work again, she needs all the connection and reassurance she can get.
A big cold shower to you and your wonderful husband and father. Neither of you has a whip of common sense. You have a new baby 11 weeks old. A son at last and now you move her out of your room into her own room? Do you know anything about a small child's feelings. This is major rejection in a child's mind.
Put her back in your room for a few months until she's ready. For goodness sake she is only 22 months old.
I see patients who were so tramatized by parents who thought just like you. They never get over it. Read Ashley Montegue's book The Family Bed. You need another point of view though I would not go as far as he does in the togetherness. In other cultures nobody sleeps alone. Not the elderly and certainly no one under four years of age.
If you are looking for easier right now, I would go ahead and let her sleep in the pak-n-play in the new room while she gets used to it, then move her into the new bed.
Hi L.,
From my observations with kids I've taken care of, the answer to your question is "Maybe". Maybe, for some kids, the double transition is too much, for some it isn't, every kid is different. I've seen a lot of "what doesn't work" and some ideas that do.
Kids may love their new rooms and beds in the daytime, when they are playing, and even as a place to nap. But bedtimes can be a whole other story.
Lots of families I worked with found that having a "cozy nest" set up in the parent's room as an alternate bed has been really helpful. The children have a same-room connection with parents and most importantly, they have two acceptable choices of where they may sleep. This is critical when their original sleeping place has been removed as an option. You don't mention if your daughter was sleeping in a crib or cosleeping, but either way, it's a huge change. Especially if she was cosleeping with you before and sees that your son has taken her place in your bed/room/crib.
One other thing I'd like to mention: children often take steps backward developmentally after transitions such as new siblings. It's very, very common for older siblings to be "fine" with new siblings for a few months, and then to manifest some regression later. 22 months old is still very little, and toddlers often don't fully understand what's going on. Be patient, remember that your life with two does feel like so much more work because it really, truly is (no matter how much finesse we display, it's a ton of work!), and that over time, this will resolve itself!
I had to put a bedrail on the side of the bed. This stopped alot of the crying, but I still had to sit with her. She too would play when first put to bed, and I would tell her No and keep laying her down. This was a waste of time bec she realized she got my attention, so I would sit on her bed with her and ignore her. She eventually realized that I wasnt going to budge (I would take my DS in there and play a game with the volume off and the light wasnt any brighter than the nightlight). The amount of time I at in there would get shorter and shorter (most of the time she was already alseep when I left the room). I thinkshe just needed the reassurance that I was still there. Its the same room she had always been in and she shares with her big sister. Some kids are very difficult, just have to find something that works for you. Consistancy is extrememly important.
Tell her the rules first.
If you must sit in the room, don't talk to her, and only stay if she is in the bed and horizontal. You will read one story. The lights will be off, with a night light on, the door cracked, but not closed. You will not touch or talk to her.
Each night you move a little further from her bed. Just a bit and do it slowly.
Good luck. Congratulations on the new baby.
I agree that the harder you try to push her away the more she will fight you on this. It is counterproductive to your sanity and limited energy reserves right now to force her to adjust this quickly, and I really believe there is no way around the attention she needs right now. I think your current method is probably causing you twice the amount of work that just "giving in" to her will. Try to notice when you "give in" to her how much work that was for you and how well she handled it, and then compare it to trying to teach her independence by forcing her. I believe you may surprise yourself with the results. ;-) Good luck.
We did the same transition with our daughter at about the same age, a little younger. If staying with her until she's asleep works right now, try that for 1-2 weeks. Then start leaving her a little more awake each night or nap. I also make sure that if my daughter is awake as I leave, I give her a kiss, tell her I love her, and don't look back as I shut the door behind me. It works SOOOOO much better than when I would talk to her as I was leaving.
We just completed the transition to a big girl bed for our 2 and a half year old. Shortly before our daughter turned two, we got a new crib (in anticipation of the birth of our new baby several months later). The crib's dropside could not be installed due to missing hardware, so for about a week she had to sleep in the toddler conversion of the crib. It was very disturbing to her, and meant a lot of sleepless nights like you've been experiencing. Once we got the hardware, we put it back to a crib (she just wasn't ready). In January of this year, we made a big deal of switching it to the toddler rail (she was 26 months). She learned to stay in bed until we got her (we only spanked twice). What made it different in the big switch to the twin bed (just occurred) is that it has always been set up in her room and she has napped on it every day (by choice). It was very hard (for me) to move her out of her special toddler bed to the twin. (I took lots of pictures!) In June we took a trip to Thomas the Tank Engine and a couple weeks after getting back I had a quilt made, special star sheets, and applique stickers to decorate the headboard and walls. We made a big deal about getting it ready. (In this process, we left her toddler bed as is.)
That first night, she slept in it very happily. 2nd night, on the floor with her special blanket and animals. 3rd night wanted the toddler bed. After that, she was happy to be in her Thomas train bed. About a week later, we worked together on her baby brother's bed, changing it back to the crib and setting up his sheets, mobile, etc. She was excited to do it. I think the big things that worked for us: 1) she stayed in her own room (small house; both kids in same room) 2) she could move over on her own timetable (within reason). We did not pressure her to make the switch, being gradual, it could be her own "decision" under our guidance. 3) she was already used to the twin from napping on it daily 4) I chose a theme that was "no-fail". She is so pleased to sleep with Thomas every night. Once her brother's crib was made up, we said, "No, that's his bed." We also did some rearranging so she has a little bookshelf by her bed with a lamp, her water bottle, and a place to put her pacifier. She feels really grown up.
We have only just in the last week started to put our 5-month-old in his crib in her room every night. My suggestion would be to take it slow, introduce only one new aspect every couple nights, and try to do it without pressure. She may be too young for all those changes right now. Is it possible to borrow another crib/bassinet to put in the nursery, and let your daughter have her crib in the new room with the other bed to get used to the whole idea?
Best of luck!
L.:
I didn't really read through what others have said yet but I will share with you what worked for us. My daughter now is 3 almost 4 & she always slept with us. Since we are expecting another baby who I am sure will be the in the bed with us more at night for feedings, I wanted to transition her out. It was very simple with my daughter. It could have been that we just got lucky but we really didn't have to fight with her. We got her a full size bed rather then a toddler or twin, let her pick out her bedding & made such a huge deal about her being such a big girl now. We also allowed her to pick out the wall decorations (they are stickers so no painting involved) for "her" room. We tried to make it as comfortable & fun & possible for her. We also got a night light to set in her room just in case she woke up in the middle of the night. So when it's bed time, we tell her that "Dora" is sleepy & is waiting for her to go lay down. She usually goes with no hesitation. (btw, Dora is what she chose to put on her walls) We have occasional nights where she wants to sleep with us but we don't budge. She is only allowed to nap with us but no sleeping at night. There has been times also where she would cry because she wanted to sleep with us but we wouldn't let her. It's tough but we just let her cry herself to sleep & the next morning she would be ok. With whatever you guys do, just try & stay consistent. She will get it soon. :) Maybe what we tried could work for you guys & your little one too. ;) Good Luck!
