Hey moms! I have a question. My brother just got a call from a ex girlfriend of about 2 and a half years ago. She wasnt the best person so they broke up. A few weeks later she told him she was pregnant but was getting an abortion. He wasnt ok with it but she said she went through with it. anyways she just called him telling him that she lied....never got the abortion...and gave the baby up for adoption. She still has contact with the adoptive parents. He really wants to be in his kids life and is wondering what he can do if anything. We understand this little boy has established a life with this family but He didnt even know he had a child until an hour ago and eventually wants to raise him. but we arent sure if theres anything he can even do. any thoughts or ideas about this horrible situation?
Hi K., I could be wrong, but I don't think she can leagally put this child up for adoption unless the child's father is dead, can't be found or has given up all his rights to the child, he needs to get some leagal aid, I believe he has a case. J. L.
Forward this link http://adoptionchoiceslawcenter.com/adoption_choices_002.htm to your brother or call Atty. Charlotte Adams at Tel ###-###-####
Wow!! Crazy!
My sister in law gave a baby up for adoption, and she still has A LOT of contact with the baby (it was an open adoption) and the adoptive family. I have met the family and the baby as has everybody in my sil's family/extended family.
I would recommend talking to a lawyer (which you probably already knew), and then if he has any rights, he should be a part of the baby's life, but I wouldn't recommend taking the baby away from the only mom and dad he has ever known.
One thing I would like to add. I am only saying this because the adoptive mother (of my SIL baby) had talked about this before. She insisted that both the natural mother/father and natural grandparents get counseling if they want to be a part of the baby's life. This is the only way she would let the open adoption happen. My SIL got counseling as did my mother/father in law. The natural father opted not to be a part of the baby's life at first. But, a few years ago (baby is now 5) he wanted to be a part of her life. The adoptive mother let him see the baby one time, but then insisted that he get counseling before he sees the baby again and before they explain to the baby that he is her natural father.
Hope this helps!
Anyway, that is my recommendation. Remember this is coming from an adoptive mother--and incidently, she is some sort of spokesperson for open adoption. She runs a nonprofit that helps family's get information about open adoption.
Wow!! How awful to find something out like that...so, my only advice would be for him to get an attorney to explore his options, or there is tons of legal aid help in the family law center at most courthouses.
In my opinion, he had a right to know that his son exists in this world. It wasn't fair but, if he really does want to be a part of his son's life then it's best he do so now rather than waiting when he's older. But, if the family is established and he has his 'mom and dad' your brother still needs to remain sensitive to his son's development...oh, gosh I really wish your brother all the best!!
Children bond with their parents at a very early age and it's extremely important for their development that this is a time of security and consistency for the first 5 years of life. I feel for your brother, I know this maybe very hard for him. After he seeks the advice of an attorney he needs to deeply consider what is best for his child. The longer he stays with is adopted parents the more attached he will be for them. To take this child away latter, when it is more convenient for your brother to raise him, may cause tremendous trauma. I think the other lady had a point too; your brother needs a paternity test to see if this child really is his. I wish your brother the best as he wrestles with figuring out what’s best for him and the baby.
Certainly he has rights. She sounds immature and like she is playing games. He should seek legal advice either through private attorney or DA.
However, in my opinion...I hope he is sure he is prepared to take care of a child on his own even if he is in a good relationship. We all know how much work children can be and how much you must give up to make them the priority. I know plenty of single dad's and they do just fine. My cousin has raised his little girl since she was born and she is now 2.5. The two of them do everything together because he cannot afford sitters while he goes out with the guys. It is not your average home, but she is well cared for, loved, and healthy.
Wishing everyone the best.
C.
Um, I would want "proof" that the baby IS his, and have a paternity test done.
This woman sounds capable of lying....among other things.
I would not get all excited until you thoroughly check out her and her story, and confirm everything.
ALSO...what is her motive? What is she getting out of it by telling your brother? WHY?
YOu need to get an Attorney to handle this... or you/he will make it worse... you MUST think of the child....and their well-being first, no matter "who" the Parents are.
I adopted my cousin in April of this year and it took about a year for the adoption to go through because they had to do diligent searches for him. Now in the case of your brother they might not have done that because the mom didn't put him on the birth certificate. And also how does she still have contact with the child, I'm wondering if the child was adopted by another family member. The best advice I can think of for your brother is to get a lawyer so he knows his rights. This is a horrible situation, I hope everything works out for both parties involved. Oh yeah, the court papers are probably sealed, so maybe have your brother try and get some info on who adopted the baby and which agency, where they live a name anything that might help him find out where the baby is. Good luck to your family...
