Birthday Gift Idea

For my 2 year old's birthday, I kinda felt the same way, we have tons of toys that he barely touches already! I asked for everyone to bring a book to help start his library!

My girls were invited to a party where each child brings a gift and gets a gift (birthday child picks present first, then draw numbers to see who picks next). So everyone gets to open a gift and the birthday kid doesn't have all these toys they don't know what to do with. Every child winds up leaving with a pretty nice "party favor"! It was really a neat idea. I loved it and the kids loved it. The parents either brought gender-neutral gifts or marked them "boy" or "girl".

I LOVE it. You could even have folks bring gifts that you and your kids take to a shelter to give to needy kids. Talk about boosting self-esteem and getting an early start at thinking charitably -- it's great! They will be much happier people later if they learn how to sacrifice and give now. I'm inspired by your good heart! I'm going to talk to my husband about doing this at Christmas.

Hi there, M.: I wouldn't ask the party participants to donate to charity -I feel that is a personal choice of theirs and wouldn't initiate that request. However, I like the idea of no presents at the party - just a fun time for the kids to enjoy each other because as you say, your family would be giving the kids gifts. Best of luck and hope the party turns out well.

My son is turning 2 this year, and a lot of our friends are strapped for cash. Since both of our dogs are from a shelter we have decided to have guests bring supplies from home that are needed at the local ASPCA. Then I will get the supplies together after the party, and take my son with me to deliver them. He will have more fun playing with all the shelter puppies. He isn't going to miss presents at all.

Mom, I think you're definitely right here! Your husband makes a good point-- that the boys are too young to "get it", and this is just the point-- they don't understand that they're "supposed to" get gifts on birthdays, so this is the perfect time to start the routine, before they get the idea that a birthday is all about them getting stuff. My son definitely didn't understand that he should get gifts on his third birthday-- we just had a small family party, and he was appreciative, but certainly didn't expect gifts. I have a friend who has been doing what you're doing since her son was born, and he's now 8 and he thinks it's just what you do-- they even have a Christmas party each year where kids donate or make items for charity. So I think you're doing a wonderful thing, and you've even encouraged me to make sure we do the same for our kids this year. Stand your ground, mom-- you have a wonderful, giving attitude that your sons will only benefit from!

Why not just accept whatever gifts are brought graciously and give them away to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. There's a family out there that with benefit and be blessed and it surves the same prupose as giving money. People regift all the time. I see no harm in it. The kids still get to open the gifts and have fun and if you have more than enough they really won't even notice they don't "receive" all the gifts.

i think it is a great birthday idea! i don't think it is too young at all. you know obviously the 1 year old won't "get it" but the three year old is definitely capable. i have a three year old daughter and because we got so many toys for her birthday and christmas ( just a couple of weeks apart) i went through and took out a lot of her old toys (the ones i couldn't see her 9month old brother playing with) and she helped me choose some of them to send to other little boys and girls who need toys to play with. it took several times of explaining it but she got it. and now she even volunteers to share some of her toys with others, it is a process and i am in agreement of you.
i am trying to teach my children to live simply so they don't need all the excess of our culture to be happy.

I think you are right on and that your husband needs to support you in the direction you are going. I feel that Kids have too many things ie:toys, games, videos, music, you name it, and there is SO MUCH NEED IN THE WORLD. Our kids are so spoiled with "things" (that they really and truly don't need) and in my opinion you can never start too early teaching them the importance of giving. I have several friends (with kids who have more than what they truly need) who do exactly what you are doing and the kids have grown to be very giving, caring individuals. It's time that we give to others instead of being so self centered and self seeking of our own pleasures. (And believe me, we all fall short in this category, but lets at least make an effort in the name of God, or your choice of a Higher Power.) who said: "Whatsoever you do to the least of these you have done to me." Stand firm in your values and your children will follow. Best wishes from my heart to your "giving" heart. Oh! and Happy birthday wishes to the apples of your eye. LOL

Your husband is right, they are too young to "get it", but that's not the point of doing it, is it?! They will get it later. By starting that tradition now, you are teaching them a beautiful lesson in selflessness, giving, and charity towards others and a great tradition for them to learn from for the future, and most important you are NOT teaching them to expect their friends to cough up "stuff" for them once a year. Since they are getting a bunch of new stuff/toys/gifts from you and from relatives, they are not being deprived of anything they want or need. I would take it a step further and have them help "make room" for new things by picking out some of the old stuff and even maybe some of the new stuff, to donate to a local charity, orphanage or missionary organization and be sure to take them with you and let them "give" their toys to kids who have little to nothing. You might have to wait til they are older by a year or two to do that part, but I did that with my kids and they are all giving and charitable and I think it's from the way they were raised to believe giving was more important than getting. Nevertheless, if your husband does not come around to your way of thinking on this, I suggest you go with his plan for the party and take this issue up next year or the next until he sees the light. No reason to cause a burr between you and him over this issue. Hopefully, he'll come around to your way of thinking, but if not, don't make it your main issue in life.

It's true your children won't understand the charity thing just yet. But you know what, they also don't understand that they should get gifts either (unless this is something you talk about a lot) so I don't think the lack of gifts is going to devastate them - especially for the 1 yo who really has no idea what is going on. My boys just turned 2 and for their birthday party, we asked guests not to bring gifts for the same reasons you listed in your request. Playing at the jumpy place and eating cake was all they needed to be happy. I agree with your thinking. Maybe in a few years you may reassess the gift thing (especially for the older one) but for now there's no need to clutter your house!

M.,

I not only think this is a great idea, but I have done it myself several times with my 5 children. Once it was donations for Make a Wish & we did a Disney theme, since that was the wish of the child we chose. Another time, my son chose to donate cash to Scitrek when it was about to close, so we had a science theme. My daughter picked a foundation set up for a girl her age with cancer who wanted to be a movie star someday, so we did a movie theme. The important part is to let them get involved in what the charity will be & take ownership of the party theme & donation planning. This will give them more joy than extra junk that they lose interest in. They will still have your presents ( that's what we did, too) and it will be more than enough to celebrate with. They will feel a sense of satisfaction in themselves for contributing to something selfless, which children need to learn as early as possible. As for your husband, sometimes as adults all we can relate to is what we were used to as a child, so he may be thinking it will dilute their birthday based on his lack of this type of experience in his childhood. But, I will bet that if he watches the character that emerges from giving up material things for someone else, he will realize that it was the best gift you could have ever given your boys.

How about accepting the gifts, letting your kids each choose 1 and then donating the rest to the local children's home or charity?

This is wonderful that you are thinking of doing this - what a big heart you have! Ages 3 and 1 might be a little young to completely understand the message (mostly for the 1 year old - your 3 year old might get it) but being as you feel they will be receiving plenty of presents from family it doesn't sound like they will be deprived. I don't think there is anything wrong with starting to teach your children such a wonderful thing as charity at a young age. If you wanted to make it even more personal, you could even pick a family in need and then later specifically shop for items that the family needs with your kids. It is gratifying way to bring the message home and I bet your 3 year old would enjoy that. Not sure how to work this out with your husband, since it's not really a right or wrong type of thing - it's just how you feel. Maybe there is a compromise in there somewhere for both of you. Someone told me once that they had a basket at a b-day party and all the guests had to do was bring a note/card saying one thing that they liked about the birthday child. I thought that was so nice b/c it reinforced nice traits and self-worth about the b-day child and showed them that their true gift is that of their friends. Good luck and all the best to you. Sorry if this wasn't more helpful.

M., I think your idea is wonderful and agree with teaching them early. A friend of mine set up a donation in lieu of gifts for her son's 1st birthday and I'm thinking about doing it for my son's 2nd b-day this year. Good luck.

S.

You could just write on the invitation "No gifts please" and then donate the toys yourself. My kids actually don't get birthday and holiday presents. We do experiences instead. Our thought is that they get so much during the year, there is no need for those few special days. We use them to do things for other people who aren't as fortunate and we share something special like say a road trip to the beach. Memories don't break, come in the wrong size, or need to be returned and they're never too young to start being made.

Maybe they are too young now to get that. They are small. It is a terrific idea though. I am not saying that your husband is right. I don't think he is. I am also interested in the ideas that you get for compromise here. You will teach them by being a great example. We make a big deal over my children's birthdays, but I have never thrown a party for them for that reason.

I hate the idea of people feeling obligated to bring them stuff. We have enough stuff. Maybe they could decide that they are finished using some of their toys and take them to a shelter or donate them to a Ronald McDonald house. It might be fun for them to take them to kids who are sick.

I did go to a party for a young lady who asked for her presents to be pet food for the local animal shelter, and she loved doing it...but she was 13.

It could just be too soon...but keep the thoughts, they are good ones.

I have had the same issue each year with my boys birthdays. We invite a lot of children and end up with too many gifts on top of the too many toys we already have. Like you, I wanted to put on the invitation no gifts or bring a gift for a needy child or a can of food. I believe the can of food would be a great one right now since so many people are in need. It is a tough choice. If your husband is still against no gifts, then have your children go through their toys that they currently have and take them with you to donate them to a homeless shelter, women's shelter or donation center and explain to them that they are going to a child who has no toys. Also, after the party, if you have duplicate toys or toys the boys aren't interested in donate them with the boys present so they can see what a great feeling it is to give. Have fun at the party.

We have done this every year for my daughter's birthday (she's 3-1/2 now). She has never complained about it. One year, we had her friends bring plants to plant in a "friendship garden." Another year, we had people bring donations(supplies) for Pethelpers. Last year, we asked for supplies from the Ronald McDonald House's wish list. We pick things that are definitely not toys, so she won't be mad about not getting them for herself and we always ask for things/supplies versus money. I think people feel bettr if they can bring something to the party with them. As for not getting gifts, it's like you said- they'll get stuff from you nd your family and a few close friends will probably give them gifts anyway. We always make sure we take Maisy with us to drop off the donations so she can see who she's helping and how grateful they are for the gifts.

I think they are too young to get it, but since they are getting presents elsewhere, the charity thing is a great idea. You are right as well, that it's never too early to start teaching them to give to others. I would have met resistance from my husband on this issue as well, so if he's willing to fight/argue over it, let him win. It's not worth it. You can do something else to teach your children to give. If you don't want more toys, just ask everyone to buy them clothes, give gift cards, or take some of the old toys to the Airman's Attic.

I have to say that I think this is a great idea. My husband and I have discussed doing this for our 3 year old as well. It seems to me that all of the excitement at the jump house will overshadow the fact that there are no gifts. You could also always buy a few little gifts (even from the dollar store)so that they do have a few things to open if you are too concerned about it. Or even when making the giftbags for all of the kids, put one special thing in each of theirs so they will know that their bags are the special "birthday boy" bags.

I commend you for your idea. Change begins with one person and you are setting a great example!

This is where you can throw your hubby's words back at him......They are too young to get it!! Yes too young to understand that they are supposed to get presents as well! We are military too, and when we go home for Christmas or just because, both sides of our family over induldge the kids and it drives me nuts! We had to take our small utility trailer home this past Dec for all of the 'stuff' they got! And then my kids are 8yrs and 2yrs so I have to go through my daughter's stuff to see what can be passed down to her brother now and for later that she doesn't play with just to make room for all the new stuff. Then I have to go throgh his room to make room for the stuff getting passed down and the new stuff!! AAAAGGGGHHHHH Now I'm having a yard sale in a few weeks to get rid of all the extra stuff they don't play with!

I think the charity is a great idea or even gift cards that can be used to buy them summer clothes or winter clothes later down the line. Or a new toy here and there as well. My daughter's B-day is in July and I've asked family to send money or visa gift cards because we are going to Disney in August. Last year she wanted just about everything she saw so this year she will have her own money to spend with adult supervision while we are there! Or something you could try is to give everyone a spending limit of 5 or 10 dollars per child.

Good luck!
S.

We hade the same problem here. Too many toys. Time to get rid of a few. Birthdays are remembered for cake,fun, friends, and PRESENTS. Maybe instead of telling your guests not to buy toy, you should not buy them birthday gifts since they already have a ton from you. This way they get their birthday memories and you don't get overwhelmed with more toys. I also take a 33 gallon trash bag into my kids room, fill it up and either sell it or donate it before the birthday and that takes away toys they don't use and makes room for new ones.

A friend of mine had everyone bring items to donate to the local humane society. Dog food, cat food, blankets etc. Then you can take the kids and the items to the shelter. They will love knowing that they are helping the cute animals. And the shelters can use all the supplies they can get. You can call the Shelter and see what particular items they may need.

Another idea is to have each child bring a gift (boys bring for boys and girls bring for girls) and then have all the children exchange gifts so that every child goes home with a gift. This way you don't have to do party favors either.

In one way, I agree with your husband, they are too young to "get it." As in, they are too young to even realize you're to get presents at the party. They will have an awesome time at the jump house! My son turned 3 a month ago & all he wanted at his party was birthday cake! Presents were an added bonus. Even if you set up the fund, people attending may feel the need to bring a gift instead of donating, maybe word the invitation leaving it up to them. If you're feeling so overrun with toys & you want to promote giving, maybe go through the toys and choose 5 items to donate to a local charity or shelter. Same idea, just a different way about it.

Good luck with what ever you decide & Happy Birthday to your little ones!!