Birthday Party Rsvp question...have You Delt with This???

It is rude, but happens ALL THE TIME. I'm one of those people that will RSVP whether it's a yes or a no. Sometimes, I will tell them it's tenative and call the day before.

It isn't very considerate...it is all out rude! I always had the rule of only inviting the number of kids that correlates with the age of the b-day child. Calling on the phone to invite and get rsvp will get a more firm rsvp. People just don't have the good old fashioned manners that we used to have.

Unfortunately, it seems to happen a lot. And I'm totally with you on how it would have been nice to hear from people saying, "Hey, can't come, thanks anyway", or, after the fact "so sorry we missed the party, Tommy got sick" or......

In the spirit of "Be the change you want to see in the world", I guess the best we can do is raise kids who do the right thing--so you can model for your children the appropriate behavior, e.g., "we can't go to Susie's party because we will be on vacation, so we'll call her and let her know" etc.

I also don't think it is out of line to casually tell the no-shows next time you see them, "Hey we missed you at the party, my son was really looking forward to seeing Tommy" and see what the response is. Maybe they had a crisis.........And it lets them know their rude behavior was noticed (if there was no crisis).

Sorry it turned out the way it did, but I am glad you said he had a good time....keep up the good work!

K. Z.

Sadly yes. There is no real courtesy anymore. My sons parties were the same either no RSVP and they showed up or RSVP'd and didn't, it's very common. I've learned to not confirm to my son who is and is not coming so he is n't set up for a fall. Usually the non showing parent never calls till they see me at school or in public and then they feel the need to apologize, too late and don't care.

I posted something similar to this and got a lot of great answer and some kooky ones LOL. It IS rude!!! It usually done by people I find that never have parties (my experience). WHen you book a party place, you have to guarantee a certain number of kids and pay for them, so if people call and say yes and don't show, you're right I'm pissed. If I call to check on the non-responders and they say yes and don't come, yes I'm pissed. They won't like it done to them.

It happens to me all the time. My daughter just had her tenth birthday. My husbands side tells me there coming and so is dad (my husbands dad) n they never show there is always an excuse. I specifically asked this time so I wouldn't over buy favors and it still happened. Same with my daughters friend she said she was comming no show i call her n her mom tells me she wasn't feeling welll womanly wise. Well to be honest my daughter was hurt n i am getting sick of his dad side doing it to us the only birthday they ever been at was my daughters 1st n shes the first out of 4 other children n they have never came to any one elses but have been invited.

I agree its it extremely rude. Many people dont really think its a big deal to be polite.
I would probably try not to get together with those people. Also I find Evite invitaition very helpful. Try that out next time.

We always rsvp but we do run into the problem of my ex being very lazy and not following through when a party is on his weekend.
We have run into the same problem with some parties we've had. I try to only invite the kids that I know my son is friendly with I don't believe in inviting the entire class so no one's feelings gets hurt. We are sticking to the few boys that are in cub scouts and maybe a few others we are close with.

Yes, that is definitely rude!! We haven't had many parties where we invited my daughter's friends/classmates, but we plan on having one for her 5th birthday in February. I'm hoping it will go well!! I think I'm going to be having it at Sci Quest. Starting cost includes 10 kids & 10 adults, so they MUST RSVP if they are going to show up, and once I get 10 kids coming, everybody else is outta luck! So if one of those 10 doesn't show, I will definitely be upset!

My sister is having my nephew's 2nd birthday party in a few weeks. She is inviting his daycare class. With the invitations she's including cards for RSVP, so they can mark who is coming and who is not, and simply put the card in my nephew's cubby. I hope that works out well, cuz I might be able to do that for my daughter's Pre K class in February!

Incredibly rude. I guess some people think they are more important than others or that you are a mind reader and know whether they are coming or not.

The RSVP is to let the host know how many people to expect for food, space and prizes. Not because they are fancy and stuck up, but because how else would you be able to plan an event?

I tell my family whether we will be attending events for Thanksgiving, birthdays etc.. I certainly would tell acquaintance whether we are attending or not. It only takes a moment to email or call.

Don't worry pay back is hell and sometime when those people the do not respond plan an event (especially for their loved one) and way more or no one shows up, MAYBE they will be smart enough to think back on all of the times, they did not respond.

Yeah--I find that people are incredibly rude about rsvp-ing to ALL events these days.

Unfortunately, it is the norm especially for the younger ages. Once my son got into 2nd & 3rd grade and older they only invited their 'real' friends - never had a problem with those parties.

It's rude, yes.
Take into account, tho, that sometimes, moms and dads never see the important papers from school that need signing or the invites that come in the mail or via the classroom. If it's sent to the residence, there's a better chance the parent will see it and ask about it.
Did you ask to be RSVP'd? If not, then anyone invited may not have known how to. I.e., telephone number?
Let me relate an experience my youngest had. He was invited to a birthday party once, we RSVP'd yes, bought a gift, and all was set. Until that day. I took my two older kids to karate, and since hubby was home, I left him the assignment to get the youngest to the party. He knew about it. Did he follow through? No. I got home, discovered my son was still home and never left, broke all traffic records to get there way after everyone had left, but let my son deliver the gift and he had a piece of cake. I couldn't apologize to all enough. I had a few words with hubby however.
So situations like this happen too.
Kinda makes us moms NOT want to have a party anymore. But look, if your son and 2 'shows' had fun, that's what he'll remember too. It's sad that extra food was provided and gone to waste tho. Too bad there aren't "So sorry you weren't able to attend" notes one could send, huh?

Sadly people don't RSVP to things anymore. We actually had that happen for my wedding 19 years ago so my mom sent out a reminder and lots of those people then sent in that it was on their calendar and they were coming. Would have been nice to know that!! Anyway, someone wrote that in later years the kid's only invite their close friend's and that is what I experienced as well. When my kid's were young I wouldn't say where the party would be, so when the parents called I would then give them the information.

We have experienced the same, and while I was very put off the first several times, I half expect it now. I was taught to RSVP and that when I make a commitment that I need to follow through. I am learning that not everyone was raised the same way and that RSVPs don't mean the same to others as they do to me. People are different now days and we just learn to roll with it.

It's generally not something that happens. I've had people call an hour before that had rsvp yes, and then say, I'm sorry we can't make it. I've had people show up with sibblings, expecting the sibblings to stay or the party. I usually have about 40%, that don't even bother to respond, I've even had a few show up over the years.

I dont yet have alot of experience with kids parties but I wouldnt do that ayt any party unless there was a emergency or my child was sick...other than that I agree it is rude

It is rude for people to do that unless there is an emergency. They could inform you though what happened. My peeve is when people don't RSVP either way. Like you said, it doesn't hurt for them to let you know. I have my son's party this week and 3 people never let me know. If they show up, I have room but there won't be any goodie bags for them or food because I'm only counting the ones who RSVP'd. It takes 2 seconds to make a call.

Ok, on the flip side.... I am a mom who throws parties for my kids and they are usually actually those over the top parties too.... Not a "one up thing", just something I like to do... I grew up with very big parties and I just loooove to do it. I plan all of my friend's kids parties as well.... I am one of those crafty dafty people that like themes. I dress my family alike for every holiday including PJs on Christmas & everyday when we go on vacation.... My husband actually tolerates me too. LOL... Okay with all that said; when I throw parties I too ask for RSVPs. After all if Strawberry Short Cake is making a personal apperance than she needs enough strawberry suprises for each child... ;) If the petting zoo is bringing baby chicks, sure would like to have enough to go around. If we are going to the fire station, the firefighters need to know how many are showing up... So with all that said, I want you to realize how important numbers are to me.... Since they are important, I ask for a RSVP and follow-up with a phone call to all of the nonreplies. I then follow-up a week before the party to everyone and the night before with an email. See the numbers are important to ME so I do the extra foot-work. Your child's party is important to you not the guest so much.... Now, I am quilty too of RSVPing and not coming to three parties in the past.... One of them we looked at the calendar wrong and just did not make it, one we thought was on a Saturday and not a Friday and showed up a day LATE (DD was so sad too) and the other we had a hot water heater go crazy in the basement and just did not make it... So I just want to say before you judge, maybe find out very nicely what happened. Many times things come up and it does not warrent a phone call or a kids party may be the last thing on that family's radar in a crisis.

People don't show up for numerous reasons. They also show up without RSVP'ing. I don't even bother. I invite them and if they show up I am happy if not then no one is hurt.

I think it is rather silly to ask for kids to RSVP anyway, adults invited to a fancy function then yes RSVP's are fine. Kids get sick, parents forget, all kinds of things. I also think too many parents out there put way too much effort into throwing the party. I do not give presents to the children who come, it's not their birthday, my child saying thank you is all they need.