Birthday Party RSVP Bust

I agree with J.T. I do try to always RSVP, but sometimes don't if I don't plan on attending the party. Providing an email address or cell to text is essential to making RSVP'ing easy. I think it's fairly rare to have kids show that did not RSVP, so next time I would go by the number that positively responded.

My son also has 24 kids in his class, plus soccer friends, plus former pre-school friends, plus my friends' kids... so that equals a ton of party invites. If I have never heard him mention the kid's name before, then we don't go. I can't afford attending every party, and that's all I would have time for on the weekends if we did.

I wouldn't take it personally and next year would try to only invite the kids that she is closest to.

I don't get it either. It only takes seconds to RSVP. Sorry this happened. People can be so rude. Sounds like it was an awesome party though!

Absolutely they should have RSVP'd; however -- did these notes go home with kids in backpacks from school? That's the impression I get from the post, since you indicate you had no addresses or phone numbers for the families and the RSVPs were supposed to come back to you via kids bringing them back to school.

Most likely, the majority of the parents who never responded simply never saw the invitations. Kids are notoriously awful at remembering to give things to their parents; kids at kindergarten age are especially bad at it. Even if the invitations went home in some "weekly folder" that the teacher fills and puts in each bag, frankly, parents often don't bother to look at the folders carefully or don't see an envelope stuck into a larger folder or envelope. To be honest, a big part of the disconnect may have been sending things via school; and then, there may also have been parents who did see the invitation and who sent back the card -- but their kids mislaid it or the teacher forgot to collect them for you, etc.

I think the lesson is only to invite when you have a direct line to the parents, probably via e-mail. It was nice of you to invite all the kids and to do the best you could with no class list of contact info! But the combination of using the kids as messengers for the invitations/RSPVs, and the fact the party was over spring break, might have made the usual lack of RSPVs even worse in this case.

Unfortunately, a lot of people do not rsvp. Sounds like they all missed a fun party. This weekend, however, is Easter weekend and many places in the country have spring break. People could be traveling or having company in town for the Easter holidays. There were probably a lot of Easter egg hunts in the area that people plan to support at their churches or community centers.
I think you were asking a lot to send the invites to school and have the rsvp's returned to school. How do you know that they made it home and out of the backpack so the parents could see it? Try getting to know more of the parents in your child's class. Then you will have contact information. You did a great job on the party. If your son had fun, then that's what counts.

Unfortunately, it seems prevalent in our society now to not have manners.

There are enough people that honestly feel that if they do NOT respond, you should just automatically know they aren't coming...

Teachers here cannot give out class lists with contact information on it. It is considered a privacy issue. The kids that made it to the party? let them talk about it next week at school and the kids that were invited and didn't show? Yeah, they'll be talking to their mom's saying "why didn't I go?"

Also keep in mind - Spring Break - NOT TO DEFEND the cretins - is a HARD time to plan a party. My son is born on the 26th of March...habitually Spring Break. So we do not have a party for him then, it's usually in April or earlier in March.

I'm sorry people are rude and lack manners!! Happy Birthday to your son!!!

<sigh> I think this is a combination of lack of manners, and unrealistic expectations.
My kids have NEVER invited the whole class to anything. This is a relatively new concept. So what happens now is, parents get all these invites, many for kids they don't know and/or never heard of, and they ignore them. Rude? Of course. They should have at least replied "no thanks" but who knows if they even saw the invitation. It could still be in the bottom of their kid's backpack, or it may have ended up in the trash.
Honestly it's SO much better for everyone, ESPECIALLY YOUR CHILD, if you invite his actual friends!
Look at it this way, do you invite everyone you work with to come over for YOUR birthday? Of course not. Nor do you expect your coworkers to have parties and invite you. Your child is no different. Make his birthday a special day for HIM and his good friends, not a day to entertain every kid he happens to be in the same class with.

Holiday weekend was the deal.I wouldn't of planned on going to a party on a holiday day before or day after had other plans you know the baking, cooking,cleaning,last minute runs to the store making sure the laundry is done etc.the party just wasn't a good time to have.I avoided having one this weekend due to I know the difficulty it would of caused I was thinking of others.

As rude as it is, people don't RSVP anymore.

I once had a Tae Kwon Do party, invited 50 kids, and only 10 rsvp'd. I had to plan for 50, since I didn't know, and only the 10 that rsvp'd showed up.

I think part of the problem was that it was the day before Easter and the end of Spring Break. Most families are out of town or busy with Egg hunts. My 50+ party was that same week that year and it was a risk I chose to take. I ended up with a ton of stuff left over, but now what I do is that I only open enough for those that RSVP'd and then I return the unopened left overs if possible.

That is very rude. They should at least email/call to say no.

Not everyone RSVP's (lost art). :(

Also, it's a busy weekend.

On top of that, sometimes things come up for families. I would say not to
worry about it, be glad for those kids that came & as long as your son
had fun......it's a win!!

One thing you can do for the future is if you know your son has particular friends he'd love to have there, ask for their number in person so you can
make a phone call a week or two in advance inviting them.

P.S. I definitely would not say anything to the parents or make note of it.

I only RSVP if I am going. We get an invite every week and we cant afford a gift for the 26 kids in our sons class. We also just dont have the time to attend ever single party. The daycare requires each kid to send invites to each classmate. Well its not like. we can afford that either. 26 kids from my sons room and 16 from my daughters class plus the family and neighbor kids???!!! Come on !

At Halloween we attended a joint brother sister party for our little classmates the same age as our kids. The mom did go all out with cute pinterest ideas and all sorts of awesome ideas...later mentioning she would never be able to out do the carnival party they threw the yr before (we missed that one!!). She had so much left over I took the goodie bags to daycare for the Halloween party and paid her for them. It was amazing but outta controll and over done. All that work for little kids partys. Really what we do every year is, cake, pinita, presents. We use to cook a meal or have lots of uneaten treats. Keep it low key with just a few close personal friends. It ALOT less stress and everyone seems to enjoy it much better than the over done.

No one RSVP's. They just forget, they may not get the notes, they get busy and forget, lots of stuff happens.

Next time just plan a party and invite everyone and don't spend so much time and effort. They'll either come or not, if you just do a cake and ice cream they'll all have fun.

If everyone shows up they'll have fun, if they don't come the worse that will happen is you'll have some left over cake.

Then when that's all over invite a few close friends to do something special, people that you know and are friends with. This way you know who's coming and who you can count on.

Class parties never work out where more than just a few come. And yes, you should invite each and everyone of the kids in the class each and every time. There will be super hurt feelings if you don't. They still may not come but getting invited will make them feel special.

My granddaughters best friend got to have a birthday party and she could only invite 8 kids. So of course the cutest boys got invited, the most popular girls, my granddaughter, and no one else.

There is this one little boy my granddaughter has been in class with since preschool. He is the sweetest most adorable boy. He's one of those who is quiet so they don't get noticed a lot. One day a cheerleader will sit next to him in class and look at him, really look at him and see Brad Pitt. He'll suddenly be the most popular guy in school.

He stopped my granddaughters friend then day before her party and told her he hoped she gave him an invitation to her party because he'd picked out a really cool gift. He wasn't invited. It broke his heart so much. His mom told me later that he just sat all day the next day. He wondered why he wasn't liked as much as XXX (the cute boy) or as much as xxx (the other popular kids). She didn't have any answers.

So if you invite one kid from the class to a birthday party then you do need to invite other kids too. It sends them a message that they aren't worthy or as good as the other kids. Even if they don't get to go, they got the invitation. That makes them important.

When we invite large groups, the RSVP 'yes' rate is usually 30% at best. Typically no RSVP means they are not coming.

I am not surprised that most kids didn't come this time. Even if my kid was your son's best friend, he would not have been able to attend because of the timing.

My son's birthday is the 29th. We had his party on the 23rd because scheduling a party on Easter weekend practically guarantees that people won't be able to come.

I think that the weekend of Easter might have been a bad time for a party. Lots of people are out of town. And unfortunately some people just don't rsvp. It is a pain. Your party sounds like a lot of fun. Maybe next year tailor it down to only your sons best friends. And as for kids who don't show take the high road and say they must have had something important to do. I would not say anything negative to your son about his friends and or their parents. I would not send in a manners note. it is not the kids fault that their parents did not rsvp.

It's a crazy busy weekend for most people, so that's probably why many didn't come. I would tell your son if he asks that they didn't come because they were busy with Easter things.

As far as RSVPing, I'll admit, I'm not very good with it. If there's an email to RSVP to, then I'll be sure to do it because it's quick and easy and I can do it at my connivence. Sadly, when I can sit down and make phone calls, it's not always a good time to call.

people don't understand that RSVP means CAll EITHER WAY whether you can come or not come,
REGRETS Only is different, and means people are assuming you are coming unless you say NO.

I think the best thing we can do is teach our children right now, in kindergarten or what ever age. That a party invite is special and you need to let the host know. No matter how big your social circle is and how many partys you get invited to, it is POLITE TO CONTACT THE HOST and tell them your plans.

and don't even get me started on children under 13 calling people that aren't family friends and arranging their own playdates. come on parents, take a minute to confrim plans with me, I have no idea if your kid is just wishing he can have a friend over this afternoon or if he actually has your permission. idiots

I have no idea why, but most people don't RSVP anymore. I always RSVP, whether I can attend or not. It's simply rude to leave a host hanging. For future planning, anyone who doesn't RSVP is a no. Also, provide an email address and a phone number (preferrably a cell that someone can text) and that should help a little.

having 10 kids show out of 30 is pretty good! We have also had this problem too. For my daughters birthday we invited 24 girls, and we had 10 show, which I thought was great! One year, when my daughter was in K, we invited the entire class of 24 kids and only 3 showed up, even though we had 10 rsvp yes. I always rsvp when we get invites and usually on the same day they are sent home. It does bug me to death when people don't do it, but I'm learning to get over it. I now know that if you invite 30 kids, we are lucky to even have 5 or 6 show

This is why we just invite our good friends and not the whole class. Then I know the other parents and can just ask them if they are coming or not. Every time just about every kid my son invites comes. But then again we are only inviting about 10 kids. By the way, when I get a bday party in my son's backpack from a school friend, I always RSVP. So there still are rare people out there that do it! PS - Your science themed party sounds really cool.

This actually sounds pretty typical. It happened to us this year as well. Both of my children have the same birthday so I invited both classes and rented a swimming facility complete with lifeguards. I didn't get much in the way of RSVPs. I had some come late. I had some not show up that said they would. I had some bring extra kids. All in all, I think I had about 16 kids show out of about 45 invitations. Only one kid showed from my daughter's class. SO, I spent a crapload of money, could have downgraded the party package if I had actually known the real headcount prior to the party. I could have bought half the food and saved a ton of money. BUT, people were too damn rude and insensitive to have common courtesy. AND, at the end of the night, I had a crying 5 year old because "her friends didn't come to her party".

Not worth it in my opinion. It was way too much money and hassle. I plan to save money next year and just do a extra-special weekend for the kids without having a party.

Sorry about your experience...just know that this is pretty common. Personally, I am DONE with doing class parties.

Do I always RSVP either way? Yes, I do. However...I don't get why you are mad. They didn't RSVP, so they didn't come! Not RSVPing should have been a clue they couldn't be there, right? If they didn't RSVP and DID still come, that's what I would be upset about.

I really don't think this is about RSVP, to be very honest. I think this is about your party not living up to your expectations. Was the party for your son to have fun, or for lots of people to show up and be impressed by all your work? Did he have a blast? Then let the size of his party go.

It's a common thing nowadays. Seems that everyone's too special and important (aka lazy and inconsiderate) to pick up a phone, text, or email a simple "yes" or "no" response to an invite. I think this is why I'm dreading doing a party for DD's b-day this year. I have no issue if you're not coming, just TELL ME so!! Not to mention, this new fangled "invite the whole class" b.s. that is ridiculous and unrealistic. Not that all the kids would actually show, but still... Not to mention, I work full time and don't know most of the parents and no contact info is given for them.

We've done trips instead for the last 2 years and we've loved it. However, this year she has more friends and wants a party. I'm leaning towards just doing something at our house or at a park, to keep it affordable and simple in case we don't get a good turn out. I'd hate to pay per head or do an elaborate party only to waste a bunch of money. I will invite close friends and family with kids and let DD invite her neighborhood friend and any kids from school or cheer that actually likes and plays with.

you cant get mad over it. most people will only rsvp if they are coming. i like to put an rsvp by date which is 3 days prior to the party so i can make sure i have enough food. i always have enough for 5 over the rsvp count. you cant expect every parent to drop their plans to come to his party.
as for your son asking where some where just tell him the truth they must not have been able to come.
i am one to invite the whole class knowing they all wont show up but its nice to make every child feel invited.

I bet a lot of those invitations never made it home, or are floating around in the debris at the bottom of a backpack. Kindergarteners aren't always the best at keeping track of things.

most don't rsvp. it's sad but that's how it is. also, timing for the birthday isn't great? a day before easter, most people travel and/or are busy preparing.

it's a shame that people don't RSVP well any more. you can counter this by only inviting close friends, and scaling back the expectations.
not that your party doesn't sound rockin'. who wouldn't love that? but as evidenced by your disappointment, and your son's, it's an awfully big shebang for kindergartners, who are really just as happy to run wild and make noise and eat cake.
10 kids at a kindergarten party is awesome. it sounds as if most of the folks in your area are like many of us, who think that 20 or more is kinda nuts!
khairete
S.

Evite is the only way to go. Then you can see if people have viewed the invite, send reminders, etc. We have a class parent email list with voluntary participation by parents. This has been so very helpful for us!!
I am so sorry that you didn't get as many kids as you would have liked. It sounds like you did an amazing job and I wish my 5 year old had been invited... we would have been there with bells on :)

I dont think people even know what RSVP means. Like really. Last year my daughter turned 7 and I feel like she finally was old enough to do a big thing for a small group. Her dad and I took her and 5 friends to Disneyland. I emailed the moms directly and let them know that I needed to know ASAP. I think because it was a "big deal" party they all got back to me right away. I really liked doing this kind of party. can't wait until my younger child is old enough to do the same kind of thing. It does not have to be disneyland. It can be the circus, the zoo, a kids museum. a big deal for a small group. AT the end of the day we really only have a handful of super close friends so small parties that are a big deal I think are wonderful.

In future narrow your guest list to people who have manners. I also recommend sending "Save The Day" announcements and not telling the location or details of the party UNTIL you get a response. I wouldn't invite anyone to a private party whose address, phone number and email address I didn't have.

What's the deal?
People are dolts!
RSVPs and accessorize ng are what separates is from the animals.
Now you know that this is how the majority of parents are.
Ride and inconsiderate.
Sometimes it's a good thing, moving forward, to know that about certain people.
Sounds like an awesome party and I'm sure your son had a great birthday!

I don’t know why this seems to be the normal thing nowadays. I find it to be extremely rude that someone can’t even pick up the phone to call or send a text. My daughters last party only 3 people responded, this year I told her to pick a few friends and we will go out somewhere fun. I am not going to bother when some parents can even have the courtesy to respond and then expect you to respond to their kid’s party ASAP.

I have said it before and I will say it again: people have lost their manners. I would never leave someone hanging in the air not knowing if I am coming or not. Unfortunately, most people seem to forget that an RSVP is a "yes I am coming" or a "no I am not coming" AS WELL. They tend to assume that not responding equals not going. The worst is when they don't bother to call or email and then show up to the party anyway, and if you planned enough food for 5 kids and 20 show up, well, you see what a problem this can become.

I have responded to RSVPs saying "weekdays are inconvenient for me as I work, but I'd love to arrange a weekend playdate instead" and never got a response either way, not even a "thank you for RSVPing" or a "sorry, weekends are bad so this won't be happening" or a "sure, we will plan something", so rudeness can be two-sided.

My daughter's school has an email list the teacher uses for emailing assignments to parents as well as reminders, so parents tend to use that for party invitations too. I don't do weekend parties, due to failure to RSVP as well as the fact I am on a budget, plus I don't want my daughter to miss out on friends not showing up because it's inconvenient for the parent. I will either send a cake to school so they can do a class party during the school day, or send money so the teacher can get a cake for all the kids who have a birthday that month (her school does one party a month for all birthdays that month). This way, ALL her classmates can participate, unless they were out that day. We also do a cake at my mom's and me, my sister, her boyfriend, my mom and dad are there, and then she has one or 2 more cakes at her aunt's with her extended family and another cake at her other grandparents' house with church friends, etc. She's more than happy with this (what kid can complain about having a total of about 4 cakes in a week after all?!), and in addition, I'll take her somewhere fun as well to complete the birthday celebration. She doesn't need a huge party or the disappointment of some kids not showing up. At least family will ALWAYS show up to her parties!

Hardly anyone RSVP's anymore, they really don't. And, I've found even if someone says they're coming they sometimes don't. Personally I stopped even hoping people would RSVP years ago.

I've helped my sister plan my nephew's parties for years, he'll be 12 this July. The main problem with his is that it's in the summer, so it's hard to get hold of friends from school. She thought she'd circumvent the problem by holding it in June last year, before school let out, and it was still a bust. No one really RSVP'd, one friend said he thought he was coming, didn't show, then told my nephew he forgot. His best friend came and there were the usual cousins and neighbors, so he had fun. His school has the policy "give one, give to all" for invitations, if you hand them out in class. (But can't give a contact list due to privacy concerns.) So parents who don't want to invite the whole class invite in the parking lot, literally hand them out there. My sister has pretty much decided big birthday parties are over, which came as a shock to my nephew, but she's planning something just he and his cousins can do.

My guy is turning 4 soon, his party is in 2 weeks. His preschool won't allow invitations to be handed out at school, you had it good when your son was younger! So no contact lists, to invite his class friends I'll have to wait at drop off or pick up this week. He says his "whole class is coming," I know they won't. There are 2 I know will, the rest I haven't a clue. But he'll have cousins, big brother and sisters, our neighbor and 4 other friends that will be there, so he'll have fun. I've been preparing him for everyone not coming, telling him sometimes people have other things to do, he accepts it, and won't be devastated.

Being the day before Easter it would make sense that people were busy. Our party last year was the day before Easter, no friends came, just related kids. It was a bad time for several, there were a few family members who had to decline. I made it lots of fun for the kids who were there, my guy had a blast. And remember, 18 kids wouldn't have responded to your invitation or reminders, their parents are the ones who dropped the ball, IF they saw them. A manners note wouldn't change a thing, sigh. People don't think about how their actions, or lack thereof, affect others.

It sounds like you planned a great party, your son hopefully enjoyed it overall. I'd just explain to him if he still asks, that people were more then likely busy, and remind him they never said they were coming in the first place. Tuck this experience away for next year, I think a dozen or so is really the most you can realistically expect to attend, RSVP's or not, everyone can't or parents choose them not to attend 18 or so parties a year.

They should have RSVP'd. That would have been the polite route to take. Any time I have contacted someone to see if they could make it to a party the response always starts with "I am so sorry. I forgot to RSVP". I imagine between Spring Break and Easter, the RSVPs were forgotten. It sounds like they missed a fantastic party. Hopefully your son had a blast with the friends that were there.