Does Anyone RSVP a Birthday Party Anymore?

I see you've gotten lots of advice telling you what I was going to tell you. Though it seems rude to call or email, you need to plan. This has happened at every single one of my girls parties....about 50% RSVP and then I had to hound the others. It's huge differance between 7 & 15 kids. Modern living.

I've had this problem too. People seem to forget the meaning of RSVP! I would call each one and just ask. It's probably the easiest way to find out who is coming!

It's annoying but common. I don't get tons of rsvps either. I do send out a reminder--if you sent them out electronically, they will often do it for you--and then yes, I plan for every child invited if I don't hear back. oh, and having just read the posts, I do remember once as a child myself thinking that I had invited someone and hadn't. That poor girl was at home, feeling totally left out and sad,believing she was THE ONLY girl in my class who was NOT invited, when I called her before the slumber party and said, "Where are you? We are waiting for you." Her mom was so sweet and brought her over immediately but ouch! To this day, I feel bad about that and it was a mistake so maybe a phone call out is not a bad idea.

UGH!!!!! Isn't it infuriating?? WHAT is up with people these days?? It seems hard to believe that so many were not raised with any proper manners, but alas, it's true.

So that my children know better - if they take their time deciding whether or not they want to attend a party, I make the decision for them by the time it's five days before the party. And the decision is that they don't go. They have been upset and disappointed that I RSVP'd as a no, but they have also learned that they need to make their decision quickly once receiving an invitation. They also (this is another area where parents are rude) have to write their thank you notes BEFORE they are allowed to play with any gift they receive. Our thank you notes now go out the day after the birthday or Christmas! :)

I plan/coordinate/run birthday parties at my business. The last one I had was a tea party theme. I had already bought all of the favors, the china tea cups, the prizes, etc. On Saturday morning, at 10:00, TWO HOURS before the party, I received a phone call from a woman saying, "This is Stephanie's mom. She's coming to a birthday party there today, and I guess I'm supposed to RSVP or something...?" Really? REALLY? I was practically speechless, I was so appalled at her rudeness.

Anyway! As you can tell, this is huge pet peeve for me! :)

Although I know what you'll need to do is call everyone and ask them, I WISH you could do something like hold the party elsewhere, so when the rude people just show up at your house, you're not there! Or, when they show up, act really surprised and like you're not sure what to do now and make it awkward for them - "Oh, HI! I didn't hear from you, so I didn't know Sophie was coming. Um, shoot, I don't know what to do... I only have enough goody bags for the children I knew were coming........"

Good luck!
J.

J.,

If these are preschool friends of your 4 year olds, you may have to hound the moms and dads at drop off and pick up. Or get a list of the parents names from the teacher and one by one, call, email, physically accost in the parking lot, whatever you have to to get them to answer.

I had to do that for my daughter's 5th this year. I invited 15 kids, only about 7 answered. The rest of her classmates' moms I shook down at the school site.

Also remember you may get some uninvited sisters and brothers too, so you may just have to plan on making the whole batch of cupcakes anyway.

Good luck with the shindig!
J.

I had the same prob with my son's birthday this year. I just sent out reminder emails to the parents asking if they were planning on attending as I needed a head count for the food. Personally I think it is rude not to answer an invite be it a birthday party or a wedding, but maybe that is my up bringing. Good luck

Hi J.,

Just want you to know that WE STILL RSVP to invitations we receive. But we get very few back when we plan a party. I think you are stuck making at least a few calls to parents of the friends of your younger daughter. For the ones that do come, remember to mention to them how glad you are that they came. Everytihng else I could say has already been said. Good luck and have fun at the party

K. Z.

We had many RSVPs for our 3 year-old's birthday in June. It was very prominantly stated that we needed people to respond.

Do you have the e-mail addresses for the parents of the children invited? If so, I'd either start calling or e-mailing asking if their kids will be there.

Good luck, it's a hassle and an expense, and it's tough when people don't show or show up unannounced.

My son's party is coming up in 2 weeks and I have not received any RSVPs to his party. He'll be crushed if none of the kids come. Is it okay to send out friendly reminders for the families to RSVP? Help. Need some advice.

Alas, I think that society today has let manners slip. Seems like if you cannot respond online, then they don't do it. I would call. Pain for you, I know, and you shouldn't have to, but I guess that is how it is now. Also be sure to send thank you notes. That's another courtesy that seems to have fallen by the wayside. My son has attended 2 parties for his classmates and neither sent a thank you. Worse, I attended a wedding last spring and still haven't gotten one. It used to be common courtesy, and is now uncommon. Sad. And just so you know, I am 33. These sentiments are not coming from an old lady saying, "back in my day..." I guess I was just raised right and learned the grace of writing thank you notes. I make sure my son does too, even though now it just means he prints his name on the card (he's 5). Anyway, good luck with your situation and for letting me go off on a tangent! :)

LisaD

It's really rude, and it's not just birthday parties! I also had people who did RSVP for my wedding, and then didn't show! Didn't they know the reason I wanted an RSVP was so that I could plan for how many placesettings, plates, tables, etc. I would need?! Unfortunately, to make sure your baby isn't really upset, it's time to pick up the phone and start calling people. They should be ashamed.

I know this probably wont help with your current party, but I have had better luck at getting RSVP's from people when I send out an EVITE (I think its Evite.com) As the host of the party you can see who has opened your online invitation (even if they have not RSVP'd) The website sends out the reminder to the people who have not responded about 7 days before the event and says "you have not responded". Anyone who does not respond, is a no for me.
For your current situation, If you get ZERO responses, I would make the party favors for half the kids and then have something incase more show up...(like stickers)...but something you can return in case not all 30 show up. (in other words, dont open up the smaller gift for the ones who did not RSVP and show up late)

Good luck and happy Birthday to your little ones!

Call each person and say "Hi, I want to make sure you received our invitation. You haven't RSVPed either way yet and I was afraid it got lost in the mail." It lets them know you want an answer but lets them save face by blaming it on the mail.

Nobody in my circle but me RSVP's anymore. I don't think they know what it means anymore or they don't care. We went to a wedding recently and loads of people we knew who were invited and did RSVP declined to show at the last minute.
I would say plan honestly for the number that you invite. You can always freeze the extra cupcakes in freezer bags and it would be nice to donate to church or the school all the extra party bags. Teachers in our school give small gifts at the child's birthday. It would look bad and make you feel badly if you only planned for the ones who informed you they were coming and more showed up. I have went so far myself as to call a few days ahead and asked "Are you planning to come?" to which they say "Of course" and they either forget or just don't come. I think that is so rude.

If you know the parents or the children involved contact the parents and point blank ask if they are coming. Do not make up "Party Favor" bags. If the children are to play some games have prizes 1 each for each age group then if they don't get used they can be put back for next year.
People are exceding rude today, I don't know how they were raised but I have taken to putting on the invitations the following note RSVP by such and such a date, please. If you do not RSVP do not bring your child as I will not have enough food or prizes.
This idiots are so concerned about "politically correct" they aren't socially correct.

For my last invites, I put regrets only and I did get some e-mails. RVSPing has so gone to the way side. It is not correct but for some reason it has. Along with thank you notes...following up with the parents is the only way to make sure who is coming. more work but in the end worth the time. Have a great party!

Welcome to the rude world!
It is a shame that people have no manners about this in so many cases.
If I were you, I would just sit down and call every one of the parents and politely ask if their child is coming.
And make sure you get an answer.
If more people would do this then maybe it would become less common.
I have put "Regrets only" on invitations before in hopes that might help but some people are just not dependable anymore.
It is a shame when children are involved especially.
So, call them in hopes that there will be somebody at her party!

a friend of mine had a skating party for her son - and no one showed up. Turns out her son gave out the invitations at school and they never made it home to the parents. I would make phone calls. If you didn't mail the invitations to the childs home, or hand them directly to a parent, the parents may not know. Since you have had no calls I would suspect an invitation delivery problem!

I have called people before who did not RSVP to ask if they will be able to attend. I don't think it is rude to make these calls, especially since I had requested that they let me know if they would be able to attend or not. Once I even found that the child, whose parent had not RSVP'd, never received the invitation so I was very glad I called.

J.,
Every year, I go through the exact same thing as you. No RSVPs before the party. However it never fails that at the beginning of the party, there's no one there, and by the end, I have more kids than I had bargined for! What I've started doing was calling each one and asking if they were coming. That way, I am not surprised. It has worked for me. Hope that it helps.
K.

I've come to the conclusion that many people don't know what it means anymore. I recently threw a baby shower for my niece and a bunch of people didn't RSVP. Since we were paying per plate we needed to know. When I called them I found out was that a bunch of people didn't know what it meant and some assumed it meant regrets only. Scary! I guess parents aren't doing a good job of teaching common courtesy anymore. Very sad that we have become a thoughtless society.

I don't understand it, I don't like and think it's rude, but Moms are just not RSVPing. I don't know why - are they waiting because something better might come along. Do they not want to commit just in case of .... what? I have the same problem twice a year for birthday parties and other hosted events during the year. If you really want to know to have a good number to work with, it comes down to having to email/call these moms to find out. It's probably not the nice thing of me, but I always add, "I had the RSVP so I know who to plan for and how much to purchase so your child has a good time and isn't left out for a cupcake, prize or party favor." I'm hoping they'll get it for the next time they have to RSVP to something. I know you have some extra work but at least you'll have peace of mind to know your daughter's party will be a success and she'll be a happy birthday girl! Best Wishes!!!

I don't ever require people to rsvp. I just invite them and if they show up, great, if not, that's fine too. I had a party here yesterday for my son and when I'd sent out the invitations, I actually marked out the letters "rsvp" and just wrote in our numbers in case anyone had any questions or got lost. I had all but maybe 4 kids show up out of 15 invited. If I were you, I would plan on all the kids who were invited showing up, but don't make any extras. For instance, if 30 invitations went out, only make 30 cupcakes, that way if you only have 20 kids show up, you only have 10 extra cupcakes. With the extra cupcakes or goodie bags, you can ask kids if they have a brother or sister at home, and you can send things home to them. I'm very organized and easy going, so things like wanting to know exactly how many kids are coming doesn't rank on my list of things to do when we have parties. Plus, I don't want parents to feel like they have to call and have to say "no we can't make it" or on the flip side, if a child ends up being sick and they'd rsvp'd, I don't want them to feel like they have to take time to call and let me know they won't make it afterall. To me, rsvp'ing is just a waste of time unless you're talking something that really makes a difference, like wedding invitations.

I think it is very rude not to RSVP. I had the same problem with my daughter's 4th birthday party. I even put my phone number and email address on the invitiation and still some people would not RSVP. I would start checking with the parents to make sure they received the invitation. It seems strange that you did not receive any responses yet. I invited 15 kids to my daughter's party and only about half responded. I had to hunt the parents down at daycare to find out if they were coming or not.

Good luck to you and your sweet kids