Why Do People Not Understand "RSVP"??

Are these kids parties? I've found that the invitations never make it home or get misplaced. Evites work well and creating an event on fb seem to produce the most rsvps. Yes it irks me that people can't pick up a phone and call but people seem to do better with evites.

Oh and yes I always reply to any invitation we get and I call if something comes up (like a sick kiddo) and we can no longer make it.

Yes I do. I am a caterer and cake decorator, so I understand people need and want a head count. I think many people simply forget, the event isn't on their personal calendar and it slips their mind. I have also heard that the new trend is NOT to put the birthday party location on invites. It forces people to call...I'd be worried about getting blown off, but a few clients I know swear it works.

I always RSVP but when I'm hosting parties I find about half the invitees don't respond and I have to email them for an answer. So rude!

Yes. Personally I think it is rude and lazy not to "respondez, s'il vous plait".

I always RSVP and do so as soon as I receive the invite, regardless of whether it's a "yes" or a "no".

Just a little bit of ettiquette... unless the invite says "regrets only" as the RSVP preference, please respond with a "yes" or a "no". Don't assume that I only want to know if you are NOT coming. I would like to find out whether or not you are ALL coming (if the whole family is invited). If your child was invited, I would like to know if YOU are planning on staying or dropping him off. If I only wanted to know if you were NOT attending, I would have indicated "Regrets Only".

I have started including an email address on my invites b/c it's more convenient and have also started putting my cell number instead of a home number so people can text their RSVP as well. It has worked pretty well, but there are still some people who are simply inconsiderate and will not respond, but will certainly expect to have a meal and a goody bag when they show up!

Yes, I do.

I think a lot of people were never taught what RSVP really means (respondez sil vous plait - respond please) so they don't know what to do. Or think they don't have to because they are the "insert relationship here." Unless it's "regrets only" you should respond both if you plan to attend or if you don't.

My mom had to track down my uncle for an RSVP to my wedding. How hard is it to check a box and put a card in a prepaid envelope? It just smacks of basic etiquette issues.

I also dislike people who RSVP yes and then don't bother to say anything if they can't show. We waited for an aunt to show up at my cousin's baby shower. My other aunt (the cousin's mom) finally called and first aunt had some lame excuse about not getting the blanket done in time so she just didn't show. Another cousin also didn't RSVP but 2 days before our cousin's wedding, she showed up and said she was going to attend. My aunt scrambled to find a seat for her AND a date (and then first cousin had the gall to complain about being seated away from the rest of us....)

Are you at all surprised that the uncle, the aunt and the cousin are all from the same part of the family? I can't even say that the aunt was responsible for the cousin since she married the uncle after the cousin was grown. Rude begets rude.

It's not just my family, though. Our playgroup has a Meet Up and while most people don't RSVP no unless they previously said yes (group preferences), we had a mom hold tables for an expected 20 people, four of which showed. If you can't come, update your RSVP. It's electronic!

I have NO problem with a last-minute call or email or smoke signals to tell me your kid got sick or something. But I think it's rude to say you aren't coming and then show. I might only have 5 crafts based on RSVPs. Who gets left out?

Also, people don't know how to read an invite. If it's just Mr. and Mrs., then there's no kids invited. If it's just you and not "and guest" then they aren't allowing you a date. If you can't come, you can't come, but at least don't invite extras.

It's been my understanding that RSVP is only for if you are NOT coming, and if you don't reply, then it is assumed that you are coming. But I do reply either way when I get an invite, just so it's clear. To me, that's just being courteous.

I think as time goes on, younger and younger generations probably will not know what it means because their parents won't teach them and won't know themselves. Sort of like making the effort to write thank-you notes. But as others have said, there might be other reasons a reply is not made.

it's an overall trend in the decline of social graces.
khairete
S.

I have to admit - I always call and notify whether or not I am attending. RSVP essentially means Respond Please in French so why not. But I have noticed a significant number of invites I send out never receive an RSVP either way. I get a handful of "I'll be there" and end up with a houseful of guests or I end up with little responses and a ton of food because I expect a ton of guests - see above :) I to am hugely annoyed just in general I have started calling to get an accurate head count if I don't hear from people.

Yes, it is the polite thing to do. When people are planning a party, they need to know how many guests there will be so they can have the right amount of food, chairs, etc. There's definitely a general decline in courtesy these days!

I usually put RSVP regrets only and assume that people I don't hear from are coming. That usually turns out to be true. If it's an event where numbers count (a seated dinner, or a place that limits you to 12 kids for a birthday party and there are other kids I can invite if some can't make it) then I will put RSVP and will follow up with those I don't hear from. I try to be diligent about RSVPing but even this weekend, my pre-schooler was invited to a b-day party, I put it on the calendar when I opened the invite but my phone wasn't charged at that time so I didn't call and then totally forgot to call. I do find that if I supplement a paper invite with an e-vite for those whose e-mail addresses I have and supply both a phone and e-mail for responses, I get more answers.

Hi Marian,

It's very common these days. I think more and more people don't teach their children to respond to invitations or to write thank you cards. People have become more self-absorbed and less courteous.

MD

LOL I blame modern technology, like caller ID. How many calls do we ignore? How many emails and texts do we ignore? Modern technology has trained us to feel like we don't have have to RSVP to any form of communication if we don't feel like it.

I love it when someone doesn't RSVP for any party I'm giving and then they avoid eye contact w/me whenever they have to see me. I just want to laugh and say "it would have been so much easier for you if you just shot me an email saying you aren't coming". But I guess they'd rather deal w/a moment of guilt and look like a fool than do anything polite.

I do RSVP in one way or another, either via phone call, text, email or in person.

When I just move here (USA) I didn't because my English was awful and I was embarrassed so unless I had an e-mail (which many parents did put) I would either ask my husband to do it for me or don't, I know it was lame but I was worry that they would start a conversation over the phone (which it did happen once) and I sounded like an idiot.
I do now, but sometimes I forget =0{

EDIT: I just read Rachel K. answer and that is also soo true, when my kid was little she would often forget or lost it other times she would just keep bugging me every 15 min. lol.

I always do. Always. I think it's quite rude not to RSVP one way or the other. We've always sent out paper invitations, but this year sent out Evites for our daughter's birthday party. I must say, 3/4's of the invited guests responded w/in one day w/ the Evites. Sooo much more convenient (plus Evite will send out reminders). Not to mention cheaper! At 50 cents to mail each invite plus the cost of the invitations themselves, I don't think I'll send another paper invite if I can help it.

Here's a funny story, though ... We once sent out invites to our friends for my 30th and at that time many of our friends were still single. You wouldn't believe how many of the males asked my husband, "What's an RSVP?" LOL, what a crack up.

I ALWAYS respond - whether to accept or decline. I think it's rude not to and I especially think it's rude when I send out an invitation and am not responded to - as I always make it a point to do so. No, RSVP is not only for 'accepts' - if the person planning to party puts 'regrets only' then you only call if you are not coming but if it's RSVP and nothing else - you call either way. Otherwise you are being disrespectful and rude.

I don't RSVP unless I can make it. I don't expect a response unless you can make it. So I don't unless i can make it.
And sometimes I forget to RSVP by the deadline because that's just how I am and how my family works , sorry if it inconveniences someone I'm usually just happy to see people.

Oh my - I always thought you RSVP'd when you plan to go... not when you are not going. I always RSVP if we are attending as I figured the planner needs to know how many people to prepare for. Thanks for letting me know that I also need to respond "no" as well. Really, I wasn't trying to be rude or discourteous.

LOVE LOVE LOVE your question!!!

Yes, I ALWAYS RSVP!

I feel EXACTLY how you feel. People just do not get it. I recently had a party for my two daughter. For my youngest, she invited 12 kids and 6 RSVP'd and they all showed up. For my oldest daughter, she too invited 12 kids and 5 RSVP'd and 11 showed up! It was ridiculous because we thought as we were opening the door, OK, we are going to have to place another order for pizza! It was crazy! The parents did not even flinch when one came to the door and told me his daughter (who did not RSVP) was going home with another girl (who did not RSVP and was not there yet) and I told him I did not know if she was coming and he said, well she told me she was going. WTH?

Someone years ago told me you do not have to RSVP if you are not going to attend. I thought that was just rude! Also, what is with the people who call after the RSVP date and they have had over a week since receiving the invite. Come on, are you that important and that much of a social calendar that you don't know if you can attend or not? Or maybe they are just waiting for a better invite, before letting you know. LOL!

I get it and it is so frustrating. Manners people, manners!

Ahhh, I thought I was the only one, but guess not!

Have a great day!

Yes. Sometimes I don't do it right away, because I need to check other things first, but I do reply. People know the meaning of RSVP; they just don't think about doing it.

A friend of mine did something brash the last time she had a big party (and she has BIG parties). A number of invitees did not respond at all, so a week before she called each of them to ask if they were coming. To those who said, "Well... I don't know yet - I'll have to tell you later," she replied, "Well, I'll count on it that you are NOT coming then." She told me that a couple of those people made up their minds to attend with amazing speed! The rest she crossed off the list.

Yep I always do. And if its a party that my daughter ( 7 ) was invited to I have her make the call.

I've had more luck using Evite. It seems that people are more likely to rsvp when they get email reminders and can see who else has/hasn't rsvp'ed.

I've felt like a nag, but when I've sent paper invites, I have called/emailed/texted people to see if they are coming, especially to my kid's party's because I don't want them disappointed.

Yes, I always do, but I too have noticed a certain decline in it. Which is really funny because everyone I talk to gets annoyed about people not responding to RSVP's. So if everyone is annoyed about it, then why does it happen so much? You would think that people would think, "Oh this really bothers me when people do not RSVP to my party so I will make sure to respond to all RSVP's that I get." But somehow that step gets missed.

Yep, I always do and it makes me crazy when I have an event and nobody responds. It's not just the last couple of years or a problem with the younger generation. I planned to have my SILs and nieces here for a girls weekend and was disappointed when I only received one RSVP, a decline. I was about to cancel when I found out indirectly that the rest of them were all coming! That would have been a bad surprise if they'd just shown up that weekend.

It is extremely RUDE not to. Everyone seems to think that as long as they do as much (or as little) as THEY would expect someone to do for them, then they are doing enough. It's today's "ME" society. I hate it.
RSVP is a specific request to CALL (or write) and LET ME KNOW ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. It's a host's polite way of saying: "HEY. I NEED to KNOW if you are coming or not!!!"

So yes, I reply every time. Even if I don't know if I can attend, I will call and say exactly that... I want to come, but such & such is causing an issue and I don't know if I can... can I let you know by "x" date? If they need to know sooner, then I am forced to decline.

Urg. Can't stand when people think RSVP means "regrets only" or "confirmation only" or something. RSVP means RSVP (repondez s'il vous plait: "Respond if you please"). If I wanted "regrets only" I would have written "regrets only". Geez. How hard is that?

YES!

It reprehensible not to, wake up people!

I don't RSVP when my SIL sends out birthday invites for her kids, because she knows family will of course be there. Plus I think it's weird that she would even put an RSVP on a family members invitation. I do however, RSVP to non family invites.

You are so right! I don't know why people don't understand that concept anymore. They tend to think if they are not coming, they don't need to respond...that would be RSVP-Regrets Only...if it's says RSVP, it means to let the host know if you are going to attend or not!

It's a personal pet peeve of mine! My mother told a friend of hers that RSVP meant to say either way and the woman told her no, it was regrets only, so I think it's just a problem with people not really knowing.

I do, and I think it is extremely rude not to. I am with you though...when we got married 5 years ago I had to call about 10 different people asking them whether they were coming or not. Birthday parties seem to be the same way. It isn't that difficult to call, e-mail or send the card back! I think people are just so caught up in themselves that they forget their manners!

I always reply to them even if not going. I did this with my daughter's birthday party last year so we knew how much food and supplies to buy and maybe ten people RSVPed for it and I was pissed. Lucky for them we made and bought a lot of supplies and food so there was enough for everyone and still had some leftovers but I won't make that mistake of sending those same people invites this year!
I think this is incredibly rude of people! How hard is it to make a call, text, or email and say "Hey I'm coming' or Hey I'm not coming?! I mentioned all three options in invites and a phone number and email address!

It is not that they do not understand. People are so wrapped up in their
lives, between working and families, they usually just forget. Not making
excuses for them, but it is what it is.

Always.

*Update: I just went through your responses and was surprised to see how many people did do it incorrrectly! RSVP, in English, means "Respond Please". It does not mean call me if you can't come. It means Respond, as in, yes OR no. When an invitation says "Regrets only", THAT is when you can leave it UNLESS you can't come. Interesting that people don't know that.
I will add that the thing that makes me more agitated than anything is when someone says "yes", and I pay for more of whatever (extra people at the bounce house? more food, drink, bigger cake, extra chairs, another gift bag? planning games, prizes, activities, etc?) and then they don't show without saying anything at all. Or the parent who doesn't respond at all, and then just shows up with siblings in tow. Grand.

i havent read the other responses but that really irks me too. RSVP is an abbreviation for Respondez Sil Vous Plait, which is French for RESPOND PLEASE!! lol why dont people get that? like i had a baby shower back in January and only a few ppl RSVP'd and i was worried that no one would come. well guess what? almost everyone came! ok? so how are we supposed to know how much food to have and seating/space?? i know people have busy lives and tend to forget but i would at least expect people to tell you they ARE coming...
i also think maybe in other countries they dont do that?? my husband is Portuguese (both sides of his fam are all from Portugal) and his HUGE entire family never RSVPS for stuff. i learned to just assume they are all coming lol

I'm ashamed to admit that if I cannot make it, I have not always called. I know, it's rude, shame on me and I really need to work on that. Mostly this happens when my children come home with a birthday invite and it becomes an afterthought but for something like for an adult, I have always called one way or the other.

I hosted my sister's baby shower when she was pregnant and clearly put an R.S.V.P. necessary on the invite. I included my name and my phone number AND a date which I needed to know by. MY sister got called by these people to let HER know they were attending (or not) ~ so much for a surprise, huh???? And then a few came when they had not R.S.V.P'.d at all. Luckily I hosted it where I could easily get more chairs and tables together, but still I do believe it's rude to show up and not R.S.V.P.

I always respond. My pet peeve is people who respond after the deadline and expect to be included. Sometimes that's not always possible because there are other parties involved in planning an event. Being too busy is no excuse because they are not too busy when they compose and send their invitations.

Alright, I am thoroughly convicted now. I have always rsvp'd for friends events, until this year. My daughter transitioned from homeschool to 'big school' and we started getting all these invites for birthday parties from people we hardly know (classmates). Combine that with our new hectic schedule and the invites would get buried until past the rsvp deadline. Then I figured if I didn't say we were coming, it would be rude to show up. (They don't even know us well enough to have our phone number to call and check when we didn't reply.)

Guess I thought an rsvp was needed if you were coming in those cases, and if you didn't respond then you would not be expected. Now I'm sorry! Hope those moms forgive me!

Word of advice, if you really need an rsvp from a crazy busy mom like me and don't get it, PLEASE call or ask in person. I really don't mind, and it would actually be a relief if you did.

Just have to add, for those who wonder how someone can be so busy that they don't respond, for about 6 months of this school year things were so crazy, I seriously wondered how I would survive without having a nervous breakdown.
.... If you are good friends and they haven't responded, then just ask them in person. You likely see each other often enough anyway, what's the harm in mentioning, "By the way are you going to make it to the party?"
If you don't know them that well, then give them the benefit of the doubt. Sure maybe they're flaky, but maybe there's stuff happening in that family that you don't know about. Maybe there's a crisis going on. Or maybe they are shy and deathly afraid of making contact with a near stranger.
Yes, people *should* respond properly, but all I'm saying is that kindness and grace work both ways. :)

Oh dont get me started on this. It is one of my biggest pet peeves. I just had my 10yr olds party last month and she was having a sleepover, so I limited the number of kids. I told her as people say they cant make it then she can invite another. We invited 10 kids and 1 called to say they couldnt come, another child told my daughter at school. So I let her invite 2 more. Not one person called to say yes. So I finally told my daughter to tell her friends to tell there parents that if they dont call me then they cant come.

I know it sounds harsh, but this is crazy, parents now a days. We ended up having 11 girls and only 3 RSVP'd.

I always call regardless.

I ALWAYS rsvp and find it TOTALLY rude when people don't.... It's lack of respect in my opinion.... Especially when it comes to childrens parties and needing to pay "per head" if your doing it somewhere, or making goodie bags... This has always been a pet peeve of mine... My best friend is famous for NOT responding to people's invites. Love her to pieces but find it so rude~ I couldn't agree more with you!

Huge pet peeve when people don't. It's that people are "so busy!!" Come on. No one's that busy and if they're so busy, how come they then can all of a sudden show-up for the party? I'm busy too yet somehow find time to throw a party so least people can do is respond. This year, I made a point of saying to moms who didn't rsvp but showed up "oh, you never rsvp'd so I don't know if I have a gift bag for Susie." I did have extras but at least embarrassed the moms.

Yes I always RSVP! I can't figure out why people don't RSVP. Advance planning for 50 people is very different from dealing with an additional 30 people that show up last minute. I've heard don't have a party unless you can afford to include whoever show up w/o RSVP- No! If I'm having a dinner party @ my home I don't want random people showing up regardless of if I can afford to feed them or not. There might be seating etc issues and maybe I don't want a particular person at the dinner. Dealing w/ this problem right now for my kid's birthday party.

I try to respond to all invitations. I always respond to evites and when the invite states "RSVP regrets ONLY"
So maybe that helps you for future invitations.

I always respond to formal wedding invitations, because I know there are so many decisions (seating, favors, food) to be made and expenses to be incurred. I also respond to personal invitations where we will be the only couple or family involved, so that if we can't make it, they can extend the invitation to someone else or reschedule. Kids birthday parties were sometimes a problem. My kids played sports on the weekend and had a commitment to a team to be there for games or tournaments. Sometimes we did not receive the game schedule (or the make up schedule) until right before the games. I didn't want to commit too early and then have to cancel the party invitation. I would usually call the other mom and explain the circumstances-yes, my child would like to participate (and honor your child) but we may have a sports commitment during that time. If there was a "need a guaranteed number", we would decline. If the response was, "just come if you can" then we would participate. I do know that is is frustrating to try to plan a party (food, favors, activities) when you don't know how many kids to expect. We always planned for the most people and then if we had extras, we had extras. We would send home cake in boxes or extra goody bags for siblings of attendees.

They understand. They may not know what the words for the abbreviation are but they know what it means. They are choosing to "forget" because to them it isn't a big deal. To some people going to a party or wedding is a hassle in there eyes. They should be ashamed of themselves! There is no reason to make such things difficult.

I think over the years I have only missed one RSVP due to being out of town.

I ALWAYS R.S.V.P. only because i hate when people dont rsvp to one of my events. And if i invite them, give them a date to get back to me, and the date comes and goes with no phone call, i call the person up and ask. I am a weird person for doing so, but i needt oknow how many people will be attending for food, toys, goody bags, etc.