What Does RSVP Mean to You

I have been hosting parties at my home for years---both adult parties for my husband and me and kids' parties for my two children, who are now 9 and 11. I always put RSVP on the invitations and yet these are the percentages that I have observed over the past 20 years of having parties:
Out of 100 people invited, 50 will not come or RSVP at all. Of the remaining 50 people, 35 people will say YES and 15 will say NO. About 20% of those 35 people, or 7 people, will not show up, even though they've said YES. If you want to increase the RSVP rate, give them an option to email or phone. That helps a little. If you really want to know who's coming and who's not coming, phone everyone the week before who didn't respond. It's annoying and frustrating, but I've found that it's today's reality. Also annoying is people who call the same day as the party and say, "Oh. I'm so sorry. I forgot to respond. Can I still come?" I am always barraged with 5 to 10 calls the day of the party, just while I'm trying to get everything ready for the party. That's life. Thank God I got my wonderful job. I'm a self-employed Mary Kay Executive Director and love my work. I'd love to make you feel special and wonderful with free facials, hand treatments, makeovers, pampering and serious girl talk. Take a one hour break from everything else. All you've got to do is call me at ###-###-####.

you are correct. the exception would be where someone wrote "regrets only".

I agree with you RSVP means respond no matter what and if there is a date on there respond by that date because you never know if the host is ordering food or has to pay for the exact number of people at the restaurant before hand. I just had a baby shower for my sister-in-law and I was getting people RSVPing 2 days before the event. How annoying.

This is one of my BIGGEST pet-peeves! The day I receive an invite, I try to respond. When I host a function, I get a few RSVP's in the beginning and then nothing! I don't understand how people have gotten through life being so rude! Even my husband's family does not respond. I hate having to call people to find out if they are coming. Even if I have mentioned it to someone, so they save the date, I still expect a phone call, one they receive the invitation. If you receive an invite, you respond! I do not see what the problem is with making a phone call or sending an email! Sorry for the rant, but I feel very strongly about this!

that's actually a really good question. my first reaction was to say that I would rsvp only if I could attend, but I think one should really rsvp regardless.

I agree. RSVP means to respond one way or the other. It is courtesy for the person who is planning the event to be able to plan accordingly how many people will be attending.

I agree, RSVP to me means respond if you are coming or not. And its nice to get a response right away I love when people call days after the response date, its just so rude. there is a reason why i said rsvp by the 15th because i need to know. I try to always respond right away. :)

Hi K., This is one of my pet peeves. I totally agree with you about the meaning of RSVP.
What you are thinking it means is totally right. The problem is that people do know what it means it's just that they are rude!! I always RSVP immediately when I receive an invitation. I always know if I am available or not. The problem with many people today is that they usually wait for something better to come along possibly. I feel when you get the invite you should contact the hostess and let her know if you will or will not be able to attend. If you don't know, you can tell her the reason you don't know and let her know as soon as you know for sure once you find out if you can attend. If you respond yes and can't make it for some reason or another, then you need to let her know as well. Invitaions are not a summons and people don't have to attend everything that they are invited to but they definitely need to let you know. It's not a difficult thing to do. Pick up the phone, email or if an invitation comes with a return stamped address envelope drop it back in the mail immediately. This way you won't forget. I think if people get an invitation and don't respond one way or the other after receiving it, it gets put down and forgotten about. The best bet is to RSVP immediately. This is all so easy and I don't understand why people are so inconsiderate of each other. A hostess works very hard to plan a nice party for her guest and she deserves the consideration of her guest to respond. Ann Landers one time wrote that if you invite people and they don't RSVP that if they show up to your party you should say, I didn't hear from you so I assumed you weren't coming. End of discussion. She also said You can also say I won't count you in since you didn't respond. I hope this helps. As you can see...it really bothers me when people don't RSVP. Good luck to you, D.

Hi K.,

It's not a matter of what it means to me, it's just a matter of what it means: RSVP means repondez sil vous plait, which translates to please respond. Anytime this is on an invitation, a response in either the positive or negative is required. Or at least it's expected in polite company! I think you're absolutely right to expect a response.

Hi K.,

Unless the RSVP is followed by the phrase "regrets only" then yes, one is absolutely expected to respond whether attending the event or not.

You can expect it but you won't get a response from most people. Kids parties are the worst. When my twins were young we use to invite all the kids in their class. One year 35 invitations and 2 responses. Ended up with 38 kids (because a couple brought siblings).

You are 100% correct...RSVP is a French abbreviation (respondez s'il vous plait - or something like that!! I'm rusty on my French these days! LOL) for "please respond".
I expect the same in return, yet find myself having to call people because they don't respond either way.

J.

You betcha! You are absolutely right in thinking a response is appropriate. I feel that anyone who does not respond if being rude. It only takes a minute to call someone and tell them if you will or will not be attending a function. I am very adamant about responding.

I agree with you 100%. Unless you're invitation specifically states "RSVP with regrets only", then you (or the person invited) need to respond in a timely manner whether attending or not. Another thing that gets me going on this subject are those people out there that RSVP the day after the response date (or 2 days before the event for that matter). I don't only find this behavior inconsiderate, but down right rude. I have (and will continue to) crossed people off of my invitation list because of this.

Yes, RSVP means RESPOND! Anyone with any kind of manners should know that. Unfortunately, people with manners or even common sense are few and far between in my neck of the woods too! You should respond promptly (as in by the response date on the invitation). Also, I've gotten invitations that are addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. Mylastname". It is clear that my daughter is not invited to the event - in which case we have two options. We either leaver her with a sitter or we don't go to the event. Most people think that every event is for everyone in their household. Not true. I find that the people with the least amount of common sense about RSVP courtesy and ettiquette are the same people who have never planned a decent party or event so they have absolutely no idea the time/effort/expense put into such an event. These are usually the same people who invite people over for a family birthday and throw some chips in a bowl and maybe buy a cake. Sorry to be so blunt, but if you're inviting people over, you should plan to feed them and spend a little time before the party doing things like picking up the house and maybe opening the packages of plates and setting out some drinks. OK, getting off my soapbox now.

Wow - didnt' know I had all that anger in me! I feel better now that I vented - thanks! BYW, my daughter is 8 and knows how to properly thank a person upon receiving a gift or kind gesture. She also now takes it upon herself to write a thank you note to the gift-giver. She has also written notes to aunts/uncles/grandparents thanking them for special activities she's shared with them. This is not something children automatically do on their own. You have to teach them and then it will become second nature. I have nieces and nephews who are in their early 20's and I have yet to receive a verbal or written thank you for any gift I have ever given them. I have, however, received phone calls from their Mom if/when I overlooked putting a birthday card and check in the mail in a timely manner! Then after doing so - I still get no thanks. Nice?

Hi K.,

I agree with you 100%. RSVP (Respond So Very Promptly) means you should respond by either accepting or declining.

to me, RSVP means responde whether you are coming or not. I've gotten them that say RSVP Regrets only, which is an obvious..

RSVP does mean respond please. But when the RSVP comes from a contact I didn't initiate, a spammer or some marketing outfit I just trash it.
L.

it means in plain english, call the person to tell them if you are ocming to the flippin party or not. I have 25 people who still havent responded to my sons's first bday party which is next saturday - im not calling a single one of them to see if they are coming or not.

Hi K.,

Well, it literally translates to "Respond, please" and I think it's pretty commonly known that it is a request to call the host. Sometimes I've seen "Regrets Only" on an invitation, but if it actually says "RSVP" then I think you're right...you let the host know either way.

For my daughters 3rd birthday, I heard from everyone I invited. I included my email address in addition to my phone #. Not one person called, everyone emailed me their response. I always include my email now and though there are still a few people who don't respond, I have a much bigger response.

Hi,

RSVP means to respond, please. That means whether you are attending or not. I'm with you - people have forgotten their manners...!

RSVP means are you coming!!!!!! but no one knows that????
i just went thru that with my daughters bd party. and what stinks about it is you send the invitations to school wondering if it made it home and then you want to call and see if they are coming, but you dont have they're number, but why should you call????? its soooo rude! and all you wanna do is make sure theres enof for "them"!!! most places need to know how many people are coming!!!!! PLEASE RSVP!!!!!!

I think you're absolutely, 100% right!!! I'm guessing you've been in contact w/a lot of rude people who don't have enough common courtesy to RSVP to invitations.

Hi K.,
I totally agree with you in making a response or needing a response. If the invitation says RSVP I suppose its for a specific purpose, whether seating arrangement, catering etc. I suppose some people dont understand the term RSVP so a little expalnation may be needed. I dont think it has anything to do with wether u are from USA or not. The persons need to know at least how many persons to expect at the function. So often we take it for granted that once the invitation comes to us we have no need to respond but it is common courtesy to make a response if the invitaion ask for one, so please do repond.

You are 100% CORRECT! People should tell you whether they will attend, or not.

Here's what I think...besides agreeing 100%. I think many just don't really get that they are supposed to respond -- especially those not from the U.S. In my area there are a lot of nationalities and I find that no matter how many times you ask to rsvp, certain people just don't..or won't. Is it a cultural thing? I think, better than using rsvp on an invite...you write this:
please call or email if you can come. please call or email if you can't come. please call or email if you don't know what I mean. Think they'll get it then? IT's annoying and plain rude. We are not made of money. Everytime a guest doesnt rsvp or show -- the host has to eat their meal or portion of the bill.

Hi K., I agree with you. I always respond either yes or no. The other kind of response is "regrets only" which is self explanitory. I'm happy if life is good for you and I hope I have helped with a response. Grandma Mary

Means that I must answer if I can attend the event or not. Who sent the invitation expect an answer. If you are the one sending an invitation with "RSVP" you also be expexting an answer. This phrase means "Answer please", and not "Answer if are not coming."
Please RSVP to my answer!!! :)
Stella

You are ABSOLUTELY correct! However, I have recently sent invitations for my older son's birthday party (he will be 3)and have been horrified at the fact that a number of his classmates (or rather their parents) have not responded.

Best of luck--unfortunately, good manners are not engrained in everyone.

RSVP means please respond,

usually my Rsvp will say to respond ONLY if you are coming with in that time frame, and if you Do NOT they will take it that you are NOT attending.

Either way its nice to respond, but I believe it implies attendance

M

Seeing as RSVP stands for 'respond si vou ple" (SP?) yes, you must respond....whether you attend or not. The party giver usually needs to know how many people to expect and won't know this unless you respond yes or no.

K.,
I'm thinking many folks don't know what RSVP means these days. I just had a party this past weekend for my 9 year old son. I sent written invitations to RSVP to his classmates, leaving a phone number and an email address. One of six parents responded. I sent evites to family & friends, most of whom responded. This is pure rudeness, and poses an inconvenience to the host. People don't realize that there is a budget to consider, and many times if the party is catered, we have to give a head count. Well, I counted 17 guests, and I prepared 25 party bags just in case. It's a good thing. I came home with about 4 party bags. The next time I plan a party, I will have to spell it out--"Please extend the courtesy of responding by ???". All this to say yes, I agree with you. I always respond in time and expect the same in return. Your kids are older, but if my baby is invited to a party (she's 4) and we can't make it, I still send a gift with a card that says "thank you for inviting us, hope you had a great time". I don't think that's part of the etiquette, but a kind gesture nonetheless.

I agree with you. Sometimes I will put "RSVP, regrets only" on an invitation to make things easier, but you know some people will forget anyway.

I suspect you already know the answer to this. I know for my son's birthday party we had not heard from fuly 1/3 of the invited guest's parents by the RSVP date. I just called those parents and said something like, I ws worried that you never got the invitation as I haven't heard from you. They were all slightly embarrassed, but I had an accurate count for the party.

Of course, everyone is supposed to respond with either a "yes" or a "no". People are losing their manners, though. I recently invited 20 children by mail to my daughter's birthday party, giving more than 2 weeks notice. I have only heard from 5 people and the party is on Saturday.

I was brought up with the same understanding as you, and have always called in a timely fashion to let the host know whether or not I/we would be attending a gathering. It is amazing how many people don't,though! (So fun when intended guests call after the RSVP date, not at all, invite extra people/children/siblings along......)
I think they blame their poor manners on a busy lifestyle, when really, it just takes a few minutes to make a phone call. As a culture, I think our good manners are becoming less and less good!

There's a great website that explains the history of R.S.V.P. at http://people.howstuffworks.com/question450.htm

RSVP means you respond even if you are not attending the gathering. I find it quite sad that people no longer have common courtsey to respond to invites. Its up to us as mother's to teach our children proper manners as well as practice them ourselves.

I think you are correct but these days common courtesy is not something everyone understands. Give a RSVP date and instruct to respond either way. Still don't expect everyone to respond.

R.S.V.P. stands for a French phrase, "répondez, s'il vous plaît," which means "please reply." The person sending the invitation would like you to tell him or her whether you accept or decline the invitation. That is, will you be coming to the event or not? Etiquette rules followed in most Western cultures require that if you receive a formal, written invitation, you should reply promptly, perhaps that same day. For hosts who are planning a dinner party, a wedding or a reception, this is important from a practical point of view, because they need to know how many people to count on and how much food and drink to buy. More important, though, is the simple courtesy of responding to someone who was nice enough to invite you, even if it is to say that you regret that you will not be able to attend.

it means "Please respond" usually by a certain date whether or not you and whoever else was invited will or will not be attending.

Respondez s'il vous plait!!! Translation: respond please Everyone needs to reply either way if the invite says rsvp! These days a lot of people write "Regrets Only" which saves everyone a lot of time - then again how long does it take to leave a message?? I like the traditional rsvp and I always reply in a timely manner. I open the invite, look at my calendar and make the call!.. Done. One less thing to think about. As a hostess I really hate following up with people who have not replied - that is time that could be used more constructively. So please respond either way if the invite says RSVP!

Well of course it means you are supposed to respond either way. However, most people just don't reply if they aren't coming. And I have found there are some people, like for kids parties, who don't call at all and just show up at party time. It drives me crazy. You could put a neon flashing RSVP sign in the card and people still don't reply.

I agree with you that when it says RSVP you should respond whether you are attending or not. I would also expect the same if I was holding something, but alot of people do not RSVP to something and then they show up.

It definately means respond yes or no by the RSVP date stated on the invitation. C.

You absolutely have to respond one way or the other. It's disrespectful not to because the host needs to plan accordingly.

Hi K.,
RSVP, while I forget what the initials originally meant, is as you say, one way or the other.

RSVP regrets only is asking for you to contact if you are not coming. Can be a bit crazy if you're trying to plan for an event this way, because sometimes people think it doesn't matter if they get back to you or not (for some strange reason?).

M.

To my knowledge, RSVP, comes from the french, and simply means "please reply", and yes, they mean please reply either way, that you are going to make the function, or you are not. Hope this helps!!!

You are correct. People are very rude. However, I think if you send an email invitation that is very casual and people do not take it so seriously. I think you should send an invitation in the MAIL, your response rate will be better.

That's what it means .. but seems like we dont all follow it. and those who really wanna know will contact their guests to make sure .

I feel just as you do. I think it is really rude and inconsiderate for people not to respond to an invitation when they are supposed to. And I would never not respond to an invitation either. Many times parties take place in restaurants, halls etc; these places need to know how many will be coming to the party. And it would put the hostess in an awkward position to have to call someone just because they are not doing the right thing by responding. This has happened to me and it was very uncomfortable. Now a days with all the means of communication: cell phone, e-mail, telephone etc, etc, there should be no excuse for not responding.

Yes, I would say RSVP means you should let the person know one way or the other whether you can go

When you look at the meaning of the word:
RSVP - abbr. French - répondez s'il vous plaît (please reply) or my take on it Reserved Seating Verify Please.

It is polite to let them know if you are coming. Usually unless there is a postage paid return envelope (like a wedding) most people do not tell you if they are NOT coming. Im not sure why that is.

You're correct in thinking that a response should be given either way, especially if the stamp is already on the return card. If you looked it up in the etiquette books, Im sure they would say to respond either way.

Thanks for brining it up, I will remember to respond either way in the future. Just helps the person planning have more peace of mind not to wonder.

You are absolutely correct!!

C.
Go Green for your health & the Planet!!
http://C..healthyhometour.com

yes, absolutely. RSVP is an acronym for "please reply" in french. It means you reply whether you're going or not. The alternative is "regrets only." Which means, contact us only if you're not coming, otherwise we'll assume you are.

You are correct. A response is the courteous thing to do, whether you are attending or not. Unfortunately, in this day and age no one knows the meaning of the word courteous.

K.,

It bothers me when people ignore the RSVP also. We just had my daughter's 3rd birthday party last month and sent out about 20 invitations. Do you know not ONE single person responded?? I had to make multiple phone calls to give the place a headcount! I make sure I respond as soon as I receive the invitation so I don't forget!

M. Targi
Area Manager
Arbonne International
www.mariatargi.myarbonne.com
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The products will change your skin and the opportunity will change your life!!

Hi K.,

RSVP are the French initials for Repondez or Reponse S'il Vous Plait, which means "answer please." From the phrasing, it indicates the person wants an answer whether it's a yes or a no.

I was also raised with the notion that RSVP means you have to answer, whether you can make it or not.

K.

on invitations i send out RSVP, regrets only. it makes it easier for the people attending. it doesn't always work though, i still get no-shows

I agree with you. Some people are totally rude, and either don't bother to respond to events or tell you they are coming and then don't show up. This happened at my wedding, and I had to pay for these no-show guests. Hundreds of dollars down the drain. It's common courtesy especially when the host needs a count for food, party favors, etc.

Respondez sil vous plait
Please Respond
Unless it says, Regrets Only, then I would assume you should responded whether or not you're planning to attend.

I am with you 100%!!!!!

No answer to an RSVP is rude and inconsiderate--the person invited you out of caring and respect for your relationship.
No answer shows a distinct lack of respect for the same.
A.
(I believe it is rependez, s'il vous plait)

I feel the same way. What also bugs me is I put MY phone number for the RSVP and they call my mom or my MIL. What is the point of putting my number if they are just going to call everyone else? This messing up my guest list cause they wait to tell me. I am hosting the event call me NOT them! That is the whole point of putting my number. If I wanted the guest to call my mom or MIL I would have put their numbers down. We all live in the same town so it's not like I am so long distance that they can't call me. I just don't understand people sometimes. I think that it is rude not to call either way. Some people just show up! How hard is it to pick up the phone and say "yes" or "no"? How RUDE!!

Hi K.,

RSVP (respondez s'il vous plait)- which, in French literally means "please respond" - means to respond either way with a yes, or no. I am in full agreement with you!

Good luck!
K.
I am a 34 year old SAHM of three blue-eyed beauties - daughter (age 5), son (almost 3) and daughter (1 year old)

I think it is very rude not to respond at all! I am currently planning a birthday party for my 6yo daughter. It is past the RSVP date and I have yet to hear from 7 out of 15 children invited! It is very frustrating, as I need to give in a head count soon, and I'd like to make goodie bags and such. I have no idea how many children to expect!

RSVP means exzactly what you said. The host needs to know how many are coming to the party, therefore you need to respond either way.

I would say you are 100% correct. Only if the invite states REGRETS only do you not have to respond if you are going.

K.

"Répondez s'il vous plaît" means respond please. It is polite to respond.

K., you are so right. RSVP does mean to respond, regardless whether you are attending or not. It is very rude to ignore such an invitation.
Seems like you were raised right!

I am having an informal ( not casual) graduation party for my daughter in two weeks at a lovely restaurant. We created invitations on the computer, and on the bottom of each, I did not put RSVP, I wrote, "We'd love to see you there, but please let me know either way. Call the house at XXX_XXXX , feel free to leave a message. And remember, we won't be insulted if the response is a "no".

I've heard from everyone, including several who have called to ask if they can let me know. It's a holiday weekend, and they aren't sure of their plans yet. I told them that's fine, but I need a head-count three days before the party, so if I don't hear from them by then, I'll consider them NOT coming. (I'd rather have to add a few seats than to have to pay for no-shows.) Some of my daughter's friends said theyd be late, or leave early, because they have other parties to hop to.. so I'll adjust the count accordingly.

If it's a more formal occasion, include a stamped, self-addressed response card. Some people do feel uncomfortable calling to say no...

Hi K.
Yes, RSVP means respond no matter what your intention, and it doesn't mean wait til the host calls you. If they wanted to call they would not have had to send out RSVP invitations, would they?
Mother taught me when I was small that it meant "Respond so very politely" Yup, she taught us to send thank you notes too. I taught my children, too. It has served them well. In fact as my aunts their great aunts got older they would send Valentine cards with a dollar in them thanking them for Christmas thank you's, my sister's children never got Valentine cards from them. Of course they were then required to send thankyou's again, but here comes Easter and another card with a dollar. Well you get the picture. At their great aunt's funeral what did my cousins say to my children, "thanks for all the letters you wrote mom she loved them so much and has a diary of your life" We have them all at her house if you want to see them. The girls being 15 then laughed at their attempts to write at age 3. Yes, my old aunts & my mom had saved those letters of my childrens entire lives. Not my notes although I am sure I put explanations etc in with those young notes but all their notes were carefully saved.
You didn't ask about thank you's though did you.
I think that the actual or literal translation from French to English is "respond if you please" which is probably where the confusion comes in. I am sure that the French would say it means Please respond. Not responding has the host scrambling for numbers attending, either they must call you or they prepare too much food having to assume that all non responding guests are coming because what happens if they do and you have only had 10 yeses out of 50. You plan food for 10-15 and 40 arrive. How embarrassing!!! So as to avoid that embarrassment you plan for the whole crowd minus the "no's" that were nice enough to call, or you call your guest list. It is so much kinder to respond.
Yes it is a pet peeve for this married for nearly 40 years, SAHM of 4, twins 18, and singles 32, & nearly 37. As we think about planning the girls graduation I didn't want to have a party. Couldn't figure out why but realize this is the issue. Thanks for bringing it to the forefront so that I can deal with it.
God bless you, we can't change others but we can reward others for doing right. I did go to a party once where there were "door prizes" there and guess who got them? You guessed those that the host didn't have to call. I don't remember what they were but I remember getting one.

RSVP is french and = Respondez s'il vous plait - meaning "Please respond"
I always take it to mean that the hosts need a head count...

It means please let me know what you are going to do. Come or not come. People are tending to get more and more rude with this RSVP thing though. They either don't respond at all, say they are coming and don't show up, or even say they aren't coming and then show up. My mother had a dinner party and someone said they were coming. They showed up two hours late and brought three other people with them. The nerve!

I completely agree with you. As a mother of 3 it is my pet peeve when people do not RSVP and I have to start calling people to see if they're coming to my party. I also have my own personalizing business for kids parties and that is the biggest problem with moms who are trying to order favors. It is a no brainer, just pick-up the phone and give a yes or no.

Hi K., Yup, it sure is rude of these people ....Here's a few suggestions.....

You could put a self addressed and stamped envelope in the invitation, then put a box next to = CAN ATTEND /# of people. And then put a box next to = CANNOT ATTEND
And then put a note saying "Please RETURN no later by: (date)"

Good luck !
D. F

OR maybe you could politely be more specific than just putting RSVP ....instead of that, try being more clear by saying something like "In order to help with the planning of this great event, it would be real convenient if you please respond latest by day/month/year.

It is common courtesy to respond whether you're going or not if the invitation says "RSVP". I have had people not call at all and it's truly irritating, esp when you need a head count to figure out how much food you're going to be serving!!

RSVP means to me the same wether I will be attending or not, but the person that is holding the party/event, etc. needs a good head count so she can plan accordingly. If you are bringing a guest, that should also be noted on the RSVP. When I host a party, I myself need to know how many are coming, so I can be more prepared with either the gift give away for the party games, how much product to bring, if it is a Good Tastings event, how much of diffent samples to bring for people to try.

A little about me:

Married for 15 years, 2 grown boys and 2 grandchildren (one boy and one girl). Life is GOOD.

You are correct, of course.