Birthday Presents

I have two girls and have now been to several birthday parties that do a book exchange. Everyone brings a wrapped book with their name on it. Then each child gets to open a book to keep! (I have also been to a littlest pet shop party...same concept but with a $5 littlest pet shop, the kids played with the pets at the party) Everyone loves it and now you also don't have to give out end of party treat bags! YEAH!

Hi Tricia,

If the party is only kids from her preschool, I think it would be great if you asked on the invitation for kids to pick out a gift that will be donated to the preschool! Then the kids can still have the fun of choosing a gift, but they will all get to play with them at school for the rest of the school year!

Best of luck!

M.

Have a garage sale this summer with the toys she does not want anymore, or donate them to charity. I think the gifts are a fun part of the birthday, you should not take that away from her.

My Mom read an article about this that suggested "experiential gifts". We made this request person to person with some of the families coming to our son's Febryary birthday party. We didn't write it on the invitation becasue I think we just wanted to test the waters. I probably mentioned it to five people and only one took me up on it. My son was very excited about that gift for a play date with his friends.

We decided the better thing to do is probably start the trend ourselves within our kids' social network. My son and I went to the store together and bought scrapbook and craft supplies. When he gets a party invite he has a number of themes to pick from and together we make a home-made gift certificate for his friend to join him on a fun outting. Some examples we have used are a trip to the zoo, a movie date, swimming at his grandmother's house, and a picnic/kite flying afternoon at the park. My son loves thinking about what activity his friend might enjoy most and creating the gift. So far, the response from the recipients has been overwhelmingly positive.

We have to follow up to make sure the recipients parents know we really mean to honor the invitation. When the event does happen, I take a photo of the kids, put it in a small frame and drop it off to the birthday kid. The memories are so much better than all the stuff - which eventually ends up under-appreciated.

On a separate note, for all the gifts we did receive at my son's last party, we let him pick out a few for immediate use and we put the rest in the garage. Each month throughout the year he gets to go to the garage and pick out something else. They are labeled with the gift givers name, so I think he is more aware of the individual intent of the child who gave it to him and remembers that as he enjoys his new toy.

I noticed you have many suggestions already and haven't read through them all but I have written "No presents, just your presence is requested for a fun time!" on invitations in the past. I also have listed the One.org website as possiblities for donations. On that website you can spend $10 to donate books to children in the US and also print out a certificate to put in a birthday card. I have done that in the past and given that with a book for the birthday person. You can also purchase wonderful gifts on www.shop.thehungersite.com/store and each purchase donates a certain amount of cups of rice to those in need. It's a great website, you should check it out. I don't know why anyone would object to either donating to those in need or not bringing presents to children who already have so much. Good luck and happy birthday to your child.

We had this problem in our family. I have 3 daughters so you can imagine all the things we get for birthdays and Christmas. I'm SO glad that my Dad noticed things piling up every year and he had a GREAT idea. He opened a high interest savings account in each of the girls names. He puts $50 in for their birthdays and $100 in for Christmas and he put $500 in for each birth(one daughter had already been born when he thought of this so he added that to her account right away). All of the family members have access to the account in the form of the account number, but no one but us will know the balance and we can not take it out for any reason. My Dad still sends a little something for each birthday and Christmas so the kids don't feel like they didn't get anything but he is very careful about what he gets them. For example...he sent a birthday card, a $10 Target card (so we could get clothes or something else my daughter needs) and writes on the card "$50 in savings account". If he doesn't give them a gift card he will give them something that will either be used quickly(like a kids craft) or something that there is no way we can become sentimentally attached to. They idea is that he doesn't want us to feel like we have to keep the item forever. Use it until it is gone or use it until someone is not interested and then pass it on. Oh yes...the biggest thing about this...the savings account is for COLLEGE. No one in our family has gone to college so he is breaking the cycle and providing a guarantee that all three of my girls will be able to attend college and have the funds to do it. So now we tell people that they can get them a little something to unwrap but if they REALLY want them to benefit years down the road they can add $5 or $10 to the account. When my kids are ready for college they are not going to care whether or not they had 3 Barbies or 20. I would encourage this type of gift giving with your family! It's a great idea and I am glad that someone in my family thought of my children in this way!

Tricia,
One of my dear friends has twin daughters and a huge network of extended family and friends. The twins not only have everything--they have DOUBLE of everything. For their birthday party every year for the last three years she has done the cutest birthday invitations that she makes on publisher. She puts this great line at the bottom of the invitation that says, "Our daughters have been very blessed to have all of you in their lives. There are other children who are not as fortunate. This year for their birthday we are collecting art supplies, stuffed animals, and children's books. They will be donated to the Child Advocacy Center to be given to child abuse and child sexual abuse victims that are served at the Center." Then she and her daughters take an afternoon and bring the gifts to the Child Advocacy Center. Their picture was even in the newspaper one year for doing it. It has been a wonderful way for her children and their friends to learn about charitable giving. Think about doing that it has been very special for her girls.
S.

Hey Tricia. I see that you've received many many answers to your request for help in the gift-giving area. I wonder why people have so much difficulty with the idea of giving away the "NEW" toys instead of the old toys? Each person that agreed with you about donating the toys to the "needy" all suggested to give away the old/used items. WHY? Where is the heart? Where is the LOVE?

Children learn to be selfish by the actions of the parents and the adults around them. Children also learn to be gracious, kind,and unconditionally loving by what they see being done by those authority figures with whom they interact daily such as parents, grandparents, schoolteachers, and friends' parents. Something to think about...How do you want your child to grow? Selfish or Gracious...

Another point to be considered, the Oprah Winfrey Big Giveaway show...Did you see where the 5 yr old boy had a birthday party and gave all of his "NEW" gifts to a family in need living in his area? The entire community soon became a part of this child's idea to give from the heart to others who have little. It was a heart-warming presentation to the children of the needy family as well as to those who were doing the giving. The idea of this little boy soon became the efforts of an entire community of people who all wanted to share in the JOY of giving from the heart to those in need!

This is the type of lessons our children should be learning at this crucial time where all over the world they hear of nothing but killing, anger, selfishness, and worse going on between human beings.

That's my opinion. Follow your own heart, Tricia. Those who disagree will simply not attend the party. Then you will know which type of person you want as friends and as playmates for your child. MAY GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR FAMILY tenfold!

***by the way, I grew up in the USA but have lived 7 yrs in Mexico where gifts given to the birthday child are extremely rare! I don't see these kids "expecting" gifts from their party guests. Most are delighted to be having a party of sorts with friends included! And by the age of 9, all gift giving ceases even from parent to child, Santa Claus doesn't even bring gifts after a certain age (8 or 9 from what i've seen.)

Hi Tricia,
I see that you have lots of responses already, but I'd like to add one more.
I went to a preschooler's birthday party where the invitation read Please no gifts, but make a handmade card if you'd like for our scrapbook. The kids could draw something. I watercolored her name and age.
Good luck!
D.

Tricia,

I think what you are doing is just fine. My son turned five last July and we asked for donations for the Humane Society. After his party we delivered all the food to the shelter and it was nice for him to see where all the donations were going. He is our only child so he is not neglected in the toy department. Most of the parents that came thought what we did was a great thing and thought for him being five and him agreeing to this was good. His birthday is coming up again and maybe we will do it again.

Good luck on the party.

Jenn

Great idea about the books!

My mom had a real problem with my statement in my invitation for the recent birthday party of FOUR GIRLS that said "Please give green, by giving 'family gifts,' consumables, or a family gift card to somewhere like a museum or the zoo." I just see so much waste every year at birthday parties and if each guest gave each of my four children only 1 gift it would just be ridiculous.

They were given pre-owned lovely clothing, an aquarium for their guppies, a really cool fiberoptic nightlight, art supplies, a small cd/stereo with cds, homemade jewlery, and a zoo membership! It was great!

Hi Tricia,
My kids too have so much stuff. I don't know how this will go over with your daughter's age set but I thought of something interesting that I saw happen in my older daughter's classroom. All the kids chipped in a 5 dollars or so and they were able to buy a goat or ox for villagers through an organization called Heiffer Internationalor Heiffer.org. This may or may not work with small kids but it might be great for them to know that the gift they gave your daughter went toward buying a goat for a family in a small village far away and that goat's milk will feed small kids that have so little. Just a thought. Good Luck N.

I think it's a little...not rude, but in poor taste, to mention presents at all on an invitation. It's like those card inserts in shower invitations. It's just not the way things are SUPPOSED to be handled. But people do it and more people do it and soon it becomes normal, but still in bad taste.
The appropriate way to mention anything about gifts is when people call to RSVP. It might be hard for some people to understand, but when you have big families, these kids get soooooo many presents all year long. They just aren't "wowed" by gifts anymore. I understand your problem.
So my suggestion is to follow proper etiquette and mention your REQUEST when they RSVP. It must be a request, not a demand, because you can not tell people what to do with their money. And all gifts should be greeted with thankfulness, not rudeness for not following your wishes.
Good luck!

I just saw your post.
GOOD FOR YOU!
We do the same.
age 5 bag of dog/cat food & tour of Humaine Society
age 6 UMCOR relief for hurricane Katrina gave $$ thru church
age 7 gave $$ to American Heart Assoc.

I let the child choose a charity and incorporate it in the party. Playing with friends is all she ever wants.

I get a newsletter from Anderson Animal Shelter in Elgin and I read about children that have their party guests bring much needed items for the animals. This would be great if you had an animal themed party or your child is an animal lover. You could include a list of items needed in the invitation.

Maybe im the odd one out here, but we also got an invite that asked for donations and me and other moms felt very odd about it. Its great to want to donate, but for all of the gifts for the child to be donated is kinda odd. I know we dont want tons of stuff around, so maybe go thru your child's old toys and donate some of them. Kids, esp a 5 yr old, looks foward to their bday and gifts are a part of that, so y take that away?? I agree about the family members giving to a certain cause- towards maybe a family membership or a big thing like swingset or larger items. I def would not do the $5 thing- then you'll have tons of little dinky "crap" around!

Tricia, All children love to receive presents on their birthday, and the guests I think would feel bad to arrive without a present.
My suggestion would be to let them bring presents and donate some of the ones you already have that you see your daughter is not interested in.
there is a saying that says ONE MAN´S TRASH IS ANOTHER MAN´S TREASURE.

Y. Victoria

Sometimes children request that their presents be dog/cat food, liter, bedding etc.
and present it to the local Humane Society. Children love animals and it is a great way of teaching about helping others. Sometimes the group goes to make the presentation. You might consider non perishable items for a food bank.
GL

Hi Tricia,
I know that you've already received your responses and made your decision, but I wanted to speak as someone who is in a similar boat that you are with a large family and TOTALLY supports your decision. I think a point that a lot of people were missing is that you weren't suggesting that your children have no gifts for their birthday. If I read your e-mail correctly they were still going to get 20 gifts wihtout gifts from friends. My children also receive a good number of presents from family, and I stopped having gifts at parties several years ago.

One thing we have done was have family parties after the friend party, and they got gifts then. I don't think birthdays are just about gifts. They are about making someone feel extra-special for the day, and gifts are not the only way to do that. Both of my boys have never cared about the no gifts request because they were getting so many presents otherwise. They were much more excited about the actual party - especially having a birthday cake or going bowling with friends. Neither one of them has EVER acted in the least bit upset or complained once, and I enjoy the party more because they are TRULY having fun not just getting overwhelmed with gifts.

No one has ever acted offended by my request (at least to my face, but reading the responses I realize now they probably have behind my back :)), and our close friends have still brought gifts. I was nervous about the response the first year, but it has gone amazingly well over the years. One of my friends even did the same thing for her son soon after.

I will say that now that my children are getting older, we are starting to have smaller parties, and in those cases I don't make the request because it really is the good friends there. It has really only been when every boy in the class plus more were invited and the number of gifts would have been ridiculous.

You could always add to the invitation..."in lieu of gifts our daughter would very much like to donate books to her school's pre-school program"

Since your daughter's birthday is in August, why don't you request on the invitation "in lieu of gifts, please bring some school supplies to be donated". Many libraries have boxes accepting supplies or you can take to your school in the Fall to be handed out to those in need.

What about writing on the invitations what she would like/need (school supplies, gift cards for a certain store, clothes, etc.) or just write "No Toys Please". You could ask for books only and then donate them after she reads them. I think if you just write "no gifts" some people might feel foolish or insulted and buy a gift anyway... but if you give them other ideas for gifts that aren't clutter they might be more responsive.

Hello, I know you have already received your responses to this question. But I heard of a great birthday gift people can give your kids other then toys and it is stock. I forget the name of the website but if you search you can find sites that offer 1 share of stock of companys your kids are into, like Disney, chucke cheese,etc. I think it is great and could make them some profit and help teach them about stocks and won't clutter your house. So just thought I'd share since I never saw you orginal question. I know t may not be something you could easily ask from the friends, but the family could do it. Take care. LynnZ

Hi Tricia!

Just wanted to offer more support. I am surprised that moms would have a problem with you wanting to do something different. Last year, two of my son's friends asked for donations to their favorite charities instead of gifts, and this year my son did the same thing. He still got presents that he really liked from the family, and he knew that he didn't need a huge pile of stuff, most of it that he wouldn't use anyway. He loved his party, and it worked out. Good luck! P.S. One of his other friends said they were having a lego toy exchange instead of presents or party favors -- each child would bring a Lego toy and then they would have a swap.

I think I can tell you why some moms don't like the idea of bringing something different...they don't already have that in their closet!

I admit it! Regifting, or stocking up during a sale has become the usual rather than unusual at my house. When I need a gift, I open my closet and there are a number of brand new, beautiful gifts for different ages staring back at me just waiting to be wrapped.

If you ask me to bring animal supplies...I'd have to add shopping to my list of things to do.

This is not to say I disagree with your idea...I actually love it. But it may be why some people push back.

We just had a big kid birthday party for my daughter's second birthday. We chose an organization ahead of time and stated in small print on the invitation, instead of gifts please bring a new or gently used toy for the k.i.d.s organization. We put the wed address so that people could get more info about it. We left boxes for the gifts at the end of the driveway so people could just drop them in as they walked up! It went great and we recieved so many compiments on it. We ended up being able to donate to two differnt charities. It's never too early to teach our kids the gift of giving!

donations of canned goods for the food pantries, donations to the local zoo or any other worthwhile charity are some of the ideas we've used in the past. Now if we could just get rid of the idea that all the children need a party favor and go back to the days when it's was the birthday child's special day.

"Your presence is requested, not your presents" was what was printed at the bottom of a 1 year old birthday invitation that we recieved. I also just write "no gifts please" at the bottom of our invites. (Three boys, and we have way more toys than TOYS R US!)
Jen

Hi Tricia,

Your message was the highlight of the newsletter I received this morning, which is why I'm writing to you from all the way away in Connecticut. Ideas given previously concerning donations to food pantries and the like are great ideas. I didn't read through every message, so I don't know if you had this suggestion. We have a couple of children's hospitals in our area. At least one of them, perhaps both, has something called a "Peter Pan" birthday party. On the invitation you can indicate that all gifts will be donated to the local children's hospital for the kids there. You can work it out with the hospital itself--check out the website to see if it exists, and work with them. If they don't have a specific program, you can always just indicate on the invitation that you will be donating all gifts to the hospital, and then do exactly that.

Both of my children regularly need the services at our local hospital. We actually bring a toy to add to the box each visit rather than take the ones that are there. Serves two purposes--there are those who are less fortunate than we are, and it is a good thing to donate regularly to our local agencies. Everyone wins.

Hi Tricia-

For my daughter's 5th birthday, we let her have her first "class" party, where she invited her entire pre-K class as well as relatives and friends. The gifts were overwhelming. For her 6th birthday, she again gave me a long list of people to invite (from her after-school program) which was fine. I hadn't thought it through the year before, but everyone had been so generous, and it was overwhelming, plus it was right after Christmas, and her 3 1/2 year old brother had a really difficult time looking at all the presents and being told none were for him (even though my friend brought him something, too, this didn't satisfy him.)

Anyway, this year, I just handwrote a note on the bottom of the invite saying "No gifts, please." We still got some, but if parents asked, I explained that my daughter had enough toys, and just wanted to celebrate her birthday with her friends. Most of the parents had no problems, and she accepted it once we talked, and she understood she would still get SOME gifts, just not an enormous amount. Some parents brought handmade things, like cards or donated a book in her honor to heir school.

My son's 5th birthday is coming up, and I'm allowing him gifts for this one (since I did for his sister's 5th) but after that, if it's a class party, no gifts; if it's a few friends, I won't put that limitation on, so they know in the future they'll have a choice.

Good luck!

M.

Most people feel bad not giving a gift. You could donate them at a childrens hospital or a charity and teach your daughter the joy of giving . There are so many children out there that would love a new toy :)

My sister did this for one of her sons...
She raised money for a local church or you can do any organization you love. Simply ask that in lieu of a present for your daughter that a gift of money to xyz org would be greatly appreciated and that it's a "passion of my son/daughter" and we are teaching also a lesson in giving... My sister raised money for a home for young pregnant mom's. Or maybe your daughter loves animals you could raise money for a shelter. Best...D. Murrow

I know you have already received responses, but I wanted to go ahead and add mine. =)

I don't really understand why people get offended by asking for no gifts??? Like, really, I just don't get it all. Nor do I understand why some people think that opening an enormous pile of gifts should be part of the birthday experience. That is just showing our children how very materialistic the world can be.

I believe what you are doing is wonderful. For my son's second birthday party I added an insert to the invitation that said, "No Toys, please, but some other gift ideas are: (and then I listed what he needed.)

I love the idea of what you are doing because... why should less fortunate children only get to receive old and used toys? I believe having a brand new toy for THEM to open will be magnificent for them.

And animals in need are always so abundant, it's ridiculous! How extraordinary for those who choose to donate to them! My oldest would think that was the best present ever for him.

Anywho, I am just offering up my support, and when it all comes down to it, if anyone gets offended, then they probably aren't the kind of person you want influencing your child.

Best of Luck!

My son was recently invited to a party where the invite said "in lieu of gifts please bring a a new book to be donated to Children's Memorial Hospital". The mom told me the hospital sends her a nice thank you leter (she's done this before) and they talk as a family how important it is to do nice things for others.

As a guest, it was nice to do something in honor of the event without being told not to bring anything.

Hi Tricia, I was in the same boat for my youngest daughter turned one. With two older siblings, we have more toys than we can handle already. I love the idea of donating, but if you just want to politely ask people to leave the gifts behind, here's what I put on our little one's invite.." Please bring only yourselves as gifts. Time with our frineds and family is our greatest present." No one was offended and no one brought a toy which was GREAT!! Good luck and God Bless!

I like the idea of asking each guest to bring a donation gift - for the charity of your choosing... whether it be animal shelter, or less fortunate children.

Other than that though, I think simply stating 'no gifts please' is the only way to word this. I have received adult party invites that say 'no gifts' and I've never felt as though the other person was being rude.

I totally know what you mean about having too many gifts... my son's first birthday party, we had at the park district... it took two cars plus ours (our car also had all my kids in it), to bring it all home.

For this reason I am only doing the big party for their first, and their golden birthday. the rest will be small, immediate family only, and grandma/grandpa.

Gee, this one is a hard one to give advice on simply because it's just an automatic gesture to take a gift to a birthday party. You are, however, the one throwing the party and so it's really your peragotive to include a message stating your request for no gifts. An idea may be for the message on the invite to read something like..."no presents please, just your presence is appreciated" playing on words just a bit. If people show up w/gifts, then just accept them gracefully. After the party, just include your child in the selection of gifts that will be kept (if any)and those not needed to be set aside for a local non-profit organization that helps kids in need. Seems like more work than you may have time for, but it's a good learning experience for the children to learn about giving to those less who are less fortunate. Hope I was helpful!

Where family is concerned, I usually just let them know what the kids need or if I would rather them donate to thier college accounts...they usually go with the second option and buy them someething small to open.
As for friends, I have put on an invite that "no gifts are neccesary but if you must please don't spend more than $5." I am not beyond donating the unopened stuff to charity, saving it for xmas time to putin toys for tots or whatever you like. Really I doubt people are that offended by requesting no gifts!

Even when the invitation says "no gifts' - I still bring a balloon and a card because I think that it is a child's special day and needs to be recognized as such. Our kids birthday is in June. We are planning on having 6 kids plus our twins). It keeps the gifts to a minimum. After the party, we will choose about an equal amount of toys that aren't used that often to give to a charity. This way we get to recognize our children's special day and receive gifts and then have something to give away. I'd be more likely to do the "in lieu of" for my family than my friends kids, because my family knows my feelings more than other parents.

Let people bring her gifts and let her have fun opening them. Donate some of her old toys or perhaps some of the new ones to a childrens hospital. It will melt your heart to see these sick children receive presents. Or perhaps donate them to the poor???

I SO hear what you are saying, but being asked what to do or not do with regard to gift giving is SUCH a touchy subject.

The best thing I can suggest is to let people do what they want with regard to a gift and then for every gift received have your daughter pick out an "old" one that can be donated. If that seems too much for her, then maybe one old for every two (or three) new.

Just an idea?

T.

I am definitely the odd man out here. I would NEVER take away the joy of opening up birthday presents. This is a day for your child to be honored and acknowledged and showered with love. Remember back to sitting amongst a stack of presents with eager faces looking on?
I definitely love the charity idea...for the old toys and books. We go through the old toys to collect for that. We do not have the guests bring a charity gift. Children are to be the gift recipient on their special day. They can learn about giving to others less fortunate by sifting through their old toys.
It's plain fun to open presents. Give away the old ones. Don't deprive your child of one of the fleeting moments of childhood.

Im really shocked that parents dont let kids be kids any longer. Birthday parties have always been a child, gifts, and a cake. Our children dont always understand our "humanitarian" issues until they are older. Why not let your child have gifts for their party and teach them about donating on another day. Our children receive gifts, and throughout the year they give to charities. Our oldest son works at a local charity and is part of the O Ambassadors helping chidlren/countries on a weekly basis. You can teach your children about giving without taking away from their birthday.

At the bottom of the party invitation, I write "No gifts, just presence" or "Your presence is gift enough".

Michelle had a great idea! You might also ask family members if they want to pitch in for something your family can enjoy together, such as a zoo or museum membership. Or maybe a dance class or something else your daughter might enjoy. We are very big on gifts that can be enjoyed for a long time in my family. :)

I'm the grandmother of three adorable creatures-one just turned 6, one will be 2 this week, and one will be 3 in a few weeks. I'm also a pedaitric nurse at Stroger Hospital, and you have no idea how much donations of toys, books, and craft supplies are needed and appreciated. The concept of teaching children to give and trying to minimize storage problems for gifts is understandable. Is it possible, however, that your child may not want to part with ANY of the inevitable gifts? Also, some people(including my family!)will probably never cotton to the idea of an alternative gift or no gift.You also don't want your child to tell a therapist 20 years from now that her parents had no space and we never got gifts. I see you've received a lot of suggestions-just follow your heart.

I feel the same way you do, my girls have so much stuff and no room to store it. My eldest was about the same age as yours the last time I had a "big birthday party" (we just go for the family and close friends potluck cookout and pool party anymore, and the girls - at ages 8 & 9 - prefer it that way, quality time over quantity). On the invitations we wrote "your presence is requested, but presents are not required", and didnt get any flack. Of course, there were some that brought gifts anyway. Sometimes, these were the ones the girls treasered the most. Hope this helps :]

My son turned five in January and for his party we asked that people bring books to donate to kids who didn't have any. He has seen ads on Noggin for First Book and the last time I bought a book he told me we had too many books and that we should give books to kids who didn't have any - so little ones can -certainly- understand "humanitarian issues."

The other parents seemed to really like the idea, and many of them have adopted something similar for their children's parties. The kids have made cards for each other, and they've wrapped up the canned food or books or whatever is going to be donated and had fun giving it to the birthday boy/girl.

Good luck with this. I think you'll find people like pitching in together to do something kind a lot more than they enjoy finding some $5 throwaway gift.

At my daughter's first birthday party I asked guests to bring a book to donate to a local childcare center for underpriveleged women. We went together to donate the books. She is too little to remember, but I am hoping to make it a tradition as she gets older. You may want to ask your daughter to pick an organization she cares about and ask guests to bring something, "in lieu of gifts, we ask that you bring..." You can make it a tradition with your daughter and she will be happy to get fewer gifts if she has some choice in giving. Those who really wanted to give our daughter a gift still brought her one, but this way each guest didn't feel obligated to give her something to celebrate with us. Instead they didn't have to come empty handed and could feel good about the affordable donation.

Ok, I realize, my response is late and you're probably tired of reading, but has anyone just thought of simply NOT bombarding your child with so many toys throughout the year? My husband and I think of experiential-type gifts for our four sons. (go to the park, go to the rec center and play baskteball, walk around the mall and get an ice cream cone before leaving, read books aloud to each other,paly a board game, etc.) I think what we call "gifts" and treats" are mostly activities done together, so that holiday and birthday gifts become the only time that they actually receive tangible gifts so I don't feel compelled to limit them. We also don't have large parties. I'm a believer in the invitations equaling the number of years (thus, my 12 year old invited 11 people to his 11 year old party). Add my other sons and cousins and that is large enough!! Another way to cut down on waste is NOT to give a party every year. My boys take turns so we have one party per year, (well the 8 year old slipped an extra one in last year, by telling his basketball team they could come over for cake!! It ended up being quite a large event, but it was fun.
Good luck on your decision, but as a teacher, I can honestly say children talk and write more about experiences than things.
S.

I think you are so sweet to want to give to needy children in lieu of more presents for your daughter. More people should follow that lead!

My daughters both have all that they need. We chose to ask for donations to CHKD's Child Life Department last year and this year for donations to the SPCA for their parties instead of gifts. The parents and kids invited to the party think that my children are wonderful for doing this. It is great to see the look on my kids' faces when they proudly hand over donations to their choice of charity. The books are a great idea too. I think the experience of giving means more than any present they could receive.

I so agree and thought about the very same thing for my son's birthday coming up! However, my husband made a very good point and made me reconsider. He asked why not just take the presents and have the recipient (bday boy/girl) donate what they get or donate all the old ones to make room for the new ones or however you want to do it. But, why make a big "production" of it, by asking for no gifts or asking for some sort of donation to a charity, it seems more like a way to sort of be showy or kind of "look how wonderful of a person I am" type thing. Maybe it should be done privately since the lesson is really for the child. Again, I had the same thought so this is sooo not to be offensive, just something that got me thinking so...think we'll just donate most of the stuff that he receives from the party.

We also had lots of family gifts so extra party gifts from their friends seemed over the top. Wow, lots of great suggestions. When we had birthdays when my kids were small with their friends, we just stated your presence is our present on the invitation, and what ever gifts did come we donated to local charity, that way no one gets offended. Also we took a picture of the party goers and sent it along with our donation to the local church/charity we sent the donation to. And when they got older, the family started buying savings bonds. Now my kids are teenagers, and on their birthdays, and Christmas, they remember those less fortunate and donate a monetary gift to the charity of their choosing.
Have a great party!!