Boys

I am a mother of two boys 15 & 10 years old...
Advice I always received on this topic is to ignore them and walk away, once he sees that you are not paying attention to him anymore, he will eventually stop and realize that he is not going to get his way. I hope this helps

L. N

I have boys and girls. I have found that the temper tantrums have less to do with gender and more to do with age and tempermant. At this age it has more to do with them not being able to effectively communicate their needs. Add into that that they may not feel like the big people in their lives understand them. My favorite book (and there are MANY) is "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". It has been a lifesaver with my 2-yr-old DD.

L.,
I wish there was one pat answer. If you find it out, please let me know! What I found to be the most helpful when either of my boys threw temper tantrums AT THAT AGE was just to let them. They would throw themselves on the floor...and I would just stay calm and walk around them. Somehow it isn't as fun then. It seems to die out quickly. As far as in public....just be discerning about where you go and at what times (is it nap time? eating time? etc...)

my son is 15 months old. He has just started this...almost like "cool, look what I can do" then he kicks and screams.

At home...I ignore him. I ask him if he's done when he stops throwing the fit...and then get back to what we were doing before hand. If it's too out of hand (and no he hasn'd done anything too out of hand yet) I will put him in his room, on the floor...so that he won't hurt himself and then walk away. (I don't put him in his crib because I don't want him thinking his bed is a place of punishment)

Most kids throw fits because it get's a reaction from the parent/grandparent/adult. Also, at 15 months, they can't tell you...hey...my diaper is chaffing or I'm thirsty or can I have a banana. they get frustrated.

Oh...and in public...as long as he's not hurting someone...I stand there un reactive...until he stops. My oldest son used to do this when we went to the grocery. Throw himself RIGHT DOWN on the floor. I'd turn around and wait...never giving him the reaction he wanted. It stopped. (Now at church, I remove would remove him to another room and let him do his thing. Time and place...time and place)

I also repeat the mantra...when things get especially crazy...

This too shall pass. This too shall Pass. This too shall pass.

Smiles to you. Good luck.
Fun stage, huh?

My girls started doing them at around 12 months....I thought that was early, but both girls (14 months apart) did it....we have used two resources that have been great:

Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp---find the DVD to understand better.

Love and Logic---look online for Early Childhood information....great stuff.

Hi L., I'm H., a first time mom to identical twin boys who just turned 21 months old today. Both of my boys have recently started some of the "terrible two's" behavior including throwing little temper tantrums. It's usually over minor things like having a diaper changed or when I have to take something away that isn't safe for them. One of my boys gets so upset that he throws himself to the floor, kicks his arms and legs, and really gets emotional with crying and screaming. I generally just acknowledge his feelings by letting him know that I understand that he's upset and doesn't want his diaper changed (or whatever the scenario), let him have the tantrum, and once he's calmer, I may give him a distraction toy (not a new toy!) or tickle or hug him and we just move on with whatever is at hand. I don't ever yell at either of them for having a tantrum because I know that it's a normal stage of development and they sometimes become overwhelmed by intense feelings that they are just learning to express and cope with. I tried to imagine how they feel when they are having a tantrum and realized that I wouldn't want anyone telling me how to feel or to be punished for not knowing how to deal with these new strange emotions. This doesn't mean that I give in to what they want, I just try to be sensitive to and acknowledge their cute and not so cute little feelings!
I hope this helps! Take care, H.

Walk away and do not give into his tantrums. He's learned that if he does a tantrum that his parents will give into him. As long as he's in a safe area... let him have all the tantrums he wants. Check out Dr. Phil's website... www.drphil.com

Hey there, the first thing you have to remember is Patience! I have a two year old and he too has been having little fits, some times it really drives me crazy. I take alot of deep breaths and remind myself he is frustrated b/c he can not talk yet or speak his feelings. I have different ways of handeling different fits. If he is just fussing for no reason, I say to him "we dont need to fuss" and just let him know that's unacceptable behavior. If he is throwing a big fit b/c he is not getting his way,I ignore him until he stops, when he stops I say, "I know you were upset, I'm happy you are better now" and we continue doing what ever we were doing. If he has a fit b/c he is frustrated, say with a toy, I sit down with him and talk to him in a calm voice and help him. There reallly are different ways in dealing with different situations. The little ones are not perfect, so expect mistakes, I can't stress enough on patience and modeling behavior you want him to have. The watch everything we do and model us...talk calmly to him. I even at times put him in a time out so he would calm down. I would face him towards us, but put him in a time out spot facing us. I would say, you need to calm down so lets sit here for a min. and then when he sat for a min. I would say "are you ready for a hug" and he would run to me for a hug.

You really have to be consistent on dealing with the fits, b/c it's completely normal and just realize they want to express themselves and this is how they do it at this age. We have to teach them patience and all that "grown up stuff" and that takes a lifetime to learn.

Best of luck to you

Read "Love & Logic" for some great ways to talk to your grandchild to encourage him to be a thinker and know natural consequences for his actions.

www.loveandlogic.com

I have a friend who has a three year old granddaughter that is going through the same think. I am interested in all that everyone has to say.

Well my little girl (also 15 months old) does the same thing. She transitions at the drop of a hat between being very pleasant and content to suddenly turning into a little monster :) . She screams at the top of her lungs like she's just been set on fire, and she'll deliberately head-butt people or things, even a tile floor! At first I would jump up and run to her every time she threw a tantrum, because I honestly couldn't tell the difference between her 'tantrum' cry and her 'hurt' cry. Now that I can tell the difference a little better, and I can confirm that she's not actually hurting herself or others (i.e. she's just screaming, but not headbutting), I completely and totally ignore it. Obviously, whether or not I ignore also depends on the reason behind her crying. For instance, if she's crying because she needs comfort, then I will pick her up. However, if she throws herself down on the ground screaming because the toy shopping cart she was pushing ran into an obstacle, then I ignore it :) . Sure enough, after a second or two, she'll figure out just to move it and keep going. If I see that she's banging her head on the tile floor, or if she tries to headbutt ME (if she throws a tantrum while I'm holding her...I've gotten quite a few nasty whacks right on my nose...ouch!!), I strongly say "No headbutting" and either put her down (if I'm holding her) or move her to a carpeted area (if she's banging her head on the floor). She usually starts screaming because she HATES the word 'no', but I ignore it.

I have really noticed a positive change in her behavior. Not that she doesn't still throw tantrums, but she definitely headbutts less, and her screaming fits are MUCH shorter. She's much more willing to be distracted by a toy or activity, and she's getting better at taking the time to resolve minor problems. Anyway I hope this tantrum phase passes soon!

I just heard soemthing on the news yesterday that sounds like it might just work. The man was saying when you child or grandchild is throwing a fit to just walk away and ignore them. When you walk away and do not give them that attention that they are wanting they will eventually stop. I think this sounds like a wonderful approach and just might work. Hope this helps.

Hi L.,

I recommend "Parenting with Love and Logic". It uses very little or no corporal punishment, and is based on the child learning self control. I have a very type A personality in my third child, a boy, who is now 11 years old, and very successfully used this with him. Whatever you do... be consistent and never go back on what you say. IF you think you're going to give in then DONT say no! You just teach them that you don't mean it and the next time the fight is tougher.

Many blessings!!

My 3 year old son still throws tantrums sometimes. I just tell him that he can have a tantrum if he wants, but he needs to do it in his bedroom where it won't bother anyone. And I just ignore him. By now, he comes out afterward and tells me he's sorry. Sometimes, if he's been particulary full of tantrums, then I'll get down and "have a tantrum" with him. Not very often, but when I do, he quits screaming and then tells me to stop. Then we can talk about how silly we look when we have a tantrum and how the noise can be loud and scary to other people. He usually doesn't have tantrums for a while after that.

My 11 month old just started having tantrums too. If it's not too bad, I'll try and calm her down and figure out what's wrong. Sometimes, she's just out of control, so I just let her down and she has her tantrum on the floor and we ignore her. She'll usually calm down and start playing after a few minutes when she's either forgotten what was bothering her, or decided it wasn't working. I'm not sure which. It was about the same for my son when he started, although he started later and could use a few words when he did.

James Dobsons, Dare to Discipline...
I second the advise of using the books called Baby Wise to get you through this...
One other excellent book that I am looking into is called Strong Willed Child...
I also agree that Bringing Up Boys is a must read for anyone with boys...

I just have to say...Boys are different creatures altogether than girls. My twin boys are almost 6 (June 3) and my daughtr is 13. I felt like a totaaly new parent when my boys came along because it was so different than raising my daughter. Always remember that boys will be boys. They are messier, stinkier, grosser, and sweeter than any little girl. They are more aggresive by nature and therefor you have to handle them differently. Sometimes, just getting them to cooperate is hard. Time outs are hard to enforce at 15 months, but maybe just holding him until he calms down could be an option, maybe putting him in his room for a few minutes could also help as long as he understands he can't come out until he calms down (also hard at 15 mnths). giving in to his tantrums to quiet him down is not an option, you set a precedence for future stand offs. haha that you will loose. good luck and enjoy this little boy.

I have two little boys myself and I would first try to avoid something that triggers a tantrum. Make sure he isn't hungry, overly tired, etc. Sometimes a tantrum can't be avoided and you just have to ignore them and let them know it will not get them any attention what so ever nor will it get them what they want. You must be consistent. When he calms down a bit try to distract him with something else and pretend like the tantrum never happened. He is yoo young to reason with. Also, he will grow out of this as soon as he has more self control. Lastly, be a good role model. Kids learn from the people around them. If dad or mom or grandparents throw a fit when traffic is baked up or when they are having a bad day your child is watching how you handle it. Good luck and congratulations!

My son is 16 months and has been throwing fits since about 12 months. At first we ignored them so that he wouldn't get use to getting his way- but that didn't work. The fits got worse and he would literally band his head on the floor trying to throw himself to the ground- and then would cry and scream even louder b/c it hurt. We recently started time outs when he starts to throw a fit- it is working really well. He has a small chair that I sit him in and I turn slightly away (so he can't tell that I am still watching him). I say " We dont' throw fits." And sometimes he stops immediately, if he doesn't I say "That's a time out" and we go to the chair.

I highly recommend the book and dvd -- Happiest Toddler on the Block. It really gives you an insight and some good techniques for dealing with this.

I too would just ignore my daughter when she started with the tantrums. I didn't care where we were, most often it was target:-}, but I would turn around and wait until she started to wind down. Then would ask if she was done and return to what we had been doing. Most people who have kids or have had them totally understand and really don't give you any grief..mostly looks of understanding. If we were at home I would put her in her room and close the door. Good luck!!

my wonderful little 17 month old boy had done the same thing, just turn around, dont look at him. dont give in to what he wants. If it is something he wants to play with, that he cant have, sternly take it away and say this is not your toy and give him something that is. Then walk away. He does this because he gets a reaction from throwing a fit. It takes some time, but stick with it and it will eventually work. Good luck!

For boys, I would suggest reading: Bringing up Boys by James Dobson (used ones on Amazon for about $10)

My oldest daughter went into the "terrible twos" at 16 months and came out at 5 years old! Talk about strong willed child! I found that giving her choices always helps: do you want to wear the pink one or the red one? etc.That way she felt like she was in controll but I had given her bounaries of what is acceptable. Do not be afraid of setting boundaries even though you are the grandma. Setting boundaries shows they are loved and cared for. :)

Hi L.,
All I can say is... Hahahaaaa... welcome to my world! I have 3.5 and 2-year-old boys and they are sensitive, rambunctious, irritable and absolutely FUN! I would ignore the tantrums like the other Moms said… I usually tell my boys the following:

You can go and spend some time in your room, when you talk the way toy are talking to me (whining, crying, silly) I just can’t understand you! When you are ready to communicate like the big boy that you are, please come out of you room so that we can chat :-)

Good Luck!
E.

I have 3 boys, aged 13, 11 1/2, and 8. At home, I would pick them up and put them on their bed and tell them they could come off the bed when they were done. They have every right to be mad etc. but I don't want to hear it and neither did anyone else. When they were done then they can come out of their room. I never tolerated tantrums in the store. Basically, because it interrupts other people and is miserable for them and I believe the learning should be done at home until the child can cope with being in public. I hate going to a restaraunt and having my time ruined by screaming kids. It is just rude and inconsiderate to the other people.
When and if the time out didn't work, then I swatted their butts and put them back on their bed. For as many times as it took to get the correct behaviour.
I am basically a drill sergeant even now. My children all learned at an early age that tantrums didn't work and that I meant NO the FIRST time I said it. To this day I have very little problems with discipline. My children are happy and healthy with wonderful spirits and good senses of humor. Respect my decisions and requests. They have good manners and are a joy to be around. They are respectful to adults and helpful. They are very trustworthy. Do they get in trouble, well yeah, but they know I am fair and will help them with anything and that they can tell me honestly what they have done so we can work on it or fix it.
I believe all these things are a direct result because they had good boundaries and a strong sense of sercurity.
I will tell you that I read "To Train Up a Child" by Mike and Debi Pearle and their companion books, "No Greater Joy" Vol I,II,III. I don't advocate everything they do, but do find that they are right about the corporal punishment and several other topics. I used what fit in for us and discarded the rest that we didn't like. Their methods can seem harsh, but I promise they work.
I think their ideas are a success and work well.
I am re-reading them again for me to get in the right frame of mind to deal with a little attitude from my 8yr old. He doesn't know what he is in for.
Good luck,
L.

I have twin girls, age 4, and now twin boys, age 21 months, and I know exactly what you mean. I often think, "Where did they learn this?" It's instinctive. I have temper tantrums and head butting (each other) and this week's favorite is pulling their brother's hair (and mine when I put them in time out). My favorite is the temper tantrum while I am trying to change their diaper; they just don't have time for that, so they kick and scream (and they kick hard!). Like the other moms, we do time-outs. Stay calm, put them in time out; one minute for each year, and ignore them. Eventually they get tired of time out and it gets no response from you so it's not fun. Good luck!

First, how lucky that your grandson has someone that cares so much to take care of him. I wish you the best of luck!
My son will be 2 next week and we have gone through this. I just paused with him and got down on my knees to talk to him at eye level and talk to him about what he was feeling? 'Are you mad?' Show mommy what you need? Mommy will help you' ('I help you' is by the way one of the things my little boy says all the time now--too cute). Lots of times kids are frustrated at this age and they are trying to do things that they are coordinated enough for and it is very frustrating for them. Be understanding and patient and think what it would be like for your mind to know what it wants to do but your body can't make that happen (kind of like me with some exercise! ha!)
The other thing is to redirect him or use humor with him. Humor, patience, understanding and redirection are the keys. Our son now rarely throws tantrums and most of the time really wants to help and is very loving. When he does act out and tries to hit, I grab his hands, get on his level, look right in his eyes and tell him 'we don't hit, that hurts mommy. Mommy is your friend and you should act nice'. Last night after I told him this, he says 'sorry mamma, mamma nice' and hugs me. Maybe it's working!! : ) Good luck!

After 3 kids....I think Parenting with Love and Logic is a must read!

Hi L.,
I have 3 precious girls but I totally recommend for you and your daughter to read the book "Baby Wise" I and II. He gives great advice how to get them to sleep through the night but also decipline and temper tantrums. I hope this helps. His books are a quick read and very enjoyable. Even though you little one is 15mo old, I suggest you read On Becoming Baby Wise (brith -15mo) first to know the basis of his techniques then read Baby Wise II (for 15mo-3yr....I think)
Good luck and God bless you and your family. K.