Breast Feeding - Eagle River,AK

Wow, you opened a can of worms! ;p
I agree that when someone posts a question they should receive direct answers. I know that is what I'm looking for when I ask a question. I like the little antidotes and short stories that come with some of the answers, but detest being told that my way is wrong. If I want an opinion then that is what I will ask for. Sorry if I seem blunt or rude but that is my opinion. :)

I was just having that exact same conversation the other night with my husband!! I don't get it. Parenting is probably the hardest job on the planet, has the biggest consequences, and the least instructions. So why when we're all in the same boat, do we just get judgments for asking a question/seeking advice rather than just answers, advice and support?
I LOVE the fact that you posted this!!
Thank You!!

Get ready for a bunch of soap box ranting!
I get what you are saying and I believe it is no ones place to tell you weather to breast feed or for how long. It is simply none of any ones business! Often on this advise page people give their opinions instead of helpful advise. I personally had to wean my daughter at 5 months so I could under go radiation treatment. Not what I would have chosen but I am glad I didn't ask for help here because people would have just given me a hard time. Spouting opinions at the other woman who wanted help with weaning did nothing to help her with her issue. Try to help people without judging.

I think that you have posed a very good and pertinent question. My baby is 10 weeks and I am thankful for her everyday, but she is on formula. I had done all of the research and read all of the "stuff" that says babies need to be breastfed, so we were adamant in the hospital about her not getting any supplements. By the third day she had lost 12 oz and her biliruben went from lets watch and see to critical in about 4 hours all because she wasn't getting enough to eat from me. No one said anything about all the reasons why a new mom's milk may not come in. Instead I had to listen to my newborn scream in the hospital round the clock because she was hungry and I had no idea because the lactation ladies said her latch was great. It took over a month for my husband and my mom to convince me that I wasn't a failure as a mom because I couldn't feed my baby. I tried everything we could think of including the wonderful lactation ladies at the hospital, pumping like crazy, medication from the doctor,and even acupuncture and disgusting Chinese herbs as what little milk I had dried up no matter what I did.
I think that we owe it to each other to be supportive and nonjudgmental, because we don't know the whole story. I also think that there needs to be more acceptance for those moms that don't breastfeed for whatever reason. No mom should have to feel like I did because I couldn't feed my baby. We as women are better than that!! Let's try to be the best we can to each other.

I am not one to tell other moms that they are wrong in their choice to breastfeed or not, but I do understand why others do. And I have to admit that I inwardly do judge some moms that decide not to even try it or that quit too easily. I would never express this judgment to them, because it is not my place or my business.

Here is the reason why. We all agree, and there is no argument about the fact that breast milk is what is best for a baby and that formula is second best. Breastfeeding is a sacrifice on the mom's part...time, body, etc. All of parenting is a series of sacrifices. When we make that sacrifice, but see another mom refusing to make the same sacrifice, we tend to judge her because it doesn't feel fair. We think that every mom should give of herself everything she can to make sure that her child gets what is best for them. Usually, the person judging either does not listen to the circumstances, or doesn't understand them. Usually, we just think "great for you... your baby gets to sacrifice what is best for her so YOU can be happier". It is the same feeling we get when we run out to the store at midnight and see a mom toting her child around the store...we judge her for being so selfish. In reality, she may well be a single mom, or her baby took a super late nap.

The only ones that reserve judgment are the ones that didn't make the sacrifice because to judge her would be to judge yourself. Plus, you can't understand until you have been through the troubles.

There are many cases in parenting where the choices are a matter of opinion or there is no right or wrong. But, on the issues where experts have been perfectly clear, we believe all moms should conform. I also secretly judge all those moms that put their baby to sleep on their tummies because they sleep longer, and the moms that leave their baby's car seat too loose because they don't want the baby to be uncomfortable, and the moms that let their little ones roam free through the vehicle on long trips. We just don't see that there are any exceptions to what we have been told is BEST.

Hope this helps you understand their point of view. I really believe that the judging is done by most moms. Most of us though, are polite enough to keep our judgments to ourselves.

We tend to judge others through the lens of our own lives and our own situations. We feel that our own decision is the best one. That's why we chose to go in thhat direction.

However, those who feel like slamming someone for their decision need to take a step back and realize that this mom has probably spent plenty of time and thought making the decision that is best for her situation. Most of us know what is best theoretically, but decisions are made in the real world and include a variety of factors. So it is not fair to judge someone harshly for a decision when you don't know all the factors she had to consider.

Wonderful post! What you are saying is soo true. I am the mother of a 8 month old son who is trying to wean to a bottle or cup with no success with formula! (My son refuses any) I have recieved much criticism from people. Comments like Why don't you just continue to beastfeed? and it doesn't make sense to wean him now, You are going to mess him up. I made the choice to exclusively breastfeed and now my son is becoming more active and it is not working well for our family anymore. He is hard to nurse when distracted or in public, etc. I love you post about how we should all support and not criticize! Moms are moms and are awesome!! Regardless of certain child raising choice differences.

I think it is a personal choice but personally think it is wierd when you get to the point the kid walks up and says let me eat. I did breastfeed but only for about two months because I went back to work at six weeks and didn't want to pump, my kids are just fine and are both the top in their class so to say a formula fed baby is dumber then a breastfed baby is ludicrous. Some people never intended to breastfeed but wanted the benefit so they hired a wet nurse. In countries overseas who don't have the money we have they still do that and it is making a comeback here in the USA I guess.
As for people being strongly opinionated, you are dealing with people and their beliefs. Think of something you feel stongly about, how does your voice sound when you talk about it? It probably comes across as harsh or stern or something. It is really hard to get someone to do something a different way especially if their way has worked just fine for them.
When most people post on this website they are not thinking of how their question comes across, they are in the scenario and know all of the pieces to the puzzle so when the post seems vague to an outsider it isn't to them. A lot of requests are incomplete because of that. I remember responding to one mom about her child being hurt and it seemed to me like she hadn't sought medical attention for a few days and was asking what to so and I got on her about not going to the doctor in the first place and she sent me personal message saying that she had seen a doctor but an infection had set in after that, anyway she hadn't said that she had went to the doctor in the first place and was upset at me for thinking that she was a terrible mother and wouldn't take care of her kid medically. Don't get mad at me for omitting a key fact in the story.
People are expressing their beliefs here and it is going to be heated like talking about religion or politics.

I am from the camp of pro-breastfeeding and feel a mom should BF for a minimum of 6 months and preferrably for 2 years as the WHO recommends, but I also strongly support a mother and child's health and needs. A woman who is struggling and stressed over low milk supply and tried everything she can should not feel guilty and should not suffer by continuing to attempt to do something that is causing her extreme stress (which actually reduces milk supply). A child that is not thriving (very rare but does happen) may simply need formula or supplementation. And of course, women who work out of the home have a big struggle with being able to let down to a pump long-term. I personally struggle letting down to a pump even after just a couple months of a baby being born, so I cannot imagine how some of these women manage to do it for 2 years! I have high regards and respect for such dedicated women!

I work at home and BF and pump when I can. So for me, the healthy choice is the easiest choice. But, I do believe we each will hit a point in time where it's time to wean and it needs to be what's right for that family. I do feel sorry for women reaching out and asking for help because they need to make the change and need support and instead get attacked.

I will clarify my opinion and standpoint and then offer support, so if my advice comes across slanted, they understand I am not intending for it to be so and I am trying to be honest and up front so they can take it with a grain of salt. But honestly, a mother's mental health is far more important than extended BF. If she is emotionally strained and stressed and feeling like she is getting depressed or overwhelmed, then it's in the best interest of the family for her to wean rather than forcing the relationship to continue the same path. That kind of stress and emotion can interfere with bonding, safe parenting and emotonal stability for either mother or child. I wish people would try to see where a parent is coming from prior to passing their judgement or pushing them to follow their own personal path.

I think BF is just like religion or politics. It is highly personal and people get worked up and vocal about their beliefs and actually forget what the situation or question initially stemmed from and just jump on their soap box. As a mother posts a question or asks for support, they should realize that they will get responses and advice they do not need or want to hear and disregard it.

I also agree that "Breast is the best" and that if it is possible to breastfeed for a year that is best for your childs health. However we, as mothers and women, have a moral obligation to help other women with their children and to not judge, it truly takes a village. I was really lucky that I had my husband, two lactating sil's, a lactating best friend, a mil who nursed 6 kids, and my mom who nused 2. Without them I would not have been successful. The nurses gave me shields when my daughter was 3 hours old. I had an emergency C-section and was swollen.
My cousins wife just had a baby 4 weeks ago and the nurses did not check the babies latch and she ended up with bleeding nipples! Her family is in california and my cousin left to go back to Iraq (he is in the army) at 3 days old. I had tried to get off work but could not. She tried for 3 weeks and ended up with mastitis, bleeding nipples, crying all day in fear that she was failing, and a baby that was getting stressed. She cryed everytime she even thought about the baby needing to eat. I am sorry but the "best" thing for this baby was a healthy mom! Would telling her that if she did not nurse her child would be dumb help? NO!! Get real!
I will give her all the support she needs to help her stop milk production, she was also trying to pump, and be able to be the best mom she can.
We women need to stop the judging eachother and start supporting! No one is a perfect mom and telling someone else, because it is a moral obligation, that she is a failure is just wrong. How would you feel if the reason she had to wean was due to her needing to get chemo treatments? Is it still a moral obligation? Is this baby better on formula or without a mother? Just a thought.

J.,
First of all I want to thank you for this post!! I myself had posted some things looking for advice and got slammed by a few people. I am sure some posts trigger a strong urge to put their point of view, but we are here for advice and to help not make the other mother feel horrible.
The breast feeding issue you point out is a hard subject. Me personally bottle fed my first 3 children and breastfed my last. When she showed no interest in the breast, I stopped (about 9 months old). This is a very personal decision moms make and I think its horrible to "push" an already freaked out mom. I would also like to point out that not all women are phisically able to breast feed (as I was for my first 2, and I tried).
Again thanks for posting this!!

Thank you J. C for your post. As someone who was only able to BF a few months for each child I had (low milk supply both times), I felt like a failure because of the overwhelming comments that "BF'ing is best and if you don't you wont have healthy children" idea. My kids are healthier than I am most times and there is nothing wrong with the way they have grown. But, that time of my life was hard due to all the angst over not being able to BF for very long. I never posted any questions regarding that subject because I didn't want any responders to make me feel worse about my inability.

For the most part, I think that the good intentions are there but the opinion comes off too strong. This is a site for support. I appreciate the great advice that I have read on subjects I had questions on that others voiced. I just have to remember that everyone has strong personal opinions but I do not have to share them. For a new mommy, that is especially hard and can get confusing.

L.

I agree completely. I think perhaps most people want their parenting choices to be validated. As a mother of 3 very different children my views have changed, and I have become more tolerant of other parenting views. What worked with my sons didn't work with my daughter. I have also made several friends that were unable to breastfeed, or breastfeed exclusively, and realized how it is a very personal decision. I don't understand why some moms choose not to breastfeed at all, but it's not my place to tell them what I think is right and wrong.

I nursed all 3 kids for about one year, and I think that is best, but it doesn't bother me if someone else chooses not to do that. It was hard for me to wean my youngest, so she was almost 15 months when I stopped nursing her.

Ezch child is different, each family situation is different, each mother is different.

OK I'm just rambling now.

Thanks for bringing this up. I find myself wondering about other people's intentions everytime I read some rude, condescending rant on Mamasource. Breastfeeding is only one of the many topics that get judgemental moms all fired up. I've seen some pretty harsh responses to questions about vaccinations, homeschooling, sleep training, starting babies on solids, working vs. staying home, natural remedies vs. Western medicine...you name it, if there are differences in opinions, someones going to get all righteous that their opinion is best based on all the "factual" information they have gathered. But breastfeeding is one of the only topics I can think of where there actually is proven factual information about it's benefits. On the other hand, how long you choose to breastfeed is much more circumstantial, and therefore up for debate. Personally, I like to use this forum for support and positive advice. If I have nothing nice to say, I'd rather say nothing at all. There will always be different opinions and plenty of debatable topics, but I really wish more people could present their opinions tactfully and offer only respectful advice with good intentions.

I think it is counter-productive (and hurtful) to judge another mom based on her feeding choices. There is, however, a lot (and I mean A LOT) of misinformation floating around about breastfeeding (coming from the general public and also from Pediatricians and other doctors) so a mom who says "Why do you want to stop breastfeeding? You could continue because x, y, or z" may come across as judgmental, but may just be trying to make sure that the weaning mom is well-informed about her options.

It can be hard to get good support with breastfeeding. I've know moms who really wanted to breastfeed, who ended up supplementing. Two of them, however, were able to go back to exclusive breastfeeding after see the *right* Lactation Consultant.

I knew a mom who got a breast-infection (mastitis) while nursing her son 3 years ago and she was told by the Pediatrician that she should stop breastfeeding immediately. Thankfully she got a second opinion, because the advice she got was not up-to-date (it was never a good practice, but now even the "experts" know that).

And I've heard moms say that their Pediatrician told them that breastmilk has "no nutritional value" after the child is 1-year-old, which is just flat out false. And not only does breastmilk have nutritional value it also still boosts the immune system since it contains even *more* lysozyme (which kills bacteria) at 18 months than it did when the child was 6 months old.

So, while women should be encouraged to make their own choices regarding their child's food, and formula-fed babies are for the most part going to grow up just as well as breastfed children, women should be making these choices based on ALL the information. Many times we only have a part of the picture and we can't make a truly informed choice if we don't have all the information.

Good question. Some people have to elevate themselves by being self-righteous and judgemental toward others. It's sad but true.

I love your observation! I think you are correct, its very much other people's insecurities coming out. It makes me sad to think some mom out there asked for advice and instead was judged. All mom's are doing the best we can and we all have our strong areas. I think its so wonderful you called attention to it. I hope other mom's take your oberservation to heart and give each other the support we need, not judgement.

Thanks J. C. I am assuming this is in response to my weaning post. I specifically did not inclose the reason why I was breast feeding because is nobodies business but my own. I wish people would be little more comprehensive when reading a post before they respond to it. My post was "please help with weaning" not should I or shouldn't I weaning. So really only the people who wanted to help with weaning should have responded! I wasn't suprised at the reactions because I am aware that breastfeeding is a sensitive topic. I formula feed my first child so I am very proud to have BF this one. By the way my son who was formula fed is the smartest in his class.

I have pretty mixed feelings on this subject. As a mom who had serious nursing problems, worked at it for 7 weeks, meanwhile my child was failing to thrive, and then exclusively pumped to get breastmilk into my child, I would say that I am a strong advocate of human milk for human babies. I also experienced mastitis, cracked nipples, blisters on my nipples, and prolapsed milk ducts, so I would say that I have an understanding of the fact that it can be anything but enjoyable or easy for some of us.

I do think that there are times when it is in the child's best interest to wean, and I am glad that the quality of infant formula is significantly higher than it used to be.

All this being said, I think every woman has the right to make an INFORMED decision for her family. When a mother chooses to wean before age 2, I'm not not going to be rude about it, but I do think that she should make this decision knowing that the american academy of pediactrics is recommending breast milk until age two, that the average age for weaning world wide is 3 years old, and that contrary to what american pop culture advocates, breasts are not for male gradification, but to nourish children. If a woman understands the decision she is making, then I respect her right to choose what is best for her child. I don't know her well enough to understand all the factors and quite frankly, it is none of my buisness.

I will get fired up by women who choose to never attempt breastfeeding while pregnant for non-medical reasons. I also think that formula should be prescription only as it is in many other countries. I think many americans are quick to throw in the towl on breast feeding because formula feeding is overly available and the general public is under-educated about the magnitude of this choice. If formula had to be attained through MDs, then people might start viewing it as the solution for extreme cases rather than the starting point.

So after all that rambling, my answer to your question is this - Every woman has the right to choose, and every child deserves a mother who is making an informed decision with the child's best interest at heart. When this mother chooses to ask the opinions of others, she must understand that not everyone will agree with her. Further, I don't think many mothers offer advice on the length of breast feeding because they need an ego boost. Personally, I would never wish my breastfeeding saga on anyone. But I do think that not all loving advice is easy to hear. We all need tough love at certain points in our life. Just because it is not warm and fuzzy, doesn't mean that it is mean-spirited or intended to harm.

Hi J...
I could not agree with you more.

The amount of information from EVERYONE. seems very overwhelming.

My personal belief is..

Some PEOPLE are very OPINIATED.

you have the left and the right.
no this
no that..
no dairy .
no sugar'
better ber right on time for bedtime

you name it.. someone.. everyone has there on "switch"
which really drives there whole Rules for Childhood.

Every Mom has there one thing which really makes their whole thing "tick" or else.

breastfeeding.. or not Whole wheat or not.. the best formula or not... oh my no candy ever!!!!

I would say 75% of the time most people are not so aggressive about all of these things.

Saying so.. since I really am more of the wishy washy I suppose.. I BELIEVE. and try to remember ....

1. Those that are convicted to their lifestyle .. believe it and only want the best for you and they do not know any other way to BLESSS YOU.

2. Someone convicted in their ways will not understand that you DO NOT UNDERSTAND their ways.

3. There is nothing you can do to change how they THINK.
however,.. you are your own person and you have control of who YOU are at this moment and YOU are different ..because your son/daughter is DIFFERENT. no matter what the whomever so-and-so said so.. and that's it.

so.
YOU ARE DIFFERENT. YOUR Friend's CHILD IS DIFFERENT.. AND HOW YOU FEEL IS DIFFERNT --soo and so who ever told you that you/she was not feeling properly ... may not be in the best position to tell.

sorry for the hard line.
-marg.

p.s.. if this was really for your friend.. help her out already wouldn'ya.
She really needs a meal and someone to cry! a little bit =o kay a lot... too soo please just let her nussle to you like the baby nussles to her.. SHE reallly !! needs it.. ok and her fav. whatever.

That is a really good question. I was once in a food store line with my baby in her car seat on the shopping cart, minding my own business. The ladies in front of me where having a discussion that I wasn't paying much attention to, when the lady in line, whipped around, looked right at me and asked me if I was breastfeeding my child. WHAT? I was shocked. I am a total advocate for breastfeeding, I think it is wonderful if you can do it. However, how a family decides (cause dads should be involved too) is their own business. But for some reason it really is a loaded gun discussion.

Positively,
M.

Awesome question/post!
I have pondered this after an extremely pro-BF friend of mine practically "broke up" with me because she did not perceive that I put forth enough effort to BF my firstborn. I had a breast reduction when I was 20, and was warned that my ability to make milk was going to be challenged, and the surgeon who performed the reduction also informed me that for someone with such large breasts, I had so few glands that production would probably be an issue for me regardless. (my mom, her mom, my aunts, etc. were all LOW producers--my mom was raised on goat's milk in Mexico, my grandmother was wet nursed by her father's sister!!) Anyways, back to my friend...

I met with LLL consultants, the lactation nurses at the hospital, volunteers, rented a hospital grade pump, took fenugreek, pumped 100 minutes+ per day, drank quarts of water, ate well, etc. EVERYTHING I could to increase production. After 6 weeks, I had a miserable baby (who figured out where the milk was coming from on the SNS tube), I was depressed, and my husband practically thought having a child was a huge mistake. My friend kept telling me that she just KNEW I could do it, she called me daily--or more than once a day, brought me books, sent me links to videos to watch online, and kept reminding me that BF was the BEST way to raise my baby. She knew how hard it was, she exclusively BF her 3 kids because formula is poison, blah, blah, blah... Talk about me feeling like a miserable failure! My husband finally had to start fielding the calls and tell her that I was trying my hardest and "thank you" for your concerns.

When I finally decided enough was enough, and went to formula exclusively-- what a change for our family! We slept, we smiled, we enjoyed each other! My friend expressed her disappointment with me for not "sticking it out" or at least continuing pumping.

I tried so hard to understand why she wanted me to continue torturing myself. I think it came from how hard it was for her, yet she was able to do it; and for me to "throw in the towel" was like taking the easy way out. I also think perhaps to some degree she was "jealous" (for lack of a better word), that I wasn't going to be continuing with the physically demanding sacrifice that breastfeeding IS. It is nice to not worry about what I'm going to eat, to take any med I may need if I get sick, if that glass of wine or pint of beer means I need to pump-n-dump, that my husband can help with night feedings, etc.... But that's not the reason I stopped. Although, I have friends who have told me how liberated being able to give formula once in a while makes them feel.

Personally, I have heard from some friends/relatives/professionals in the field and they aren't all "breast is best" folks. Being a formula kid myself, and now having two extremely healthy, bright, active, delightful daughters... I feel kind of sad that I let myself feel so terrible! Another friend of mine who is a LLL volunteer said the "dirty little secret" of a lot of pro-BF women is that they do supplement with formula. She told me that one of the lactation nurses at the hospital she visited frequently was so nasty to women who knew they wouldn't be BFing, and when she had a baby and realized how extremely challenging it was to BF and work full-time, she pretended to pump at work but was actually formula feeding her child exclusively.

I think the worst story I heard was of breast cancer survivor who had a double mastectomy that was in the formula aisle of her grocery store and was berated by a woman for not nursing her child (this woman had been through hell and back in order to use her own eggs to have a baby after her cancer treatment)... Horrible. We don't know each other's circumstances and to automatically assume that our own values are what's best for everyone else is immature.

...Oh, and by the way, I teach 13 year olds and cannot tell you who was BF and who was formula fed, so any statistic that says formula fed kids are "less intelligent" or "less healthy" is showing a tiny, tiny, difference statistically speaking! And what about women who BF exclusively, and then let their children eat junk/processed/fast food, where are all the judgmental folks there?

I agree if you ask for advise you will recieve good and bad, but seriously, you are not harming a child in any way shape, or form by feeding it a bottle! As long as you are feeding the baby and it is loved and nurtured who's business is it. And yes I did both. I know I didn't love breastfeeding, but then again who loves cracked nipples and clogged ducts and mastitis, with your first child? However, I usually do agree that there is no harm in trying. And I have tried to do it as long as I can with all of mine, BUT it is wrong to judge someone for doing either. And to point out there are a lot of people out there who do not think breastfeeding is appropriate unless you lock yourself in another room and throw a comforter over your head. So I do agree it is a personal opinion and there are reasons why people do not chose one or the other and we should never judge anyone for anything, especially for something so trivial as this. And yes it is trivial, there are some far more serious and pressing matters in the world today than if the women down the street is breastfeeding in public, or whether she is buying formula and using bottles. We are all mothers and we all want what is best for us and our baby and sometimes that is a bottle and sometimes that is a breast.

J. - I have come to a point in my "mamasourcing" where I just answer a question if it is applicable to my situation. It really makes me mad when I read a request from someone asking about attatchment parenting (for example or any OTHER topic that seems to get everyone riled up) and all of the sudden all these mother's get on about how unhealthy or whatnot it is! SHE DIDN"T ASK FOR YOUR OPINION, SHE ASKED FOR OTHERS IN THE SAME BOAT. I see it happen a lot. If I am not in the same boat, I don't answer. It doesn't mean I think I am right, or better...it just means that I can't give the advice she is looking for.

I have 2 boys, now 15 and 12. My first was a puker, for the first 3 months of his life he puked, all day, everyday. He was also always hungry because he puked up nearly everything he took in. I breast fed him for 3 months before switching to formula. We put him on a Soy Based formula at 3 months and the puking stopped. He was suddenly a much happier baby!
My second son (a great eater!) was breast fed for 18 months. That's just how it worked out. He has had no digestive issues, ever.
What's right for one mom and child, might not be right for another child or another mom. I support mothers in their choices. At least we have them!

I agree with you. I wish I could have breastfed for a year-but not everyone likes the idea!! Neither one of my children were getting enough and weren't gaining weight. I tried lactation clinics, doulahs, supplemental feeders, worked on positioning and latch, pumping, etc. I finally with my second one took medication to increase my milk production because I wanted to breast feed so badly. It worked but I still had to supplement.

Ladies, please be respectful of women who don't want to continue. In my case, I couldn't and felt several times while out with my baby and a bottle felt I was getting judged.

Thank you for this response! There are as many ways to parent as there are children. I am a mom and a teacher and I live/see this daily. Thank you for reminding everyone that being tolerant of others is ok. It doesn't mean that you agree with each person on every decision they make, but it is acknowledging there are other ways of doing things that are different from one's own and that it may work for thier family at this time. I think MOST moms have done the research and know that bf until at least 1 is optimal, but that's not a reality for everyone. As moms with the hardest job in the world, we need to support not judge one another.

I too feel that breastfeeding is a personal choice *which should be made with the child's best interest in mind*.

Having said that, if someone solicits advice/opinions/whatever from other people, then the cannot control what advice/opinions they receive. I say listen to it all, thank the person and then use what you feel is most appropriate for your situation.

I don't think many moms are trying to be nasty, but that they truly believe what they are doing is good and right.

Ask for advice, but be prepared to weed through the good and the bad without getting bent out of shape.

I wish the dr.s and nurses would tell mothers up front that breast feeding can be hard. It seems so easy, but it takes time to learn! When my daughter was born, I knew I was nursing her, but it was NOT at all easy. I had to go back to the nurses 5 times in a total of two months to finally get her to latch properly! The nurses could not believe I was still going stong! It was hard and we did try a bottle too. She would not take that. I want every mom to know that I understand why someone would not breastfeed. I did not feel connected to my daughter, but later on after having my second child, I realized how wonderful that connection was. I also found out that my daughter has autism and that they suckling reflexes are very hard. Anyway, I support all views. We should all realize that as mom's we ALWAYS do the best that we can!

I looked back at the said question and the responses were supportive. Nobody said the mom was horrible for wanting to wean. Everyone encouraged and offered what they could.

I think anyone who offers suggestions is trying to be helpful. What one person finds helpful another might find judgmental. That's one of the great things about getting feedback from so many moms. Each person can take what they need from it and disregard the rest.

In my case, I was not judging her but giving her my advice. Advice is just telling someone what you think that they should do and why. She can take the information, opinions and advice that other moms offered her and use what works best for her and her daughter.

i agree it is a personal choice and no judgement should be past.

Just like smoking or now obesity, breastfeeding is a public health issue. There is a ton of research on the lifetime health benefits of it. I know that my best friend, who is a nurse and lactation consultant is very passionate about it because of all the knowledge she has gathered on it. Just one of the many reasons I think people argue about it.

Morality is defining right and wrong. If I was to support someone else in making a decision that I see as wrong, I couldn't be a moral person. Personally I think that breast-feeding should NOT be a personal choice. It is PROVEN that breast feeding is the better option. Formula lowers IQ, health and bonding with the mother. It's not a debate, it's proven. I don't think that it should be a choice to harm a child in such a way.

Yes, it's true that not all formula fed babies will be unhealthy, but it is statistically more likely. There is a time and place for formula, but it should only be used when it's really NECESSARY. It's even possible to get donated breast-milk for your baby if you CAN'T breastfeed.

I think people are just trying to stand up for this child's right to health. I think it is fair to judge another person who isn't trying their absolute hardest to do the best thing for their baby.

I have no idea what this woman's issue really is, so perhaps it's legit. I am really just making a blanket statement about why people try to encourage other women to do the right thing for their children.

People on this board are giving their own personal advice and suggestions based on their frame of reference and knowledge. When someone seems to be ill informed, many moms are sharing their advice - that's what this board is about - if someone can't handle various answers, whether or not they agree on a certain topic - they shouldn't really even post their question.
As to your statement above - the reason mom's who breastfeed their children are adamant about their stance is because most of them Have done their research and Do know the benefits to their child. When a mom has a choice - and chooses something that is not in the baby's best interest - why would we just stand back and say nothing ?
Most mom's who have higher educations do breastfeed, those who are less educated will bottle feed (not my findings - statistics). The facts Have been put out there and documented time and time again - yet there are those who do not want to acknowledge those findings, and make justifications to not breastfeed so they can feel o.k. about themselves on depriving their child of something highly beneficial.
Here are some articles you can read - or anyone for that matter on the topic:

http://search.mercola.com/results.aspx?k=breastfeeding

How can someone in your words 'support' someone on an individual's decision they they do not agree with ? This is a free country, people have their own minds and ideas, we do not have to blindly support something we feel is not right ! People feel strongly when they feel they know more than another and want to share their information - that is it.