Breastfeeding- How to Wean a 1 Year Old That Co-sleeps and Still Eats at Night

Nothing in doing these changes is easy, it will take time, patience and unfortunately a unhappy child. That is part of the process. I suggest you stop co sleeping first. I believe fully you and your hubby need that space for intimacy and children need to learn to be able to sleep without their parents. Some may disagree, but teaching independence in baby steps now is a great gift.
Once you have established he doesn't have to depend on you for sleeping I suggest you go to the weaning. If you are ready, he doesn't need it any longer and should not at the year mark need food at night. There is a difference between feeding and him using you to soothe. Teaching self soothing will need to have some crying it out, that is just part of it. It stinks, but you have to be tough, set it up for you to be prepared, rested and strong. Don't give in, just give it a few nights. Your husband needs to go to him not you when you wean until your breast milk dries up as he can smell you.
You just need to decide this is what you want, if it is, then you have to be willing to do what it takes.
He will be a better sleeper learning to sleep alone, he will sleep better not using you for dependency at night and you and your husband need a kid free bed for your special time together that is so rare when kids come into the picture.
Just set it for over a weekend, get your husband on board, be prepared for crying. It isn't abusive in ANY way, he won't need therapy, he will just have to start learning that sometimes he isn't going to get what he wants. Not fun, but the reality is you have to be tough and do it.

I guess I don't understand parents that allow co-sleeping and feed on demand and then want to one day just STOP and make their kids grow up so fast!?
You have created an environment where you child is used to being with you all the time- day AND night. You set it up so this would be so... now you want to let him cry it out by moving him to his own bed and weaning?? I mean he is just a little guy, not a grown man who should just be able to deal!

I don't agree with co-sleeping at all for this reason, unless you can be a parent that can go the long haul! Moving my daughter to her own room at 3 months was the best decision we ever made and has given her the ability to be on her own. I am however a feed on demand mom so I GET that feeling of feeling suffocated! She needs me ALL day long! But that is what I signed up for and what my job is! I can't be upset with her now for what I created!

I think you need to just accept what you have started and give it more time to naturally taper off! But going cold turkey and doing the cry it out thing, just seems so mean...

But I do with you luck!!
Hang in there :)

Find the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution". the author had a co-sleeper/breastfed baby who was 12 months old who they wanted to be able to have sleep on their own. The book worked for us and daughter was eventually able to sleep through the night without waking up to eat. I say eventually because her method does take time, but if you stick with it it works. It was also the easiest solution for our family. Good luck and it does get better.

I was in the same situation as you are, and the first thing I did was wean to her own bed. I would get her to sleep, put her in her own bed, and then go into her room to nurse at night. I found she slept better in her own bed and woke up less there than in our bed. Occasionally when I was exhausted, I would nurse her laying down in our bed, and then transfer her to her own when she fell asleep. When I first did this she went down to waking 1-2 times at night. As time went on, that increased until I had a 2 year old nursing 6-7 times in the day, and 6-7 times at night! Yikes. She was obsessed with nursing, she wouldn't drink or eat much else, and I felt really, really stuck. I finally got to the point where I could not take it any longer, and my husband and I decided we needed to wean--mostly for my sanity. We had a talk, gave her a special soft toy, and told her that mommy's "nu-nu"s went to sleep at night. When she would wake, I would go in and hold her, rub her back, etc... but would not nurse. She threw a terrible fit--screaming, kicking, crying, hitting, etc.... I managed to remain calm during this by remembering that she does not have the verbal skills to process her frustration, disappointment, etc... any other way. Anyway, I would just calmly hold and comfort her. After a week of this--to greater or lesser degrees, she settled down and started sleeping through the night--waking maybe once--but usually not at all. About three months later, I decided to wean completely because I was pregnant, and bf hurt terribly. Again, we did it cold turkey--I explained that it hurt and we gave her a big girl toy that she picked out b/c she was all done nursing. So, that is how we dealt with the situation. I tried cutting back, and it was so much harder than the cold turkey approach. This worked for us. It was hard, but I felt that it was best for us. I didn't feel like this was a cry it out solution, because I would go in and be with her--not leaving her alone to cry. But it was still tough. Good luck and I also recommend the no cry sleep solution.

Slowly start phasing out feedings, start with day ones. I am sorry but just stopping all of a sudden is(to me) a little cruel. Once you have control of the day feedings and him accepting a cup better then start to phase it out night ones. I am not even going to go near CIO there are other great ways to get a child to sleep on thier own without resorting to CIO Elizabeth Pantly has a few, they take a little more time but they work.

I understand it is suffocating, and I am not sure how it is coming between you and your husband (I have 7 that I have co-slept with) but really this is a tiny spec in time, so don't feel the need to rush it.

No, you can't wean him and get him to sleep on his own at the same time.

The cry it out method works best BEFORE 6 months. So keep that in mind if you have another kid ;)

>bed
get him his own bed. My boy refused to sleep in his room. He ended up sleeping on the rug at the foot of our bed. At first, my husband usually slept down there with him. Eventually we put him in a toddler bed in the same room as his little sister. I think he just didn't want to be sleeping alone. He adores his sister, and loves sharing a room with her. Esp as we pretend not to notice that they spend 20 minutes every night jumping on their beds before they fall asleep.

>weaning
cut out one feed at a time. distract him. touch/hold him a lot. read to him. sing to him. tell him how much you love him.

When you've cut out every feeding, wear a one-piece swimsuit under your clothes. Then he won't be able find his snack even if he tries.

This time, if he starts getting dehydrated....give him some flavored pedialyte or Gatorade or watered down fruit juice.

I'm repsonding late but I just wanted to say I've been there, and it's OK. Things do get better and yor child eventually will sleep alone. I think it's wonderful you have created an environment of security and trust for your child.
I highly, higly recommend the book "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and "How Weaning Happens." They both are unique, have tons of ideas and saved my sanity. You could find then cheap online or borrow them for free from your local La Leche League group, which you can find at www.llli.org. "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley is also useful for your situation.
Remember, you have to wean TO something, so be sure to provide extra snacks and cuddles. It is possible to night-wean but still nurse some during the day to provide immunities during RSV and flu season, as well as deter tantrums from frustration. Also, remember every room in your house is a potential love chamber, wink, wink. Personally, nothing kills my mood more than listening to my baby cry to sleep, so "cry it out" was always the wrong answer for my family.
The info in those books is my very best recommendation! Best wishes!

I agree lots with the last gal and it sounds like you are doing well with it, but thought I'd still give my two-cents worth.

My son was still waking up in the middle of the night to eat at 12 months (though he has slept in his own bed since 6 months...he moves too much and I get kicked out of bed, so he got removed earlier than I had planned...). As far as crying it out, shoot for putting him to bed early enough so that his crying isn't affecting you trying to go to sleep which can make the time longer and harder for you (say like 730-830). We tried the check every 10 minutes at first, but after a couple of days, we just let him cry until he fell asleep because it made his crying worse to see us and then leave...HARDEST thing I've done...Suggestion: put on a good comedy or movie you love with the volume up LOUD!

I did the IPOD in the room with my son, which helped too. We also put a fan in our room so when he wakes up in the middle of the night, we go check on him (but DON'T take him out of his crib unless he is sick) and then we come back in our room and turn on the fan...again, to cover up some of the sound.

We also had to turn off the monitor because every little sound was waking me up and we can hear him cry without it! Oh...and when you are weaning (my son didn't take a paci either) I put a few safe soft books and toys he enjoyed in the bed along with a no-leak cup of water so if he wakes up thirsty, he can get a drink without using me and then can play a little before going back to sleep. Your husband's help should also make things go faster and more smoothly too! So, hope a few of those things help. Good luck!

S., 26, mom of Tyrrone, 1, and baby on the way!!!

T.,

My son was also a cosleeper and would breast feed on demand at night until he was 13 months old. I tried a few times to wean him but with no luck. I wasn't strong enough. I would go crazy hearing him cry for me in the night. My son also would take a bottle. For me I had some medical issues so I had no choice but to wean him and had to do it cold turkey. This was blessing. My son cried on and off for a day, and that night he cried a little in bed, I would say for about 20 minutes before he went to sleep. I had my husband go i nand take him a bottle and try to calm him down. I figured if he didn't know I was there it would help. After the first night things got better and by the fourth night he was sleeping through the night.

Good Luck

My daughter breast fed until she was 3 1/2 years old. I was sleep deprived to the point of exhaustion. I was in school, working, and a single mother of three. It was more about the comfort for her, she used my breasts as a security. What I did is let her pick out some beads that felt like my breast for comfort, I let her pick out a comfort blanket, that we still call the brestfeeding blanket and a big girl sippi cup. I just had to tell her "no" a few times and to go get her blanket or beads and she would. I had not slept in all that time. It was hard for me b/c that was our time but I needed rest.

I didn't always let my baby sleep with me, but found that when I was tired it was just easier. However, then she figured out that I was there and available so she wanted to nurse all the time. I finally decided I was done nursing at night (when she was about 12 months) so we put her back in her bed. Rather than have her cry all night, I'd send my husband in to comfort her. If I would go in, she'd expect to breastfeed. It only took a few nights of him going in to comfort her (and possibly give her a drink of water) before she started sleeping at night. I kept nursing her for 8 more months, but it was nice to finally sleep at night. Good luck to you!

You need to give him a bottle and this is before you and husband go to sleep. Of course this is with the breast milk in the bottle. He needs to stop sleeping with you and your husband. I know it is hard but you need to start SOMETHING..

I think that you just need to cut him off--for your sanity more than anything. He is definitely old enough. My advice is to do it all at once (he can handle it) and let him cry. I know it is hard, very hard to listen to them scream and cry and it makes you feel like a terrible mother, but give it a week of doing that and he will get into a new routine that doesn't involve your bed or your breast. You will be a happier and more refreshed mother and he will be just as happy without having to nurse for comfort. Maybe when you are putting him to bed, reading, snuggling, etc. have a cozy blanket with you so that he will associate only snuggly warm thoughts with the blankie and that will become his new comfort. My advice to you is to go cold turkey with the issue. As I said before, I know how hard it is, it SUCKS, but it is well worth it!!! Good luck.

I'm sure you'll get a wide variety of advice, but this is what I would do:
I'd recommend having him sleep in his own bed first, then tackling the feeding. If he cries in the crib, watch the clock- give him 10 min. before you go in. Turn off the monitor for the 10 min. if you find it too hard to listen to him. When you go in, if he is hungry nurse him there- not back in your bed. Don't look at him or talk to him (these are rewards)- you want to give the signal that nighttime is for sleeping, not playing, not talking, and not eating. If he doesn't insist on eating, but is crying- put your hand on him to comfort him. Then leave again and watch the clock for another 10. It will be hard, but change is for anyone. I think that once he gets used to his own bed, he will sleep better and the nightime feeding will fade out. Especially if you feed him only as long as he insists. Try to get him to eat less at night so that he is no longer hungry at night. If he isn't hungry, he won't wake up. In the end, you have to teach him to put himself to sleep, or no one in your house will ever get any.

Please get the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution." I have been in the exact same boat as you, and this book was the most helpful. I checked it out from the library, but I will probably end up buying it. Don't let people make you feel like you have to let your baby CIO. It is not the only way. You are doing a great job being a loving mama to your little one!

With weaning my toddlers I did the don't offer but don't refuse method, only nuring if they ask to nurse, and then I started to say "In a little while" when they asked to nurse, sometimes if you delay for a while they forget all about nursing. Also, adding some fun activities to your day to "replace" nursing is a good idea. Playing with blocks together, going to the park or the indoor play area at the Mall, reading books together, or sharing a yummy snack instead of nursing are all great replacement activites. It is a little easier when you are weaning a 2 1/2 year old to reason with them and tell them that they are such a wonderful big kid that they don't need to nurse anymore, but you can still try that. Make up stories about little squirells or unicorns or dragons or whatever who grow big and strong and get weaned, and how proud their mommy and daddy were when they were weaned and how happy they were etc., this will give him the idea that weaning is a happy occasion to be celebrated.

As far as co-sleeping, I would go to bed early with my child and let them fall asleep in my bed, but them move them into their own beds. They would usually stay in their own bed until early the next morning. If your child still wakes up a lot at night it may not work as well, but you can also involve Daddy by having your child go to him for comfort at night, then there is at least no temptaion to nurse. I am really against the cry it out thing, it seems too cruel. Have you ever fallen asleep after crying for an hour? It makes you feel so terrible and when you wake up you still feel sad, I'm sure it feels that way to babies too.

Good luck to you, I hope that you will get some more sleep!

You don't have to make your baby cry it out. You really, really don't. And you can get him weaned and into his own bed. It won't happen in one night, though. Try the book some others mentioned (Pantley's "No-Cry Sleep Solution") or try "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West and Joanne Kenen. The 2nd one isn't much on support for co-sleeping, but her approach worked for us to get my then 15-month-old son sleeping through the night, instead of dining all night. ;)

My hubby did have to help, too, for the night-weaning. It took like 3-5 nights of DH going in to comfort DS in the night so he knew there was no chance of milk. DH was tired, but that's all it took.

You'll get there. Just give yourselves all a few weeks or a month to get it sorted out. You can make it one more month! :)