Can Tween Girls Stay Friends If Moms Dislike Each Other?

I don't think it matters if the moms like each other. It's not like you are doing playdates, so moms don't really need to interact much.

In my experience very few moms of tweens are friends with the moms of their tweens. They're friendly with each other but most moms already have their own friends. The tweens make plans and the moms call each other to make the arrangements for the most part.

My granddaughter is very good friends with several girls. Her M. talks with their moms and facilitates get togethers. She provides transportation if needed. She has her daughter's friends over to their house. But she isn't friends with the moms. She knows them well enough to feel that her daughter is safe with them. That's all.

When my daughter was a tween I was an older M. in my late forties. Her friends moms were in their 30's and for the most part had younger children. We had nothing in common except our girls. I did as my daughter is doing now with her daughter.

Yes they can be friends without the moms being friends. The moms can also be friends without the kids being friends. Don't force a relationship with a M. that you really don't like.

I was never friends with all the moms of my girls friends, just the ones I liked. The rest I was polite to but it wasn't like I had them over for a dinner party.

I guess I am just kind of confused. I am kind of a tell it like it is kind of M. and yet I can hang out in groups without feeling much of anything for people I don't want to hang out with. I would never consider telling my daughter you can't be friends with her because I can't stand her M.. It just seems odd to think about. I mean then she would say well I don't like her and you and her M. are best friends. If my child can be polite to people she doesn't like shouldn't an adult be able to?

Yeah, still confused.

Okay, so my daughter has a BFF and they have been friends since like 2nd grade.
I have then also been good friends with the M..
Until recently.
But, our girls are STILL best friends.
Why? Because, at least on my part... I do not let it interfere with my daughter's friendship. The girls, are separate from any issues I and the other M. may have.
I still, treat my daughter's friend as I always have. No different. I am still friendly and respectful toward my daughter's friend.
I LIKE my daughter's friend as well. She is a great girl.
And she and my daughter get along very well. I am glad, they are friends.

Now, as far as the other M., well, she to me is childish.
I have many times, done things for her, out of friendship and have watched her kids for her MANY times, when she could not due to work etc. and have had her kids over at my home MANY times, feeding them and whatnot, as though they were my own.
But one day her son broke something expensive in my home. She or the son never apologized for it... but on her own volition, she offered to help pay a little bit to replace the item. I NEVER forced her to nor expected her to nor told her to nor demanded that she pay. But she offered. So we accepted. Then I never heard from her again. And then she would not answer my calls nor e-mails... even if it was just to chat.
So, now I know her character. She even went as far as to tell me that she does not have her e-mail address anymore. But did not give me an updated new e-mail address. But I know that was a lie, because she still does have that e-mail address. Other people told me.

Anyway, even my daughter said "She should be ashamed of herself, acting that way. We did nothing wrong... you did so much for her before, and "Billy" was being naughty...." I am open with my daughter and told her that in no way, should that affect her friendship with the woman's daughter. And it does not.
Except that, even if we invited the daughter over for play-dates since then, the daughter tells me "oh... well we're busy... can't..." but the M. can never say it herself, per any invitations. She leaves it to her daughter, to tell me.
Immature.

I don't know what incidents you went through, with your daughter's friend's M.. But anyway, that was my situation I described above.
Mind you, I have bumped into this woman before at my kids' school and I ALWAYS say hi as I normally would and chat. But now it is more superficial, on her part. I know that. But I am... being myself and genuine. I treat her no different than before. Except I know, that she has changed.

There are different types of friendships:
Genuine and not.
Trustworthy and not.
Acquaintances or not.
If I don't trust someone, I do NOT keep that friendship on a deep level. It remains surface, only.

Well I mean I feel like there is a lot missing from this question for it to be such a decision.

I think it's possible for the girls to be friends. My M. wasn't friends with all of my friend's moms and realistically it's unmanageable. At tween age the moms shouldn't really be accompanying the child to a "playdate" they should be dropping off and picking up and in fact, most of the communication about an activity should come from the girls. They are old enough to talk about it, formulate a plan and ask for you to take them, drop them, and pick them up at certain times. I would also expect that sometimes your family would take the friend places and other times her family would take yours places. To me, that's how friendships work at that age.

As long as you can be civil, communicate via phone, text, and email and you don't find anything about the daughter too alarming I don't see why it can't be done.

Hi kay-

I have to respectfully disagree with 'been there'...

I recently re located to SW VA (read very rural, conservative...and right wing religious...with a touch of moonshine on the side...lol).

My daughter, who was a tween when we moved here, has made some very wonderful female friends...in fact, the same group of young ladies that went as a group to her 8th grade dance, were also a part of her homecoming/16th bday celebration! (Dinner at a local restaurant, and then limo ride for 12 young women to the homecoming dance).

I am cordial to the other moms. We coordinate events/activities to the extent we can. I am not 'friends' with most of them...I am 'not from around here'...And that provides automatic distance/suspicion/and even dislike in 'these parts'.

I do not take it personally. I am polite. I assist my daughter in her activities. I reciprocate when I can.

I keep my distance, and allow my daughter to choose HER friends. I support her.

I would just keep your distance...hold your tongue...and maybe all will work out for the kiddo!!

Best luck!
michele/cat

More info please.....

As long as the girls get along, you don't have to. Trust your child's judgement or invite the other kid to spend more time in your home than your child in theirs. I was friendly with some of the big kids' friends' parents but not best friends with them. The KIDS were friends. Similarly, if you are friends, it doesn't guarantee your kids will be. Let each set be friends or not according to who suits who.

It's hard but it happens.
Once the kids hit their tween/teen years it doesn't really matter who we moms are "friends" with anymore, the girls will be friends with whomever they want to be friends with.
So my best advice is to try and focus on your relationship with your daughter, not her friends' moms.
THAT is what will get you "in" so to speak, or at least keep you somewhat in the loop re what's happening at school.

Kids this age like to do sleep overs, as long as you feel your daughter will be safe (and they feel the same about your home), it doesn't matter if you are good friends/friends with the parents.

That's a recipe for disaster. Volatile emotional tweens mix with adults who don't trust each other. Shake at will. Explosions to follow.

It's according to why you can't trust her anymore. Did she steal money? Did she lie about you to people?

If you don't want her knowing your business, then the girls shouldn't go to each other's houses. I wouldn't allow sleepovers, that's for sure.

They go to school together, so they see each other at school. Just don't tell your daughter anything that you wouldn't want blabbed to this lady. I don't know how old your daughter is, but I would think that she is old enough to understand it when you say to her "We don't talk about private family business to others, including your friends".

It's good that you are trying to help her find new friends. Sometimes that takes care of the problem.

Overall, don't worry about not having a friendship with the mothers of your child's friends. It's not necessary to.

Dawn

Moms don't have to be friends in order for the kids to be friends. Just don't say anything about her in front of your daughter that you don't want her child to hear.

If she doesn't know that you hate her; yes, you can be friendly for the girls' sake. If it is an all out war and everyone knows it---disaster...