I have a hard time with my son who will not nap. I have tried just about everything. He just turned 3 and refuses naps. He is tired! He falls asleep either in the car (or, the other day, in my lap) at 4 p.m. or later. I am trying not to put him in the car so I won't repeat that it's OK to do this. (Altho, I know I got him into the habit--but it won't work on demand for me now.) If he weren't tired in the afternoon, I wouldn't care if he didn't nap. But he's Tired, and I get so frustrated that I think it only makes everything worse. I literally can't talk to him when he doesn't nap. The kicker is that his two-day a week babysitter can put him down for a nap. I am beyond frustrated, and that shows when it comes time for me to put him down. I am doing "quiet time" with him. Usually this works to keep him in his room. But I think he sees it as punishment, and so he becomes more defiant when nap/quiet time comes. I do not show favor when he "only" takes quiet time. I feel like this has become a cycle that makes it even more difficult for me to get him to nap. I think he sees it as just a challenge. That I'll get upset and "fight" with him if he pushes me hard enough. And sometimes it works. I think it's a way to get attention. If he challenges me enough, it will get my goat. So, now the nap has taken a back seat to the struggle. Is there a way to reverse this?
I thank you all for great comments and for sharing your experience. I think this is a control issue, and I have been working to hard to get control. It's backfired. I know that when this happens, I have to be creative and not keep rehashing the same thing. Probably rest time and a few naps a week is a good approach, even if it means falling asleep in the car a few times. He's been very good about sleep, and maybe this is his way of asserting independence. We'll have to find a way to accomodate both of our needs. Thanks all of you.
Welcome to my world! All 3 of my kids stopped napping at 2. I have found that "quiet time" is better than nothing. Playing quietly in their room or watching an episode of Bearnstein Bears.
Good Luck!
~I blame their father....my MIL says he stopped napping at 2 also!
Hi,
My son did the same thing it was very hard to deal with. He was so overtired by dinner time that our evenings were stressful with his hair-trigger meltdowns. Yes, we did put him to bed earlier than when he was taking naps but a tired kid is a tired kid, he still needed a nap. I tired everything and determined it was a control issue.
I don't know that I have advise on how to over come the control issue part put I did get to a point where we could put him down on Friday and Saturday. Those were the days that mattered the most to me.
He did seem to even out a bit and the meltdowns lessened. Maybe lay off trying to put him down for a bit to given him control back and then try again but create a win win. Do something he likes and then say after we finger paint we are going to lay down for a nap.
It's hard, you have find a way to create a win win so he doesn't feel powerless.
Good luck! I understand your frustration and still go through it.
Neither of my kids were good nappers, but they slept all night so I didn't force the issue too much. However, they had "rest" time every day. It was just time to be quiet and stretched out and still. I never really focused on the "sleep" part of it. They didn't need to sleep, but they needed to lay down and they could look at picture books or have music playing softly. It was never a punishment, it was just something we did every day. "Find which snuggie you want and a picture book and you're having your quiet time now.' I even used reverse psychology. I would say...you are just here to rest, DON'T go to sleep, just look at your book. That trick especially worked with my daycare kids. I never used the word nap and I told them often, "I don't want you going to sleep." They usually just relaxed and ended up konking out on their own. I bought my daughter a skeleton book and showed her all the bones in her body that needed a rest by being still so they could grow more tomorrow. She fell for it. And she could name the femur and the fibula and clavicle. Just get creative and whether he likes it or not, rest time is not negotiable. He doesn't have to sleep.
Try that approach and see how it works out. At 3, his is likely not interested in "naps", so spin it in a different direction.
Best wishes!
I, too, have a 3 year old who sometimes refuses to nap. I put her in her room at 1 and tell her she needs to either sleep or read quietly, but she needs to stay in her bed. If she gets out, I go in without talking to her, put her back into her bed, cover her up, and leave, shutting the door (she hates the door being closed). If she gets up again, I do the same thin--never speaking to her. At 3 nap time is over (we have to pick up her brother from school). Sometimes, she falls asleep reading to her animals; sometimes she reads the whole 2 hours, but at least she has rested. On the days she only rests, she has to go to bed earlier than her brothers. Hope this helps.
Unfortunately, I think you have to take the high road here and suck it up. He may just not need naps (even though he still needs down time). There may be a reason he is not taking naps. My daughter started refusing naps a few months ago only on the weekends. It was easier to just let her not nap than to force her to (but her father and I are only together on the weekends so we figured it was because it was the only time during the week that we all see eachother - she also naps at daycare during the week).
All I can suggest is having him rest around 4pm when you know he's tired. Don't make it a punishment or treat. Explain to him that it's quiet time and he can do X, X or X. If he fights/cries, then tell him he'll have to sit in his room alone if he doesn't choose.
Some kids just give up naps at a certain age even if they are still tired.
Good luck!
I mean this very kindly. It's not him, it's you. If your babysitter can do it, talk to her. Do what she does. Your child is working you and you are both paying the price.
You gotta mean business but stay calm. Do the same thing every day and don't back down until he gets it.
Good luck!
My son started this for a week(he is 4) and his behavior was so bad. I don't have a problem getting him to be quiet in his room for the 2 hours it was the actual sleeping part. Our new rule is if you don't sleep you go to bed at 7:30--his little sister goes to bed at 8. It worked like a charm. He has started napping again and is much better behaved ALL day compared to when he had stopped napping. I also have a behavior chart in which he earns a happy face or a sad face and one box is napping quietly. Just some ideas!
Good Luck!
L.
My 3 year old is the same, she decided to give up her nap before I thought she was ready. I tried everything. I did quiet time where I would lay down with her in my bed for a little while to try to get her ready to nap...that worked a few times. I tried telling her that if she didn't nap she would have to go to bed earlier with her little sister...that didn't work. I put her in her room for quiet time, but she would just start talking and singing very loudly keeping her sister from taking a nap.Eventually, I just started putting her to bed earlier to make sure she got the extra sleep (she too was getting tired and cranky early in the evening) and when my 2 yr old goes down for her nap, I just relax with her to try to give her (and me...I'm 29 wks preg) some down time. She's in bed every night between 6:30 and 7, and has been doing pretty well so far.
It is a hard time for you. That in-between time. Our first 2 kids gave up nap at 2 years. My 3rd is still napping. He just turned 4. I think he needs to get used to napping in his bed. Maybe if you read to him in bed a little or give him a bath and some warm milk in the early afternoon he might do better. My 4 year old likes to nap with his blankets. He's a real Linus. Hope that works for you.
make sure you are getting your child up early and keep him stimulated fed good (not sugar) then lay down with him maybe he's not wanting to nap because he thinks you will leave so if your right there laying with him he can still feel and hear you there. The nap will also give you some much needed rest.
My daughter was sooo full of energy she did not nap and when she did she'd be up to midnight.Before we put her in part day pre school, I'd take her to a park or the beach around 1030 and let her run around for an hour or so and then when we got home I could settler her on the couch with a blanket and pillow and a nice long movie. She would be content with no nervous energy and I could either relax or get what i needed done. Once she hit 3 and half she started part time preschool in the morning. She got to run her energy out and play with other kids and when we got home she was better for it. This also allowed me to get her to bed bout 8 to 9p. She still got up when the sun did in the morning. Even now she doesnt sleep past 730a
well, you know he needs the nap so I'll give you some strict options
1. start his nap EARLIER - no later then noon, make it really dark in his room, I use the scratchy side of velcro on the window frame and hang black felt that is a foot wider and taller then the window dimensions. And then put music on continous play in his room. I really like Little Dreamers by Kevin Roth, it's like magic.
If that still doesn't work, I'd get mean and remove every single thing except the bed and his bedding from his room. Then at nap time put him in there and don't let him out for 2 1/2 hours.
3yr olds are old enought to understand consequenses, so start using this. I know it is hard not to get angry , but you're right, he probably sees it as a challenge. Just matter of factly state that " there is a new rule. Nap time or rest time is from 2-3. You may lie in your bed or the floor and look at a book if you're not tired, but you must lie quietly for the time. If you do this, then you have a nice snack or some tv time etc. If he doesn't do it, no tv until the next day , or whatever else you decide. You're the boss, you make the rules, make it so that he needs to follow the rule to get what he wants.
I have one of those too...and I am one of those who think naps are essential. I have decided to let him sleep a bit later and then get him to bed 30 minutes earlier. If my husband goes with us to dance on Mondays or gymnastics and tumbling on Wednesday he usually keeps J in the van and lets him play with some toys in the back and I can almost guarantee that J will be asleep in the van when I come out after K's classes. J will end up staying up until almost 1-2 am. Of course my DH goes to bed on time and that leaves me up with J. I don't know what else to do, he has his own little bio-rhythms.
Gross motor play may help, or it may make it worse. Sometimes J gets over tired and has the screaming fits...my poor neighbors. I put room darkening blinds in his windows, darker curtains, I can open up the room and let the light in and keep it that way most of the time but I can make it more than 80% darker in just a few seconds.
I just have to accept he won't nap and try to adjust my schedule. It will pass is what I keep telling myself.
L. hon, we don't know when he gets up in the morning or goes to bed. i can tell you tho, my son is 3 also and gets up about 6:15 or 6:30 am, then naps from about 12:30 to 2 or 2:30, then bed at 8. it may be if you adjust his nighttime routine he will be more prone to take a nap. as for the rest, yes it sounds like you're in a power struggle. one thing i have done is ask the sitter exactly how she does such-and-such, and do it the exact same way. for example my son sleeps on a pallet on the livingroom floor in front of a quiet movie, at her house. so when i put him in his room sometimes he thinks it's "bedtime", and will either A. fight it, or sometimes, B. feel like it's night and sleep for five hours. so depending on what's going on, sometimes i will put him in the livingroom. i would encourage you to stick with the "quiet time" mentality - there are many days my son doesn't nap, while he will take a nap most days m-f at the sitters, there are LOTS of days on the weekends when he doesn't, and is fine - the reason i know it's okay is because he behaves fine. no meltdowns or wars! so good luck! try to be patient with him, he's just a little one :)
Go with the flow. = )
Try this, tell him that you are sleepy and that you need him to stay with you in your room. Have him lay down next to you in your room. Turn on a fan or radio or both. Make sure the room is dark. Give him a great big hug and kiss. Say I love you and tell him how nice it is that you two can rest together and lay down and rest and you will see him go off to sleep first. When he is sleeping slip out of the room.
I wish you both the best of luck.
Keep in mind that little ones this age start to slip away from nap time. I don't know why, because I am 32 and would love to have nap time everyday. LOL. = )
I have recently started weening my three and half year old off of naps because if she takes them she won't go to sleep at night until after 11, however, she gets very sleepy at about 4, like your son. I try to do something with her, like reading a book, playing dolls, or coloring, for about half an hour to 45 minutes. This keeps her quiet, gives her a chance to sit down and rest, and spend some one-on-one with me. I make sure that she gets dinner no later than 6 and she goes to bed a 7:30. I know this isn't easy, and if you are desperate for him to take a nap, have you tried laying down with him for a few minutes? This is the only way I can get my other daughter, almost 5, to bed a night. I will lay down with her for about five minutes and when I can tell she is drifting off, but not asleep, I kiss her head and climb out of bed. I also am a BIG believer in the power of white noise. The womb setting is awesome and usually assures sleep is not far behind! Good luck! It won't be this way forever!
