Nap/Quiet Time for 3 Year Old

When my boys had outgrown naps we called quiet time "movie time". I'd close the livingroom blinds and put on a movie for them. They would settle down on the sofa, and if they were tired they might fall asleep, otherwise they watched the movie and relaxed. I know I wouldn't be happy if someone made me lie down on my bed and do nothing in the middle of the day! If "movie time" doesn't work for you, you could try "book time" instead.

There are 2 ways to parent a "strong-willed" child. You can parent from above, and restrict and push them down.
Or you can parent from below and support and help them up.

Parenting a strong-willed child is different than parenting a child who is not strong-willed. not better. not worse. not harder. not easier. just different. I have found it's better with a strong willed child to parent from below and support and help them up.... but that's me.

For my daughter.... the key was allowing her appropriate control. So - "quiet time for 30 minutes. You pick the blanket, stuffed animal and tell me what you want to do when quiet time is over."

It depends on what you want to accomplish with "quiet time". Is it for them? Or for you?

Some kids (extroverts) will actually SUFFER with "down time". that's not how they re-charge. Other kids (introverts) NEED quiet, alone time to "refill". Only you know which type your kid is.... but an extrovert may need to play a game or do a puzzle WITH someone not be isolated in silence.

Do you ever lay down with him? Once naps had been outgrown, which was around that age.... we instituted cuddle time. 30 minutes to cuddle and tell quiet calm stories.

Incidentally, 3 year olds are SUPPOSED to engage in a battle of wills. It's how he's learning. Do you want him to learn he has to do whatever you way when you say it? Then parent him that way. Do you want him to learn to accept more and more control over his environment.... then parent him that way.
- Let him pick WHERE he has quiet time,
- Set a timer so he knows how long he *has* to be quiet
- Let him pick the activity that you will do when quiet time is over.

My kids are now 6 and 9.
Ever since they were very young, they napped or had a quiet time.
It was daily routine. It wasn't much of a battle.
BUT per age stages and some days just were not good days, then I as the Mom, amended what went on in the afternoon.
Our nap times or quiet times, were in the afternoon, after lunch.
That was when my kids were TIRED.

Quiet time, for *me*... is them being quiet and doing something quiet. I don't care where in the house they do it. Just as long as it is a more calm quiet thing. AND I also tell them IT IS QUIET TIME FOR MOMMY TOO. Which it was. It wasn't just an excuse or a way to get them to do what I want. It was, MY quiet time too. And we all did it TOGETHER.
That worked for me.
And still does.
I don't force it.
Never had to.
My son, was taking daily naps, until he started Kindergarten. And even in Kinder, they would have nap time there, or he'd do it at home after school. No battles.
I didn't have to force it.
AND the thing is: I was always honest with my kids. I actually told them... they are over-tired, when they get over-tired, they get fussy, when they get fussy it is harder to rest or nap or go to bed. Mommy knows their symptoms...and I taught them too, about it. So then, they KNEW when they were just tired and needed to rest/nap etc. And if I was tired too and needed a break, I TOLD my kids that. And that we ALL... have quiet time. Before Mommy goes crazy.

AND my kids, never could nap or rest, IF they were hungry.
So, rest/naps/quiet time was ALWAYS AFTER, lunch.
AND during lunch, which was before noon, that was ALREADY a time of calm. I set the stage... from lunch time... for naps or quiet time. Already. At lunch time. Then that way, my kids would start to "wind-down" already... and segue... into... nap time or quiet time. Of which I always verbally cued them about what is coming up. But they knew it... like autopilot... because I always did this routine, everyday.

You also have to: verbally "cue" the child. ie: don't say "Quiet time now..." instead say: " after lunch is quiet time. After lunch we get ready." And then after lunch, make things quiet. And then verbally cue the child. Not nag, but verbally coax. Or, let your son.... do what he needs to do to "wind-down." Tell him "Wind down time.... " maybe he wants to do it in a different sequence than you want. So let him.. as long as it is not unreasonable. Everyone has a different sequence of things they like to do, before rest time.

And if he is so slow moving... then for him... you NEED to, start any prep, BEFORE the actual time you want him to do it. ie: if you have to leave the house at 10:00am, don't tell him to get ready at 9:40am. Tell him at least... 1 hour, before you actually have to, leave. You need to leave, a larger turn around time, for him to do things. He does not do well, being "rushed." Or if you want him to go to bed at 8:00pm. Don't start the bedtime routine at 7:30 (bath, pj's, toilet, etc.). do it, 1 HOUR earlier than the actual bedtime.

In my experience, at 2 1/2 or 3 many kids go on a nap "strike". They realize that they can *sometimes* get through without taking a nap, and so they no longer want to even though they still need it. It's about control. And since you can't really win on this one, give him some control.

I would tell your child that he has to have quiet time... he doesn't have to sleep (that is a very important piece), but he does have to be in bed, laying down, with a calm body, in a dim room for an hour. If after an hour he isn't sleeping then he can get up and quietly play until rest time is over. Tell him that you will come to check on him when the hour is over and let him know when it's ok to get up and play. I have found that if a child doesn't fall asleep by that length of time, they really aren't tried enough for a nap.

Be consistent about doing this and his nap schedule will probably resume after a few weeks.

I'm a big believer in nap/quiet time and also have a son who is struggling with it right now. He still naps most days, but fights it on occasion. Have you thought about letting him play quietly in his room, rather than forcing him to get into bed? That's what I'm doing right now - if my son doesn't want to sleep right away, I let him play in his room quietly for a couple of hours. It has to be quiet play, with only a couple of toys. Usually, he plays for an hour, then gets into bed himself and falls asleep. This leads to fewer battles and he still gets some rest (as does mommy). Good luck!

He still needs the quiet time for a couple of more years, no argument here. But only you can stop the fighting.

Because he's strong-willed like my guy I know what you're going through. Tell him he can read books in bed, but no playing with toys (move them to another room or to the top of his closet.) Switch his routine around, turn the lights out, change clothes, go potty and it's time to lay down. Remember, he can look at books quietly in bed on his own for quiet time, get him a small flashlight if he needs a bit of extra lighting. If he doesn't get in the bed don't force it, let him lay on the floor, same for bedtime. He wants to exert control, it's his decision. Realistically most kids will realize their bed is much more comfy than the floor and decide to sleep in it on their own after a few times on the floor, and if not and he rests on the floor it's a win-win! Don't count, just smile, close his door and walk away, don't engage him, keep your words to a minimum, he's throwing a fit for your benefit, when he loses his audience his incentive is gone.

When he's slow to walk to the car tell him whomever gets to the car first gets a special prize (invest in some toys at the Dollar store like bags of 8 firemen or policemen, give him one for compliance.) For heading upstairs to his room if he beats you there he gets a surprise, an extra bedtime story or 10 extra minutes before getting into bed. You might also try a sticker reward chart, every time he complies without arguing, being slow or screaming, yelling or fighting he gets a sticker to put on the chart. Set your goal up, a toy or special trip for ice cream or something else you decide on, and put a picture of it on the chart for him to see and stay motivated.

3 year olds LOVE to battle, and they want to win at all costs. Set things up so he thinks he is ; )

Oh yes, I do feel quiet time is essential. My son is almost 3 and is sort of in this phase as well. Every day he tells me I not tired--right before he falls asleep for 2 hours!! Ugh. Whatever, kid! I guess my suggestion would be to enforce the quiet time but not necessarily force him to get into bed. Will he stay in his room if you just turn out the lights and leave? I would attempt to actually put him in bed but if he gets out I'd just leave it alone, but close the door behind you. He might decide that he would rather just get back in bed, or perhaps he'll end up falling asleep on the floor.

I also do agree that this is sort of the age where they boycott naps for a little while. I think if you just keep it up, this phase will probably pass in a month or so and he will go back to graciously accepting nap time once again!

I don't know if rephrasing would help, but here's one idea:

YOU take a quiet time too. "Mom needs her quiet time. Everyone to their rooms to play quietly." Set a timer and let the timer be in charge. This is what I do with my son. I just make the timer the most reliable authority and when he comes out of his room, I just tell him "when the timer goes in" and put him back in.

What helped me at three was to start with a short time at first, and then to increase it in five minute increments every few days. This way, he will *know* that the timer will go off and signal his end time and come to be comfortable with that. I also know that some days, having 'quiet time' at a table with playdough was more attractive than being in his room, so that was the choice "playdough or play in your room". Sometimes, giving a choice ('you may lie in your room and look at books or play with cars quietly') can help. One other thing that we do which is helpful is to do a 'snack storytime' or some kind of time together immediately before the quiet time. This helps to fill up their need for attention. We do a 'snack storytime' each day where I give Kiddo a snack and read for 15 minutes before the separation of us going to separate rooms. This has really worked well for us and has become a 'tradition' at our home.

By the way, whether or not a child has outgrown naps shouldn't be carte blanche for them not to take a rest in the afternoon. I am a firm believer in quiet time--- kids need the downtime and so do we.:)

You've gotten lots of advice already, so I just want to say, hang in there! My daughter tried to stop napping at 2, 3, and 4, then after a few weeks of struggle, went back to napping for up to 2 hours a day! We began switching to laying quietly in bed with books at some point during her fourth year and have just stopped naps altogether this past month because she's starting all day kindergarten (she's 5 now). I think naps are like lots of other tests kids try, just to see what they can be in charge of. So my best advice is to trust your instincts about when he's done napping and hang in there. Like everything in life, this too shall pass....

My son turned 3 in June and I am going through sooooo much of the same thing with him right now. A couple times a week he will decide that he isn't going to nap and I lose my cool as well (ashamed as I am to admit). He kicks the wall and yells and screams. A little different here though because I run an in home daycare and have other kiddos fast asleep. I really took a lot from reading the responses that you received and am really thankful actually to have come across you question. Sometimes it is easy to feel like you are the only one with a strong willed child. Today I actually thought "wow I must being doing everything wrong as a mom"!

Good luck!

First, I definitely will not tell you he has outgrown naps, because I believe in naps or at least quiet time until age 5.

Yes, I would force quiet time. I believe it is a necessity.

I think I would do the supernanny method. No talking, just put him straight back in bed. If you can, put a babygate across the doorway and let him be. Even if he's not in bed, as long as he's in his room and he's quiet, he's good.

As for him taking his time, maybe you can tell him that for every 3 times that he gets to and in the car and then upstairs at home in x amount of time, then he'll earn a trip to the park. Or maybe tell him if he's good about it all week, then on Friday he can skip nap/quiet time and go to the park instead?

In a word, yes. I do enforce quiet time - even now, and my kids are way older! (7 and 10) Sometimes kids just NEED rest/quiet so they can recharge and not turn into total maniacs come dinnertime.

My rule is, never argue with a preschooler. If you say it's quiet time, it's quiet time. If he says, "But I'm not tired!" you say, "It's quiet time." To which he says, "I won't get in bed!" and you say, "It's quiet time." And then he says, "I don't want to do this!" and you say, "It's quiet time." This whole time, just keep shepherding him into bed. Lather, rinse, repeat. No need to explain WHY it's quiet time, no need to tell him in a hundred different ways, just put him in bed.

One twist on this idea - perhaps before he goes upstairs and gets into bed, tell him he may choose 3 different things to bring into bed with him (a book, little army men, whatever), but if he delays... then he will just have to lay on the bed, all alone with nothing to play with. This gives him some incentive to hurry up, get upstairs, and choose his items. You may even set a timer of some kind, "In 5 minutes, quiet time will start - go potty, wash your hands, and choose your 3 quiet toys!" Give him a 3 minute warning... and when the timer goes off, go into your, "It's quiet time" routine where that is all you say.