Carseat Struggle

I used to have to wrestle my oldest son into his car seat when he was about 2, also. I would try to stay calm, no yelling, and tell him he had to sit in his car seat to be safe. Part of saying this over and over was to keep me calm, too. Once in, if he cried, I ignored it and eventually it stopped. The more I reasoned with while he was complaining/throwing a tantrum, the worse he got, so I stopped and switched to saying the same thing over and over while getting him into his seat. He's 7 now and gets into his booster seat and buckles his belt without being asked. The tantrums stopped in a few weeks when I stopped feeding into his complaining. Good luck because I know this is maddening!

Hi J.. Quit playing her game. The rule is she has to be in her car seat peroid. No if's ands or butts about it! You don't need to console, bribe, tease, or pander to her "bum hurting". You know she's fine, you know it's the law that she sit in a car seat/booster until she is 8yrs old and that's life move along. I know this may sound harsh, but there are just times in life when a rule is a rule and you don't have to justify, reason, beg, bribe or console. She either sits in the car seat or she goes nowhere. If you are firm and consistant she will quit resisting and life will be smoother. The more you try to get her to "understand" and "accept" it the longer your struggle will be remember she is only 2! Reasoning doesn't begin until she is old enough to understand consequences. Best wishes.

I am pretty sure your two year old is working you over! Since you now know there is nothing wrong with her seat that would cause discomfort, minimize your verbalizations about it, get her in the seat and drive. She will get past this but since it has gotten your attention lately, she has noticed that! Ignore the crying and the fits. It will end soon just like it started, out of nowhere! Hang in there, I know it is trying because both of my sons did it at one time or another. I had to wrestle them in! Good luck.

There's two issues here, to me. I'm in charge, not the child and the safety of the child in the car.

I don't mess around with my kids, especially when I'm in a hurry. If I have to man handle my kids to get them in their seats then I will, and I mean man handle. They will sit and they will behave or they will not like the consequences. I just don't have time for the BS from children and I'm not going to buy car seats when it's obviously a battle of wills. She's two. She is testing you and she will lose the battle of wills. LOL

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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My daughter went through that when she was 2. It was very frustrating, though if I remembe correctly the phase passed relatively quickly, though it was embarrassing and didn't seem to pass quickly at the time. Good luck!

I think most kids at that age tend to grouse about the restraint of a car seat! You could probably buy 20 car seats and she'd probably tell you they ALL hurt her bum! I remember my son going through that phase--kind of made me not want to leave the house - ever. I would be worked into a sweat by the time I wrestled him into his seat and we pulled out of the garage. More than O. time, a trip out was ditched due to his non-compliance! Bottom line: safety comes first, be firm and just strap her in--after all she's only 2. Good luck!

Could be a power/control struggle; YOU need to get her into her seat so you can get somewhere YOU want to go, and by a particular time.

How can you make her feel as if it's something SHE wants to do?

Find a time when there's someplace SHE really wants to go--create a situation if you need to (like, "Hey, let's go to the playground!")when there's no deadline, you don't need to be there by a particular time, and it doesn't matter if you don't go. When you get to the car, just say, "How fast can you get into your car seat and get it buckled?" (if it's one that she can buckle). If she balks, just say, "We'll go as soon as you're buckled in your seat." If she doesn't, you get out of the car and go back to the house. Then be as boring as possible :) so she'll WANT to get in that car seat so she can go where she wants to go.

The "Show me how fast you can...." worked for my daughter--"Show me how fast you can get in your jammies" (or put on your shoes, or get on your coat, etc." She liked the control and accomplishment.

This is a lot better than a tranquilizer gun (LOL!)

You could also talk about cooperation, how there are times that you do things she wants to do, and times she has to do things you want to do, and that's just the way it is sometimes. Unfortunately for kids, it always seems that they're forced to do all kinds of things and they have no choice or control. Nobody likes that (I'm STILL the kind of person who will be contrary just on principle sometimes!" Whatever works for you & your daughter.

Best of luck.

I agree with Barb K. that it is a power struggle. You have to stay firm and let her know that you will not back down from this issue. In time, your child will automatically put her seat belt on whenever she enters a car as long as you teach her from young that everyone must follow the law and stay safe with the use of a seatbelt (or car seat, in this case). Stay strong!

Did you ever think that it could be something else that was causing her to not sit down.

My youngest daughter did the same thing whenever she either already had poop in her diaper or she was about poop. She always had problems with her poop being hard so she wouldn't sit down when it was close to coming out. It wasn't until I found a juice that she liked that would soften her poop that she would sit down in her car seat without being forced.

I agree with the comments that this is common at this age, or any age really, and that she is testing you and that you will need to force her into her seat if necessary . . .

BUT

I haven't heard anything about praising her once she strapped in. It doesn't matter that she didn't do it willingly, once she is fully strapped into her seat say "Wow, look at Nina!! She is such a good(big, etc) girl for buckling up! I love it when Nina cooperates!"

My daughter always looks at me like I'm crazy when I do this to her, but it works. After awhile, what she used to respond to with frustration(which would then cause me to respond in frustration) she begins to respond to with admiration "Look, look I buckled up! Marley is a good girl."

It might not work, b/c every child is different, but my daughter is by no means a pushover. She has 4 older brothers and she can put up quite the struggle.

I also agree with the suggestion that you give her warnings ahead of time. My daughter sometimes freaks out when I suddenly tell her it's bed time or time to go to the store, etc. But if I give her a warning that "soon" it's time to . . . .and then 2-5 minutes later I give her another warning, by the time it's actually time to . . . . .she's prepared for it.

Some things are negotiable, some things are not. Car seats are not. I'm sure it is no fun to be strapped into a car seat, but it is necessary. I would be sympathetic, but firm. Once she realizes she's not going to win the fight, she'll give up.

That having been said, what about a sticker chart (every 5 days you don't have to fight with her, she gets an extra video or pancakes or something) or something that is fun for her to play with only in the carseat? Or a pretty pink carseat cover or something that she gets to pick out? If she feels like she has some control, it might make it easier.

I'm going to suggest something a little weird.
I agree with the others that she just plain needs to sit and that this isn't negotiable.
I also know how unsafe it is to drive while you are distracted by the mundo tantrum in the backseat. Not to mention how stressed you must be getting her in there in the first place.
If I where you I would "practice" getting her in her carseat when you don't have a schedule and don't Have to be anywhere by a certain time. Whether you just take her out and buckle her up, start the car and sit in the driveway-- Or maybe you can loosely plan a visit to some place that she really likes to go. But i would mention to another adult when Your daughter can over hear that it's important for you that everyone be safe in the car, sit down, buckle up, and talk softly. Then a couple hours later, directly mention to her that monday you'll be going to ___ and that you expect her to get in the car, sit in her carseat, buckle up, and talk quietly in the car. THen later on, if she has a toy car play with her and have the dolly sit down, buckle up, and talk quietly to the mommy doll while hte mommy is driving and the dolls can go to the park or where ever. Then the next day, tell her directly again what you expect. Then do your practice to where ever and if she is good, I would praise her as much as possible. If she doesn't behave, take her out of the car and back in the house and don't engage with her.

Just 2 cents good luck.

Definitely a phase and definitely best to just stand firm. My oldest seemed the worst with this at just about that age. I did find a couple of things that helped with her compliance though. First, I went on the PBS Kids website and found a picture of Elmo buckled into a carseat (this was years ago, so hopefully it's still there). We colored it in together and then I taped it to the back of the seat in front of her carseat. It was a reminder to her that even Elmo (who she adored at the time) rode in a carseat. The other was similar - she also loved Dora so we'd use the refrain from Dora - "Seat belts, so we can be safe." If she has a favorite character just such a gimmick might help. It won't end the battle completely, but with a little help and being consistent it will pass. My kids (now 7,5, and 2) panic if they think I'm going to start driving before they're buckled in (it's never happened, but they still fear it for some reason?). Also, make sure that you and any other adults riding in the car always wear a seat belt - this is especially effective with grandparents or favorite aunts/uncles when you comment that everyone wears a seat belt. Good luck!