Caught My 13Yo Brother with Another Boy???? Do I Tell His Mom?

S.,

Of course you need to talk to your dad and step-mom before your step-brother. Dont forget that these 2 boys are minors and you are not your step-brother's guardian. This needs to be handled by his parents directly. They in turn can discuss this with the parents of the other boy. Perhaps tell your dad first since your relationship with him is better. Let him in turn tell your stepmom and they can proceed from there. I can imagine you feel responsible because they were in your car, but you are not his parent. Other discussions about this can take place between you and your step-brother but not the first one and only with your dad and step-mom's permission.

Your other responsibility is to your kids. I can imagine you are wondering if anything like this has happened to them when in your stepbrother's care. As a general rule, I never never never, no matter who it is, leave my kids in the care of a teenage boy. They are just too sexually curious and unfortunately teenage boys brains are wired to act before they think. I have some wonderful nephews but they never babysit my kids - period.

There should absolutely be a discussion with your step-brother about sexual boundaries, especially with children. He needs to be very aware that it is never appropriate to touch a child sexually. His parents should be involved with you and your husband in that conversation and whether he should be allowed to be with your kids unsupervised.

This has got to be heart-wrenching for you - with lots of love and honesty, you will all get through this.

You definately need to speak with your step mother. This is something that shouldn't be ignored.

This is a problem which should not be ignored. Best to have the other lady tell your stepmom, perhaps alongside you, because the stepmom isn't going to want to believe it.

Otherwise, the police might show up (A VERY REAL POSSIBILITY) and the stepmom will find out that you knew and didn't tell her!

Yes, get all the necessary adults involved. I don't think there is any need to be accusatory with him, but it shouldn't be hush-hush.
Do NOT let him watch your kids.
Gay, bi, or straight, 13 is the age where it all begins--kids have sexual relationships at this age.
Unless he is certified to babysit (there are classes at local libraries, etc.) he shouldn't be watching your kids at all.
He needs to know that even if they were "innocently" experimenting, it is innappropriate. He may be a victim of inappropriate sexual behavior himself. Maybe he needs to talk to someone about that, too.

Hi S.,

Absolutely tell your step mom. She may or may not believe you, but your duty is to tell her (and your dad). You don't need to get more involved than you are comfortable with. But without a doubt she needs to know.

And do NOT let him babysit for you. It does not mean you don't love him, it just means he is not in a place that deems him able to be alone with other kids.

I know it's scary and upsetting, but this is very serious. The more help your brother can get, the better. And the sooner the better as well.

Good luck.

This is tough because it could be something very innocent or there could be other implications. I can only tell you what I might do in a similar situation. Since you have a good relationship with your step brother, I think you should sit him down and have a serious conversation with him. Talk to him about what he did and try to find out what was going through his mind. Maybe even find out if anyone else has touched him like that before. 13 is a tough age, especially when hormones are flaring and you are learning about your own sexuality.

I don't think you can hide this away from his mother. Instead of going straight to her, make sure your step brother is also involved with this. It won't be easy however, another parent and child are involved and they could bring it up again - and they might not be nice about it.

Here are several possibilities for your step brother's actions. He could be or believe he is gay/bi-sexual. It could be "experimentation", a lot of kids have tried this without meaning any harm. Someone else could have touched him like this and he is expressing this. What happened does not necessarily mean he is a bad person. He needs someone he can talk to and confide in. You might be that person he can turn to.

Good luck!

Yes tell the mom. And stop letting this boy babysit your kids.

Dear S., Protect your children at all cost. I was abused by my father from the time I was a baby till I moved out at 16 yrs. old. No one ever knew. Please don't be as niave as my mother was. It is nice to think the best of everyone but who will get hurt if you do that. I would go as far as to gently probe your children to find out if he has already touched them. I am serious! No one even changes the grand babies diaper but me, other grandma and her mother! I think the statistics are one in every 6 children are molested by a person of trust. Tell his mom, tell him and protect your babies.

Oh S., I sympathize with your position in this. How is your and your step brother's relationship with your dad? Could you talk with him since you don't have a good relationship with your step mom? I would not talk with your brother yourself. That is a delicate situation. It could very well just be curiosity and may not be as "bad" as it sounds. However... The decision has to be up to you. You can take advice from all us strangers but ultimately, you will go with what your gut is telling you. You will do the right thing. Ignoring it is not the answer so I would suggest acting soon. Good luck.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Please don't neglect your responsibilites as a Mom to your children or any other children. This world is sick............

S., my question is has something been done to your brother that makes him think this is OK to do to others. I think that you should talk to your brother as well as his mom.

Yes, I would talk to his mom, but him as well. I hate to say it, but I would rethink having him watch your kids. Even without this situation, I learned a couple years back that statistically, it's extremely common for boys in puberty to take advantage of smaller children sexually. It doesn't mean that those boys are growing up into pedophiles or that they have evil intentions particularly. As the Sheriff said that taught the class I was taking then, putting a pubescent boy in charge of younger kids is putting someone in a situation with optimum opportunity and temptation that is dealing with strong hormones and a lack of insight. It doesn't mean they are bad kids, but the temptation of that situation may be too strong and that we need to be cautious no matter how nice the young man might be. Even with my own son, whom I trust a great deal, I was very careful with leaving him with my youngest daughter. I just never wanted to put him in a situation where he would be overly tempted with negative results to both. This could well be the situation that happened with your step brother and his friend, as the friend is learning disabled. He may have been taking advantage. Believe me, I don't want to scare you with what I shared, but I was so shocked by the statistic myself. I don't think it's widely known in the general public. (It ought to be!) I would rather know this info and take the precautions, as I'm sure you would too. Good luck!

Of course you have to tell his mom. This is a very inappropriate behavior and he was taking advantage of a child with disabilities as well. It might even be better to let the other mom handle it, but your brother's mom must be told.