Cautious with My Children Coming in Contact with Sickness

ETA:

I pretty much think you're being overprotective (mostly because of the tone of the post). But, with a stomach bug, I might be more protective than not. With a cold, I would be much more lax.

Sounds like this has reached the level of being a control issue rather than caution. What is it that your parents do to which you object? Your mother does have a point. Since your child is in daycare she is already being exposed to the germs you're wanting to prevent. And I do think it's reasonable to treat a person without a fever as a well person.

I do agree, the way that you've worded this question, does make what you're doing sound rude. Again, I suggest that it's a control issue for you. You want to control what she comes into contact with in your home, to include her grandparents. I do think that is over doing it, some.

Please know that it's important for children to get sick so that their immune system gets strong. That's not to say that you expose them on purpose. It does mean relaxing a bit when what you want involves your parents. They are not going to make your child sick. They care about her too. In my opinion, relationships are more important than being right.

After your SWH. It is in the air, including your air unless you seal up the house. lol I know that's silly but honestly your daughter is exposed already at day care. Your husband brings the bugs home on his clothes. You're exposed if you go to the store. Your immune system takes care of it in those conditions and will also do so within your family.

Are you saying that you don't want your child or yourself to be with your nieces and nephews if they're sick? That's reasonable. Is that what your family is resenting? Or are you saying your parents can't be with your child if they've also been with the sick nieces and nephews. That's not so reasonable.

I urge you to find a way to relax about germs. They are everywhere and as you've stated being so concerned is affecting in a negative way your relationship with your parents. Which is, honestly, most important.

If you associate with others, you're going to share germs. Relax! We steer clear of any known stomach bugs, but you really can't control this stuff that much. You'll raise a neurotic kid in the process! For everyone's sake -NEVER watch "Contagion"!

I'm sorry, but I think I agree with your mom and dad, you are a bit over the top on this, ESPECIALLY since your child is in daycare and your hubby works in a hospital. The number and variety of germs coming home on your husband and his clothing I'm sure is astonishing. Pretty much everyone in the hospital is sick so it really doesn't make sense to me that you are so worried about your mother/father having come into contact with a germ and spreading it to your child. Do you make your husband shower and change clothes before he can touch your child?

Has this worked for you? Have you been able to keep her from getting sick?

Please don't think about all the germs you come into contact with, just by walking into a store. I guarantee that YOU expose your children to just as many germs, as anyone else. Actually, more. You are in their space more. Your child has MORE of a chance of giving your parents something, because of the germs they are exposed to every day. Day cares are petty much a petri dish of illness.

If your parents wash their hands and don't kiss your children, what is the problem? I think you're being a tad extreme. Do you just want to be right?

I'm a little confused, are you saying your mother doesn't believe in hand and washing and nose wiping, etc?

Well, I think it kinda works both ways. Generations before us didn't usually worry about every possible bug and germ they could come in contact with. If she's going to get exposed to germs in day care, she's going to get exposed. Someone sick could come over and she could pick up something from them just as easily as she could pick something up at day care the same day or the next day or the day after that. But your parents are also being rather careless if they think that somehow not having a fever does not make you contagious. They seem like are being overly sensitive but the way you are coming across to them may seem rude to them. I would just let them know that if anyone happens to be running a cold or a cough, or vomiting/diarrhea, you would appreciate them not coming to visit. And keep lots of hand sanitizer handy.

There's common sense hygiene, and there is common courtesy, but it's also worthwhile noting that more people are diagnosed with allergies now than ever before, and it's possibly because we are more diligent with the cleaning and sanitizing than generations past. Our immune systems have to respond to something, after all.

First off, I think you can make whatever rules in your house and with your kids that you want. Let other people call you insane. They can rule their own house and their own kids (or if it's your parents, they already had their turn).

I had that pretty common philosophy of "illness builds up their immune systems". Now, I didn't rub them in germs or anything, but I didn't panic or quarantine them either if a friend's child simply had a runny nose or cold.

We were protective when it came to handwashing and holding our babies tho. Our parents thought we were a little nuts, but so what?

Seems to be this may be the tip of the iceberg between you and your parents and "differences in parenting styles". I think the key here is to POLITELY ask your mother and father to respect your wishes when it comes to your children and your house. They don't have to agree. There doesn't have to be a discussion. The bottom line is - your house, your kids, your rules.

When you're very pregnant and/or have a newborn, I feel differently. Example: there is a "simple" cold virus called RSV. It ends up being a "head cold" to most of us, stuffed sinuses, wet cough, etc. Well it put our baby in the hospital for a week! He couldn't breathe and his airways were blocked from mucus. (We figure he got it from someone who thought they "just had a cold" and then held him.)

So yes, you probably shouldn't spaz out over EVERY cough, but with your newborn in particular, I'd stick with the rule of "If you or anyone in your house is not feeling 100%, please don't come by, just call. Although we'd love to see you, it's important for us to keep our baby well."

End of story. After they've been in a hospital PICU for a week with a sick baby, leaving other children at home being taken care of by other people, let them get back to you with their feedback. Until then, keep your family safe.

I did upset our family too with my protective attitude, but I don't care. It was important to us because yes, we too do have to buy groceries, have bigger kids in school, etc. So all we could control is what came in our house. So for us, that's what we did. Sanitze. Hand wash. Spray door knobs. Etc.

Now was this FOREVER, no. But it was until we felt like our baby/young child could handle a common cold or flu virus. And as much as people think "you're going to be exposed to it anyway" - it's a lot different for a baby than it is for a 6 yr old or an adult.

Since your pregnant and will have a child in daycare still too, I say be protective. You aren't doing this to offend or spite other people. I can tell you first hand, my MIL would come to our house coughing and congested and say, "It's just a sinus infection", like it's not going to get anyone else sick. Well, many of those START due to a cold virus which you can transmit! So we just made a house rule, no one sick can come over. Period.

So yes, we kept sick Grandparents away from our baby and kids. And yes, we didn't see them a whole lot. We got Skype and called a lot. But we did what we felt was necessary.

And if it pisses your parents off, I'm sorry but that's THEIR PROBLEM.

You sound reasonable to me. I am not exactly sure what the arguments are about - that your mother/father have to wash their hands, or not kiss the kids if they are sick?

I wouldn't worry about it

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I'm a nurse. Feel just as you do. However, for anyone who chooses not to worry about these things, that's what's so beautiful about this country. They are your rules, your child , your way. Many do not agree when people are vegan, or other lifestyle choices. Too bad. I would say keep living the way you want to and as for grandparents, ours know they need to stand by the way we are raising our child or not be around as much. When moms or nannys bring sick kids to music class it makes me nuts!! It is very rude to expose others to a known illness.

What do you mean by eat after them or drink after them? I have no idea what this means.

What do you mean "eating and drinking after" them? Are you saying that your parents allow your daughter to eat off their own forks and plates and drink from their own glasses rather than HER fork and plate and HER glass? If that's what you mean, it's not about illnesses that you should be concerned about passing to your daughter. You and your husband could feed your daughter off your own plates and that's fine and dandy, but other adults doing it could mean too many adult mouth bacteria building up in her mouth and causing some problems in her gums requiring treatment from the dentist. This happened with one of my nieces, who used to eat off of EVERYONE's plates. She never got sick, but she started having mouth pain the dentist tested the bacteria in her mouth and there was an overgrowth of adult bacteria in there from too many different adults.

As for the rest of it, you do sound rather germophobic and rude about it. You have the right to handle things however you do in your own home, but you need to be more delicate with how you verbalize your preferences to other people. You can be polite and straightforward at the same time without being rude. If you're polite and they're still insulted, then that's on them.

Just because there are drunk people on the road (or sick kids taken to daycare) doesn't mean it's okay for me to get in the car drunk and drive my kid around (have him be around people I know are sick).

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Your parents obviously don't understand ANYTHING about universal precautions, or transmission vectors.

What THEY are doing is extremely rude.

If the even spent 10 minutes verifying what you're saying is 100% correct (that saliva carries bacteria and viruses... and that a fever is not necessary to be contagious), their "argument" would fly out the window. Instead they're just doggedly saying "Whatever, we don't care."

The next time they say something, you should say" I know mom/dad that you don't agree with us keeping _____from drinking/eating after you, but we ask that you respect us enough to stop it! You don't have to like it or agree with it. But if you want us to continue trusting you and allowing our daughter over,you need to put this issue to rest. This is what we believe and this is what we will stick to. HTH---M