Celebrating an Elderly Relative Going into a Nursing Home?

I would do it as a Thank You party. Thank her for giving of herself to care for her father. You can then give gifts to show your appreciation of all she did... things to pamper herself (pedicure, massage and always chocolates lol)as she has done for her father would be appropriate. Also, some kind of memory book with pictures and then add some poems or stories of other people who give so much of themselves for others.

So, I would go but if they do not address it properly in the term they use for the party, just make sure you do so in your card.

Remind your BIL and family that she is going to go through a grieving process just as if she had lost him to death. That celebrating her freedom may not be the right choice of words for the party. She is going to constantly question if she made the right decision to put him in there. Her Father is also going to be going through some major changes and the Alzhiemers will show new forms- he will be very confused as to where he is and why he is there and may even regress further. This is going to be hard on her and make her even more regretful that she had to make this decision.

So, the only way to tactfully "celebrate" is to thank her for being the strong woman that she is, the one that raised her kids and has helped her Father! She is an amazing woman!

God bless you and your family! I will pray for your MIL and hubby to be able to come to terms with the decision that was made!

I'm not sure what you should do regarding the "party." I cared for my mom after she had strokes and it was with much sadness and difficulty that I had to put her in a nursing home. I still spent a lot of time there helping to care for her -- so it wasn't really a "freedom" from caring for her thing, but more a safety/health/medical thing. I would have been flat out appalled if someone had thrown me a party to celebrate my "freedom." If it were me I would be totally honest and say that I don't think a party is appropriate. Especially not a surprise party. You know best though how things in your family are handled. (I also would tip off my MIL that someone was planning this. Maybe she'd be ok with it, but I honestly doubt it. Seems so thoughtless and inappropriate.)

I apologize for being blunt, but the theme for this party just made me gasp. I think it terribly insensitive and highly inappropriate. If someone in my family suggested it, I would certainly say something, before the plans get any further off the ground. I would never make an appearance at a party for this reason. You know your family best, as to whether to say something or just avoid the entire situation until it's over; however, I would definitely want to speak to the mother in law either beforehand to spill the beans (this would cause new problems) or afterward to let her know you did not support this idea. This is her father and I'm sure jumping up and celebrating her "freedom" is not in line with how she is feeling.

Ok I had to weigh in on this-this is crazy! Sending someone to a nursing home is the hardest saddest thing in the world to do, and I understand both sides of support mom vs. support grandpa, the fact is Alzheimer's disease is one of the saddest and most hurtful afflictions and unless your husband is ready to open up his home and care for grandpa he needs to be kinder to his mom. My family has gone through three generations of elderly with Alzheimer's disease and quite frankly it sucks. People you love so much no loner know you or remember a dang thing they were saying or doing. And it gets dangerous. My great grandfather set his car on fire because he forgot he was smoking, my great grandmother kept trying to leave the house and would get lost on the sidewalk, even in winter. It is horrible and so hard to care for someone who has become so lost.

So please encourage your husband to be more supportive but then tell your brother in law to snap out of it, you don't celebrate someone's "freedom" from a loved one. Geez, his mom would probably walk into the party and burst into tears!

I think a gentle thank you dinner is a great idea, loving and supportive without being flippant and insensitive. If your BIL insists on being so thoughtless, i would talk directly to MOM and tell her what he is planning and why you won't attend, that way it won't be a shock to her and she can decide what she would like and then you and your husband can support her true wishes. But please do support her. Very few things in life hurt as much as losing a loved one who is still standing in front of you.