Christmas Time and Advice on Gift Giving

1) On average, we spend about 1k per year on christmas. That includes gifts for all 3 of us, the tree, presents for others, baking, decorations, etc.

I could happily spend 5-10x that.

2) Regardless of what she gets elsewhere, if her sisters are awash in presents, and she isn't because of "elsewhere" I can all but guarantee a Cinderella / Not feeling as loved as the other girls ripple effect.

3) I make truffles, and chocolate truffle stuffed figs, and hand out chocolate covered strawberries for valentines day "gift certs", and crazy cake gift certs. The certificates space out the expense a bit, and I can make about 500 truffles for $40-80 depending on flavorings, whether or not callebaut is on sale, etc. Inexpensive, just very time consuming.

I spend $100 on each of my child, but I give it a little leeway. If I've already bought a million things for one of my kids and another wants one thing that's a little more expensive I will push the leftover towards the more expensive, and as much as I'd like to say I stick to my budget, that's not really how it works with me. I'd rather spend every penny leftover after bills on their birthdays and Christmas. Especially Christmas. It means so much to them, and so much to me.

I would feel guilty if I said "She doesn't need it because she lives somewhere else too." She's still one of your children, and she deserves as much show of love and affection from you as from her mother. (Not to say you should be trying to buy their love.) The little girls are very lucky to have you as their mother. They don't get the other mother as well, but that doesn't mean you should punish your 11-year-old for it.

Why would the 11 yr old get less? My 6 yr old gets gifts from her bio dad and his family but that stuff stays there, it is not sent home.

We don't focus so much on the price of items to be equal but the number of gifts. I think kids would notice one sibling got 10 gifts and she only got 6 rather than, hey your gift costs more than mine! We get them each one big gift then smaller ones and clothes.

We have such a large family that everyone decided to stop buying for each other except for our parents. For our nieces and nephews, we do a gift exchange.

I don't think $100 per child is at all over the top. But everyone's budget is different, so you can't really go by other people's notions of too much or not enough on that. I would not spend less on the 11 yr old b/c she gets gifts elsewhere. She will notice, and feel like the "ugly stepchild" and grow to dislike the holidays at your house and be envious of her little sisters.

As far as gifts for non-nuclear relatives, we often frame pictures of the kids and give them to extended family. The always love having updated photos of the kids, and it is something they can't go buy for themselves.

here's what we do to celebrate Christmas and deal with all the gift giving nightmares: www.adventconspiracy.org

This year, instead of giving gifts to the kids we're starting a family foundation with the children as the granting directors. BTW, we're starting our "foundation" with $200. We've been saving up for months to be able to do that. We're not wealthy. The kids and their cousins will accept small grant proposals this year and next Christmas the kids will decide who to donate the money to. Even the three year olds will be in on it. We're hoping that every year the amount will increase and within a year we will be a legal 501(c)3 organization.

I always said I would do this if I came into money. Well, I realized it's stupid to wait for that to happen, and it's even dumber to just not do it, so we're just going to start small.

I'm tired of the traditional gifting nightmare, and I personally don't want to make WalMart richer for Christmas.

I have 2 and a DH, spending $60-$100 on each, including Santa's contribution. It's more important how much the gift means to the recipient versus it's material cost -- thrifting and resale are my favorite shopping:)

For family, I get McD's $5 gift cards for the kids and go to the Dollar Store, get multi-picture frames, and give a family "collage" -- they go over well because the recipient doesn't have to get their own frame. That and cookies or treats rounds out our holiday. For Grandparents, I get one $5-$20 gift apiece.

Like almost every other poster, I budget $100 per kid (I have 2). The adults on all sides of our family don't give gifts to each other (I give pics of the kids), but they all buy for the kids in the extended family. For me that is about $5 a kid for 12 kids or all the kids in one family get a joint gift like a movie night tub with fav candy. I have a cousin who handmade christmas ornaments for each family or child for several yrs in a row and I loved that idea (and still hang the ornaments too). I also have aunts that bake and give plates of yummy cookies and breads as gifts. My husband and I usually figure out something for the house we have been talking about doing and that is our gift to each other. Sometimes this is more labor and time giving than money-wise, this year we are going to sqaure a spot in the yard and fill it with mulch for the kids outdoor toys that are currently scattered from one corner to the other.

I Wish that I could say that I "only" spent $100 on each child as they were growing up...now that I look back at some of the pictures of the Christmas Tree and the MOUNTAINS of gifts piled up under the tree...I am more than a little bit ashamed. I do not think that $100 per child is too much, UNLESS that is putting a crimp in your budget for the month!!! I also think that you should spend equal amounts on all three of your children...just because your step daughter has a biological Mom who also gets her things...doesn't mean that you should make her gifts any less important.
As far as what to do for grandparents inlaws etc....I would think that it would be a great solution to just have family pictures taken at Sears, or someplace that is reasonable and give each family a picture. If you have a large family...maybe you could all draw names and get a gift for one other person with a price limit on it of say .... $25. If you are having trouble coming up with the money to get things for everyone ...chances are that others are in the same boat and are just PRAYING that someone will suggest that the enormous gift burden be stopped!!!

Whatever amount you decide to spend (I spend about $100 also).. it should be the same for all children in your home. Do not punish your 1 daughter because her parents are divorced.. instead treat her like your marriage children,.

I dont really know how much we spend on our daughter. I do try to fill her stocking with knick-knacks, and also have few presents under the tree. I would say that last year we stayed between $100-$150 for her. She gets A LOT of stuff from family.

We always do a family Christmas trip to Gatlinburg, TN, so that is a present to all 3 of us-spending time together, Christmas lights, and Christmas Parade.

My husband and I are on a strict budget by the end of the year so we make a certain budget (ex. $40) and then make a list of 5-8 things to choose from that we would like to have that way we can still open a (surprise) presents from each other because, lets face it, even adults enjoy presents.

Last year we gave out handmade fridge pic frames with our daughter's pic in them along with a decorative baggy of my homemade choco dipped pretzel sticks-these went to each family. Then we mostly bought tiny cheap gifts for the very few "kids" in our family. This year we are giving a choice of a chocolatey handmade treat(havent figured out yet) or a homemade seasoning(made from vegs in our garden), and a pic of our daughter to distant families. Last but not least, my cheesy but thrifty idea-we have a FSA (flex spending account) and as you may know, if you dont use your money by the end of the year you lose it so...we are putting together some "Over the Counter Gift Baskets" for close family households. : p These things can be expensive and are always needed.

Over all, the economy is rough right now so I dont think people expect too much. Have fun with it and help people remember what Christmas is REALLY about!

My husband and I always give little gift baskets to family members. We get the baskets from the dollar store and fill them with homemade goods.
Last year my hubby made homemade caramels for the baskets, we have done cookies before, and this year I made sauce from my veggie garden and canned it, and will be making and drying homemade pasta to put in the baskets, along with some garlic parmesan butter for garlic bread, kind of like a meal in a basket.
My friends think I am nuts, but I save so much money, and with a kitchenade mixer and pasta machine, it really isnt much work.

It's hard to say $100 is too much without knowing your financial situation, in which case, only you can make that call. I can tell you that we didn't even bother with gifts until the kids were at least 2 years old, and that we usually do $100 or less per kid each Christmas. And I try to make it the exact same amount- if one kid has a few dollars less than the other, I'll throw in an extra thing to even it out. I don't think you should spend less on your step-daughter, it should be even with the others, regardless of what else she may get from other family members.

My first thought is fair is fair and you should spend the same on yours, mine and our children. Then I think of my raising four children, two of which are mine from a first marriage, the last two are ours together. I luckily always had all four on Christmas morning - so I spent equal amounts on each. Which was $100 and grew as they grew older to $125-150, as close within that range.
My oldest daughter is in your position. She has a step-daughter that lives with her mom, and she pretty much still spent an equal amount on her as she did her younger daughter. Their daughter together was less than a year old and so the cost of her gifts were not as much, but would be equal if age required.
I hope this helps... you can't look at what else the other is getting, just give from the heart fairly and you won't have any reqrets later. Your children have you both there as their extra gifts.
Good Luck -

M.

My 2 girls are 5 and 2 years old, and they do not understand the "price" of the gifts they receive, but I make it equal by giving them the same number and type of item. For example, they both get one big "main" gift. This year my oldest is getting the Barbie Glamour Camper, which I got for $70. My youngest is getting a vanity with jewelry that I got for $6 at a resale. They will both be ecstatic about their gift, and have no idea the difference in cost. Then they will get comparable smaller gifts: a Barbie, a few books, etc. You need to keep it equal among ALL of your children, including step children, but you may not need to spend the same exact amount of money on each child... just make them feel like they are getting an equal amount of gifts.

For family members, we give the grandparents a photo calendar (made on Shutterfly) every year and they love it. For other in-laws, I try to do a family gift or couple gift (like a board game or movie theater gift card) instead of buying for each individual. Or you can see if the family wants to do a grab bag for the adults, so each person gets one nice thing (set a price range and let each person make a little wish list). Enjoy!