Clingy 2 Year Old- Am I Doing Something Wrong?

Here is some information that might help :o)

http://www.parenthood.com/article-topics/coping_with_a_cl...

It's a stage they go through.

If she is going to day care 2 days a week and does fine - I think she will be fine in Pre-K and K! All kids have favorit... I don't think you can give a child to much attention and I don't think you gave her to little. I think all my kids have gone though a phase where they "needed" mommy all the time - eventhough daddy was the main care giver. My one son had to be with me all the time when I was home... including the bathroom when I went, the kitchen when I cooked and on my lap when I wanted tv. He also didn't like me leaving him at Pre-K... I had to give him kisses on all his kiss spots (3 moles on his face & one on his tummy) 3 or 4 hugs and take him to his seat for breakfast before I could slip out of the classroom cause he wanted me to stay. He still needs kisses & hugs all the time, but he does he own thing a lot now - he starts K next fall.

Your daughter will do fine... some kids just like a little more attention. But they do become more independant... and know who is better a hugs & cuddles and who is better at playing & rough houseing - kids are smart... enjoy the love and attention while she will let you, you'll miss it later.

You didn't say if she is just-turned-2, or almost-3, but generally if she is on the younger side of 2, I really would not worry and know that this really just a phase they go through, most likely. There is a big difference between a kid who just turned 2, and one that is 2 1/2 or closer to 3. If she does well in the day care, I doubt there is a cause for concern. I am assuming that this fall would be the earliest she would be in preschool and a lot can change in 6 months. The "separation issues" that your friend's son has are probably a whole separate ball of wax and could have a completely different etiology. My nephew had major separation issues when he started kindergarten but I believe that was mostly because my SIL never did any preschool or structured activities with him outside the house at all. She literally just stayed home and kept him home with her and barely took him any place. When all of a sudden he had to go to kindergarten, it was a major shock to him and took him months to adjust. His mother did nothing to prepare him.

Most kids that I know that were clingy as toddlers and "slow to warm up" eventually get over it if they are given the opportunity to be away from Mom and Dad and get used to it for short periods of time. They may always have a bit more of a reserved personality, but they go to school just fine. Just saying, I think it's too soon to really worry about it yet. My daughter is now 4 and still prefers me over Dad for most things, but is learning that she can't always get her way and sometimes Dad just needs to do it because Mom isn't able.

This sounds perfectly normal, however as we all know a clingy kid can be very tiresome for mommy. I would try to start working with her, but don't make her feel like your "leaving her". When she wants you to change her, say let daddy do it and mommy will sit beside you, then when you see she's getting comfortable with that start moving farther away, but still stay "near" her.

The dinner thing, well that is one of my pet-peeves (sorry). I hate to see people not make their kids sit in their chairs. It is only the beginning of a very bad habit and a very long battle. If you don't make them do it at home, they are not going to do it when out in public and that is what my pet-peeve is, kids running around, or parents who get up constantly to "walk them". We have twins and no matter how hard it was we NEVER did this. We would take toys, snacks whatever it took to keep them occupied. Did we get to sit and have a relaxing time, no but we took them out and got them used to it. So, when at dinner do the same thing, when she wants to sit on your lap tell her she can sit in her chair, but tell her you can pull her chair right beside you or daddy and even hold her hand if that will help. However, if she throws a fit, tell her you will move her chair to the end of the table away from both of you. Only give her the two options, either sit beside you or at the end of the table, I guarantee she will pick to sit beside you if you don't give her the option of sitting on your lap.

Also, don't just spring this on her, tell her before dinner that we are going to do this so she's not surprised. If she continues to throw a fit and not choose to sit beside you tell her she can go her room and then she can eat after mommy and daddy are done eating and she will have to sit by herself. Table manners are a "must" and must be taught early on, otherwise it'll be a long battle.

my nearly two year old is the same way except she clings to Daddy!

My son is the same way. He always prefers mommy for everything, and has a hard time adjusting to new situations (especially if I am there), even fun things like gymnastics, tball, swimming lessons, etc. WHen I went back to work full time, he had a really hard time but it turned out the daycare was bad (to this day,three years later, we drive by and he says -looks its the bad school!) So after a month, we switched to a new place and even though it took a few weeks to adjust, he did really well and it was good for him. Then Kindergarten started and we had a month of crying, running from the door and night terrors. But now he is ok.

It is a stage for her. Actually, the stronger the bond she builds with her mother the better she will adjust. I would say that if she does alright in preschool then her adjustment is fine.

Sounds very normal. I'd suggest that the way to get a clingy kid to stop clinging is not to force more separation on her (so I wouldn't say you are giving her too much attention). Meet her needs for your presence within reason-I personally would not let her sit on my lap at dinner. But shower her with lots of hugs. If you know dinner is a problem time, try to spend some cuddling/reading time with her before dinner (where possible). Also, I have found that just being home with them is not necessarily giving them the attention they need. When I am busy with my own stuff non-stop it tends to make my daughter more demanding of my attention. If I stop, read a book, play a game or whatever then she can go off on her merry way again.

My daughter was attached at the hip forever (it seemed at the time). It was all mama all the time. She's 5 now and a very independent capable person. They do get through these stages. You are not doing something wrong, she just needs more mama-time right now. That doesn't mean you are not spending lots of time with her, just means she needs more right now. Sometimes this happens the most when they are growing and separating more, they just need to know that you re still there.

Hi M.,

I doubt you are doing anything wrong, but something more than just a strong preference for you could be underlying your daughter's behavior. In order to figure out what that might be would necessitate a longer discussion. This much I will assure you, you are not giving her too much attention. I run a charitable organization in Gloucester and have extensive experience with kids who have attachment disorders. If you would like to speak I would be happy to spend some time (no charge) on the phone with you. My details are below.

In health,
S. L. G., Jr.
Exec. Director
Active Healing, Inc.
www.activehealing.org
____@____.com
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