Co-sleeping - Los Angeles,CA

I co-slept most of the time with my boys until they were old enough to sleep in a toddler bed, around two. They had no problem with it as long they got to cuddle in my bed with me before bedtime. We make this storytime in my house. When my younger son was around three we got bunkbeds and had the boys share a room to sleep in and made my older son's room the playroom. This way nobody has to sleep alone and they love it. We still cuddle altogether in bed a lot, usually before bed or early in the morning. The kids know to knock before entering and respect their parents' private time.

My daughter is 18 months and she just started sleeping in her own bed. I also loved her sleeping next to me and felt the same about the bonding time.
I have a friend who did the same with her son, he's now 6 and still won't sleep in his bed, which is why I put the kabosh on it now.

I co slept with both my kids he's young and I suggest making the transition sooner than later we just moved and I JUST got my kids out of my bed they are now 6 and 4 it was rough and crowded and they just would not stay in their rooms I'd move them and in the middle of the night they cone back it's been 2 months and it's gone great but he older he gets the harder it gets

My husband is a fireman and works 24 hour shifts.. sometimes up to 72 hours. My daughter has been in my bed since she was 6 months old. I just thought i was either goin to sleep alone or sleep wtih her! She is still in the bed when my husband comes home because he feels like he bonds with her when she is in the bed because he is gone so much. MY daughter is now 22 months old!! Crazy.. and we still love it!

I want to commend you for following your instincts - especially nowadays when us Mamas are taught to go against biology and conform to some arbitrary cultural standard.

When I was pregnant, and even when my daughter was born, I was vehemently against co-sleeping. My daughter, however, had other ideas. She's still in the bed with us and I am good with that, knowing she will sleep n her own soon enough. Childhood flys right by and I want to enjoy every second of bonding I can get with her.

Here's one from a Gramma...whose sons shared the "family Bed" as if was called years ago. It was pretty frowned on when my kids were babies. When my oldest son was born, his head broke about an inch off of the end of my spine/tailbone. I couldn't sit on it for a couple of months because of the pain. I had to sit sideways on a hip in a chair or the car to keep pressure off of it, so we ended up laying down to nurse him. It was just easier. It was really really cold the year he was born too, and nuzzling under the covers was perfect. We loved it and none of us ever missed any sleep. One night I woke to my husband putting my son to my breast to nurse, cuddling us both in his arms and going back to sleep. It touched me so much I had tears.

When my second son was born, we put a child's bed next to our bed and our oldest slept there, next to us, where he could fall asleep cuddling- then be moved to his own space near us. Eventually they moved to their own room together, but still came in for cuddles in the morning. I guess my oldest was about 5 and the younger about 2 when they moved to their own room. The time frame isn't memorable because it flexed back and forth for a period of time, they came and went. They still came and laid on my bed with me all through their growing years. Either one will lay on my bed if I am in it even now as adults, to talk. The bed is warm comfortable place in our family.

It was one of the sweetest times of my life and I don't regret it at all. Enjoy this precious period!

Here is a link to the same question posted on MamaSource recently:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/17208387730036293633

I co-slept with both my kids. me and Hubby are fine about it, and the kids.
I have a reply in that posting above.
It does transition naturally... and the child will sleep on their own, in their own bed, one day. And no, it does NOT make a child "dependent" and "needy" as some profess. In fact, both of my kids are super well-adjusted/independent/self-reliant/confident/self-motivated kids and well rounded and very loving & empathetic kids.

All the best,
Susan

Hi J.,
We love cosleeping or sleep sharing as some people call it. Our two year still sleeps in the same room with us. It is fun to wake up in the morning to see him cuddled next to us. Or sometimes when it is cold he'll snuggle under the blankets too. You and your child will find a balance for when to move into his own room. What I always remember is that one day he will go away to college and soon his cuddly baby days will be gone, so we like to enjoy it while he's little.
Sweet dreams.

We did the opposite. Our son HATED cosleeping ( wanted his space) started sleeping through the night at just a couple weeks old as long as he was in his own room, in the giant expanse of the crib, with the door shut. (I moved a giant rocker recliner into his room so I could nurse while half asleep/asleep and not worry about dropping the baby -And when I say giant, I really mean it- the thing is a monster, two adults over 6' can sit in it).

Anyhow... when my son was 3 he started climbing into our bed. Now at 7 about half the time everyone piles into our bed, and the other half he sleeps in his own bed/room. Sometimes he "starts out" with mummy & daddy, and we move him, other times he stays with us through the night, other times he starts out in his room and comes in with us, and yet other times he's in his room all night. Whatever works.

The interesting thing (that is what is on most people's minds, I've noticed when they contemplate co-sleeping or the whole family bed thing with aversion), is that our sex life actually improved since our son started sleeping with us! Because we had to get creative. AKA, if he's sleeping in our room we don't have sex in there. Anywhere else in the house though (except our son's room...eeew) is fair game. Which works out fantastic, especially for not falling into ruts.

You're right. There is a closeness of sleeping with/near someone. And of waking up with someone. We all know that's true romantically... but it's also true in a sex free / platonic relationship.

One of my favorite comments on the subject ever came from a comic strip (calvin and hobbes, maybe?). The kid was standing in the hallway outside his parents room shouting through the door "Sure! You guys are great examples of sleeping alone! Since you each sleep alone in separate rooms every night! If YOU aren't willing to face monsters at night alone, why do you expect ME to???"

It cracked me up. But it's so true. Unless you're a single parent, typically mom and dad get to sleep in the same room, but we tout that sleeping alone is "better", and that our kids NEED to. Why exactly? The only reason I can think of is sex, and there are certainly a 1000 other places to have it.

I am one who is very much an advocate of co-sleeping. I co-slept with my daughter until she was 6; easy transition to her own bed. I’m currently co-sleeping with my 4 year old son; I’ll likely transition at 5. Everyone we meet makes comments of the amazing bond I have with my children. I wouldn’t change a thing.

I am a proud co-sleeper!!! I get a lot of hell from my parents and other couples for it. There are days i wish i didn't do it but overall i love it!! My husband loves it less than me but it isn't that big a deal to him either. I never thought i would be a co-sleeper and this is my 2nd time around at it. My first i started with the crib in the same room for the same reasons as you. He outgrew the crib and i put his little bed in our room too. Every night he would end up in ours.He went to his own room when he was 4 and ready to start Kindergarten. He transitioned very well. Now,our 2 year old sleeps with us.I absolutely love it. We bond and cuddle so much. It makes me feel cozy and he smells so good all the time. This will be our last baby so I'm enjoying him as long as i can!!

Goodluck with your little co-sleeper. Do what feels right to you and the little guy!

I'm a fan of co-sleeping, but really I'm a big fan of what works for YOUR family! Having your children sleep with you does NOT lead to independence issues..otherwise whole cultures would not be functioning because MOST of the world co-sleeps!! Having a bed/room for every child is normal in our country because we have bought into the idea that every child must have their own bed/room---which in turn sells houses, furniture, linens, lights...you get the picture!

So, if as a working mother, you sleep better with your boy next to you, do it. I have always worked from home (p/t) & when I was nursing I would of NEVER gotten any sleep if I had to move kids to other rooms. Plus, I worked late at night & my girls would be sleeping next to their dad & his breathing--snoring!! loud!! would help them regulate their breathing & sleep sounder.

As a family, we lean toward the cuddly side, so we like to be all together. We have a king sized bed & the top half of a bunk bed next to it--with the rails on it & some nights we have a kid--or 3 with us & some nights we have none. They all have their own beds & we don't make a big deal, one way or the other. Sometimes, a kid might be feeling the need for a little extra time with us or sometimes they might need a little time alone..they can do what's best for them that night. They are currently 13, 10 & 8. They are very wonderful in their own little ways & are VERY secure in our love for them.

Another thing is, parenting is a 24 hour job. One of my daughters had an unexplained seizure in her sleep @ 2 am. She was a little over 2 & didn't have a fever. I was pregnant, I had gone downstairs to sleep the rest of the night on our couch, to sleep upright, I had fierce heartburn. Thank God my husband was sleeping next to her & her sister--the sound of it woke him up & he came running down the stairs with her in his arms yelling call 911 & so I did. She didn't stop seizing until the parimedics gave her a valium shot to relax her. Scariest night of my life to that point!!

I once had a mother (a family member, VERY critical of co-sleeping-& my hippy ways) tell me about her then 15 month old crying on & off again all night in his crib in his room, but she wouldn't go get him because a) she needed her sleep (she works FT) b) he needed to learn to self-soothe & in the morning when she went to get him, he was COVERED in dried puke!! She laughed it off, didn't even think it was a big deal! I was pretty horrified!

And when it comes to "our" time, we can lock them out..or be quiet..not a big deal for us. Your boy is only a baby & then child once..enjoy it the best you can! Believe me, he isn't going to want to sleep in your bed forever! Good Luck!

Hi J.,
I can understand how you feel, it is REALLY nice to sleep with your baby, and feel him/her next to you, even thought, for me it was difficult to have a good night sleep, I was too concern to squeeze mine while sleeping! My opinion is, is more difficult to get them to sleep on their own room when they are older (sometimes really difficult), and I strongly believe that sleeping by themselves help them build confidence, and independence. My daughter slept with us for as long as she was in her bassinet. After that, we moved her to her room, and crib, right around when she was 5 months. We had to resist the temptation to bring her to our bed, more than once (we did occasionally), but I think is paying off, she's a very independent, confident little girl (I guess for more than that one reason, or choice we make). But every one is different, you have to do what feels right for you. Good luck.

Hi J.,

We've had quite a challenge trying to get our son to sleep in his bed over the years. He's now 4 and we started with the cry it out technique when he was probably 6 months (maybe younger, can't remember). I hated hearing him cry for me, but we definitely wanted to sleep again. It worked great for a long time, but once he learned to climb out of his crib, it was over!!
Then we had the battle of a lifetime. We tried everything... He'd come out of his room and we'd say, "It's bed time sweety, Night Night," then gently put him back in bed and leave the room. This would go on for HOURS!! Until we'd lose it and start holding the door shut with him screaming on the other side. THAT never worked and we felt like idiots... mean idiots. We tried talking to him about it and explaining before bedtime each night what our bedtime routine would be and that we would be going to sleep in 10 minutes... then 5 minutes... then 2 minutes. Then, okay, let's pick out a great book to read together. A lot of the time it worked great, but like everthing with children... it fluctuates and changes as other factors in his life affect him (like transitioning to school, changing classes, Daddy going on business trips, etc.).
Seriously, we're still working on this and he STILL wants to sleep in our bed.
Obviously, your son is much younger, but perhaps some of this info will be helpful in the future, should you contniue facing similar challenges.
When my son told us recently that he's scared in his room at night... we decided to use a technique we learned from a cartoon he watches, "Little Bill." When Little Bill was scared at night in his room, his Great Granmother told him that all he needed to do was think happy, positive thoughts and they'd chase away the scarry thoughts. She gave him a "magical" patchwork quilt that she's made (used the same quilt with her grandaughter and other grandchildren). The quilt had pictures of happy things, like an ice cream cone, a kite, a sunny day at the beach, etc. She said when Little Bill gets scared at night to cover himself in the "magic quilt"... then look at the pictures on the quilt and think of all the happy memories those pictures bring to mind... like what's your favorite icecream? Then think about how much fun you had the last time you ate that icecream and continue to fill your thoughts with the magical and wonderful memories the quilt brings to mind and the scarry thoughts will melt away. This works pretty good.
We also tell him that if he gets scared he can always come get his Mommy and Daddy and we remind him that we're just down the hall and we're here for him when he needs us. We never give him a hard time when he does come down the hall in the middle of the night. We play it by ear (based on the time of the morning), whether to help him back into his own bed, or just let him cuddle with us for another hour or two before we have to get up and start our day.
I think knowing that it's okay to be scared, that there are tools that he can use by himself to overcome his fears, and that it's okay to ask for or come get help whenever he needs it are the factors that are making it easier these days to get him to sleep in his own bed (even if he protests all the way to the bed, he's still complying).
In general, I think sleeping arrangements (co-sleeping, crying it out, etc.) are just tools to discovering your personal choices... what works for you won't work for everyone and I don't think you should feel obligated to change what's working for you, because it seems like the norm.
You're doing a great job... just questioning and seeking advice is the best way to prepare yourself for the future. Best wishes, -P.

I feel the same way you do - bonding to sleep next to your child. When mine were babies I had the cradle right next to the bed, then I moved them across the room. Then when I was ready, I moved them into their room. Now, my 3 kids all share a room and love it.

I too work full time and don't get much time with my kids. I've started letting them sleep with me one night a week. My son loves it and is really excited come Monday (his day). With my youngest, however, if she comes to bed with us directly, it's likely that she won't stay all night in her own bed the following night. I've got the mind set that I have to wait to do the one night a week thing with her.

I also thought I would have my daughter sleep in her crib in her room. All of that changed when she was born. I was working during the day, and my husband was working at night and on the weekends. I felt safer with her right next to me in bed when he was working late. Also, after working all day, I could be close to her during the night. I thought it might change after she stopped nursing, but she continued to stay in our bed. Sometimes, my husband complains that she kicks him in the night and takes the blankets. Co-sleeping has become 'normal' to us. I think being together at bedtime gives us a chance to talk and snuggle. A couple of times, she has announced that she is sleeping in her room. It lasts a few nights, and she is back in our big bed. I have read many books and talked to many moms about this topic. What I have come to learn is that I have to do what works for our family. My daughter is happy and healthy. Enjoy your little boy!

J.,
I have three children and all of them have shared our bed. It wasn't my initial plan, but it made extended nursing very easy and all the kids just slept longer and better between me and my husband. Sometimes, my hubby will sleep in the child's bed or move the to recliner. However, he knows it is a good way to bond and have everyone wake more rested in the morning. My two year old daughter spends some of every night in our bed, but our 5 year daughter old just come in around 6 am for a cuddle before we get the day started at 6:30. It is a very calming arrangement for our family. I'm a big fan of co-sleeping.

A child completely changes how you feel about certain issues. I wanted him in the crib, but when born he slept between us for 6 or 7 months. When ever work became stressful, I had his sleep in his crib, which he didn't have a problem transitioning back and forth.

I went back and forth with this issue. When it was cold and he has asthma induced from cold, we would let him sleep with us to hear any wheezing etc.

My husband wants him there ever single night bc he knows that one day our 3 yr old son will not want to sleep with us. That's a little too much for m! I have compromised by having our son fall asleep in his room and can come in our room after 4 am. Any time before he hears "its too early" and goes back to bed with "okay". When he sleeps with us, we get extra sleep on the weekends which is extra nice.

They do it in many countries today and have done it in the past. As long as you are aware that you won't roll on him then it should be fine. My friend is a dispatcher and says he receives many calls a year from people suffocating their babies and will not do it when he becomes a parent. (sounds familiar?!) I feel those people have sleeping disorders,sleep deeply, alcohol or drug use bc I am fully aware with every turn I take.

Enjoy the bonding time. If you feel that is best for your situation, do it!

Our son, who is now, nearly ten months old, slept in his own room from when he was five weeks old. He found that if he's in another room from us we all sleep better. His bedroom is down the hall way from ours but we have a video monitor so we know what he's up to.

I don't know if this is useful info. or not but a recent study in the UK showed that Sudden Infant Death Syndrome increases dramatically when you sleep with your baby. This applies to beds and sofas according to the study.

I say "whatever works for you!" I was the same way, never thought I'd have kids in my bed, but then it happens. My oldest we just finally got in his bed...he's four! I know, way too long, but it was working. Once we had our second, it needed to change, but our second is now one and he starts out in his room and then once he wakes up he comes in with us. I'm hopeful he spends more and more time in his room, but we'll see.

Honestly, I'm a working mom too and sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to get some sleep! Standing by his crib at 2am in the morning patting his back just doesn't work for me and I've never be the CIO mom...

Good luck! It's all good...
-M

Preconceived ideas can burden ones soul. I felt like I was doing everything wrong when I decided to co-sleep. I slept in the bed with my daughter and husband until she was 2.5 yrs. I started putting her in her own bed when it was time to go to bed and she has worked up to sleeping all night there. I get very nervous about her sleeping alone so sometimes I will sleep on the extra bed in her room. If I wasn't having another baby (due in Feb) She would prolly still be in my bed. I would be fine with it too. Good luck and good for you for being "non-traditional".

Hi J.,
I am the mother of 2 beautiful, smart, well adjusted teenager daughters. I too loved co-sleeping with them and this is how I did it. I never had a crib for them-ever. I put a twin size futon on the floor next to my bed with a bed guard to prevent them falling off(a short fall if they had!)When they awoke during the night needing to be fed, I just rolled off my bed down onto theirs. I nursed them back to sleep without having to move them. I often fell asleep with them on that cozy bed. If and when I woke up, I just went back to my bed. My husband was never bothered, especially when they got too big to sleep with us(around 6 months for me). At about 18 months, I simply moved the futon that they were used to, to their own room. Again, when they woke up during the night, I went to them and lied down with them. This got them in the habit of me going to them instead of getting in the habit of coming into our bed. It worked like a charm for both girls and we never had the problem of kids in our bed (unless they were sick). We always went to them. I did the same when #2 came along (stayed in my room for about 16-18 months, when she then joined her sister in a shared room.) and we kept the futons on the floor of their room for many years until they were ready for regular beds. I do hope this was helpful and good luck!
Dr. Siri Smith

Hi J.,

With us it was also a natural transition. Our son co-slept with us until 19 months because I also was breast feeding until then. Unfortunately when we put him in his crib he didn't like it. He wanted a bed of his own! So that is what we did. We got him a small bed and he has been sleeping in his own bed and room since he was 2. I'm not quite sure why he preferred his bed to a crib, but I think he figured since he co-slept with us in a bed that he should have one too. The transition was a bit different we added a quiet time before bed time with soft music and then we read a book. The room had two very low dimmed night lights. We sat in a chair next to his bed and he would usually fall asleep for the night. When he was co-sleeping he would just go straight to sleep without music and a bedtime story. Good luck and good for you for asking this question.
P.S. Like you we also had a smaller crib next to our bed as well. My hubby and I never saw anything wrong with the co-sleeping method. I think whatever works for your family is best.

Hi J.,
I know I'm responding late... I've been too busy at work to look at Mamasource this past week. We were in a one bedroom condo until my son was 2 1/2. When we moved to a house he slept with us because he didn't want to be alone in his room. My son is 7 years old now and he still sleeps with us most of the time. I also work full time so I feel like that's my time with him. My husband doesn't mind much and we move my son once he falls asleep if we want to be alone (then move him back). My brother's kids sleep with him too (they are 9 and 6). Even though we have a king size bed, my son is starting to take up a lot of room. I know he'll have to start going to his room soon just because he's getting bigger but I figure I'll wait until he's ready because he gets upset if we suggest it. I also like to hear him breathe next to me.

If you don't want a 7 year old sleeping with you, I suggest transitioning now. If you plan to have more kids, you'll wind up with everyone in bed. If it doesn't bother you one way or the other then let him stay.

Hope this helps.

Here is a 1997 article by the American Psychological Association http://www.apa.org/monitor/jun97/shared.html. It will help you relax and enjoy your baby! All the science behind this issue says co-sleeping is a good thing for all involved. Do it safely though, get a bigger bed etc etc. If not ebfore, around age 2-3 your son will leave your bed to only return occasionally. Children fly away from the nest with or without our assistance --it's evolution! Lucky you...I wish my kids would still like to co-sleep from time to time... but now they love their rooms and routines!

As a working mom, I also enjoyed the extra time I spent with my little one while co-sleeping. We had him in a crib in his own room from about 3-10 mo. Then after not getting a lot of sleep from a series of teething issues and colds, we started co-sleeping. At about 2, we transitioned him into a big boy bed. Our experiemce with the transition to his own room was really easy. Now snuggling up and reading bedtime stories is my favorite part of the day.

Hi J.,

I've been reading Mamasource for a year or two now and the dramas posted up about ending co-sleeping (particularly when a new baby comes along) are a regular feature.

I'm firmly in the "sleep in your own room" camp. Yeah, it was a pain in the butt to walk to the other end of the house to feed the baby but, for me, that was better than dealing with the transition issues that always arise or the fear of me or my husband, blankets or pillows would smother/squash the baby. And, honestly, I can't imagine not sleeping cuddled up close to my husband. For me, it was about boundaries. My sons had their space, my husband and I had our space and then we had family space...and it wasn't our bed.

As for the full-time work/extra bonding time, I also worked full time when my sons were babies. I discovered that it wasn't the AMOUNT of time I spent with my kids, but the QUALITY of time I spent with them. Spending all day (or night) with them isn't quality if I'm not totally focused on them. So, I resolved to make sure the time we did have (after work and weekends) was high quality. That didn't mean we always did something costly or even out of the house. It could be as simple as cleaning the yard or house together, playing out front or even enjoying a movie at home together. Now that my boys are in jr. high and high school, our best times are still the simple things we do at home together, like walk the dogs or a special family meal. (And I now work two jobs, so quality time remains very important.)

Good luck, J.. I hope it all works out for you. There's no right or wrong here, just what kinds of consequences we're willing to deal with down the road. And all choices have consequences, both good and bad.

I never knew what I was going to do. I always do my research and then see how I feel about things. So far, I've followed my intuition and all of our parenting experiences has been really pretty great. I never even planned on having ANY kids and now we have 3 and debating on a 4th! My husband is the primary care taker of our children. I work and he started working for me, after quiting his high tech job. Now we both work part time together on T, W, TH and then have 4 full days off with the kids.

Ok, so all of our kids were born at home. I'm not a crunchy granola, but I felt that it was the safest and most comfortable place to have kids, so we did. My husband was hesitant on the first, but after he saw my birth and then multiple hospital births, he was glad we did it the way we did. Once #1 was born in the late afternoon, we just ended up laying down and went to sleep. I was also able to hear him and make sure his breathing remained steady. Newborns learn respiration rate an body temperature from the moms...being so close and feeling the heartbeat, etc. We had a crib all set up and hoenstly, we only ended up using it for diaper changes and some naps. I would nurse him at night and place him in his crib at 7:30pm and he would fall asleep on his own. He start to stir at 9:30pm and I would grab him before he cried, so he wasn't trained to cry when he wanted something, and I'd go to bed, nurse him adn fall alseep. I never understood why moms with babies always were so tired....I never was. I'd roll over nad feed him and fall back to sleep...nothing to clean, nowhere to get up and walk to...it was fabulous. He started spending more time in his crib when he started sleeping through the night and then he'd wake in the am and I'd grab him and bring him to our bed and nurse him. I nursed him for 16 months. He weaned himself to 1 nursing a day in the am upon waking. He moved to a crib matress at the end our bed at 18 months and then we he woke up, he'd stand up and we were right there. Around 3, we moved him completely into in own bed with this phrase, "You need to start sleeping in your own bed." He response,"why?" "becasue we have another baby coming in 6 months and you got 3 years with us and it's only fair that this abby get some time with us without anybody else in our bed." His reponse, "Ok mom." He understood fair and that was it. No issues.

#2 we co-slept witout any hesitation, since the first time went so well. This guy's personalitlity was very different, even though everything, right down to the birth was exactly the same. He needed to be touched ALL of the time. We'd get up to leave and he's know we were gone. So, co-sleeping allowed us to get more sleep and him, too! He weaned himself at 16 months to 2 nursings a day, and they were more charity than anything. We moved him to the crib next to our son's bed, so they could hear each other breathe in the night, etc, at 14 months. No issues.

#3 was born when #2 was 22 months old and she slept with us until she was weaned a month ago. She isn't big into food and at 19 months, I was 90% of her nutrition. It looked like this gal was never going to stop nursing...ever. I was getting visions of a 5 year old grabbing me. I don't have issues with anyone nursing for long periods of time, but it's just not me....and after 4.5 of years of being pregnant and/or nursing, I needed (and my hormones needed) a break. She was nursing 5-7 times during the night at 18.5 months, so one day I just left for the weekend and my husband had all 3 kids. She was fine and started eating solid food. Asked for milk twice and that was it. I returned and she was weaned. We moved her into her own bed and she started sleeping through the night.

So, looking back, it appears that 14-18 months we moved all of our kids into thier own beds...now whether they stayed there all night, is up for debate...but all in all, we have LOVED co-sleeping and now our sons who are 7 and 3 sometimes crawl into bed with each other - and they are all super close. NO sibling rivalry.

Do what your heart feels is right. We know our kids better than any book could and our kids are very independent and have no fears of being abandoned or fears of the dark, or any fears really. Who know if that has anything to do with co-sleeping, but they've al turned out pretty awesome.

I thought the same thing. I co-sleep with my daughter who is 18 months still. We actually bought a king bed from a queen so we would all have more room. I dont know when she will move on to her own bed but I am prego with #2...so ig you get any good words of wisdom...send them my way!

Hi J.,

We started co-sleeping when my daughter was 8 months old and we were on vacation. She hated the crib that we had for her and would not sleep at all so in desperation I took her to bed with me and let her sleep next to me. It was the best sleep either of us had had since she was born. She's now 20 months old and we started to transition her to her own bed last month. Some nights she sleeps like an angel, some nights are a nightmare. Do what feels the best for you. I loved having my LO beside me. My hubbie and I worked out a system so that everyone gets rest. All too soon they will be grown up and off so enjoy your time together.

We still co-sleep at 4 1/2 and won't stop until he decides to stay in his bed all night. He usually starts out in his own bed which he has done since about 1 1/2, and comes in to our bed (on his own) at about 2 am. He remains in our bed until morning. He never wakes us, and we have a great snuggle session every morning. It helps us remain bonded and close and he has never had sleeping issues or nightmares or night terrors. I figure, since my husband and I still have our private time, and he has his comfort, it is the best of all worlds. I am sure he won't be coming in forever, but while he is, I am going to enjoy it. If you want to try to make a transition such as this one, Once he is walking and in a toddler bed, try putting him down in his own bed, lay with him until he is asleep, and then quietly leave, leave a night light on and a clear lighted pathway to your room. You may have to guide him to your room the first couple of nights, but he should eventually make it on his own. I think the first time my son came on his own, he called out for me, and I called back to come to me, and he did.

What you should have asked was, parents of older kids, how was your experience of co-sleeping then transferring to their own bed? A lot of moms enjoy it while they are babies, then they pay for it later when their kid won't sleep in his own bed. My kids never co-slept just because I'm a light sleeper so it didn't work out, but I was grateful for that because they were good sleepers as babies in their own crib. Then there's the problem of trying to get the toddler in their own bed when the new baby comes along.

I co-slept with my son. It has its good and bad moments, but overall a positive experience. My son slept with us till he was 1. I then put him in his crib in our room till he was 2. He has been in his own bed since and he is 5 now. The transition was easy for us. When i moved him to his own room we made a big deal out of him moving into a big boy bed. He loved having his own bed. He does occasionally sleep with me/us. He sleeps with me more often when my husband is deployed. My son is very independent, but loves to cuddle. I would recommend co-sleeping.
The only problem I did have was, after my son slept in my bed (which is a tempur pedic) hated his crib mattress. I ended up having to put a memory foam topper on his crib mattress. Fixed all his sleeping problems in his crib. So if you have a super comfy bed your kids will not want to move to a uncomfortable bed. Hope this helps. Good Luck!

I follow the cues of my children. My older son co-slept with us until I realized that he didn't know how to self-soothe and was nursing 8 times per night at 10 months old and I wasn't getting any sleep. My second child was restless until I transitioned her into her own bed - I discovered that she preferred having her own space. My third I would put in her bed at night (because she was going to sleep much earlier than my husband and I) and when she'd wake in the night, I'd bring her into bed and finish the night co-sleeping. I still do this and she is 15 months old. Thing is, she is 95% of the time sleeping through the night, so it's not an every night occurrence for us anymore.

I applaud you for following your instincts and encourage you to look for signs from your child rather than having an expectation of what is "normal" or "best."

We co-slept 'til 2 years with both our kids. Transition wasn't to tough. The bigger they got the more room they needed to sleep and the were more comfortable in their own beds.

You're going to get a really broad range of opinions on this one! :) First about me and our situation: I have a 2.5yr old girl with another girl due in 5 weeks. She started in our room in her own bed because I nursed and this is how it was until she finally slept through the night around 10mo. She would sleep with us from time to time when I fell asleep while nursing but she pretty much slept in her own bed. Once she slept through we moved her into her crib in her room - this took some adjusting but she slept in her room all night until we transitioned her to a toddler bed about 6mo ago. She still goes to sleep in her room and gets up anywhere between 1-5am to get in bed with us. Now if we didn't have another on the way this wouldn't be a problem for ME - hubby is fine no matter what but he understands my dilemma with another baby on the way that will be nursing. I don't want to fight for space in bed to nurse so this weekend we're actually going to work on getting her to stay in her bed all night. Baby#2 will be in our room in her own bed, I'll be nursing again and when she begins sleeping through the night then we're going to have the girls share a room.

Now for you: I'm a firm believer in doing what is right for you and your family because you are the ones living it. If you as a family are OK with the current situation then there is no need to change it but you should think about the road ahead. Are you planning to have more kids? Is your relationship with hubby strained a little over this - because you know over time it will intensify. What I often wonder with people that do the full on co-sleep is what about your private time with your spouse? I know we've gone through periods where our sex life has suffered because our daughter is sleeping with us. This is why she MUST go to sleep in her bed so that we still have our time together before she joins us. Your son is still young enough to make a transition fairly easily into his own bed/room. The longer you wait on this - if you choose to do so - the harder it will be! Imagine trying to get a 2yr old to sleep in their own room alone after sleeping in between mommy and daddy for so long??! Your hubby may have problems with the co-sleeping because he's essentially been replaced in terms of cuddling. I think this is a decision you AND your husband make, because really it does affect both of you even if you're still the one "taking care" of baby during the night. Maybe there is a compromise if you are both on opposite ends. I completely understand being nervous about baby being down the hall - I felt the same way but that's what monitors are made for. You could even get a video one, which I wish we'd done but it doesn't matter now since she can walk out of her room on her own. We still use our monitor because I'm afraid we won't hear her if she doesn't come out of her room; it does give me the peace of mind I still need about her being in her own room.

How to transition baby to own bed/room? There are so many ways to do it and you just have to look at them to see what works for you. I will tell you that I'm a HUGE Super Nanny fan. I often refer to her book and what I love most about her techniques is that they are loving approaches AND THEY WORK. Just know that it will be hard on you because of the crying but after a few days of being consistent with what you do you will see a change. My best suggestion is that you and hubby decide on a bedtime routine and you BOTH follow it. I think having a bedtime routine is why my daughter will go to sleep in her room. We go up, she drinks her milk while we read books, lights out then we rock/sing to her, and then it's time to get in bed and we leave her. She still comes out a couple of times but she does go to sleep in her bed.

I hope you get some advice that will help you decide what is best for your family. Do what is best for your FAMILY, not just you.

Hi J.,
We purchased the big, beautiful and expensive crib, too, and never used it. When our daughter was born, she stayed in our room, first in a bassinet for a couple of months. Then I went back to work full-time (what a stressor that was) and I, too, wanted to make up for lost time at night so our daughter began sleeping with us. My daughter also wouldn't take the bottle during the day while I worked, so she would power-nurse at night time and it was imperative that she be right next to me.

The sense of calm having her right next to us, where we could snuggle and settle her easily was so wonderful. About the age of 18 months we got rid of the crib and bought a twin bed for her room. We began to have her nap in it during the day and it was great. She's now four and starts off at bedtime in her bed, then joins us anywhere from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. We don't care. We get our alone time, TV in bed, etc. and so we're fine with it.

I will say that sleeping with our daughter has brought us tremendous joy and since she's our only one, we'll enjoy it for as long as possible.