Co-sleeping Toddler Moving to Bed

Let her help in picking out the bed. Then let her be in charge of decorating it with stuffed animals and such. My daughter did that and always loved her bed. D. G

I decorated my son's room with things he loved. At the time it was Rainbow Fish (he liked the sparkly fish, but I changed some of the words in the book). We would visit the Rainbow Fish room. When we left it, I would close the door, so the next time that we went in, it was exciting to open the door to look inside. We would ooh and aah at the room and I told him that one day he'd get to sleep in it. Next thing you know, he was moved into his beautiful new room. And happy about it. The end.

Julie L made an interesting comment (among many) and wished you "good luck" when you tried to have her sleep on her own, in her own room. I trust that by now you know that your daughter is very secure because of the comfort and closeness you gave her. And your marriage hasn't suffered because of co-sleeping alone. Not the case here either.

I co-slept with my first born till he was 2 in our bed. I co-slept with my daughter till she was 1 in our bed. Then they were moved to their own bedroom. I never did the buy-the-new-bed-together or decorate-your-own-room together or pick-your-own-sheets.

The way I gently transitioned them to accept and love their bed was to still lie and cuddle with them till they conked out. That way they still associated what they had in our bed with their bed (safety, love and security). Then I go back to my bedroom (this hasn't been a problem at all for intimacy - I love it because EVERYone gets their needs met). If they woke up in the middle of the night (my 4 year old daughter usually wakes up at 5am) she will quietly walk down the hall, knock on my door and I walk her back and cuddle back to sleep with her.

Easy peasy. No fights at night, no screaming, no arguing, no begging. Nobody staying up, in "fight or flight" (unable to sleep) because they don't feel safe.

So "nighttime parenting" is still happening and co-sleeping happens when needed.

We have 3 children and co-slept with all of them. I think making her a part of picking her own bed will really help in moving her out.

Each child is different, we had a different experience with each. One downer was that the novelty wore off at one point and it became a struggle again.

I think it's important that she knows what you expect of her. You also need to be realistic of those expectations. Often we set guidelines or expectations for our children and see how they do with it. She will tell you if she's ready or not.

I felt it was easiest for them to transition when they had a better understanding. I know many families who choose 2 y/o. It never seemed to work easily for us at that age.

Here's a site on co-sleeping that you might find helpful. Good luck and I think that you and your husband have given her something no one else could have by letting her sleep in your bed. I don't agree with the person who replied to you first. Not only because of what my husband and I chose to do, but because of the physical and psychological development that is affected by co-sleeping. If you look back into history, that is what families have been doing for far longer than not sharing a bed. Again, people have their own opinions, but I don't think that they should ever put a person down. Mamasource does have an inappropriate message report that you can submit if you feel that way. I personally have had problems with this particular person and have reported it.

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

My daughter slept with me also. Her favorite place was the crook of my arm, tucked in tight. Our transition to the big girl bed went smoothly when we found her bubble gum pink fluffy princess blanket. She wanted that blanket so bad. I explained to her that it was for big girls, and she would have to start sleeping in her own bed to get it. We had nights here and there that she crawled back in and I would move her back, but for the most part after her special blanket it was smooth sailing.

Dear J.:

Everything I do with my children, I chose to do gently in order to teach them to be gentle people. By that I mean, to train them to sleep in their own beds, I took it one little step at a time. For you, I'll tell you about my first, my daughter. (I didn't want HER to feel like she was failing and I didn't want a war on my hands.) Yes, I took my daughter to pick out her very favorite bedding items and made a huge, big deal about it. But then I made her bed right next to mine. That way she adjusted to being away from the breast but still felt secure.

Every day the bed moved closer to the door of my room. Finally, I told her that since she was doing so well in a big girl bed, she was entitled to a big girl ROOM! (It was previously her playroom.) I made her a canopy with little twinkly lights and we made a big deal about her new room. By then she was jumping up and down asking me to place her bed under the twinkly canopy. So I did!

That evening I told her that she COULD (privilege! not banishment!) go to sleep in her own room. I meant to go with her and go through our night-time routine but before I could even stand up, she booked down the hall and disappeared! Surprised, I waited a bit and finally followed her and there she was, fast asleep!

Yes, I was a little bit sad but VERY proud of the little one! (And no, she never reverted but I still get both of them cuddling me every morning!)

Best wishes,

M.

We moved our first daughter out of our bed when I was about 5 months pregnant with our second. She was about 19 months or so. Her crib (which rarely was ever used) converted to a full-size bed. When we converted it, I would lay down with her until she feel asleep. Then when she woke up throughout the night I would go in and lay down again with her. Since I was pregnant and tired, a lot of the time I would end up sleeping the rest of the night with her. Eventually my time in her room was less and less. She is now over 2.5 yrs and either my husband or I still lay down with her to initially fall asleep. She sleeps most nights without any trouble, though there are still times she needs a little reassurance in the middle of the night. And there are some mornings when I am really tired with the baby, we all crawl into bed together for another hour or two of sleep (if I am lucky).

In my opinion small, baby steps are the smoothest way to transition your child. You've co-slept this whole time so I assume you don't believe in the CIO method so I wouldn't suggest it now. Keep the idea of her own bed fun for her and just remember it usually doesn't happen over night. Good luck!!

we did the sam eas many of the people and let our daughter pick everything, buit it didn't work so we started by leting her sleep in her bed in our room and slowly we moved the bed further toward the door and then one day moved it to her room and there she stayed well most of the time she still wakes up every now and again and asks to sleep with us and now her brother does then same but our daughter is almost 4 and son almost 3 and we usually let them fall asllep and carry them to their ouw room and they sleep fine until morning

Hi J....i transitioned my daugther just before she turned two and i was surprised how easy it was. While she was hanging out with her grandma we decorated her room complete with a really cute toddler bed. She was so excited when she came home she couldn't wait for nighttime! Create a comforting bedtime routine with hugs and a story and maybe a fun night light? Maybe having her take her naps in her new bed for a while before making the switch might help her transiton easier as well.
Most moms on this site give amazing advice! Trust your instincts and know that giving your daughter comfort and security in the early years will actually help develop a more confident, independent child. Great job and good luck!

I scanned the other responses, so not sure if repeating here...we moved our first son to his bed full-time around age 2. I actually slept on the floor while he fell asleep, and sometimes would crawl into my bed around 2-3am. This was for less than a week. Then, I had one bad night where we left right away, and he cried for 45 minutes. We kept going back and reassuring him, and finally he went to sleep. The following night, I went back to him when he started crying, and explained to him that just as he could hear me moving around the house, I could hear him if he needed me, and that all he had to do was call Mommy and I would come running, there was no reason to cry or be upset. He called me a couple times after that, and I came right away, reassured him, and left. Was fine thereafter. Now that he is 3.5 years old and has a little brother (11 weeks old) he tells us that he needs "a parent to sleep with him." I did this a few times the past few weeks, but now I have either gone into tell a story and leave, or pray and leave, or if nursing, I call back to him that I am nursing and can't come right now, just try to sleep. I do all of this with a loving tone that also has firmness.

My daughter was a little bit older (almost 4) than your child when we stopped co-sleeping, but I would suggest that you just follow your instincts about it!! Having a say in which bed she has is an awesome step!! Then, I would suggest setting it up and letting her get used to it being there for a week or so, like a "making friends with the bed" time. Of course, if she responds to it being there by wanting to sleep in it, let her... But, if she doesn't, once it is there in the house and she is used to it being there... What I did was I basically told my daughter an actual date on the calendar corresponding to when she would switch to sleeping in her own bed. Then, I reminded her, (I was getting married so I had plenty of time to tell her in advance) next month, you'll sleep in your own bed like a big girl. It became next week, in a few days, in 2 days, TOMORROW...

My daughter made the transition like a trooper. She slept all night in her own bed the first night and didn't have much trouble with it at all. I've been amazed at the changes in her "lifestyle" she has been able to adjust to over the course of her 12 years, lol... Just remember if you are OK, she'll be OK. She'll take her cues from you. So, show her a confident and united front, along with some parental love and adoration, and she'll come through this change just great!! :D

Huggles!!
~S.~

First, just-turned-two might be a little young. We moved our daughter to her own bed at 2-1/2 - it seems like a small difference, but at that age a few months are a lot! However, I'll assume you have reason to believe that your daughter would do awesome in her own room and not climb down and run around the house immediately :o)

I bought the "Fancy Nancy" book (I didn't realize that it would be helpful for this, but as it turned out, it was!). On the dedication page, there's a picture of Nancy's room "before she made it fancy" and then the first page of the story is her room after she made it fancy. My daughter and I oohed and aahed about the fanciness for a week, then we started talking about how we could make her room fancy, too! I had already purchased her bedding, so we talked about how fancy it was and what a big girl she was to be getting her own fancy bed.

Anyways, that worked! She's allowed to come into our bed if she wakes up after 2am (I still love to have her even though our baby man is usually with us by then, too!), but for the most part she sleeps in her bed all night long.

One downside is that we usually have to stay with her until she falls asleep - the repercussions of co-sleeping! Luckily, she usually falls asleep during book #3 - or within a few minutes of turning off the light. One of these days... :o)

Good luck!

J.,
I totally disagree with the first message from Julie about you not making your child secure, and violating the marriage bed, etc. I think that's baloney. I agree with the others who said that you are in fact raising a child who will be very secure, knowing you are always there for her. What we did for our daughter when she was just past two and we had moved into a new house was let her choose the color for her new room and all the new bedding, headboard/footboard, curtains, pillows, etc. so it was a room of her design. Then when we first moved in, she stayed in our bed for about the first month and a half until she asked to sleep "with Mama" in her "pink room." We had bought her a full sized bed, anticipating the eventual transition would be easier in a bigger bed, so now I am with her every night to fall asleep, but once she is asleep I go, like one of the other moms who responded, back to my bed with my husband. It works really well for us. If my daughter wakes in the night, I go in and help her fall back to sleep and then go back to my own bed. We all love the arrangement. As an aside, people are always asking me how we got my daughter to talk so much and be so outgoing; obviously part is her natural personality, but personally I think it has a lot to do with the fact that she has always known there was room for her in our bed and that we are always here for her, even in the middle of the night! You will figure out what's right for you and your family and don't listen to those who criticize!

With my daughter, we let her pick out her new bed, bedding and pillows. She was so funny, actually picking out 3 designs and actually deciding which to go for. It took us half a day, but when we got home, we made a big deal out of it. She "washed" her new bedding while daddy put together her bed. She made her bed. At night she layed in it for about 5 minutes and came right into our bed. The next night she stayed for about an hour. The third night,she slept in it the whole night. We have a large master so she actually sleeps in our room along with our other 2, which are still in cribs. Next month it will be our son's turn. And he will also sleep in our room as well.

It's not that they don't have their own rooms, they do, but we love waking up with them by our sides. When my oldest gets ready for kinder next year, we will move her into her room or if she is ready sooner we will do the whole thing over again. Plus, it will be great to have a shopping day with my baby girl!

YAY! Good for you! My little guy is 23 months and we are still co-sleeping...so, let us know your story :) I work full-time and feel so blessed to have the opportunity to cuddle and bond with my little guy. And current research is beginning to show the children who do co-sleep often become more independent confident people (I co-slept with my mom and insecurity is definitely not one of my issues - HAHAHA).

Anyway, my comment was mainly to wish you luck since I really have no advice for you - haha...and that I think you have done an awesome thing.

I never thought I'd let my kids sleep in my bed until I had my son, o'wow he's is now 5 and still isn't out. We have done a few things, one letting him pickout everything in his room, and then sitting with him until he fell asleep, that worked about a week. he always would wake about midnight and come back in our room. Now we have a extra crib mattress that we have in our room that he sleeps on, and has been staying asleep on it. So you might want to try something like that first, I thibk it really depends on the child.
Good Luck

Hi J.,

First, good for you for wanting to get her involved in the process. But, be aware that it is going to be difficult. When I moved our first child out of our bed, it was so difficult that I didn't co-sleep with the following 2! But, after a couple attempts, I figured out a plan: We moved her new bed into our room for her to sleep in for the first couple weeks. Then moved the bed to her room, where I would lay with her for a bit. When she woke up in the middle of the night, I would go to her bad and not allow her to come into our bed (then the whole process started over again). I'm sure, that as with everything, some children make the adjustments swiftly, while others fight all the way. Hopefully yours will go smoothly!!
Good Luck!
H.

We had to move our DS into his own bed when my DD was born, he was just past his 3rd birthday. Actually what happened is I had been sleeping with him in his bed and moved into another room when I came home from the hospital. Sounds strange I know, but I haven't been able to sleep w/ my DH for years since he snores so loud he rattles the walls, and has restless leg syndrome that also disturbes me.
Anyway, we did have some trouble with him going to bed and staying in his own bed until we initiated a sticker chart so he can earn the various toys he wants. I create the chart in en Excel file and attach a picture to it so he can visually see what it is he's staying in his own bed for. We give him 1 sicker for going to bed like a nice boy, and 1 sticker for staying in his bed all night, and I tell you nothing has worked as well!! Last year was a horrible battle over these issues until we started the sticker chart. I don't know if a sticker chart will work with a 2 year old but I did want to offer up the idea, because it depends on the child!

Hi J.,

This is how we handled it...

We let our daughter help paint her room in the color she chose and she also chose the coverlet and sheets. Then, she said she wanted to fall asleep in our bed and then be carried to her own, which we did until she was too heavy. At that point, she still fell asleep in our bed but we made her walk to her room after she fell asleep. Needless to say, she decided pretty quickly to just start out in her bed. For many years, when she woke up in the morning she would come back in our bed and snuggle. Last year at Christmas, when she was 23, she spent the night with us. After dinner, she and I got in my bed and chatted and watched TV until she went in another bed to sleep. It's such a wonderful closeness.

V.