Comebacks for Mil's Criticisms of My Cooking.

Hi, Mom:

Possible response:

"May I ask a clarifying question, MOM:
What do you mean by it's too vinegary for you?"

"May I ask a clarifying question, MOM:
What do you mean by it is overdone?"

After she clarifies, state: "Thanks for sharing."

After all this conversation, ask Mom:
"How can we solve the problem of my cooking style that
you seem to complain about at every meal?"

Just a thought.
Good luck.
D.

These are hilarious! Love all the snarky comments!

The only thing better then reading them, would be to see the look on her face when you dish it out. (Love the pun)

My mother in law is a dream... so no complaining here.... but this post was thoroughly entertaining!

BEST OF LUCK
KATIE

my MIL does the same thing--we just laugh when she leaves and vote on the best jab (my two favorites...you'd llike my friend-she doesn't clean either, and this would never fit you--I am much smaller than you are (true, but still!). For meals, the best answer is to show her where the toast and cheerios are and tell her she is always welcome. I always ask MIL to make one thing while she is here (we love her seafood pasta, so it works for all!)

"Oh really? Your son always raves about it."

"Hmm. Mine's fine. How about you go stick your plate in the microwave for a minute?"

"Spinach would be great on here. Maybe next time you can do that for me?"

"Mmmm. I like that suggestion. Make that for us next time you come, will ya?"

"If you'd prefer something else, there's a Lunchables in the fridge."

"Oh you didn't like it? I hope my great grandma isn't rolling over in her grave. This was her favorite recipe."

"Dozens of people have eaten my cooking and gone on to live normal healthy lives."

I'd say so what IS your favorite meal? I've been trying so hard to find something you like, but you don't seem to like anything I make. Should I stop trying?

Put her on the spot and make her accountable for the crappy passive-aggressive comments she's making.

Here's a dozen off the top of my head:

•There's peanut butter, jelly and bread in the fridge.
•You should have packed yourself something from home.
•I don't see a gun at your head--feel free to stop eating at any time.
•Grab yourself some cornflakes.
•Well, be glad, at least, that you didn't pay for it.
•Beggars can't be choosers
•Thank you! I made it especially for you--just the way you liked it last time.
•Tomorrow--YOU'RE cooking dinner. Deal?
•Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
•I'm already visualizing the masking tape over your mouth.
•I'll try cooking better if you'll try being smarter.
•I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

This is almost TOO easy! LOL

"Taco Bell is down the street."

Before the meal begins, just tell her, "If you have a complaint about my meal this time, how about keeping it to yourself."

I would just laugh and say, "Well, I guess a meal wouldn't be complete if you didn't find SOMETHING wrong with it".

Honestly, I wouldn't want to be your husband for anything in the entire world when his mother gets there.
You're already getting geared up for confrontation.

No offense.
Just my opinion.

Oh gawd.
What a complaining negative Nelly.
Sheesh.
She irks even me!

Tell her, she doesn't have to eat it. But this is all there is.
She's like a picky Toddler.
Or she can go back home.

Shouldn't your HUSBAND... tell her a thing or two?
Where is his backbone? And even more so if she is mean/disparaging to your daughter. That is his daughter, too.

Abby H and Rachael D, one crazy lady, WAY TO GO!!! My MIL doesn't like hot (chili, or black pepper) foods. I asked her for some of her favorite recipes and for her to show me how she would like her food cooked.

It worked!!

Good luck to you and yours.

So next time get take out chicken.

And your husband should take one bite if his dinner and compliment you, over the top. Oh honey you have outdone yourself tonight. THis is delicious. Don't you think Mom? Then when she complains HE should say to her, there's peanut butter and jelly in the cabinet.

This is why I love this site...because I learn that I'm not alone and there are so many smarter moms here with great come backs.

I personally would not respond to her comments. I would not even interpret them as criticism, just her free associating around you and food. I critique my own cooking and will constantly think of ways to tweek a dish to make it better. So perhaps a more open mindedness about what others are thinking, or especially with older people what they are used to.

For instance....who serves giblet gravy anymore? The elders in our family LOVE it...only them...the younger ones can' stand it...so where's the compromise? I make 2 kinds of gravy. Doesn't make them right or wrong.

So, my MIL meal story is this...I honestly make the best Salmon around...my family and friends love it. My MIL tells me at a BBQ one day, that she does not like Salmon at all. So now when I have them over, I have to prepare something different...I'm OK with that until I notice that everytime we eat out, guess what???? She orders Salmon...such a manipulative little thing don't you think? I just ignore her other kitchen comments now....she doesn't like the skin on potatoes....that's really tough as I always leave them on for mashed potatoes, or sweet potato dishes. And I leave the apple skin on for apple crisp...oh well, her loss if she doesn't eat it. Not mine.

My grandmother was the same way for my mom. Mom started cutting out recipes and only trying new ones when Grandmother visited (or telling her that it was new) - that way grandmother could never critique her "normal" cooking, if everything was something new.

You can make all of her complaints inadequate, I suppose. "It has spinach because we are trying to make sure we all have proper iron levels." "Oh, but the vinegar is so good for your skin." "If I cook it more, it will just ruin the flavor of this cut of meat." "Technically, it's not overdone, the internal temperature is exactly where it should be, considering recent salmonella scares." "Don't worry, I won't be insulted if you would like to get yourself something lighter." "We find the children sleep better if we eat late." Make up something, if you have to...is she going to look up vinegar's benefit on your skin? Probably not.

I also enjoy the heavy sigh, with, "Yes, I agree with you, but it turns out your son really prefers it this way, and since we both love him so much, it's a little thing we can do for him." Or the cattier, "I'm sorry to hear that, but (DH) seems to prefer it my way, so we'll have it like this." (If she's that bad, she'll hear the implied, he likes my cooking, but yours sucks...)

My MIL doesn't complain about my cooking, but she has, on numerous occasions told me that she doesn't eat what I'm cooking. I've just told her that when the kids don't eat what I'm cooking they make themselves a PB&J sandwich. Then I told her where the bread was, pointed out the peanut butter and told her we have all sorts of jellies and jams.

Try that and see if she shuts up. (BTW, I love the snarky comments and would probably use one of them next time she makes a comment!)

I am sorry, but the receipe did not call for your opinion.
I put spinach in it because you are looking a bit jaundice ... or is that just the wrong foundation color? I could find a liver and onion receipe if we need it.
I hope you enjoy nothing because that is where gripes get you.
Had you shown your son around the kitchen then no one would have to deal with my food, we could all be eating your foods.
Or you can hand her directions to the nearest grocery store with the number of a cab company (or car keys if you like) and tell her you are looking forward to HER next meal.
Yes, most of these are caddy and a bit rude but sometimes so is picking on other people's food. I am a fairly good cook and picky so it is hard for me to like other people's food so I just do not eat it if it does not seem like something I would like.

The comments used to get when we talked to her would be something like: this is too foreign for me to eat.
my comeback has always been: would you like some cereal then? she would never take the cereal, and he would eat my food, with extra servings too.
only one time, after she couldn't shut it and went on and on how she doesn't like the foreign spices i use, i got her the cereal box, a bowl and milk, put it in front of her, and said here, eat this, this is familiar to you, and took her plate away. she asked for her food back, and I said no, you don't like it, you don't have to eat it. eat your cereal now. and walked away. so offer your mIL some cereal.

"I'm sorry you don't like it. This is what I made, though, so you can choose to eat it or not, but keep your nit-picking to yourself."

I had a friend that ALWAYS criticized my cooking. She would make nasty comments (all the while SNARFING the food down, if she didn't like it, why did she eat so much???) and purposefully look for things to bash. I used to apologize, but that is what she was looking for! She wanted me to feel bad. So, I started flat out ignoring her and she finally stopped.

If it gets too bad, I think that your idea of saying "I'm sorry you don't like it - you are welcome to make something else for yourself" is just fine, as long as you say it calmly and kindly. You don't want to give her any more fuel for her fire!!!!

Hang in there girl. You can make it through! Be firm, but kind and don't be afraid to say, "That was rude and it made me feel bad". It sounds like your MIL thrives on negativity and tearing people down. Mabey she just needs to be made aware that her behavior is unacceptable, but be prepared- sometimes people like that don't get a clue very easily!

My hubby's aunt had a restaurant for a while. His brother and his wife would dine there and the wife would make a complaint about how something was prepared (not that there was anything wrong with it but it was "different" from what she was used to so she didn't like it). Everytime, every thing. His aunt finally told her "Wendy's is right around the corner!".

I would tell your MIL something like "I'm sorry my cooking disappoints you but we like it this way", "Would you like to get a tv dinner out of the freezer for you?" or hand her a take out menu and the phone.

I would head her off by inviting her to cook WITH you, rather than you cooking for her. Make it seem like you want her input during the meal prep--collaborate, and it should help to prevent mealtime criticism. (That is what I used to do with my MIL when she lived with me).

Ignore the comments, she sounds like an unhappy person. You can only win by being above the fray.

I agree with Christina, a simple, "if you don't like it Mcdonals is up the road" or a "oh, well feel free to use my kitchen to cook your own meal"

If you don't like what's being served, ther's a (fill in the name of a fast food joint) just up the road.

Oh, I feel for you. My MIL was the same. I usually ignored her.

I think JessinTexas comes closest to striking the right chord. You want to sound sincere, not snarky. Or YOU will be the one coming off like a B. Your husband would probably prefer not to have a cat fight to deal with, right? So at least have pity on him. Shane B. makes a valid point as well.... maybe just try to hit ONE sore spot at a time. ;)

You could say nothing, and then the next time you are at HER home, start with the "compliments" on her cooking:
"Mind if I bring the vinegar to the table? I just can't eat ___ without the vinegar." "Is there any gravy? Mine is overcooked, so a little dry..." "Mind if I use the microwave real quick? I don't think this is quite done". "Well, I could use some more iced tea. All that salt makes me so thirsty. Anyone else need a refill while I am up?"

Oh-- and definitely talk to your husband about it in advance. Let him know that it bothers you, but that you are keeping your mouth shut about it for his sake, and for the sake of peace and harmony. Then, when she inevitably starts, just give him the glance.... he will KNOW. HE might even say something on your behalf to let her know it's no longer okay to do criticize your cooking (or whatever else she might be criticizing).... Either way... you will score points with him for being nice.

OY... I just went and read your previous post about your MIL and her comments to your daughter. I think I've changed my mind. I might just be blunt with the old bat. Ignore her comments at the table. Don't apologize. Don't offer a solution. IGNORE HER. Literally pretend that you didn't hear her speak. When she gets louder about it, look straight at her and TELL her, "I heard you the first time. I was trying to be polite by ignoring your rudeness." Then return to whatever the other conversation was about...

I have no comebacks for you. My advice - STOP COOKING FOR HER! She doesn't deserve your cooking! The only way her rude comments will stop is for you to stop cooking for her. This is crazy and needs to stop. You are done cooking for her!

She was rude to your daughter? WOW (I didn't read your previous post). Unbelievable. So sorry!

Ahh yes, the piece-of-work MIL strikes again! Have a plate of bread and butter sandwiches ready, so that when she complains, you can offer her something "bland", "light", "not vinegary", "not overdone", "with no spinach", etc. I don't know what to tell you - your MIL sounds like a class A b!tch. She's probably not going to change and getting snarky with her will probably go against your "nice person" sensibilities. If you just see all her negativity as HER problem, you can let it go and feel sorry for her. Instead of "I'm sorry you don't like it", you should be saying "I'm sorry you feel that way, we all love it this way. Let me show you where the cereal is so you can help yourself when you're hungry." It's HER feelings that are NOT the norm, so don't feel bad about you or your own efforts. Some people are just hard to please, they're unhappy with their lives and we need to feel sorry for them and not get defensive about ourselves.

Well first off don't say "I'm sorry you don't like it" You don't need to apologize for making a wonderful meal for your family!! Why not say, "I figured you would say that since you told me my last meal wasn't good enough either" Make sure you include your husband in this. He needs to let his mother know that he appreciates you.

Don't know that I have any comebacks for you, I can never come up with them when needed. Loved reading the posts, they really made my day and brought out some chuckles.

My MIL is lactose intollerant at her descretion. If I cook anything she suspects has butter or milk in it she claims that it makes her sick. But you should see her pile on the butter, and eat ice cream when she wants and without the aid of Lactaid. I even resorted to buying Lactaid and treating the milk I used and it would still "make her sick". She even accused me of trying to "poison" her once. I could go on and on about some of the stunts she has pulled. She loves to put my husband in the middle. We pretty much don't see eachother any more than 1-2 times a year and she is 30 miles away. She only has one granddaughter when she actually has two. Our youngest was supposed to be a boy and it was my fault that she wasn't. She doesn't even give her grandaughters presents! My husband goes to see her every few months to "fix" something for her. She has tried numerous times to get us divorced. I've seen some of the letters she has written him. She lived with us temporarily and wanted to have an apartment above our garage. I said absolutely not because it would be WWIII. I think my husband was relieved when I said no, he just didn't have the cahones to do so but I could be the B*#%@ and and get away with it. As you can tell, there is no love lost between my MIL and me. I'm a people person and can get along with anyone but her. I like nonchalantly getting up and getting a bowl, ceral and milk, setting it in front of her and removing her plate. If my kids behave like that at the table, it's fend for themself and I wouldn't put up with it from her either. Oh, my MIL claims to be a "gourmet" cook and what I've tasted of her food, its not good at all. Good Luck, I really feel for you. Oh, you could tell her the line from Bambi, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin at all". That should shut her up. If you can't grin and bear it, gin and beer it to make it through her visit.

The heavy meal? Does she serve her own plate? You could tell her "there is tea and toast in the kitchen if she would like to make it."

Over cooked, "well it will not hurt my feelings if you need to throw it out."

Undercooked, "the microwave is in the kitchen."

Spinach.." I will give you a copy of the recipe so you can try it without at home. "

Eating late, "Oh you know you are welcome to make a meal or a snack when you are hungry."

I would mention it to your husband and just let him notice this for himself.. After the 2nd and 3rd time.. Have a signal for each other so you can both chuckle about it together.

My MIL just won't eat my food! It doesn't matter what I make...salad, entree, cinnamon rolls, etc. She just won't touch it...except one time. I made a cake for my sons birthday and hours before I served the cake she ran her finger through the icing...lovely!

How about...that's awful because I prepared it especially for you...that would be perfect if she says something is too:

tart
sour
salty
tough
vinegary (again)

You get where I'm going with this? LOL!!!

Say "When the kids don't like what we're eating, we give them a glass of milk and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" LOL!!! Seriously, I would just say something like "I know everyone does things differently but my family likes it this way." It's SOOOO hard to do but you have to let it go. I am sympathetic - my husband's family thinks we eat "weird food" b/c we eat things like whole wheat bread. Everyone's different in what they do and don't like (although your MIL is clearly being a picky B)!

Say "we're trying to teach dear daughter to have table manners and that includes not criticizing the foods. We're teaching her that if she doesm't like something to say "No Thank you", and nothing else. Please help us to model that for little daughter. EVERY time your MIL criticizes your cooking say "oooh, remember, we're modeling, not critiquing, help me teach little --- good table manners" Say it every time. If it doesnt help her to stop it will point out to your DH how often you need to say it.
You can use the same technique if she says something mean to your daughter "We're trying to teach little --- how to talk nicely, use good manners, only say kind words" Please help us model using nice words.
Treat her like a four yr old who needs gentle but consistent correction to learn better manners. Again. it will bring your; husband's attention to her rude, nasty behavior

Tell her that she is mote than welcome to cook the meals and show you how it is done...

"Come to the kitchen and give me a hand so I DONT MESS UP THIS MEAL"
Gitter from the beginning and see what happens.
She may be one that complains about her own cooking all the time. My grandmother (the best cook ever) would always say at least one bad thing about something that she cooked "This could have used a little more sage" or "The crust isnt quite as flaky and it's supposed to be"
You are on to her, might be best to just ignore her remarks and not take them as personally as you are. My MIL is very sweet, but is also the same way about most things. She likes to tell me how SHE does things. "I fold shirts like this" or "I only shop at Kohls when I have coupons" or "I only buy my produce at Safeway and never at Savemart because...."
It's actually quite comical.

I might say something like, "Oh, thank you for noticing." Or, "You're welcome." I'm not sure I'd be more snarky than that though. She is your husband's mother, so it is probably good to bless him by honoring her, even though it is difficult. I'm sure he would really be thankful for that.

Yep! What dawn said :)

Since you're such an expert, perhaps you would grace us with YOUR cooking for the rest of this visit.

"You know what they say. If you want something done right...." (You know, do it yourself.)

Sorry that's all I can think of now, other than really losing your s____ with her.

I havaen't been following your psots so not ure if you an solicit your husabnd's help wit hthis. when she is coming over, take bets on what the criticism will be. Then when she says "this is too acid", you and husband burst out laughing, and you say, " I thought it would be the spinach!" He says, "I betted on it being overdone! Well, Mom, you complaian about something every time you eat here, so we just made bets about what it would be this time!" If you can laugh at it, hopefully she'll feel silly about being "outed" for her bad manners.

Cut them off before they start. "So MIL, what are you making us for supper tonight? Why don't you make us one of your specialties? Husband will take you to the store to get what you need since I'm sure I don't have anything you like on hand."

Ha...that's a good one! I think you should fake sick and let her do all the cooking. I hope these 2 weeks go fast for you...I'll be waiting to hear.

How about telling her that she can cook for YOU from now on? And when she does, throw back the exact same comments. Then when she fusses about your remarks, ask her how she likes it, since that's the way she talks to you.

Good luck!
Dawn

Since your husband is the one the wants her to come visit, let him be in charge of cooking and planning meals. Maybe if she criticizes all his decisions, he will feel differently about her visiting next time. Or, if you are doing the cooking and she asks why you put some ingredient in the food, just tell her you added it because you know she doesn't like it:) Since she sounds like a PITA anyway, why not at least say what you want.

Make the suggestion that since she doesn't like anything you cook, that she cook a meal. (then complain about something...anything) Or just make a very bland, non-spinach meal. (baked chicken, noodles and a vegetable that's not spinach).

How about you suggest that she cook. Tell her you can really stand a break
from the daily grind of cookiing and would just love to have her do it!!!

Show her where the kitchen is and tell her there is PB and J in the pantry and she can make herself a sandwich.

Love it!

You could always just raise one finger to you lips and say "shhhhhhh" to her ended with a sugar sweet grin :)

My mom is a nitpicker. She once tried to tell me how to cook a meal that she had never even cooked before --and I had cooked it, like a million times.

I started to just say to her "this is the way I do it." She isn't nitpicking as much.

I like the "Well dinner wouldn't be complete without your criticism."

You said it right - the problem is why haven't you said just that to her yet!

Your mother in law is a big hardback woman who can cook whatever she wants for herself. If she is going to find so much fault with what you cook, then don't SHARE or OFFER any to her. Feed your family and let her fend for herself. If she is hungry enough she will eat it.

Cook one more meal, and at the point she makes her rude, snarky comments, put your fork down, look at her and say, "I'm so sorry you do not like my cooking. However, I am really tired of all of your complaints, so from now on the kitchen is yours - cook whatever you choose. I cannot wait to see how it will be so I can turn the tables on you and critique the hell out of it." She sounds like a class A B@!$%!

Oh - and stop inviting her for meals, and if that's not possible, tell your husband to grow some b@!s, and defend you. GEEZ!!!!!