Conflicted About Going Back to Work...

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I had this same struggle. For us we lost 70% of our income for me to stay at home. I love being home with my son, and also love being in the business world. Through much prayer God showed me a way to work part time out of the home (2 days a week) and be at home the rest of the time. I will say that being a SAHM is the hardest job I have ever had, but most rewarding. I enjoy my time working outside the home and getting out and having adult conversation, while my son enjoys playing with other kids twice a week and has really excelled in learning from different and older kids. For our family 2 days a week of outside work is such a blessing as I truly value my time with my son and in the business world. I say work from home if you can, it is not going to be easy, but it can be done with schedules and discipline. Being that you are in the mortgage industry I sure would try to work from home. That is a tough business to build and in our market it is great to have a cliental database of referrals. What ever you decide will be the best decision for you and your family. I truly am enjoying the young years as I can see that children do grow up very fast.

I totally understand.....I was always a "career-first woman" and had spent many years working 70-80 hour weeks for years climbing the corporate ladder and pretty much made it to the top....I made more money than my husband...and we lived a pretty lavish lifestyle...traveling the world....wearing only top designer suits, etc.....but then my 1st daughter came!!! My world compeletely changed...I tried to do a nanny and work from the home. I did that for 6 months and realized that I missed even too much and my work was really suffering because for the first time it wasn't the most important thing in my life. Finally, I walked away from it all. And, I've never been happier. Yes, sometimes I miss the feeling of being "important". But I know it's been the greatest thing I could give my 2 daughters was me! And, yes, it really hurt us financially but it was worth it for our family. But, my husband and I were willing to make the sacrifice.

I'm sure all the moms are telling you about their experience and giving advice....please, remember, that this is a very personal family decision. What I mean is, one solution does not fit every family. Don't feel "judged" by other moms for whatever decisions you make. Basically, us women were lied to...we can't have it all...if you follow my meaning. Choices have to be made and there are consequences with any choice you make...good & bad consequences.

Pray about it and listen to God.

I bet the majority of SAHMs went through something similar. I didn't have my own business when I took mat leave, but I was on the fast track and was due for a huge promotion when I returned. It was honestly the hardest decision I have ever made, but I am so glad I quit. I remember making the decision clearly. I was sitting in the play area with him at the mall and looked around and saw all the moms and kids together. I just realized that this was something I felt strongly that I had to give my son. I wanted him to be with mom everyday and go places together rather than be dropped off at daycare daily. I don't criticize working moms because I do believe some people are just cut out to be at work, and of course some need to financially. It's just that I knew for me I had to do that. It was hard though. You, of course, have the added problem of owning your own business. Have you considered hiring someone to run it or at least help you run it? I do know how hard it is to find decent employees, but maybe you could get someone. I don't know much about the mortgage business, but is there a way to scale back and only work part time? Or could your husband work part time and help with child care so you can share the load and not have to use a daycare? That way you can retain your business and build it back up when you are ready. Either way, good luck in this very difficult and personal decision.

Wow that is hard. Could you maybe just hire a nanny to come into your home a few days a week and do a little less business than you used to? Hire a partner or someone to handle half of your clients?

Hey, H.! Yeah, I understand where you're coming from. It sounds like you really enjoy your work, as well as being home with your son. But it's not just your work, it's your very own business that you have built from the ground up. So in a sense, it's like your company is ALSO your baby. In my opinion, forcing yourself to choose between the two would be heartbreaking. Not to mention, not very lucrative. So of course, why not do both? Part-time at work, and the other half at home. That way you'll be getting the best of both worlds. Enjoying the time in watching your baby grow and still being a part of his daily development, and still receiving the income from your business in order for your household to continue to thrive. And trust me: the kids? They don't get cheaper.

As long as you can find a home-daycare provider that you know and trust, you'll feel great and at ease knowing that you are still contributing to the income at home and still being able to check in on the baby whenever you feel the need. My best friend and I ran a home daycare for 2 years and working-moms droppped in all the time to check on their babies.

Good luck with your decision, sweetie!

Well, here's my two cents and I may not be popular for saying this but here it goes...
I can only say that these early years and the "firsts" can never be replaced. No one will ever take as good care of your children than you. If you can financially afford to stay at home...Do it! It is the most rewarding experience you could ask for. For me, it would be a harder pill to swallow to have someone else watch my child than it would be to start your career over. Your kids will only be this little once...your career can always be rebuilt even if it takes time. I know how hard a decision it can be, but seriously consider the benefits to staying at home.

I work full time outside of the home and have two daughers (ages 4 years and 4 months). My husband watches the girls during the day. We are very fortunate to have our situation. I work because we need my income and also because I find it rewarding. Being that you have your own company, it may be difficult for you to cut back. You may not realize how many hours you were actually working before. You can find a good work/life balance that will allow you to still earn some money but spend a lot of time with your child. Hire a nanny for at home and a good assistant for your business. That way you have help on both sides. I think it is very important to spend as much time as possible building that mother/child bond, but it is also difficult to start a successful business and it would be a shame to lose it if you need the income and like what you do. You can work and still be a good mother.

You have received some great insights. Just my 2 cents to add... I left a career I LOVED to be home to raise my children. Life is short and childhood is precious. I feel so blessed to be able to stay home with my children. I did start a part time flexilbe home business to replace my former income so we did not suffer finanically. Good luck with your decision.
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I totally understand what you're going through.. I'm staying at home too because I just can't bring myself to leave her for a full time job away from my baby!!
My husband and I have a business as distributors of MonaVie.. it's an absolutely AMAZING antioxidant superfood drink that is selling like crazy. It's everywhere in California and Texas is starting to catch on, so we're busy carving out a piece of the market here for ourselves. Anyway, it really sells itself and there is a lot of money to be made in it if you put some effort into showing people. You do it from home and all you have to do is show a couple of people a day at the most. We started making pretty decent money after only 2 weeks. So if you are interested in anything like that, we would LOVE to get you in our group!!
Let me know if you're interested!

Hey H.!

I know how you feel! I cried everyday thinking I would have to return to work. As a Dental Hygienist, I would have left my son with a sitter for 9 hours a day...and I REFUSED to do it! So after 9 years, I decided to retire in order to stay home with my son as long as possible. He is now 1 year old and I've been home with him since he was born.

Now I am a full-time SAHM and I still contribute to our family income. I am a Representative for Silpada Designs Jewelry. I leave the house for very few hours a week in the evenings and on weekends when my husband is home, so we save on childcare costs and anxiety! This has saved me! This company has changed EVERYTHING for me! I never knew.

It is a VERY profitable business! Last weekend, I hosted a Show and made $297, cash, for 4 hours of work! Just this past Tuesday, 2 days ago, I made $436 for 4 hours! You can't beat it! Anyone can do this! Browse my website below and go to the Business Opportunity section to learn more. I make GOOD money and I'm surrounded by a huge support system. I can even earn free vacations. It has impacted my life in an amazing way!

I know you may feel a sense of loss for your business,if you decide to move away from that business. But the beauty of it is, we as empowered women, have the choice to make changes in our lives. It's never too late to start something new, if that's what you want! Change doesn't have to be bad, just different. I wish you the best with your choices.

Check it out and see if this fits into your life. Call me anytime ###-###-#### - I would gladly answer any questions you may have. Let me know if I can help you in any way! Did I mention it was also FUN?!?

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I feel like I am blessed to be able to be able to stay at home with my children. It took me a year to get a job after I graduated, and one of the hard parts about deciding to stay home is the fear that it will be hard to get back into the workforce after being out of it for 5 years. It also is definitely hard financially. We count every penny. However, my husband and I agreed that me being able to stay at home with our kids was worth all the financial hardships. The way we look at it, we have the rest of our lives to earn money and save. Our children will only be this young for a few years. This is just our opinion. I have several friends who decided to go back to work. Their children are with great childcare providers and are as happy as my children. Good luck deciding what is best for your family!

When my daughter was born, I took a year long leave of absence from my job (unpaid other than the 4 months of maternity leave and vacation I had), to decide if being at home was really what I wanted. After the first few months, I knew there was no way I was going to go back. When I tried to resign when my year was up, they asked me to take another 6 months to reconsider. I never changed my mind. I gave up a nearly 6 figure income to be at home with my daughter and I wouldn't change a thing! I also had the option of working part time from home and hiring a nanny to come in, but as someone else mentioned, the "firsts" only happen once and I envisioned my child taking her first steps or saying her first word to the nanny while I was on a conference call in the other room and that thought broke my heart. My daughter will be 2 in a couple of days and I am pregnant with #2 due in May and I can tell you that the last thing in the world I thought I would ever do is be a stay at home mom, but I know now this is the best place for me. I have an Masters degree in business and all of the debt that goes along with that and I still decided that I will always have that piece of paper if I decided to return to work later (even if it's 10 years down the road). Luckily, I have a super supportive husband who told me that if I was only going back to work for the money, then I shouldn't do it. It has been a drastic change for us since my income was half of our household income, but we have managed just fine and we still live much better than most, so just pray about it and try to think about whether you would truly be happy being away from your son for the sake of a job or money. If you love your job for other reasons and you feel like you would miss that part of you, then certainly consider that also.

It's a tough decision for all of us moms to make and only you can decide what is best for you and your family. Talk to your husband....make sure he would support your decision either way. Best of luck to you!

MY husband is in your line of work (real estate agent) so I know what you mean about giving up the business after all the hard work. I also know about the long hours. I am sure you know you are only kidding yourself when you think you might be ablet to pull off your business working only part time. If you are happier at home, I'd really consider staying at home, for at least a little while.
I would pray on your decision, write out a pros/cons list and take it from there. I have been a stay at home mom for almost 10 years and there are definate ups and downs. You may very well be in the 'honeymoon' phase if you have a 'sleeping' baby and are enjoynging frequent well wishers (I personally loved this time with my first born and she had severe colic!). Consider the reasons you truly want to stay home. It is rewarding for me but I will be the first to admit it is an extremely difficult job as you get more into it. Because everyone has their own reasons and beliefs, I think it is a decision only you can make.
If you do decide to stay home--Have you considered selling your list/clientelle? I know this would be hard to do but it could bring you some extra needed income. My husband has told me about real estate agents who do this so I am sure lenders do it to.
I truly believe in the power of prayer, I would pray on it and listen for answers!
Best of luck!
L.

i totally understand what you are talking about. i would have never thought i would have wanted to stay at home until i had my 2nd child. my first one didn't do it for me (LOL). it took 2. with my oldest i worked at his daycare so it was like being with him all the time. my husband and i just recently situated our finances where i did quit my job in august and i adore staying at home with the kids and being a homemaker, so i understand where you are coming from.

what if i could offer you a way to bring in some income while staying at home that does not involve hosting parties, or keeping up with inventory? have you ever considered starting a stay at home business? i have stumbled onto a really great one. there is no sales, or inventory to keep, no parties to throw or magazines to pass out. and absolutely no risk. you can do it full time or part time and basically make as much money as the effort you want to put into it. if you are interested in some more information please visit my website at www.formyrugrats.com. i would love to share this amazing opportunity with you!!!

D. Mattern
The MOM Team
Raise your income and your rugrats at the same time!
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"The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself through love," Galatians 5:6

You've gotten some thoughtful responses already and good suggestions such as hiring a partner. My babies are now 12 and 14 and I've always worked (taking off 3 months with the first and 4 with the second). I had planned to take 6 mos off with the 2nd, but found that I was ready to go back to work when he was 4 months old and I was fortunate to have a good boss that would allow me to work part-time till he was 9 mos. old. The reality is that as a mother, you're going to have lots of other tough decisions to make (e.g., private school or public school) and you have to listen to your own instincts. Also, it really does not get any easier once they're 5 or older - in my opinion, it just gets harder and if I had known that I would have chosen to stay home. I know moms with young children would debate that, but my experience has been that the early years are quite easy, it's when they get involved in lots of activities and enter the pre-/teen years that life really gets tough and there is actually a much higher need for your presence. The only reason I have not stopped working is because I have a job with very flexible hours and work at home the majority of the time, so I'm almost always around when they're out of school and schedule my work time around their activities. If you are able to do that with your job (a possibility IMHO if you can hire a partner and find a good caregiver in these early years), then I think you can find the right balance. Also, IMHO, the biggest benefit of my having continued to work has been that I could not have done so without their father carrying some of the burden and as a result he has spent far more time with his sons than many fathers.

I am a tax attorney/CPA and have a client base built up over 20 years. It's probably quite similar to your business as far as the personal relationships involved etc. I have 4 very young children; two sets of twins ages 17 mo. and 4 years. I have been able to hire nannies to come in my home to take care of the children, and continue my business working mostly from home. I have a nice office in an exec suite when I need to meet with clients, so my clients do not have a sense of someone just working out of the bedroom, which in fact I do. I have found that very rewarding; I am around for first steps and fevers; I oversee the nannies and make sure the children are happy - just walking through the rooms ocassionally while on the way to fill up the coffee cup etc. The time I used to spend driving I spend with my children. But it is easier to justify the cost of an in-home nanny when you have twins; as the cost of good daycare is not much less for two. I must admit that I do not bring home much more than I spend on child care - but that probably would not be the case for you. My nannies are wonderful (but were not easy to find and keep) and partner with me in raising the kids. The pro is that as the children age and do not need quite as much "hands on" help, my business can grow a bit and I hope to let my girls know that they don't have to choose between staying at home and working. But it truly has consequences; hubby is mad constantly because I do not make six figures anymore and wants me to get a "real job." It's hard to hold down a "real job" and have young children. You will have to look at your fixed costs and see what you can really make with a part time (i.e probably 40 hours a week instead of 60), and consider the cost of child care. My children have responded well and love their nannies but also feel confident they get enough time with mommy - but every child and every household is different. I can tell you that it's nice to have some help with children and it does get old staying at home taking care of a child - no place to go and no one to talk to because everyone else is working and you have no money. Only you can decide.

I own a business too, and the best thing I have done is enroll my 2 girls in mothers day out so I can maintain the business. I still feel like a SAHM because they only go 3 days a week from 9-2 (they went 2 days last year). It is enough time to focus and keep my business going, plus they LOVE the MDO program and have learned so much socially and academically. If you live in the Flower Mound area, the MDO program we use is at St Phillips and is the only one I know of who has an infant prpgram. You can do 2, 3 or 5 days a week. Good luck with your decision!

H.,
First of all, please know that you are not alone. There are so many working moms that struggle with decisions such as these.

I work full time outside of the home and I enjoy it. I have 2 degrees and hold a management position in a major oil and gas company. Is it hard leaving my child at daycare everyday? Yes. Is it hard balancing work and personal life? Yes. Is is kaotic and exhausting in the mornings and evenings? Yes. Is our home filled with love and laughter when we are all together? Yes. I guess what I am trying to say is that my work makes me who I am. I enjoy solving complex business problems and interacting with a team of people to do it. As a result, I think I am a better person and a better Mom because of it. As another person said, it will never get easier. However, I am confident that my husband and I will be able to work through any issues or problems that arise. Being a working Mom has taught me some things: to negotiate for flexible working options (start/stop time, working from home, minimizing overnight stays on travel trips etc); how to priotize whats really important; flexibility in picking up/dropping off at daycare between my hubbie and I; to let go and let Dad share in the responsibility (ie taking her to the Drs office if I can't rearrange my schedule). It's not quite 50/50 sharing in child rearing (maybe 60/40) but I like the fact that my daughter has an "active" father that is helping to raise her.

I think you are considering all the right things in your decision 1) short term vs long term consequence 2) how to balance work and home life 3) flexible child care options etc. Only you can make the right decisions for YOU. So continue to think through all your options. However, if you have a supportive husband, whatever decision you make will be the right one. And rest assured, the two of you will be able to handle any difficult problem that arises, be it living with less money or trying to juggle a dual career family. GOOD LUCK!

When my little girl was only 6 weeks old I had to return back to work out of financial necessity. I have had the privilige this past July to begin staying at home with my daughter. After some adjusting I realized how much I missed out on and how thankful I am to not have to miss out on another moment!!! The changes in her once I came home were amazing. In a matter of a week she learned to count to 20 and say as well as identify her entire alphabet. She was only 22 months old. I would make sure to include social interaction though with other children as your child gets older. That is one benefit that child care has. I think that when you look back on life you will be happy to know that you were there to watch your child grow. It's difficult becase hard work and dedication went into building your business and there's a feeling of throwing it all away. I promise that the hard work and dedication that it takes to be a stay at home will bring more joy, blessings, and feelings of pride then any other occupation that you may have.

C.