Consequences for My First Grader

When my boys did something at school that they knew was wrong, they always paid for it at home too especially if it had to do with disrespect of any kind. Then again, dad's and little girls? Never had to deal with it.I would probably say if it's something she needs to be taught can't be tolerated as she's growing up, she needs to know that. If it's just a stage and it's something minor or something that all kids go through, probably not a big deal. Depends a great deal on the circumstances and what the 'rough days' involve.

simply put all otehr issues aside if my first grader or either of my two kindergardner's have a less than good day at school they lose a privelage at home. it is different for each child and is something that i can control when they are here, like no computer time or no tv time ot half an hour earlier to bed. when they are with thier dad they are with their dad and such is life he does what he will, they have fewer bad days when they are with me and since they are mostly with me it seems to be working just fine. good luck.

I personally think that the issue needs to be addressed with your daughter but not technically a punishment. I'm not sure how long you and your husband have been seperated but keep in mind that if it was recently then your daughter is probably going through a rough time whether she shows it or not.
On that note I am sure that the teacher said something to her at the time that something happened and I'm sure she took care of it. I do agree with your husband in that by the time she gets home the issue is over and done with BUT the teacher still needs your support and help. Therefore my advice would be to talk to your daughter about what she has done and tell her what is acceptable and what isn't but I do not think she needs to be punished. In other words yes do something about it but no do not give punishments. Obviously this is just my opinion and other parents may disagree.

I've read through some of the responses and thought I'd add my two cents. I honestly feel that punishment should fit the crime. We have had behavioral problems with our 6 yr. old son, who is in kindergarten. His teacher has a color-coded system. For each "bad" thing the child does, they have to pull a card. The first 2 cards are green. The third is yellow, the final one is red. If a red card is sent home, she writes what the behavior(s) are/were that led to that card being pulled, and the parent has to sign it and send it back.
Upon picking my son up from school each day, I ask how is day was. He then responds with how many cards he may or may not have had to pull that day. If he only had to pull one, I praise him, but I ask what behavior led to him pulling that one card. If it's a minor infraction, I let the punishment from the teacher stand. We talk about the behavior and why he shouldn't do that again, and encourage him to do better the following day.
If the behavior was a major issue, then he gets punishment at home, as well as at school. Such as no tv for the night, early bedtime, no games, and even writing that he will not do that particular action again. He kicked another student, at the beginning of the school year, and he had to stay inside for recess, and write out "I will not kick others" multiple times. When he got home, he got spanked, and he had to write "I will not kick others" again, and I sent it to school so his teacher could see that we also dealt with the issue at home.
I am stunned at the lack of parenting in today's children, in school. I just had a conference with my son's teacher, this morning before class started, and was astonished that out of 7 parents who didn't show up for their conference last week, I was the only parent who asked to reschedule. And the only reason I missed it last week was because my son was sick, and I was at home tending to him.
So share with your ex-husband that it pays to be involved with your child's schooling. You have to take a pro-active approach. And you have to be unified in your decisions, or it will just create tension and strife, and your child will not know what is going on. The child will begin to rebel against you, since you seem to be the one with the most sense. Since your child knows that he/she can get away with things because "Dad says it's ok", it's just going to make things worse in the long run, for everyone involved.
I would even suggest you and your ex-husband speaking with your child's teacher, principal, and possibly even the school counselor, so that you can each be on the same page when it comes to your child's education and behavior issues. Good luck.

I think it would depend on what the crime was. We have done all, punish again at home to sit down and talk about it. We want our kids to know we are there to support them but also the school and the teachers have rules and consequences that they are expected to follow. So far it has worked our kids have stayed out of trouble, but we have one who just turned 5, the jury is still out on that one. As an former teacher I can tell you, you can always tell the kids whos parents back us up at home. Make sure you and the teacher are working as a team and that the teacher and your child know that.
For me, and I know things are different from when I was a kid, but I never got in trouble at school. Not because I was a good kid and didn't think of bad things to do, but because I knew before hand that if I got in trouble at school I would be in even more trouble when I got home. I wasn't worried so much about the trouble I would get in at school but the thought of going home and telling them what I did and get the punishment, nothing was worth that! Fortunately I never found out what would happen, but he threat sure did keep me out of trouble.
Good luck,
J.

You got a lot of good advice already! Issues at school should ALWAYS be talked about and dealt with at home as well. My sister teaches pre-first, my mom is a retired kindergarten teach of 35 years, and my other sister is a school psychologist. With all the darn "teacher talk" I've had to put up with, I've learned that children perform better in school when things are done at home, whether it's good performance or bad. However, as long as you disagree with your husband, your daughter is going to receive mixed messages. Maybe you can find some research, essays, studies, etc., that support your point of view. Maybe that can help him see. Or talk about it at the next conference. Good luck!

I think you need to seperate some of the issues from school to home. I agree that some consequences need carried home and carried out, but some issues that happen at school should stay their. Not every issue is the same and needs the same action taken. I volunteer in a school and i see alot of kids who do act out at school and they get into trouble. However, sometimes i think the teacher over reacts to some things and a child is having to pay for something that maybe they should not have to. Then they get home and they are being punished for the same thing. I have 3 children in school and we also had to seperate or set guidlines on which things we bring home and what we leave at school. It is hard to decide what items they will be but you know what the problem is an you need to figure out what is the bad and not so bad things. When my kids come home I know they need that break and are stressed to the max about school. They want to talk about the day not get yelled at everytime.

The answer to that question is very complicated. It totally depends on what you mean by a "dad day." Does she not pay attention in class? Is she hitting people? If it is something very severe then she needs you to help correct the situation as well as the school. If she is something smaller, then I agree that school has handled it. I know that this story is not something a first grader will go through but it may help. When I was younger my mom told me that if I got suspended from school I would be grounded twice as long. I never got suspended, however, I did try to challenge a rule we had about shorts and all was going my way until they threatened me with a suspension. I remembered my mom's rule and caved. When I got home and told my mom what had happened she told me that she would not have grounded me for it because I was standing up for myself and had every right to in this instance. I didn't realize there were distinctions, it was cut and dry for me before we talked. This is similar in that you have to consider the severity and the long-term effects before deciding if the situation warrants punishment at home. Good Luck

I think the issue needs to be addressed at home, even if it be just a talk about what went wrong, why it went wrong and how she could have better handled the situation. Teachers try their best but they have 20-30 students to teach, control and care for while they are at school. Parent involment is what makes schools work.
Look at it as a job, when you come home from work after a bad day are you capable of leaving what happened at work at work or do you take some time to debrief? If you debrief, how do you do it? Do you think your daughter has her own ways of debriefing or could she still use some coaching?
Some actions need punishment at home, others need more attention than a punishment in my opinion. Taking away a t.v. is easy, finding out WHY they did what they did is slightly harder.
If you help with the bad days when they are few and far between, it will hopefully nip them before they become more and more often.

My daughter is also in the first grade and both her father and I agree that she should have a punishment of some sort at home when her behavior at school or anywhere else she is and we aren't for that matter. We believe that being at school and being at home go together and it also teaches them that they have to behave for more then just at home, self discipline will be needed all theirs lives. When my daughter acts up at school she gets toys taken away, no t.v. or what ever is appropriate for the behavior. I agree with you completey that kids need those guidlines. If your kid thinks it's ok to act out for other adults, teachers, aunts, uncles, babysitters then they will be set up for a world of hurt as they get older. I think you should stand your ground.