Cry It Out - Saint Louis,MO

Yea, I was always told to let them CIO for one minute per month of age. It took that long to get to the new born in the crib anyway in a dead sprint so I really couldn't help it anyway. And mine didn't cry to be held, they always needed something... Diaper, breast feeding, too hot, too cold... You know.

Also I haven't read this article. But I am very very very ADHD and my mom never let me CIO even useingthe definition I used above, let alone the more aggressive definitions of CIO. My mom coslept... So I am calling foul...

ooh J.!!! That's me!!! Heartless!! I told them to deal with it!! I needed my sleep!! (NOT!)

I didn't read the CIO post. I guess I should have.

I am like you - when they cried, I tended to their needs. When they were older - I would wait a minute or two to see if it they were working it out on their own, but over all? My job was (and is) to tend to their needs.

I allowed my son cry for a bit around one year. I do not personally believe a one year old or younger can manipulate us. Nor, do I think they should be expected to understand how to make themselves feel better or soothed. I think starting around one year, babies are becoming toddlers. They have a simple understanding of working it out. I waited to see if he was working it out. If not, I went in. Anything before one I think is expecting way too much of a baby. And, I think it's pretty cruel.

Six months with our first, about seven months with the second, on the advice of our awesome pediatrician.

I know our son was standing and walking! So....over 1 for sure.

my kid screams like she is being tortured, no matter what the issue. I cant let her cry it out, or I would go insane. I do however believe in "Stay in your room till you can listen" that lasts maximum 10 minutes.

Couldn't do it. A little fussing, sure, no problem, even a newborn. But I had to go get a screaming child (of any age).

Thing is, I suspect this is only ONE of six zillion things that have gone into shaping my three happy healthy well-adjusted successful young adults.

So You Say TomAto, I say Tomato...let's call the whole thing off, is how the song goes.

:)

6 months old. But earleir than that, we allowed him to cry a moment or two before going to him to at least give him a chance to settle himself.

I have a nearly one year old so this is a "hot" (i.e., much discussed) topic in our house. Fortunately my husband and I are in agreement regarding CIO. As parents our job is to comfort and teach. We have taken turns comforting our little one and only within the last two weeks have we even attempted CIO when nothing else was working. We hate doing it but when no amount of comforting helps, what else is there to do? Our little one settles on his own within a few minutes (7 minutes max) so the torture doesn't last long. We did not try this at an earlier age as it went against our grain as parents despite everyone telling us to go that route. When we felt like he was fussing but not crying out of a overlooked need, then we started talking about and then trying CIO. Determining that difference in cries is the point of when to try CIO I believe.

We discussed our rules of CIO after researching the topic and then we tried our version of it (5-10-15 with picking up to soothe). The first few times one of us would chicken out but that was okay. We just stopped trying but one night we were committed and it worked. We felt bad but we just supported each other. The next night we had to do it again but it was a much shorter duration. In all it lasted three nights and our little one has gotten better at settling himself. It’s one of those crummier things you do as a parent since no one wants to hear their child cry.

When we came home from the hospital a friend of ours forwarded us that 'Mad About You' episode regarding this very topic. No way were we going to sit there in the hall and do what they did. While it was really funny, it was also gut wrenching. However, we both understand to each parent their own styles/decisions. What works for our family does not necessarily work for another. We can and do go without sleep because neither of us can stand listening to our baby cry. It's just part of having a baby in our minds. This stage won’t last long so we just support each other and take turns.

As for when to try CIO, I would certainly not try it before six months. It would just be cruel to listen to a newborn or small infant cry for very long.

6 months. And every question I have ever seen posted on this issue, I make a point to say exactly that. 6 months and not before. I can hardly wait to see how many folks use that article to say CIO is dangerous, etc etc etc. When all it really says, is 1) don't do it before 6 months, and 2) use common sense. Even Dr. Ferber SAYS you do not just ignore your child.

(Just got here today, so I assume you are remarking on that yahoo article that posted last night, right?)

Some kids are full enough (if fed enough all day) to self sooth and sleep through at 3 months (My aunt, mother of ten got hers all to sleep through by three months by making sure they were not hungry). 6 months is more standard.

My kids were around the six month mark because they needed to nurse during the night until then.

Even pediatricians tell parents not to let newborns CIO. But ours told us, "If you get them used to responding to them during the night, they'll need you to respond to them during the night" and encouraged us to use their own crib in their own room right away even if they needed to eat during the night. We kept them in our room for the first months for nursing convenience.

The damage from letting newborns cry it out would be from hunger causing excessive traumatic crying imo. Full babies (4 months and up usually) hardly even cry in my experience if they never learn anything different than self soothing at bed time.

I must not have read the article as closely as I thought because I didnt know it was about newborns. Ian started to sleep through the night at 8 months so at that point when he would wake up i'd let him cry for roughly 10 minutes. 99% of the time he fell right back asleep no problem. If it was that urgent cry or he just wouldnt let up after about 10 minutes i'd go in, pick him up and he would fall asleep immediately, rock him a few minutes and back to bed he went. The twins started sleeping through the night, amazingly, when they were about 3 months old. and honestly I can count on one hand the ammount of times they have woke up in the middle of the night since, not counting this past week after their palate repair surgeries, nor the week after their lip repair surgeries when they were almost 4 months. and it is the same routine with them. but it is harder with the twins because whoever cries actually soothes the non crying twin so it is a fine line of going in to comfort crying baby and not waking the other who likes his brothers cry.

I do not believe however that letting a baby cry for 10 or 15 minutes is going to cause all the issues they said it would. My mom let us CIO and I do not have ADHD nor any of the other issues stated.

ETA: so I guess i let them CIO after they were already able to sleep through the night on their own. and I also want to add that I think it is more cruel to let them cry 10 minutes go in and pat their back and then walk out and go that over and over than it is to just let them CIO for 10 or 15 minutes. I think going in like that makes them think you are going to get them and then just leave again. it is like teasing them, getting them partially calmed down only to turn your back on them again...of course, just my opinion, and you know we all have em...lol

Having asked the question earlier, I waited until mine was just over 6 months. We followed the "Eat Sleep Poop" book and they discussed the the 5-10-15 method. We know the difference between a fussy cry and the "Hello?? Need a little help here" cry. The funny thing for us is that we used the CIO method and our little one never went more than the five minutes. One time, we heard her cry out of no where and my DH and I looked at each other with the "What the heck is that about look?" and we both took off down the hallway. We cuddle and rocked her until she fell asleep....we put her back in the crib and she started to cry....we then started the 5 minutes and she was down before the time expired.
I would've probably choked someone if they told me to let our DD cry it out before 6 months. Great follow up J.!

I did teach-to-sleep for my first born when he was 6 months. We checked to soothe and let him know we were there at 3, 5, 10, 15 minutes. By 20 minutes he was asleep, and has slept beautifully ever since. My other two I did at 8 and 10 months. It took usually about 30 minutes over two days.

Children are part of a family unit. They are not the only people in the family. We work together as a family to meet the needs of everyone, including parents.

I just use common sense. I have a 4 year old and a 19 month old. If one of them is crying because she wants the toy that the other one has...she can cry and they can work it out between themselves. I will step in if things get out of control. I know the difference between the I am hurt cry and the I am mad at my sister cry. My girls aren't big criers. The older one started verbal communication super early so no crying was necessary. The younger one just yells when she needs help/wants something.

When they were under one, if they cried I checked on them asap.