Crying on the Inside

I know exactly how you feel. I got pregnant at 19 my ex and I at that time had been together a rocky 2 years and then at 22 I was pregnant again. I was afraid of raising 2 kids alone and we talked about abortion, but he pledged his undying love. We were together another rocky 4 1/2 years. I tried to get him to go to counseling with me and he went once, but felt that the counselor was too intrusive!! We have been divorced now for 6 years and its a long hard road. See if he will go to counseling with you. Kids really do need 2 parents at home and if you can work it out by all means try. Kids don't understand why daddy doesn't want to live with them anymore, and worry if he doesn't love you anymore will he someday decide that he doesn't love them. If he is unwilling to try I wish you all of the luck in the world. Don't worry you'll be OK, just remember to stay strong for the kids.

I was in a relationship with the love of my life. He left me and I never thought I would recover. I did and I am stronger for it. My son was 3 and looking back (it has been 9 years), I know he saw my pain which in retrospect I wish he hadn't. Fortunately, he has no memory today. Anyway, all I can say is time will heal and I firmly believe that if you two aren't happy, your children will see that. I am all for working things out but the bottom lines are: it takes TWO to make it work; no matter what happens I PROMISE you will heal; and finally your children need you with them 100%. Take time for you to sort things out. I will help you anyway I can to get through this.

Hi, Marriage is always going to be a rocky road. Like the icecream and when ur sad thats the icecream to get right? Well, Listen if he leaves you can be a very STRONG mother. Some people dont think woman have the power in them to be strong willed but we are. One thing that I have learned about marriage is: "Marriage is about falling in love over and over again with that very special person." What made you two fall in love? What was the spark, help him REMEMBER that spark. If he cant or wont then its not ment to be. Remember this M., once you lose someone you realize what you've lost, this saying is VERY true. sometimes, the table needs to be turned on them for them to realize what they are about to lose. You feel threatedned by him leaving, what about makin him feel threatedned about you leavin him? I know this sounds cruel but if you have a straight up man that truely honestly deep down doesnt want to leave you he wont. Marriages today fall because lack of communication, and it can not just be one person doing all the communication because it will wear you down. Yes, im speaking personal here. When i was pregnant for my last child i was informed that he wished hed never touched me. 2 kids and pregnant with the 3rd and he says this to me. URGH! I was so devistated, but i turned the tables on him. He felt what i was feeling, i spent the weekend out with Girls... and yes there was men their... he started thinkin WOW she is really going to leave me i flat out told him, that i dont need a man in my life for me to live. Which is true you honestly dont, when he realized that he was about to lose the best thing that happened to him. He stopped and thought real hard. 4 Hours worth of him being sad, tears, fear and hurt. That was just spending time with friends out at the club and telling him i didnt need him or any man for that matter. It worked! He fell in love with me all over again. Thats what he loved about me, I keep my head high, and im real, I tell it how i see it. I hope some advice i gave helps you along the way.

Just remember your a human being! Dont let any man tell you any different. Your the mother of his children and he will always love you no matter what. Just keep your head high and strong and either way you will get through it. or another thing you can try to is.

Make a special dinner for him spice it up some, put candles all over the house, have someone take the kids for the night, make a romantic evening of it. Anything is possible when a lady puts her mind to something that she is willing to fight for.

You cant make him stay. and if he does not want to be there then why bother. I was a single mom for my two older boys for 9 yrs. and now i have a 3 yr. old and the marriage is not so great. we are trying. but you can do it if you have to by yourself. i did not have a lot of support, not much family support and a small friend circle. but i did it and my older boys are very proud. their dad was not around emotionally or financiall just a few times a month. the thought of doing it again does scare me but if i had to i would. you should do what is best for you and your children. you deserve to be in a happy relationship

M.,
Letting go is never easy and twice as difficult when you love somebody, however do you really want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? Please know the best thing for your children is to be loved by you and for them to know that no matter what mommy loves them and you will not leave them.I promise you they will be ok and so will you. If he is even considering leaving basically he has already left the relationship.When I am facing anything difficult I tell myself no matter what it will be ok.....maybe not the ending I want but never the less it will work out. Take care and hug your kids because in the end he is loosing alot more than you.

Im so glad to hear things are working out for you thats great:)

I wish you luck, you have a rough road ahead of you. This is why marriage is so important, especially with children. You have to work at it, you can't just say "I'm breaking up with you" My advise is, give him your all, if you love him tell him, don't beg, don't plea, give him your true feelings. But YOU don't walk out. In the end after all is said and done, you'll know it wasnt you, you gave him your all. Or better yet, your honest and he stays to work it out, then get married and live happily ever after. =) Good luck.

*And thank God you didn't get an abortion, it is sooo wrong, you would of have a lot more issue if you went through with it. Now look at that adorable 1 yr. old. So worth it !!*

Hi M.
This may sound weird but just hear me out...

You right now, are giving your all to someone who is not taking it in. He is not giving his all to you if he is unsure of wanting to go or stay. There are many single women out there, me one of them. People always think, " I can't do this". But you know what you can because you have to. You have two great kids who need you. So just think of how much you are giving yourself to your boyfriend, you could be giving it to someone who is appreciating it and giving you just as much of him as you are giving to him. Don't ever love the person he used to be. Love the person he is and that message goes for him as well. If this ends badly I am sorry but everything happens for a reason and you are a strong women and you can do it.

I hope I did not upset you and I hope everything works out.

Bonnie

Hi. I went through something very similar with my ex. He told me he saw us divorced in about a year because we were growing apart. I got scared and left him. Then he changed his mind and we got back together. Things went from great to him talking about a divorce again. it sounds like your husband isn't very committed and is just waiting to come up with the easiest, most painless way out. Maybe I'm wrong- after all, as you said, he's young.

I have a five-year old too and I'm here for moral support whenever you need it. When I went through this, I felt alone and terrified and I didn't know what to do. But he did me a favor. You deserve somone who knows he wants to be with you and appreciates how lucky he is to have you!!

He may have more respect for you if you let him know you aren't going to fall apart without him.

I don't know if any of this helps or not.

Believe it or not, you'll make it through this!

I think you should talk and figure out what the real problem is and try to work it out, if you can't then atleast you tried. Staying together for the children does not do any good if no one is happy.

I think the best thing for children is to be raised in a happy, stable, loving environment. If your kids father can't help you provide that (or doesn't want to), then let him go. It will hurt at first, but seeing your children grow up to be healthy, emotionally stable adults, will be worth it. A good mother knows what is best for her children, just listen to your heart.

you sound as if you love him. you know love is a two way street. you are both young with the responsibility of two children. 9 times out of ten you did not plan the children, or what you would do to support them raise them,or manage time for each other. that lust (confused with love.) takes over and the planning and thinking process leaves.no more fun going out. the kids are always there. they need both of you no matter if you remain together as a family or seperate they need support emotionally monetarilly and they need to feel you both love them. never fight in front of them or let them overhear you talking about splitting up. the grass is always greener on the other side. if he desides to leave, hold your head up and rememberyou are some body. i was a single mom of 4 not easy. i started my own buisiness and eventually found mr right. i would like you to e- mail me i have some reading material that helped me get through the rough times. REMEMBER financially he needs to support the children and you. and he will still have the same responsibilities. do not leave let him you hang in there. please write. ____@____.com

M.~ I have been in the same place you are. I stayed with my ex for the same reason...they need a father and how can I do it on my own. I finally realized that it would be healthier for the children and myself if I did it on my own. It is not right for the kids to listen to arguing. I was afraid, in my marriage, that it would eventually get physical. I know I couldn't have lived with myself it he had hurt me or one the kids. It is a real hard road to go down. I have had all those feelings that you are having. I left him 3 times before I finally got the courage up to do it for good. Finally on the 4th time I did it! It has been 3 years since I have been on my own. It was very hard at first. My daughter was just shy 2 years old, while my son was only 8 months. I am so glad that I made the decision to finally do it. I am not, in any way, telling you that you should leave (or let him leave)but if one of you isnt happy then eventually neither are going to be happy. Maybe the two of you can get into some counselling? It's amazing what is hiding deep inside. Hopefully you can work it out that way.
A good support system, friends and family, can help you get thru it. If you would like to contact me for some support (in whatever you decide) you are more than welcome to do so.
I wish you the best luck in whatever you decided to do.

As long as you aren't being abused I think if there are children a marriage is always worth working on. You didn't say you were married though, you said relationship. Either way, you have children together who will be hurt if you break up. If you can manage counseling you should give that a try. Good luck, I really hope you can stay together and be happy.

I'm so glad you didn't have an abortion. No matter what the guy's going to do, you and your children are most important. If he does go, there are options you can seek. If there's no where you can go, there should be a women's shelter that you can stay at, in your area. They can help you get on your own. I have been at one, twice with my two boys. They will help you get assitance, if you need it and help you along the journey of finding a place to live and job and such. if you need it too.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. I do want to congratulate you on keeping your baby. That's couragous! You can't make a person stay. I would say to let him know where you stand in an earnest way, and let him go if that's what he decides. I would not recommend you leaving him. What a heartbreak! I truly believe in marraige and believe that you can't force the other person. It has to be their choice. (That doesn't make it right if they leave.)
I know of free counseling through a church if you feel you need it. You can contact me for the number if you'd like.

You can't really force anyone to stay, if he wants to go he is going to go. I know this hurts, things like this always do but you guys have two children to worry about. As long as he takes care of his children then you will be able to make it through. You should sit down and talk with him. To leave you hanging on not knowing one way or the other is wrong. It hurts more that way I think. You never just get over anything, just try and focus on your children and what you need to do in life. And staying together for the sake of the children is wrong because you will fight and have resentment for one another that way and the only people that really get hurt in a situation like that are the kids. I sure no matter what happens you'll be okay. I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck.