my 6-year-old is having a lot of tantrums lately. They are not over the top, but they are irritating and unnecessary. They happen when something does not go her way or she gets frustrated. I feel like they are worse than when she was 5, but it could just be my nerves and the fact that we have added one more child and homeschooling to my list of responsibilities. Also fights with her 3-year-old sister bring about much screaming, fighting, and squabbling. I'm feeling I'm at my breaking point. By the end of the day I feel like I need to come out of my skin. The noise! Any advice on how to tackle this? Any good books that address tantrums and sibling fights? Thx.
It NEVER stopped between my sister and me (22 months apart) till we grew up and moved away and even now we don't get along.
We're just not compatible.
Keep them apart as much as possible.
A couple of thoughts. She may not be getting the sleep she needs (especially with a new baby in the house). A lot of tantrums are a result of being tired.
Second, how much time does she spend socializing outside the house with kids her own age. Even 6 year-olds get cabin fever. And I know too much "together time" with my brother would drive me nuts.
Next, does she have any time with just you, not school related. It is easy for a child to feel lost in the shuffle when the family dynamics change.
Lastly, she may also be feeling your stress. A lot of things have changed and that naturally causes stress. But this kind of stress is not something she knows how to deal with, hence acting out. Try doing something fun, just the 2 of you.
Kids only do what they're allowed to do (unless there are mental or physical issues). Once you make it, as we say in our house, 'it's not an option to behave that way' AND you mean it - the behaviors will begin to go away. You have to be consistent & stern. Do not use a nice voice in any way. Take the kid gloves off when dealing with these types of behaviors. My boys each attempted tantrums once and only once - they knew I was not messing around. You don't have to yell and definitely no spanking. It's all in the look on your face and the tone of your voice. Good luck!
I found that it was necessary to ensure that my kids spent an adequate amount of time apart from one another. When my kids were three and six the three year old was at home with me and the six year old was in school all day, so at the end of the school day they enjoyed each others company. On days when there was no school I found ways to have them separated, such as letting the six year old go for a play date at a friends house, or having each parent take a child somewhere separately, having them do their own extra curricular activities or at least have one child do an activity upstairs and the other downstairs. I would not expect a three year old and a six year old to spend an entire day together without getting on each others nerves. Too much family togetherness is not a good thing! My kids do get along and enjoy each others company. I just have reasonable expectations. I do not expect them to be together all day. I wouldn't want to be with anyone all day every day either.
Get this book: "Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me!": The Solution to Sibling Bickering" by Anthony Wolf. It's available on amazon. It is the best parenting book I have read. His view is that the cause of sibling bickering is to get a parent to take sides. His solution is Don't take sides. Don't listen to the bickering & when the fighting becomes annoying to you, you separate the kids. (You also separate them if they are physically hurting each other etc.) When your child comes to you with a complaint, "He's not giving me my turn!" Etc. You respond with innocuous comments, "That must be really frustrating". But you don't "fix it" & you don't take sides. It's a hands- off approach, but when your kids realize you will not be the judge in their disputes, they solve it themselves which is what you want.
The book is filled with real life scenarios that are completely relatable and really funny.
I started following this method when my older kids were 4 & 6. They are 12 & 13 (girl & boy) and are good friends. I am now using Wolf's method with my younger ones that are 6 & 4.
It's a simple method. It works.
Good Luck & Hang in there!
T. Y
SAHM of 5 (13, 12, 6, 4 & 2)
Two suggestions
1. Is there a consistent timeframe for meals and snacks? at age 5-6, mine used to get a ton of tantrums. I finally realized that they were hungry, because I had been busy, or not hungry myself, so I hadn't offered him anything.
2. Implement a 'quiet' time for the whole house. When the arguing starts, the whole room/house goes in to 5 minutes of 'quiet' time. No tv. No radio. No computer. No video games/videos.
3. The more frustrated she gets, the softer your voice should be. That way she has to quiet down to hear you.
"Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson.
The way Tracy Y. parents is how I parent. I just didn't know there was a book to explain it! It works and I suggest it.
My boys are now 11 and 12 and very rarely bicker, and never get into physical fights. Screaming doesn't happen at all.
"1-2-3 Magic" by Thomas W Phelan
"Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
"Parent Effectiveness Training" by Thomas Gordon
"The Art of Extreme Self-Care" by Cheryl Richardson
I'd get tough with her now, if I were you. Enough is enough. If she's getting enough sleep, regular meals and snacks and has play dates with children outside of your home, then this is purely behavioral and you need to give her tough consequences. Screaming, fighting and squabbling with her 3 year old sister is not something you should allow. Period. Send her to her room and don't let her come out. Say no to a favorite TV show if sending her to her room doesn't work.
Why did you just start homeschooling? Was she not getting along in school? Could her behavioral issues have started in school, but not gone away when you brought her home?
If you can't get her past this with real consequences when she acts like this, see your ped and ask for help. Your 3 year old shouldn't have to grow up with this, and your 6 year old has to learn proper behavior in order to make and keep friends. And she does need friends...
