I just purchased these two books and waiting on their arrival.
"Raising Respectful Kids in a Rude World: Teaching Your Children the Power of Mutual Respect and Consideration"
"Manners of the Heart at Home"
Has anyone read these and what do you think of them? Any personal experience or practical advice that you can share about raising your children to be well-mannered.
So far, I think my husband and I are doing a great job with my daughter who's 2years & 4months (I also have a newborn son, 2 months). She is really a great listener and is obedient for the most part (of course, with some typical toddler angst). However, she has always been well-behaved and respectful.
But I have to say that from the time she was a baby until now, we have reared her in a pretty FIRM/STRICT manner and want to CHANGE THAT (meaning before she understood words, we would use certain tones/sounds in our voice to let her know when something is appropriate or not). Basically, certain tones tells her that mommy/daddy are happy or not happy with what she is doing because she is unable to understand words, and it's pointless to be wordy with lecture at that age anyway. When she was younger, we would speak with a short/firm, grunting tone as we say, for example, "close your eyes and go to sleep now" (never yelling). Or when she was a baby we would let out a quick, "aargh!..if she was crawling to a wall outlet..and then tell her, "you don't touch that" in a firm tone. We knew she didn't understand our words, but understood our sounds. I know, sounds pretty funny. But that's the only way we knew to get our points across. We did this with all aspects of her life..up until this age, including teaching her to behave at dinner tables or not whining etc..
But now that she is older and understand words, we are in the next phase...and want to teach her differently, more gentler (i.e. speaking to her with a gentle voice when she does something wrong). How do we do this without losing control of our position as parents? We want her to be respectful and obedient to her parents, but we don't want to be hurting her spirit with our "harsh" tones. Plus we want her to emulate us and be sweet and gentle to others too.
thanks.
I have not read those, but I do recommend the Love and Logic books....sounds like what you are looking for.
Hi samantha,
you have to do what is best for your child. I really dont have time to read any books is discipline when i have a 22 months energetic lil boy all day, i discipline talking to him and explaining everything im doing!
Im not trying to raised him as a military lil boy, he have all the freedom to do what he wants, he said please, thank you and welcome every time and i think this is a good start, i work on one thing at a time!
Anyways good luck!
I don't know about the books you've purchased, but I'll share with you what I've done. I've bought several children's books on manners that I read to my kids on a regular basis. One is Dora the Explorer's Book on Manners and another is a Disney Princess book on manners. It covers the basics like waiting your turn, etc. I chose Dora and the Princess ones because that is what my kids were into at the time, but almost every character has a book on Manners. When they forget their manners I remind them to eat like Belle, not the Beast or what did Dora say to the Grumpy Old Troll "excuse me". It works pretty well. I've also used children's books to teach about strangers, holidays, road safety, potty training, and just about any other issue that comes up.
Hi Samantha: I have to agree with Michele S. You could read up a little for some help, but really,it sounds like you both are doing a great job thus far. Remember, children learn most of their habits and manners from watching you.You must know, that there is nothing quite as benificial as (experience.)She will learn,simply by observing you and how you act or react to things. Children learn best by example. I guess you could look at it like someone learning a new traite. The best way for them to learn it is hands on.If you want her to learn to be soft spoken,and compassionate,then, you come across that way and she will pick that up from you both. I wish you and your darlin daughter the best.
I don't know of the two books you mention but after reading your request and hearing how much work you are willing to put in to communication, I highly recommend the following book (it's only 28 pages!!!) Raising Children Compassionately, Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way By Marshall B. Rosenberg, Phd. Go to Amazon to read about it and see all the other books he has written. NVC (non violent communication) works in every aspect of your life, not just parenting. Work, friends, family, everyone you come in to contact with. My daughters school practices this way of communicating with the kids and it is absolutely amazing.
I want to add, I too wanted a gentle approach to discipline. Gentle in my eyes, is no yelling/hitting (spanking, whatever you want to call it). My kids are 3 and 5, I've not done a perfect job but in my experience so far, it works. Communication is key. I never wanted my kids to behave because they were afraid, rather behave well because they wanted to/knew it was the right thing to do. NVC will teach you that.
Keep doing what you are doing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! It is possible to parent the way you and your husband are wanting and have obedient and respectful children.
Best wishes to you,
M.
Samantha,
I think that buying books and learning as much as you can is always great ~ but I have learned that the best way to teach your kids anything (manners included) is to model the example you want to see in them. My children are 16, 13 and 7 and I have learned that my example is what teaches them best!
It helps to have good books on how to change what our mouthes are saying. There is a book that works specifically on the heart that you might want to add to your collection. It is called The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute.
Autocratic parents usually run into a problem once the teenage years come. If you read Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Pantley it will go into family government styles more indepth.
Hi Samantha...Your children are never too young to start teaching them respect, responsibliity and good manners, in my opinion. Of course, the key is that children learn what they live, and based on the fact that you are concerned about this at such a young age, you are on the right track! We teach out kids to always speak to people when they walk into a room and make eye contact, shake a hand if that's what's called for, etc. We also teach them to be leaders, not followers and with that comes the responsibility of representing their family whenever they are not with their family. My husband is very "old school" and doesn't believe that children should get away with any bad behavior. Of course our youngest kids are teens now, but even as youngsters they were taught to pick up after themselves. If they acted up in a restaurant, they were escorted to the bathroom or outside of the restaurant until they were calm, rather than disrupt other patrons. It's all a very personally developed routine based on your personalities and the personalities of your children. I have identical twin boys who, although I sometimes can't tell them apart, have completely different personalities. I would just tell you to roll with it and deal with things as they come up and not put too much stress on yourselves to be the "perfect" parents. Hope that was a little bit of help to you.
