My boyfriend does this thing that really bugs me.... he is always eating off our child's plate. Lately my son has been refusing to "share" (I don't consider it sharing when things just go missing from his plate) and the three of us get into huge arguments because I think his dad should eat his own food and leave Cam alone- well his dad gets mad because he thinks I spoil our child and that Cam should do whatever he wants him to do because he is the dad...need help handling this. I have tried just staying out of it and letting the two of them duke it out, but it is not fair for my 3 year old to have to explain to his Dad why he wants him to stay out of his ood....
I totally agree with all of your responses.... although it is a tough pill to swallow. It has always bothered me that he does that and I was having a hard time determining why... but I definately agree that he is bullying our child and trying to have the upper hand- and eating his food is not the only form of bullying that I see going on. I think it is due time that we sit down and talk to a professional regarding his issues w/Cam and with me as a parent- I have a feeling a lot of this is stemming from his own childhood, and probably from a little jealousy because of the relationship Cam and I have. Thanks for your honesty... I really do appreciate it.
And... 6 months after this I left the BF... things did not get better- they got worse. This was not the only issue the BF had, I am sure that is no suprise, and a lot of them stem forom his childhood, another no brainer. The kids and I are living w/my parents and the BF is in counseling trying to better himself so he can one day have a healthy, happy relationship with his children. Moral of the story- they just don't change.. no matter how many times they apologize and how many times they realize what mistake they are making...they fall right back into the same routine they have had for 20+ years and there is no changing it until they are forced to do so.. and even then there is no guarantee.
Story of my life. Dad thinking child should do exactly as he says when he says it. Let me tell you, my son is 11 and it hasn't stopped. I wish I had a solution for you. I don't. Just know that you are not alone. :)
S.
Dad is so far out of line it isn't funny. By filching food from Cam's plate, he's depriving Cam of sustenance. Selfish attitude. Feed Cam either before or after. Or put him where pops can't reach Cam's food. Or feed something to Cam that would gross dad out totally.
He's got a dictatorial, control freak behavior that needs to stop.
Hello H., The food is not the biggest issue here. Fighting in front of your 3 year old is bad enough, but both of his parents are using him as a pawn in their fights. Please, before you damage your son even more, join a parenting class, hire a therapist, something. Fighting shouldn't be done in front of him at all, take it outside. Keep it private. There are bigger problems in the world than fighting over food. Sorry if I sound harsh, but Cam needs someone to stand up for him. The 3 of you are not getting into huge fights! Just you and his father are, but are dragging a child into the middle of it. There are plenty of books at the library that might help also. Good luck.
I agree with what Kay said!
He has some serious issues to do that kind of thing to a 3 yr old!
Tell Dad to grow up...really...stealing food from a 3yo?
It's one thing if Dad asks "Hey Cam can I have one of your green beans?" it's quite another to just reach over and take it.
If this continues your son is going to become quite possesive of his food...he should NOT have to share food if he does not want to. It's mean for his Dad to just take it. If Dad is hungry Dad can get his own food. Your son should also not have to explain to his Dad why he wants him to stay out of his food. It's Your Job to tell your BF to grow up and get his own plate if he's hungry, that Cam does not have to share food if he doesn't want to. He's hungry he should be able to eat his food in peace.
Well dad needs to get seconds and he needs to stop. Because hwat is happening is he is showing his child that it is right to take from others before others are done. Now if your child is done eating and he say i'm done thats a different story. Maybe you need to give your boyfriend more at meal time than you have been.
H., I don't think you're being unreasonable on this one, but approach might be your key to success. Dad might not see anything wrong with nibbling off Cam's plate, because, well - - he's dad! But, the message that's being sent to Cam might be a turn off called, "I'm not important." "What's mine isn't safe." "I don't have a choice." And, he's not being talk the sacred lesson of respecting and requesting. Dad can still nibble (or maybe not!) but first look at Cam and ask permission. Cam can get a choice in the matter, too. He's no baby at almost 4. This is a key formative time and matter. If Dad can see the value in just asking permission - teaching Cam manners, courtesy, consideration, and leadership - this issue might be diffused for everyone. Good luck!
It is really poor manners to eat off of someone else's plate. That should be enough.
H.,
I asked my husband what in the heck would make a Dad do this what could be wrong with him? He says that he is jealous and he (Dad)is doing it for attention. He said he thinks it is time to get rid of him before things get out of hand. He said maybe you should buy Dad a childs plate (ex. Barney or what your son eats off of) and see if that will make him stop. I personally think he needs some kind of therapy and this isn't right or fair to your son or to you. Good Luck I hope this helps having a Man's point of view.
K.
I make a game out of pretending to get my son's food as a way to get him to eat (think of A Christmas Story, as my son is very much like that boy...LOL!), but we never do this in a bulling fashion.
It does sound like your BF does have some issues that he needs to address. You are the parent, too. Stand up for your son - he needs you. If this person is going to push things now - what will happen later? Makes a person wonder...
As far as I am concerned with spoiling - I feel it doesn't hurt to show your children you love them, care for them or want to comfort them. I don't mean give them every little thing they want in excess, especially in materialistic items; but this is a foundation you are laying for them. I feel they need it. Keep being a great mom, and don't worry about your BF being jealous - if he stops being a jerk to his son, then perhaps his son will have a better bond with his dad. (Sorry - not meaning to offend him.)
Hi H.,
saw your response, but seriously, this man is bullying YOUR BABY! If he is so hungry, he can get his butt in gear and make something, or better yet...HE IS AN ADULT AND CAN GET FOOD FOR HIMSELF! He is not your husband, he is not your blood (kids), He is a *PUS*Y**! He is not a man...
Are you serving different things for adults and child? If so, make up some extra for your boyfriend. (I like the idea of getting him a kiddy plate - shows how childish he's being grabbing things off someone else's plate).
If you are eating the same things, it sounds like it's a control thing (like bullying). He knows it upsets Cam but continues to do it. To be able to force his will on someone weaker is a high for bullies.
While counseling may help, it doubtful you'll be able to force the issue by getting him to go - he will have to want to change. Sad to say, your boyfriend will probably not outgrow his bully tendencies and your son may grow up resenting his dad. Your boyfriend may also be jealous of your relationship with your son (who may withdraw from Dad) which will make him want to control even more.
My son's school's motto was RESPECT IS A TWO-WAY STREET. It works for a parent-child relationship too.
That just seems strange...I totally get stealing a nugget or something that they haven't eaten (we all know we've done it) but I don't know why he would want to take it from the kid! Especially if it makes the little one upset. 3 is a hard age and you have to give them some things that are their's and their's alone. Could you make a little extra of what you make for your son for dad too? Just to make them both happy? Or could you feed your son the same thing your eating? I don't know what to tell you, have your son start eating food off his Dad's plate and see how he feels about that LOL!
I do know that it's impossible to try to control kids and they usually end up rebelling against it. In this case I really think Dad should take a step back and look at what he's really taking the food for. Good Luck!
My husband use to do the same thing. He needs more attention. How much to you praise him and support him in the areas where you honestly can? Make an effort to speak highly of him to someone else when he can hear it.Many times when our kids are little everything goes to them, which does not help the parents relationship. What was his relationship like when he was a kid during eating time? If someone was taking his food how did he feel? Ask him questions, then ask how do we want to raise our kids. Both of you will bring in subconscious habits from how you were raised and think that is how it should be done? Decide what you want to do together and in agreement. for example Dad can take food when son id done and to please ask the son are you done. My husband use to hate to throw away food that our kids did not eat. Good luck
he needs more attention
tell him to eat his own damn food why would he do that. everytime i saw him doing that i would pop his hand with what ever eating utensil was in my hand!
He should NOT be eating off of your son's plate! He needs to stop that right now. If it were my son and my bf, I'd probably leave the bf ... he isn't being a responsible parent if he eats off of his son's plate.
