My husband is a wonderfully involved Father who loves to play with his boys. It's been our routine since day one that when he gets home from work he jumps right in to relieve me and play with the boys. It's the highlight of his day, I'm sure, and of course, it's a great break for me. There's a problem, though. Dad doesn't want the boys to have to have baths before bed. He feels he's being robbed of his already short time with the boys when he has "must-do's" in the evening. For the most part, I've accomodated this...usually giving the boys baths in the morning before school...which is a bit of hassle, but I've been willing to do it. Now that the weather is hot and the boys are getting sweaty, dirty, and sunscreeny, I like them to go to bed clean. Dad's not happy that bath time will cut into his play time. The other consideration here is that Dad also insists that the boys have very early bedtimes: 7:30 for our almost 3 year old, and 8:00 for our almost-6 year old, that doesn't leave a lot of play time for Dad.
K.,
I agree with the 'bath toys' suggestions. Buy some underwater goggles and some scuba diving play stuff and let him go to town.
Good luck,
J.
K., take a second to read your post and see if after you read it, you're able to look at it from a distance and see what I see. The whole situation sounds very weird and "shouldn't be an issue" sort of thing to me. I could be wrong though. Having said that....kids take baths, it's part of taking care of the children. Your husband saying that it cuts into his "playtime" is absurd. So.....what's he want to do, stop giving the kids baths so he can just focus on playing? I say that instead, what he REALLY means is that bathtime is not something he enjoys doing because it's inconvenient. To say it's cutting into his playtime is just weird because all humans take baths/showers. I would ask him outright if he just doesn't enjoy giving the kids baths. I mean, I don't. Bathtime to me is a pain, but it's something that comes along with being a human being. If he doesn't enjoy it, then you can give the kids their baths at night. My husband works from 9 until 8 twice a week, and from 9 until 7 the other 3 days (he's a business owner) Trust me, most women out there who are stay at home moms don't get breaks for the evening, so if it's just that he doesn't "feel like" giving the kids baths, tell him you'd be happy to. My kids are 5 and 6 and my husband has never given the kids baths. I believe that when you're a SAHM, kids and the house are your responsibilities, not the husband's. He works outside the home, you work inside, just my opinion though. I could feel that way because of the hours my husband works...
You're lucky! My husband does the same thing though, he walks in the door at 5, dinner is on the table, house is clean, and it's play time and mommy gets off duty. Difference being bath time has also always been his he even tucks them in and I go up after the fact. Some of this is more recent because I homeschool the kids, babysit for a 3 year old and am a SAHM, so I really only have so much time to even get the normal stuff done.
It seems fairly typical that husbands want to play and then not clean up, there isn't much you can do there, most men just don't look at it like we do. Your kids bed times aren't a problem, they are little, my kids are in bed at 8 during the week and 9 MAYBE 10 on the weekends. and my youngest is 6. But it is summer and letting them stay up an extra 30 minutes to bathe them won't cut into his time and won't hurt them. Compromise, if he's working all day then he isn't the one getting up with them and dealing with crabby kids so even if that 30 minutes throws them off he isn't going to be the one dealing with it.
It sounds like you have a very involved and loving husband. If dad has such a short time with the boys in the evening, then I assume he gets home at 6pm or so? Why not throw the boys in a quick tubby before he gets home? They can't get too dirty again in the few hours before bed. While I don't understand why your husband thinks baths can't be fun, I do appreciate that he has such a small amount of time with them and I love that he wants to make the most of the time he does have. In the long run, your boys will get so much more out of the fun time they had with their dad...who cares if they go to bed without a bath every once in awhile? Its not like you are sending them to bed filthy dirty.
I know my husband is jealous of the time I have with our daughter. I am a SAHM, and he leaves in the morning before she gets up and he gets home one hour before she goes to bed. So he has very little time with her and it kills him. He works almost two hours away. So we decided to move. We sold our house that we love, and we are moving to 15 minutes away from his job. I am not too excited to leave my dream house and move to a town where I don't know anybody. But I decided that I have to sacrifice so that my husband has more time with our daughter. Time is the one thing you can never get back. What is a little sacrifice here and there if it means more great experiences and memories with daddy?
You and I are both blessed with husbands that want to bend over backwards to have time with their kids--some women are not so lucky. Give dad his time and bath the kids either before he gets home or in the morning. Good luck!
Can't bath time be part of fun time?
Get a couple bath toys, some bubbles and let the boys play for 10 minutes in the tub. Daddy can teach them how to wash themselves. If they're bathing every night it doesn't matter if they do a spectacular job of getting clean. Little boys are especially fun to snuggle after their baths.
About cleaning up the playroom and such, if you are lucky enough to be a SAHM, I would think the "work" part of parenting would be your domain.
I never had the luxury of staying home with my kids, and my husband had to work out of state most of their growing up years, so I would be really grateful to have been in your situation. Not that I think you are not busy all day with two boys, but It really should be possible to find time to do the clean ups on your shift.
Simple solution, he has to compromise. Push back the bedtime a half hour and squeeze in the bath before bed and after playtime. My 5yr old goes to bed at 10pm and my 2yr old goes to bed around 11. I know how he feels about spending time with the kids when you can. I work 3rds so on my nights off my 2 yr old likes to stay up later w/ me. He has to compromise though. That is a pretty early bedtime.
I'm also a SAHM. It's great isn't it?! My husband works long hours, but likes to spend as much time with our daughter as possible. He has always done bath time with her. They put on a kids CD (currently it's The Backyardigans) get out the bath toys and have fun. Lots of times he'll put on his swimsuit and hop in with her. There is NO reason why bath time can't be fun! We got some bath crayons (Crayola, I think) and they draw me beautiful pictures every single night. You can also make cleaning up a game. Like the first one to pick up all his toys gets to stay up a little later or an extra book at bed time?
Why does Dad insist on such an early bed time for the boys? Especially since it's getting nice out! My daughter is 2 and she goes to bed between 9:00 and 9:30. Sounds like Dad may need to loosen up just a bit. I do agree...sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too!
Bath time can be fun time, there's toys and bath crayons. Dad can even get into a swimsuit and join the boys in the tub.
As for clean up, I'm a fan of "you made the mess, you clean it up". He made the mess with the boys, then he and the boys can clean it up. If he feels that it cuts into play time then he can wait until after play time and clean it all himself.
I hope this helps, if he still fusses you can give him a weekend. One Saturday he's mommy and you're daddy, maybe if he has to do what you do all day he'll be a little more willing to do a little more during the week.
Good luck.
What about just a quick wash up before bed? Just have them wash their feet and hands for example.
I think your husband should help with clean up after the boys go to bed. Then again, I think my husband should help me with that too, but he doesn't. He does other things around the house that I don't do, but kid's toys are all left up to me. If you are free in the evenings, maybe you could clean up. My husband is wonderful in many ways, but he never takes all four of the kids so I can go do whatever I want. I think you are lucky in that respect.
The bedtime thing is an issue you two have to work out for what is best for your family. My kids go to bed at 10, but we don't usually have to get up early since my kids are homeschooled.
Who said that Dad couldn't be the ones to give the boys their baths? Who said that the bath time can't be fun?
We have 2 girls the same ages as your boys, and my husband does bathtime, but after they're clean and it's time for the 2 year old to get out of the tub, I'll take over to make sure the 5 year old doesn't stay in there all night.
We typically shoot for 8:00-8:30 for the both of them for bedtime.
We both work full-time, so our time with the kids in the evenings is short too. We have to fit in dinner, time with them, possibly bath's, etc. all into about 3-3.5 hours.
Basically, somethings got to give. Either he helps out with the bath's, or back up bedtime, or something, but putting the bath's in the morning is burdensome on you just as much as having them in the evening is burdensome to him.
Let the negotiations begin!! (Good luck!!)
KIDS NEED TO BATH PERIOD. If it is taking away from his dad time, then he needs give them a bath hiself. There are plenty of things he can do while the boys bath. Its not taking away from his time. In the morning is too much of a hassale in my opinion. And no mother wants their kids to go to bed filthy. NOT HEALTHY.
I have mixed feelings about this as I have always and still am a SAHM of twins 8yo and a husband who is very involved and travels with job. I understand that being at home all day with them is very exhausting, however your husband being at work all day is exhausting as well. When the kids were younger he too alot of times would come in and take over however, that is very demanding of him. He may like it, but I think expecting him to do all the work with the kids in the evening is a bit much.
Yes, the kids need a bath before bed now that it is getting warm and as they get older they do sweat more. I think bedtimes needs to be backed up 30 min and he needs to learn how to make bath time, play time as well. With that said you could also make bath time quicker so it doesn't take as much time and he do one child, you do the other and get it done. Then switch the next time. If they went a little quicker he still could have a snack or read to them or watch a little TV with them before bed. Goodluck
