Dating

I met my husband when my daughters were 1 and 3 yrs. I was even still breastfeeding my 1 year old when we met. You have to hire or find some kind of baby sitter though or you will never be able to build a relationship. I lived with a friend for awhile after leaving my ex and we traded baby sitting. Maybe you could set something like that up with a friend. I met my husband at a nightclub. I felt like one of the older ones there and no longer flat tummied after 2 kids, but I just got over it and went. A few drinks can really help you feel more comfortable, not that I'm suggesting drinking or anything, but . . . My husband was one of the breakdancers. I used to teach gymnastics and thought it was really cool. I went over and started a conversation. That was key. I started conversation with him about one of his interests and he got to show off something he was proud of. He liked me for that right off.

Hi J.. I went through a divorce and had an almost 2 yr old, and a 5 yr old. Well, without any intention of actually dating, I opened up a profile on a web site that is not strictly for dating. I ended up being approached by my now boyfriend on that site, and just casually talking, getting to know each other as people prior to meeting. When we did meet, everything was still the same, but only better b/c we were actually IN PERSON! Anyway, I agree with the comment that love will find you when you are not looking for it. He's always been flexible to come over after my kids are in bed, so we could watch a movie or eat a late dinner in. Now that we've been dating for awhile, my kids and he are together a lot, and he embraces "the package deal." While the internet might not be for everyone, it worked for me, accidentally, and it could work for you. There are actually tons of normal, nice people on-line, but still be careful with what you reveal about yourself if you opt to try this out. NEVER let someone know where you live and that you have children too early on in "chatting" b/c anyone can appear normal for a short period of time, but then end up not being a good person. As for sitters, I like the idea of a trading child care arrangements with friends, so you can set up a sitter that way. If you do meet someone via the internet, you can always schedule your first date (after A LONG time of chatting/phone conversations first) and pre arrange everything so you will know you have child care set up. If you have any other questions about safely dating online, please feel free to message me!!! Good luck, and I don't think it's too soon for you to date :-)

Does the kids father ever have them? I have a 18 month old and 3 year old and I though the same thing when I met my partner(we are not married but are very committed to each other I just am scarred because of my past marriage) I had found out I was pregnant with my daughter and had just left my husband and I was scarred. We became best friends and once I was over my ex I realized I had fallen in love with him and didn't even know it. Funny how when you are in no way looking for love it finds you. He had fallen in love with me when he first met me but I made it well known that I wanted no relationship I had a child on the way and had another small child and I was very hurt. Why would I see it. lol Anyways I made time to see him. My parents are really the ones that stood by me and helped me out a lot but my dad says that the only reason they did is because he saw I was truly and still am in love almost 2 years later. Yes your children should always come first and when you do get into a relationship you all come as a package always state that up front so there are no hurt feelings later. But remember this you deserve no you have the right to find love again and be happy so don't think it is wrong of you to want that and don't let others make you feel that way. I belive there is a guy out there for you and your children you just have to belive that and try to find a friend, relative, close trusting neighbor to watch your kids maybe once a month to start with and go out. If you don't you will rescent your children. Good luck.

J.,

One word: KidzWatch.

There are 2 in the Toledo/Perrysburg, Ohio area and I can't say enough good things about them! It's drop-in daycare, staffed with childcare professionals, and very affordable if you only need to use it occasionally. They even give discounts to siblings when all the kids are being cared for at the same time.

Please check them out. I think you'll be glad you did!

J.,

Maybe you'll have to put dating on hold until your children are older. I know this isn't what you want to hear, and it's not the popular answer, but your kids should be your focus now. Bringing a boyfriend intothe situation could really complicate things at the very least.

Hi sweety. First off, it was said that your kids should be your focus. I agree with that to an extent, but EVERY parent needs a break now and then. There is nothing wrong with that. I would encourage you to not bring a new guy around unless you know it is going to last so the kids do not get attatched. Second, I would recommend finding someone who would be able to switch nights with you. Maybe every other Friday she watches the kids and you watch hers on Saturday. (Or something like that that works for both of you.) There are other options too. It sounds like you don't need a regular babysitter, just someone to watch the kids every now and then. I wish you luck. I also think that when you stop looking, you will find someone by chance. :) (Of course, this is coming from a lonely widow, so take it as you will!)

I understand what your going through. One thing I did when while raising my grandson, is select a night to have my date at my place. I kept him up, gave him a good bath and playtime, put him in bed-snuggled and tight, rearranged my place little for a quite dinner and music with my date. It turned out great and my date really enjoyed the time spent together. A good man accept the whole package.....

I can understand your frustration... but, well, you and the kids are a package deal. And anyone you date had better understand that.

However, since there are places that a Mom might want to go without her kids- nightclubs, movies rated above g, out for a drink... there are some alternatives.

Most neighborhoods have a Parent's Night Out program. You can check on the net for yours- it's usually part of a community rec center or a church.
There are also some daycares that offer drop in care.
You might also consider posting an ad at a local college for a sitter for 1 night a week. Generally you want a student who is in Early Childhood development or some form of psychology... these people can't get their accreditation if they have even a single complaint against them without a lot of extra work... so when they watch your children, they really watch them.
Otherwise, if you know any other single moms in the area, try to set up a co-op with them.

Just a few suggestions.

J., I know exactly where you are coming from. I have the same problem. It is hard to find good sitters anymore and if you do they are generally more expensive than daycare for the day!

Switching nights with another single mother is a great idea. Bring your date or having your date over to your place might not be the saves move until you know him and trust him. That space is yours and your children space...so until you feel extremly comfortable with him then keep him away!

Good luck! :)

Hello J.. I completly understand how you feel. Even though I am married; my husband and I have four children and the youngest is only six months old and breastfed. We have been out twice since she was born and it gets ruff, especially when you are doing it alone. When you are on an air plane they always tell you to put a mask on yourself first and then your child because if you pass out from lack of oxygen you can't help your child. I think that applies to every day life. I know when I am stressed out my children become stressed out as well. I think it is important for you to have time for yourself, we have started working very hard to have one night a month (which alot of weeks is not often enough). We usually babysit for trade with family and friends, we babysit for each other that way we don't usually have the babysitting cost.
As to finding a date, you might want to try the parks in the summer where a single dad or babysitting uncle might be. Hey, guys borrow little ones to find girls shouldn't it work the other way also? (ha ha) During the winter you could drag out the stroller and go to the mall on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. If nothing else the four year old should get tired out enough for a good nap. Best of wishes to you. And please remember, it is very important that you take care of yourself prior to pulling all of your hair out!