Dating Problem (Need Help Badly)

Deliliah:

You want my honest answer? I will be blunt. I am not sugar coating it.

You want a man? You should've thought about that BEFORE you had sex with a man and got pregnant...

You do need help. you need to focus on your children instead of your bed.

Yes! you CAN wait. Your needs are secondary to your children's. If you "need" a man in your life - no one here can help you...you SHOULD be able to be an independent W. and do this on your own. You are 25 years old. Hopefully, you are raising these kids on your own and not with public aid.

Your neighbor? Try being FRIENDS first. Learn about him and his ways before you rush into bed with him and want him to marry you. As you have found out - just because you get pregnant doesn't mean a man is obligated to marry you. Try developing a relationship FIRST....right now, you sound like a dog in heat..."want to get him while you can" - I know that sounds mean - but really - it's a wake up call for you. You are 39 weeks pregnant. You want a man. You are only thinking of you.

Please focus on your kids first. If this handy man neighbor is meant to be - it will happen in time. Don't sleep with the guy until you have been dating him for a while and KNOW him...education, family, etc....see if your kids like him. Maybe he doesn't want to be an instant dad....and trust me.. a man is more than looks. I know a lot of cute men....doesn't mean I would want them around my children.

First of all, it will take a special man to accept your children completely. Not to mention accept you.
I would offer this advice: When you are in a position that you don't NEED a man, then you're ready for a man. A man that you choose. Not a guy who is cute and happens to be nearby.
The best thing you can do for your children is to get yourself to a place where you have an education, a career and are 100% self-supporting.
If you are not a 100% completely independent woman, there are too many "strings" with relationships. Strings that you cannot have when you have kids.
ALWAYS put your children first. If a man can't deal with that--he's not the O..
As my German grandmother used to tell me: Be choosy. You can find a loser any day of the week.
Good luck.

"Get him while you can?" "You can't wait long?" Is this what you were thinking, when you got with whatever guy got you pregnant? You need to not date for a LONG time. You are already a single mother twice over. Behaving this way, you will be a single mom three times over before long. You need to focus on being a mother, and not needing a man. Your children don't need a father, if it's just some guy is is close and convenient, who is easy to get. They need a mature, responsible, stable, loving, devoted, honest man. A man their mother isn't going to attract, behaving like this. Sorry to be blunt, but you have little ones you have to be responsible for. I hope you find your worth in being a mother, and not needing a man.

You do need help.
Marriage is finding YOUR soulmate, not a father for your kids. Happy parents make for happy kids. Kids can grow up well adjusted in a loving home. Whether they are raised by traditional parents, non-traditional, or even single parents.
Just because you "want to get him", doesn't mean he wants to get you back!
After you someday find your true soulmate, THEN you slowly introduce him to your children. Never simoultaneously! There are pedophlies who 'date mom' as a way to get to the kids.
Quit making babies with men who obviously aren't father material.
Find enough good in you and realize that you don't need a man to complete you. Then and only then will someone special recognize that inner beauty and strength in you.

I think your main focus should be taking care of your kids first and when things slow down and you have a stable home--enough time for bonding etc where you can have a date night etc, then you can start looking at dating. But I wouldn't introduce ANYONE to your kids for at least a year of your dating them exclusively to protect your kids from getting attached and from confusing them. Only start dating when you have a reliable babysitter who can take you out and NOT have your kids involved in anyway until you are positive that they are safe and someone you would want to marry. Best wishes!

m

Wow! I am going to be kind and assume that you are either very young or your hormones are going crazy. I don't want to think of the alternatives when you ask a question like this.

It is wonderful that this man helps you around and outside of the house. I am sure it also helps that he is cute. I would much rather look at a cutie bending over than Joe the plumber's butt crack that still gives me nightmares. However, he is just that: a cutie doing chores around the house. Do you really even know him, his priorities, what he wants out of life? Does he want a woman with two young children? Does he want to be "a permanent father" to your kids? I'll tell you what I tell my daughter. Think of men like shoes. You go into a shoe store and oooo and ahhh over this pair or that pair, but when you try them on they pinch your toes and are almost unbearable when you try to walk in them. There are also those shoes that would fit a certain occasion, but not for everyday use (I am not suggesting that you have a man for each occasion, only that some men are only good for one thing and would not be men that would be there for the long haul). Then there are those shoes that are comfortable and you want to wear everyday. Unfortunately, those shoes are hard to find. They are not always the prettiest shoes you have, but when you find them, you never want to take them off. Based on the information that you have provided, this guy sounds like a pretty pair of shoes that you are trying to wear to the wrong event. He is good for a night out dancing, not for everyday use.

I am a single mom and have been for quite a while (I haven't found shoes that I want to wear everyday yet :)), but I think you need to focus on the kids for a little bit. Your kids are small, so they really need a mom there for them more than they need an acting dad. It is really not the time to go shoe shopping. This guy does not sound like a potential permanent father; he sounds like someone you want to play the part.

You shouldn't start dating until you can stand on your own two feet. Not I need a father, a man, you shouldn't need anything. If you keep going into dating needing someone to fulfill some missing part of your life you are going to continue to end up pregnant and alone.

.