So one of the qualities I love about my daugther is that she loves music and apparently makes a soundtrack up for life and sings or hums to J. about everything. She draws non stop and hums the entire time. At times even as her mom it drives M. crazy and I ask for a moment of silence. She's a calm kid, so that is rare and she doesnt do this during movies or shows and so on, more J. when it's quiet (waiting in line, going to the bathroom, playing, concentrating on homework, or drawing) are plenty of moments where she is not drawing and J. cuddling and quiet.
Anyway my question revolves around a few summer camp incidents. She said the older kids and one kid her age in camp keep telling her to STOP and be quiet. I J. simply asked if she stopped and she said yes but then she started again later. My opnion is the camp counselors should stop putting her with all of the older kids on trips and with kids her age, but anway my question is, do I let her know that it's sometimes annoying to hear someone sing or hum a lot or let her find out on her own? I feel like it may keep some kids from wanting to play, and while she's fine being alone and she is more reserved she does say she wants to play with them now, but then again I feel like saying, "march to your own beat and find kids who march to their own beat and be friends with them"
Not sure if any advice is appropriate and I should J. stay out of it or encourage her to feel good about herself and make friends who enjoy all aspects of her, or or gently let her know that sometimes the humming and singing is a little much (although I have to say it would make M. sad to have her stop doing this)
ny thoughts?
my guy does this, OMG is it annoying, he doesnt realize he is doing it half the time. but i let him know when he does.
She needs some guidance. Not saying you need to tell her what to do or force her to change her behavior, but not all kids are good at reading social cues. My youngest had some issues like this when she was younger. I was able to act on it during our Girl Scout meetings. When I saw her start to annoy the other girls I J. gently reminded her to look at their faces, see how they don't think what you're doing is funny? Look for those teachable moments. Social skills come more naturally for some kids than others, but they can be practiced and learned :)
it's so sweet and spontaneous, but she DOES need to learn that it's sometimes annoying or inappropriate and stop it.
3 of my brothers do this almost constantly. in this unfair world, i find it quirky and fun in 2 of them, but my one brother seems to do it in the most irritating fashion possible. i have to curb myself severely to stop from snapping at him, which would be unfair since it never bugs M. when the other two do it.
fortunately my youngest brother seems to have skipped that gene<G>.
i think it would be fine to let her know that sometimes her musical nature will bug people, and sometimes she might have to hush. but then i wouldn't monitor it or micro-manage it, and i certainly wouldn't have the camp counselors do anything about it. other kids asking her to stop is one of the best ways for her to learn. and she handled it great. stopped when asked, took it up again later when hopefully it wasn't bothering anyone.
even her friends who love her may not love ALL aspects of her. i doubt my dearest friends love ALL aspects of M.. i don't think encouraging her to only have friends who are willing to tolerate being annoyed is helping her. she can feel good about herself, she can still sing to the world, and she can learn how to curb it occasionally, can't she?
khairete
S.
this J. happened yesterday in the car. heres what happened and how i handled it. my daughter is two and a half and my son is four and a half. my daughter started making some sort of noise i think it was a loud BEEP BOOP and my son was getting very annoyed by it. Before I caught his annoyance I saw him about to hit her over it. Telling her to be quiet. Ok hey son lets not hit and if she is doing something annoying you tell M. and i will help you. so of course she does the BEEP BOP again and i tell her she should not say beep bop so loud and all the time then she beep boped with her face in her little purse and I made a big deal of how silly it was. The car was laughing. and my son then beep boped into the purse. And that was that. It ended with laughter and she stopped. I do explain to my kids when they are doing something annoying. Or when they are pushing M. too far. I want to teach them about respecting other peoples space, boundaries, and they wont be in shock when other kids tell them ot back off. I would have a discussion about music time and have several music times durring the day. If she is old enough to make up her own songs and write them down people seem to accept it and arent as annoyed if she sets aside and "is writing a new song". but beep bop she will but respecting that others live on earth and its not J. hers is a geat gift to teach her.
She is going to eventually learn what is socially acceptable and what is not. She can learn that she should not humm when around others who are not friends but do so at home and around close friends. It's not like she is going to be able to humm in the office someday when she has a job, so she will learn. You can mention it if you want but she will learn on her own.
A singing or humming child is usually a happy child, but I know it can be annoying to others.
My son doesn't hum, but he makes a really odd noise with his mouth, especially while he's playing video games. This summer the habit has gotten MUCH worse, he makes the noise almost all the time. I have told him that he will be getting into trouble at school if he is disturbing other students. He tells M. that he doesn't do it at school. Is he really that aware that he is doing it?? If so, he needs to STOP!! I'll be watching for answers you are getting.
I think she's fine. She will eventually be totally aware of this, because of peer reaction. There will be natural consequences, for lack of better words. I say, let her be happy and free while it's so fleeting.
I think you should encourage her to be herself but also teach her there will be times when she needs to keep the music in her head.
If I had written this post it would have read "daughter hums and sings nonstop driving M. bonkers" lol. Our 6 yr old does this constantly, while in the bathroom, mouth full of food, watching t.v, riding in the car...
I am constantly saying "shush". My wife is able to tune it out, but it's like nails on a chalk board to M..
As far as advice... Most likely she isn't aware she is doing it so much. My mom noticed it and said "she's a happy girl..." So we left it at that.
You can talk to her about appropriateness without breaking her spirit, if that is what you're worried about. At some point, she is going to have to learn that making noise at certain times isn't okay, whether she is in class, or, as an adult, at work....perhaps in a cubicle or other close proximity type of atmosphere.
Also, even though she may have a beautiful voice, not everyone else she happens to be sitting near-and she won't always be near friends- is going to want to listen to her, it can be distracting and irritating. Simply talk to her about when it's appropriate to hum and sing, and when it isn't, making sure to run through scenarios where others might be doing things she doesn't like-how would she feel if she asked them to stop and they only did for a moment. If she expects consideration from others, then she needs to be considerate of others....even though she might have the voice of an angel.
Maybe enroll her in voice lessons so she has an outlet where she will have attention and will able to pursue an education and skill in something that she obviously loves.
Glad I'm not the only one, my dd sings many songs over and over again. I heard through some other moms that she was bothering people on the bus last school year. I had to sit her down and tell her that when she does things over and over again, it bothers other people. We actually quit riding the bus for a while because I know it's hard for her to control this.
I think it's about self control, it's hard for young kids to practice this.
I constantly remind her when I drop her off somewhere....no singing because it bothers other people...or no talking about ________,
I think she still does it but it's getting better...constant reminders help.
I would take her aside because sometimes we all need someone who loves us to say, "Did you know....?" The other question is, is she humming tunelessly or humming loudly or humming the same song over and over and over? Any of those may also factor. "Honey, when you hum, try to hum more quietly." could be something you tell her. Maybe mirror her behavior to her so she better understands what it sounds like to others. My DD likes to sing...loudly...and fairly tunelessly. She's 4. Sometimes we'll say, "DD, you need to be more quiet, please" or "DD, I love to hear you sing, but right now we are eating and you are interrupting our conversation. This is not the place."
It sounds like your girl hums when she's lost in thought. Have you asked her what she thinks about when she hums? She can watch TV without humming, so maybe if you know why she hums sometimes but not others, you can help her hum when appropriate.
As for the camp, if the kids were not the right age group, I'd ask them why she was in that group and go from there. Maybe she's inbetween or maybe they do it for ratio reasons or whatever.
