Daughter Is in Daycare for the First Time.

What your experiencing is completely normal and just about all of us go through a similar experience when starting a new daycare, or first daycare etc.

As a former daycare worker I can promise you that a few minutes after you leave, she is just fine! The worse thing you can do is prolong the goodbye in the morning and try and calm her down. Even though it is extremely hard, you have to give her a hug, hand her over and leave. The longer you hang around, the longer she will cry and make it difficult for her teacher.

Ignore her fits, try to get her ready as best you can and when you drop her off be cheerful, love on her and leave!!! Trust me after a week she will be dying to get to "school" to play with her friends etc.

Hang in there, she will adjust! (and so will you!)

Hi K.,

I have a daycare in my home and your story is very similar to my newest kid I have in my care. Her grandmother took care of her until she started with me and she is 3. It was very hard for her and she cried and screamed every morning when mom dropped her off and after she left. But it wasn't for long after she left that she would cry b/c she then got busy with the other kids and all our activities. Now she has no problems at drop off and doesn't bat an eye when mom drops her off. It did take about two months but she did it. She just had to realize that mom was coming back to get her. And they recently went through a divorce too. Give it time -- your daycare will help you out. It's only temporary.

J.
www.mygc.com/delightfulcandles

Hi K.
I remember having to put my son in daycare when he was 3 months old because I had to return to work full time, it was very hard to do.
What I did ( unannounced ) was dropping by the daycare to check things out. I did that periodically.
I only had one facility that I felt was not where I wanted to leave him at, but he was well taken care of elsewhere. If I had my choice he would have been taken care of by ME, but I had to work at the time and we had no other choice but to place him in daycare.
My suggestion is to drop in there , don't tell them you're going to do that, just stop by. See how your daughter is doing during the day.
Good luck!

I think her reaction sounds expected... a touch extreme but within normal range. Its only been a few weeks. Give it another 3-4 weeks. It sounds like she is sensitive to separation anxiety right now, especially since her father exited her life a few months ago and her grandmother is about to (at least temporarily). Maybe try to set-up some playdates on the weekends with another child from her class. In addition to adjusting to new routines, she also now has to make new friends... If you can help her with friendship bonds, it might help make the transition less scary.

By the way, my almost 3 yr old has been in daycare since 4 months and there are still days that she is clingy and resistant to going (or me leaving her), especially on Mondays after being home the whole weekend. My daughter likes her daycare but she likes her own toys, her TV shows, her mama better...

Yes, this is very normal. There are a lot of huge changes that have happened. She is used to being only with family and she is still 2 so she is also probably having some separation anxiety also. Dad leaving and not seeing her was the first big change. You need to see if he can at least send her photos of himself and make a few calls to her.Do not have him make promises he cannot (or will not) keep.

Your mother being completely gone is also a huge difference especially if your daughter has spent the majority of her "awake time" with her all of this time. When your mother is not there, your daughter, just thinks she is gone forever. This may be the root to lots of this.

If your mom is still in town, allow your daughter to see her as much as possible and let them speak with each other on the phone. I would even suggest your mom actually call your daughter while in the same room, so your daughter can SEE that she is talking with grandma. You guys also need to play "taking care of Great Grandmother" so that your daughter can understand that grandma needs to go and take care of great grandmother. This will gear your daughter up for when your mother is totally out of state. Does your mom have a computer? Can you 2 try out SKYPE? It is a wonderful way for all of you to communicate with live feed of all you talking back and forth.

Does your daughter have a lovey? She can take it to daycare to keep with her. You will need to keep her on a very strict schedule when you drop her off. Give her a hug, a kiss and tell her you will be back when you get off from work. Then you need to hand her to the teacher and leave. Do this everyday. Your daughter will be fine, I promise. Do not make a big deal. Do not make a lot of promises. When you pick her up do not ask her about the crying, focus on all of the fun things. Who do you sit next to at lunch? What did you eat for snack? I like your picture you painted, What was her favorite color today? Take a camera one day and take pictures of all of her friends. When you get home have her tell you about all of the kids. Their names. Then have her tell grandma about it so that grandma will know who she is talking about when she is gone.

On the weekends see if some of the parents and their kids from daycare would be willing to meet at a park to play just for an hour. This will make a new community for you guys. Also see if there are families with young children in your neighborhood. We really did enjoy spending time with the other families in our neighborhood. All of the kids played together while all of us parents supported each other. Many did not have families in town or state so we all took care of each other.

Hang in there. It is hard to see our child cry and not be able to leave them with a big smile. But I promise you will get there. Just keep it together till you drive away. When you get to work, is there anyone that can give you a big hug? I used to go to work and have some nice older ladies that loved to give a big hug to whoever needed one. They really helped me when I went back to work.

This is totally normal. She is not only missing you but also missing your mother. This is an age where fear of abandonment is at its highest and the recent change in care will take a bit to warm up to.
I've done daycare before and most children act this way for a while. Soon she will make friends and look forward.
I would suggest dropping her off and heading out the door-quick. Give her a hug and a kiss, hand her to the teacher, head out the door, and don't look back. If it is not a big deal for you, it won't be a big deal for her. When you pick her up make sure you know what they did that day so you have something to talk about. Make sure to talk up all of the fun things.
Also, I would make it a point to leave on the weekends and other times so that she doesn't always link leaving with the daycare, because if she gets you to stay on the weekends, even though you had no plans to leave her at the daycare, she has won in her head. Not to liken children to dogs, but it is the "mailman" syndrome. If they dark hard enough he will leave. They don't care that he was going to leave anyway-it is still their victory. If she makes it impossible for you to get out the door on the weekends, she sees a day she caused problems and mommy didn't take her to daycare- VICTORY! LOL.
Good luck.

As someone who used to work in daycare, I can tell you that the seperation anxiety is normal. sometimes it takes a while for them to get used to it. but if her behavior continues, and she is not wanting to go anywhere for fear of going to daycare, you may want to change daycares. she may not be getting the affection that she needs to get over the anxiety!

D.
moms helping moms work from home:)
http://www.formyrugrats.com