Daughter Is Mouthy

I'd swipe her mouth with a jalepeno pepper, she will be screaming alright but a different kind of screaming. Sorry I am old school mom, not OLD, just old school, :)

I would tell her that if she can't speak to him in a civil manner, she is not allowed to speak to him at all. Then, the first time she screams at him, put your foot down. Tell her that she is not allowed to speak to her brother for any reason for the rest of the day and if you catch her doing it, to her room for the remainder of the day.

It's time for her to learn that if she doesn't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all!

Audio/Video etc record - get a Nanny cam so they can be "hidden" then play the inncodents back to her. Show her how she handled this conversation VERY WELL, but discuss how she could have done better here. Treat it like an athelete going thru their game afterwards. If you can find her "triggers" then you can find her "diffusers" too.

My brother would trease and irritate, but my parents seldom caught him so I would be the one to get in trouble.

I would get nanny cams set up and then review the videos to see if he is irritating her or teasing her, but you are just not catching him.

Then if she is screaming to get him introuble and to step on your last nerve, then I would use the hot pepper technique described by SassySarkie, or use a teaspoon of tobasco sauce. When my kids used foul language / profanity, I would give them a spoonful of tobasco sauce to hold in their mouth for 60 seconds. After that they could spit it out or swallow it. Their choice. It worked so well, none of my children use profanity today and my youngest is 24.

If you do nothing or continue to use punishments that aren't working you will only make the problem worse. And, you will probably make your children enemies like my parents did.

At 10 years old, her habits are almost set and will be difficult to overcome. As a last resort, I would use spanking. The more her behavior isn't changed, the harder the spanking would be. One of my children, the most rebellious one, told me after I spanked him, "Ha! That didn't even hurt." So, I apologized to him for not doing my job as a dad by not spanking him hard enough to change his behavior. After I spanked him a second time, I asked him if that spanking hurt and would it get him to stop doing what he was doing, and he said "yes!"

If your punishment doesn't change her unacceptable behavior, you might as well punish her my making her watch TV.

Good luck to you and yours.

When she does this do you send her to her room or somewhere for what is basically a time-out? In other words, if she cannot be pleasant to be around, then she doesn't need to be around the family. If she can't say anything nice, then she can't be around her brother or anyone else until she can act in a courteous manner. She doesn't have to converse with him, but she does have to be at least as polite to him as she would be to a stranger on the street.

Also, do you require her to make restitution to her brother (and to her family if she's disturbed the entire family)? Restitution is a closer consequence to the action than just a punishment would be. If she has specifically yelled at her brother over something like his chores, then as restitution, she may have to do that chore for him for a week. If she screamed at him over a television show, then her restitution is that he gets to choose the television show for the next two days. If she ruined the family dinner by screaming, then she could make restitution by preparing dinner the next day from setting the table to doing the dishes so that she has an idea of the work that goes into preparing a good meal for the family.

Maybe you should video tape how she acts. In front of her, turn on the video tape. Tell her that you've told her over and over to stop it, and since she isn't doing what you've asked, you are going to document her behavior. Carry the recorder around with you for as long as it takes to get her to stop.

The first time you put it on the TV for her to watch, she may be SO mortified at what kind of person she looks like, she may stop cold turkey. At the very least, if you decide to get a counselor to help her, you can show the counselor the tapes and they'll know EXACTLY what's going on.

Good luck,
Dawn

Would you consider any type of counseling? Does she tend to have a "hair trigger" temper toward other people or is it just her brother? Maybe counseling would help to understand that whatever her brother is saying or doing, it doesn't warrant this kind of response and she needs to learn how not to react so strongly, and instead what would be acceptable. You can use the videotaping suggestion below too and maybe bring that along as "evidence."

She's 10, she's a Tween, but as you say, she has always been this way???
Sounds like a lot of frustration, or she is a perfectionist or wants things her way all the time???
AND she does NOT KNOW HOW, to express herself, in a palatable way, nor in a mature way.
Try teaching her... HOW to say things, in a better way. Or how to handle her frustrations.
I imagine, being this way... is not conducive to having friends. Or is she nicer to friends than she is to family?

Is she perhaps "jealous" of her older brother???
I ask this because: I have a sibling, that was JUST like that... since we were children. AND one day (we were adults by then so this had been going on for YEARS), she told me that she was JEALOUS of me... and always thought that our parents "favored" me over her. (which is not true. We were raised the same way and my parents are not unfair).
So, ALL those years, SHE had a problem, perceived only by her... that *I* was the problem in her life. She is just a jealous type. She SHE had to get over her issues. SHE was RESPONSIBLE for herself and her personal hang-ups and self-confidence etc.
As an adult, she had to have Therapy. Because, being the way she is... (like your daughter), so many people were just not wanting to be close to her. At all.

You NEED to talk to your daughter... and perhaps get her professional help... so that SHE can vent and get out her issues, and LEARN to be more socially acceptable, to her family and brother.

Back to me: growing up with a sibling like that.... WAS TORTURE! It made me miserable... and I even hated even bumping into her in the hallway. She was always.... antagonistic and instigating things. You could say she was a "Bully."

So, you ALSO have to MAKE SURE... that the mental and emotional well-being of your 14 year old son... is intact... and that the "abusiveness" upon him by his sister... does not derail him... and his well being.
I know, I lived that, with a sibling just like your daughter.

Your daughter, CANNOT TAKE OUT ALL OF HER FRUSTRATIONS upon her Brother. TELL HER, that is WRONG. It is abusive. She is a Bully. And you all will not put up with it.
Then get her some professional help.

Also, your daughter's age. She is 10. She is a Tween. Hormones in a girl are fluctuating. And some even get their periods already.
Google Search "Tween Girl Development" to learn about the emotional and physical changes in a girl this age.
Get the "American Girl" books for her... it is for this age and talks about their body and emotions. I have this for my daughter, who is 9.