My 7 year old daughter is in 1st grade. There is a trio of girls in our neighborhood who are in kindergarten and one is in pre-k who are all buddy-buddy. My daughter used to be better friends with one of the kindergarteners but they've kinda grown apart since she buddied up with the other 2 younger ones.
What I don't get is why does my daughter still constantly want to play with this girl when she obviously views the other 2 girls as closer friends? And I feel like when they do play, my daughter is kissing her butt :( It drives me nuts!
Thanks for the responses--they made me feel better! I wish there were other kids her age in the neighborhood but this is pretty much it unfortunately and it can cause a lot of drama which is exhausting to deal with. She does like playing with her younger sister a lot so that's good, a lot of the time we can distract her with doing that but she's one of those kids that thrives on being with other kids in that type of "free play" setting whereas our younger daughter is totally fine with just hanging at home and playing by herself.
We have tried other activities for her--soccer and gymnastics--and with both activities she just complains about not wanting to do it and being tired and not really into it once she gets there. She's a tough one as far as activities go because after being at school for 7 hours, I think it's hard for her to want to listen to more instruction and learn something else even if it's supposed to be "fun". She is starting an after school art class tomorrow so we'll see how that goes!
Its all part of growing up. Sometimes it is better to be the third wheel then alone, when she gets tired of it she will find a new outlet.
Get her involved in activities where she can meet more kids her own age.
She needs a wider social circle than what is available in the neighborhood.
There's a great book out there that you can use to help teach your daughter about healthy boundaries and give her techniques for healthy relationships that she can take into her adulthood. It's called "Little Girls Can Be Mean."
Here's the link... http://www.amazon.com/Little-Girls-Can-Mean-Bully-proof/d...
It's hard to watch, but your daughter will survive it. Allow her to make her choices about what she wants to put up with.
I was the third wheel a lot of the time, and I survived it.
I have a daughter the same age. She also seems to gravitate toward really dominating friends that I don't think always treat her the best! Oh well. She has to learn these lessons on her own.
Just remind yourself, kids can have lots of friends, and not all of them are going to be best friends. There might be some random kids she plays with but only on the playground at school. Then there's the little trio of younger girls she can hang with on the street. Then there is that girl at sunday school. It's good for them to be able to be social with various groups, even those that aren't straightforward "BFF's". In fact, most of them probably won't be, at least until they get older.
she's not kissing butt. she's 7, and she's coping in the best way she can, which is actually pretty healthy. this is her peer group. if she wants to play with other kids, this is where she needs to go, right? so she's making the best of it.
you need to butt out. if her feelings are hurt, listen to her carefully, and maybe ask some leading questions so that she can come up with empowering solutions 'on her own' but don't micromanage her friendships.
khairete
S.
Let her handle it. This will be the first of the many girl dramas!
There are different levels of friendship. Why should the only friends we spend time with and teach our children to spend time with our best friends or good, close friends?
Your daughter is fine. It sounds like she has great self esteem and isn't examining things very closely, which is as it should be. I wouldn't feel bad on her behalf because she doesn't need you to. :-) Children this age are learning how to be friends so being "close" and "growing apart" is all relative and those are terms that we as adults use to relate to our own friendships... which we overanalyze. Children this age are really just interested in enjoying the time they spend with the people around them.
I second the answers that she will deal with it. These friendships will cool down naturally. These kids are younger, and at these ages, a difference of just a year or two is a fairly big one.
Also, if she's in first grade, she just started this fall, right?
Time to get her some play dates (and yes, at her age they need to be play dates that you and other parents arrange) with friends from school. As she gets older, the whole "buddies from the neighborhood" thing will fade and fade fast. She should soon want to be spending time with the new friends she's making at school, so be aware of that and suggest play dates. Listen to her when she talks about school -- is she mentioning certain kids pretty often? Get in touch with the parents (even if you don't already know them) and suggest getting the kids together. Doesn't have to be some big-deal thing, just meeting at a park at first, or taking them onto the school playground right after school ends (if the school allows that -- ours did). The parents may at first want to do it with them sticking around if they don't know you yet. It's a good way for YOU to get to know her friends and their parents and that pays off over time in so many ways for her and for you too. She may not even have remotely considered that she can invite school friends to do things outside school yet -- you can introduce the idea.
By the way, the activities you mention are both team sports. What about an activity that isn't team sports? There are lots of options. Girl Scouts can be terrific if the troop does lots of different things -- each meeting can be quite different and a good troop does more than just crafts or just camping, and mixes things up. The art class could be fine if they do different things each time. Meanwhile, it's also just fine if she does no activity at all --she's still getting used to first grade!
I loved the answers given by B and ChristyLee.
Based on your admission here, your daughter wants to play with these girls and is figuring out how to do so. You may not like what you see but she is comfortable. If you want her to have different friends get her involved in groups, actiivities, sports and other things where she could meet and interact with other children. Growing up when I finally came out of my shell I had sever different groups of friends not just the neighborhood kids. I had friends at dance class, summer camp, school, drama club, church, and of course my numerous cousins. It was great.
Broaden your daughter's horizons. Expand her circle.
IME, at that age...it bothers you more than it bothers her.
You'll know when she's done & over it--and them.
Can you specifically just invite over the 1 girl that your daughter used to be closer to for play dates? They are likely just fine when it's the 2 of them. And you can encourage that friendship, without encouraging friendships with the group.
We just had a similar situation and my 3rd grader told me that he likes friend X usually, but when friend X is with other child Y, my son doesn't like how they are together. And of course I told him that's totally ok, and he can decide if he still wants to be friends with X when Y isn't around, or if the friendship is too much work, he can move on to different friends and avoid them both. For the moment, he's decided to invite over friend X only, and avoid the group when Y is there. (And yes, all neighbors which makes it a little harder to navigate, but it's do-able).
