Daughter Watching Baby

You are only asking for a little help, you are not asking for her to raise the baby! What you are doing is fine.

I don't see anything wrong with it. I have 4 children (7,6,4 and 10 weeks old)
Usually if I'm doing laundry or cooking and the baby crys one of the older kids will put a pacifier in his mouth or sing to him or talk to him. I think they like helping me, because they come in and said he was crying so I gave him his pacifier and he stop crying. I think they feel big.

Are you worried about the safety of leaving her with the baby without you there, or are you just stressing over the thread about the woman with 7 kids who expected her older daughter to help take care of baby 8, and most of the moms on the post told her that she shouldn't be expecting her children to take care of their sibs like the Duggars do?

Please put aside that thread, if this is where you're coming from. You are OBVIOUSLY not anywhere near that. You're doing fine and it's good to have a "little helper". That extends to getting her to help you in the kitchen, talking about the science of cooking, letting her measure and add, practicing fun math, etc. The kitchen and housekeeping, shopping and driving can be used to teach her all kinds of things. It will help her in her academics.

There's nothing wrong with including her in taking care of the baby. What is wrong about stuff like this is having so many children that the only way things work is by enlisting the older kids to constantly act as a mother to the little ones.

My 4.5 year old does the same thing and I think it's a wonderful way to teach responsibility and compassion. She loves to help with her baby brother by giving him his binky or toys, talking, tickling, kissing him and just being silly for him when I'm showering, pottying, cooking or have my hands full with daycare kids or my 2.5 year old. I've always taught her to help entertain babies or help the younger kids or even her peers with tasks that they're stuck on. There's nothing wrong with any of this. It teaches kindness, which is a character trait that is often forgotten.
When people say you shouldn't have older children watch their younger siblings, they're talking about having a 12 year old babysit their sins for hours on end or making a 16 year old responsible for the little ones to the point they're parenting or acting as a nanny.

What you are doing is wonderful. You are giving your daughter an eminently age-appropriate responsibility, and by doing that, you're helping her grow up to be a responsible person.

Where it's a problem is when people have "so many children they don't know what to do," and they make an older child (usually a girl) raise the little ones, sometimes at the expense of her own education.

That's not you. That's not even remotely close to anything you're doing. What you're doing is good and appropriate and wonderful and fine.

It's called being part of a family. I have my nearly 3 yo help out with our nearly 6 mo in about the same fashion. We all pitch in when we can and these are those kinds of times. It helps their bonding too. Relax ... It's all good.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. My oldest was 7 when my youngest was born. I would have her help me by giving the baby a bottle if I was in the middle of making dinner. She and my middle guy who was 4 when the youngest was born would always help keep him entertained if I had stuff to do around the house. It helps the older ones feel involved and important. As long as you're not going Duggar style (19 Kids and Counting) and having the older one take complete care of the younger one all day long, you'll be just fine!

Normal! Sounds like you are creating great family bonds :)

This is totally normal and it is how families work. There is nothing wrong with older siblings helping with younger siblings. My older siblings often babysat me. My dad was from a family of ten kids, and the older kids always helped with the younger kids. As long as the older child isn't missing out on normal childhood activities because they are always having to look after the younger children, it is fine. My older son did the same thing you have your daughter is doing when he was three and his brother was a baby. He walked his brother to school when he was in grade three and his brother was in kindergarten. Now he is 11 and he will soon be looking after his brother at home for a couple of hours here and there. He even reads with his brother and helps him with homework. He never misses his extracurricular activities because of it and he gets to spend lots of time with his friends. Helping with his brother is just another thing he does because he is part of our family, and that what family does.

I think that sounds perfect. I know there are people who think the older child should never have to be in charge of the littler one "let them be a kid themselves!" but we're all a part of the family and that's just reality. You're doing it great. She's not really babysitting, but she gets to help, and I know my 6 year old LOVES to help, she's at that age where she's following me around all the time wanting to help with dinner and whatever else I'm doing, and I'm sure when her baby brother or sister is born in May she'll want to help with that, too.

Why is it wrong for the older to help with the younger? All families work like that. Now if you were leaving and leaving the baby with the 6 year old thats a different story. But putting the baby in a crib or playpen with a toy while your showering is not wrong. Putting her in her bouncy seat in the same room as older sib not wrong. Making sib me the mom that would be wrong. But families help each other. Its just what you do.

I see no problem with having an older child help with a younger child! yes, it would become problematic if the older child became a surrogate parent, but in our house, we take care of each other, that's what families do.

Wrong? Maybe I am the wrong person to ask because I see no problem with having an older sibling help out with the younger ones.

Now if you were having her change the poopy diaper while you watch your favorite soap-opera, well then it is time to check yourself. It doesn't sound like that is the case here.

My mother raised us on her own for the most part. For quite some time she made things work by having my older siblings watch me. They were old enough to do so, didn't need a sitter for themselves, and we were all together.

Here's another perspective. If the little one is in a safe place, and your hands are full/ busy and she cries a little bit, no harm done. I have one child. When I was home alone with him, I too would set him in a bumpo or exersaucer and have a shower with the door open, or put him in a highchair in the kitchen while I put away groceries and started dinner.

Since your daughter seems to enjoy helping, let her. If she doesn't or won't, it's not the end of the world if the little one has a few minutes of safe alone time while you get something done.

best to you and yours,
F. B.

I think you're doing fine Mama! What you're doing is good for everyone involved.

I have only asked the older kids (now grown) to watch DD on the rare occasion. If your baby is otherwise in a safe place, I see no harm in encouraging your older child to entertain her. It is different than being the babysitter.

We occasionally paid my SS to watch his sister for an hour or two when he was a teen and she was too young/immature to be by herself. We made it clear it was a job and if he couldn't do it, we'd pay someone else. I think my SS has watched DD for us once. He's not really into little kids. SD has watched DD for us a handful of times and now that DD is older, they'll go shopping together. SD offers to take DD along, and I encourage that because I like to see them spend quality time together.

You are giving your older child great memories for life after you leave. She will love to bore everyone with how she helped 'raise' her little sister. Lol. It's fine. You are creating bonds.

An extreme case would be expecting your older child to forego any after-school activities in order to get home to prepare dinner for your younger one(s). That's not as extreme as it can get, but that's an example of what not to do.