Where Do You 'Keep' Your Baby When Tending to Your Toddler?

I found it helpful to tell the baby when he was crying "you need to wait a minute, I'm helping toddler now'. Then when I was with the baby, I would tell my older son, you need to wait, I'm helping baby now'. It really seemed to help my older son understand that they each need to wait.

I never wore my babies - either one. I carried them, and plopped them in a high chair, a seat, on the floor, or in a saucer.
I never propped a bottle with my first, but I did with the second.
My first never had to wait for anything, but my second did.
My first was held all the time, but my second wasn't.
My first had all of my attention, but not my second.
My first never went in the playpen, but my second sure did.
My second spent a lot of time in her saucer, so that I could tend to the first.
My second was dragged all over creation so that the first could go to his activities.
My second spent a lot of time waiting on the first.
I didn't like the way it worked some days, but I knew they would both be ok.

But - when the first went off to college, the second became an "only" for two years. She had all if my time, my attention, and she even got my car at one point. My oldest was a bit jealous. I told him, "You had your time the first two years - she has her time now." :)

In the end, they are close. They call, text, email, and chat frequently. They care about each other. They enjoy many of the same things. They are each other's biggest cheerleader. I'm sure I did something right.

It's definety not easy! It was the oldest that I felt got short changed, not the baby, in my case. The baby always took precedent but my kids were all pretty easy...

My middle child was the hardest, when I had my 3rd..he was 27 months old & still needed a lot of my attention & breast feeding alone takes up so much time!

My only advice is to try to teach the oldest to be gentle & try to get him to help & be involved with as much baby stuff as possible... like helping by putting diapers in the trash, getting the wipes for you ( he will have fun ripping them all out :), getting you burp rags, finding special toys... Stuff like that.

I tried to talk (& not baby talk either, regular voice talking) to the kids as much as possible to keep them feeling connected! Like "Alright kiddo, sister needs a bath now, will you help me test the water? Can you squeeze me some shampoo? Please hand me the towel. Should she wear her teddy bear Jammie's or the ones with the pink hearts"??

Just do your best! It will be OK!!!

Second (and later) children just have a different experience, but its not necessarily worse. Even though they have less of your direct attention, they have a richer experience being involved with siblings right away. And yes, while you probably arranged your life around the needs of your first child, your second will have to fit into the schedule of the family to a certain extent, but thats also not bad. My oldest two are two years apart, and I had a lot of the same worries as you, but it all worked out. At the time, I remember telling my friends that when my first was a baby, I spent all my time talking to him. And when I had the second ... I still spent all my time talking to the first! The younger (now he's a middle child) is a happy, healthy, and smart four year old and no worse for crying a little more and not having my undivided attention. Just keep the baby around the family as much as possible by putting him on a blanket, bouncer, or carrier wherever you and your older son are. It will work out! Good luck.

My third baby has spent a lot of time hanging out by herself. She gets laid down a lot...but she is happy, loves her gym, and has no clue that she is missing out on anything.

Think about it: do you think our ancestors spent every minute playing with baby? no, they had work to do. They carried baby, or put baby down unless baby had a need.

baby will be fine. It's hard trying to meet everyone's needs, adn many times you can't meet them all at the same time. I try to remind myself that learning to wait is a valuable skill, and when you have siblings, you have no choice but to learn to wait. So, tell each one, 'I'm doing X for Y, please give me a moment." And then just do what you are doing.

You also need to shorten the bedtime routine with the older one.

But honestly, baby isn't neglected. As long as all of baby's needs are being met, she is fine.

It's not always easy! Your baby is still very young and very, very new to your 2 year old. Give him time to adjust.

I used the swing a lot. I was very lucky that my youngest enjoyed the swing. I also used the tv if I really needed my 2 year old to be otherwise occupied.

When you have a chance, talk to your 2 year old about all the changes. I can remember turning to my oldest and saying, "It's really hard having a new baby, isn't it? Sometimes Mommy can't pay attention to you." He started to cry and nodded his head and crawled into my arms and we talked and hugged. I told him things might feel different for a little while, but it will get easier and Mommy loves you and that will never change. It really seemed to help.

After my youngest was born, for the first time, I realized that there really is something to birth order. For so many reasons, my youngest's childhood will be different than my oldest's. I'm different, my husband is different we're more secure financially and in our marriage and that influences so much of what we do.

I really started to see that different isn't bad. The first year so your baby's life will be different from the first year of your oldest's life, but that's ok. Lot's of things (good, bad and just different) will be different.

Try not to beat yourself up and just enjoy the ride!

I know you said you don't want to babwear because of your back - can I ask which ones you've tried? Some are much harder on your back than others. I thought the ring sling and snuggli were hardest on my back, and the moby distributed the weight so well I barely felt it. I mostly put my baby on the floor on the play mat, but if you are worried about the toddler hurting him by accident, I've known people who put the bouncy seat or the play mat in the pack in play.

I would try to talk to the 2.5 year old more - eg, the baby waited while I made your lunch, now it's your turn to wait while I feed the baby. And, as someone else said, say out loud to the baby "you'll need to wait a minute while I get your brother's lunch" so that brother really sees that sometimes the baby does have to wait, just like he might have to wait sometimes.

It also sounds like you need to streamline your toddler's bedtime routine - bath (old enough to do basically by himself, with you watching/nursing the baby/etc), jammies, 2 stories, and then he's in his bed and you're done. At 2.5, you shouldn't have to be in the room until he falls asleep. If he doesn't know how to fall asleep on his own, you need to do some sleep training and I don't necessarily mean CIO, you could go with one of the non-cry methods. But you need to pick a method and go with it.

Also, keep in mind that this is all your second baby knows. He doesn't know that your first child got more one-on-one time. He doesn't know that you feel guilty about it. It's not as if he's lying there thinking - this isn't fair, you didn't set my brother down this much! He'll be fine.

It is a balancing act and it sounds like you are doing great.

You just do what you have to do and what works best for you. They all survive and thrive.

In the morning as we're getting ready for the day, I wear a baby and help the older kids get breakfast, dressed, teeth brushed, etc.

Throughout the day I give the baby floor time, or in a pack & play, swing, bouncer, crib -- not for extended periods of time. Just long enough to handle the other kids' needs, and then come back to the baby. It is ok for the baby to fuss a bit during this time.

99% of the time I am on my own at bedtime, so I bring the baby into the bathroom with us while I bathe the older kids. Baby sits in a bouncy chair. After bath I move the bouncy to the kids' rooms and he sits there while I help the kids dress and read, or sing. Usually I am feeding the baby a bottle at this point, so if I am reading and don't have a hand available, I just prop the bottle up for him.

I usually wear my baby when I cook. I have a Sleepy Wrap (identical to the Moby) so he is tucked away happily as I am cooking. My babies also like motion, so I kinda dance around the kitchen while cooking to help keep him content.

Yes, I do feel like each of my kids gets a little less attention from me than the one before them, but they also get attention from their siblings. When my oldest was a baby he had 4 adults in our house and was hardly ever put down. My in-laws moved 1500 miles away before my 2nd was born. My 2nd child is more independent than our 1st, and my 3rd we refer to as our "crown jewel" because he just is so ahead of the pace of his older brothers.

I've never been able to nurse, but certainly have had the crawling toddler while I'm giving the baby a bottle. It works well for us to use that time to read books, sing songs, or work on puzzles. I pull an ottoman up near the sofa and my older kid can work on the puzzle with me to help him when he gets too frustrated, so he still feels like he's being interacted with. You could even (insert gasp) watch tv with your older kid while you're nursing. Sure, you might not really be that into "Team Umizoomi," but if you watch it with him with enthusiasm he'll probably give you a nice nursing experience.

Why do you feel you have to hold the baby all the time? Baby's need to learn to be content laying alone, playing by themselves and in general self soothing. I am not saying don't hold the baby. But you need to be ok with putting him down.

now on to the second part of your question which I am going to answer without hopefully being judged. If your 2 year old is not to be trusted with the baby put the baby somewhere safe. in a playpen, crib or swing where your older one can't get to him. If he climbs all over you while your nursing crack his behind and say sit down. and pull him down next to you. Say it in a firm voice. Sit down while I feel the baby. Give him a book or something to play with and nurse the baby. If he is not able to sit still put him in his room. It is not ok that you can't feed the baby because of the older one.

I am an older mom on here so may not give the same answer as others. But I can say that having nursed all my kids I did not ever deal with one crashing into me while I fed the next. and my two middle boys were only 15 months apart so yes I have been through this. also did daycare and nursed all of my kids while caring for other kids. the other kids all behaved when I was nursing because it was what was expected. I put a movie on or a short tv show and they watched it while I was nursing. I did not in anyway try to entertain any of them while I was nursing.

My boys were rambunctious. They are both almost two years older than my two girls. I couldn't even tell you because it was never a concern. It isn't like I put my girls in harm's way it is just, what is that kid getting into, and I set them down somewhere safe and dealt with it.

Guess I am saying you are worrying too much about this.

I was a second, there is a reason seconds tend to be more roll with it, relaxed, it is because no one can give them the attention the first got and really, I don't think that level of attention is a good thing. So seconds have the perfect life, just not a lot of pictures to remember it by but, o well, life goes on.

it's an adjustment, isn't it? we can give so much delicious uninterrupted time to our first babies, that no subsequent babies can realistically enjoy.
yes, it's nice to wear the baby, but as you say, it's not always practical.
it's not the end of the world to put the baby in a bouncer, or his crib, while you bathe or spend a little time with the older one. obviously one tries to do it when the baby is full and dry and comfy, but sometimes babies don't cooperate. and your toddler absolutely does need your undivided attention sometimes. it's a juggling act for sure.
it's time to set some gentle boundaries with your toddler though. absolutely no torpedo-ing you when you're holding the baby. ever. period. be very firm about it. it's completely understandable on his part, but that doesn't mean it should be indulged. don't be angry, but don't be squishy. no means no.
if baby is distracting during story time, that would be a time to put him down for 20 minutes while you read and cuddle with your older child. but you also need to be firm about bedtime. you don't have the luxury of spending hours trying to get your toddler to sleep, and it's a terrible habit for him to hold you hostage. bath, read, cuddle, lights out.
there's no one perfect solution that works for all families at all times, but you'll figure it out, mama. don't feel guilty for putting your baby down sometimes, even if he cries. so long as you get back to him as soon as you reasonably can, it'll be fine.
khairete
S.

I Suggest that you try keeping the baby in a sling, wrapped to you, or in a front baby carrier like baby Bjorne I only had one child, but I used it a lot with my daughter when she was a baby she loved it she would sleep comfortably while I was hands free to do housework . I'm sorry I just read about your back pain. Try the sling it can be worn in different places that might make it more comfortable? Also, you're holding the baby at bedtime anyway, so having her secure in the sling coud help at those times. When baby gets a little older, can hold her head up, we used the bumbo seat sometimes. Se also had this big super saucer that she sat in with a tray of stuff around her she could bounce in it too.

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I Suggest that you try keeping the baby in a sling, wrapped to you, or in a front baby carrier like baby Bjorne I only had one child, but I used it a lot with my daughter when she was a baby she loved it she would sleep comfortably while I was hands free to do housework .

My hubby worked nights Mon-Fri for the first 1.5 years of my 2nd child's life. So I had to do dinner, baths and bedtime with the two of them alone each night. I ended up getting my youngest to 'nap' for the last time when I was putting my daughter to bed. So I would put him down (cosleeper or swing) and then tend to my daughter. Yes, there were times I would have to go 'check' on the baby if he was crying, but for the most part, it worked beautifully. Honestly we just bathed the kids together. Baby was in a baby tub and daughter was next to him. She loved that and we all read books together. During breastfeeding, I would read or color with her and let her watch cartoons. Yes your baby will be in the car more than your first was. But that is life. It's okay!

The short answer to your 'where do I keep my baby' question - anywhere convenient and safe. The floor, a counter when he was a swaddled tiny newborn, his bouncer, his exersaucer, his basinnet, my toddler's crib, a baby carrier, his car seat, the Bumbo...

Everybody gets shortchanged. I don't get as much time with either of my children and they get less of me. Such is life and I don't dwell on it. It is part of my wanting to have two. I am teaching both of them to wait. Learning patience isn't a bad thing even when they act like their toe nails are being removed one by one in the process. It is worse with my two and half year old because he has zero patience like all toddlers. Then again we are all adjusting in our own way to the new normal.

I get tons of help from my husband but on the nights and days I am going solo, it's a trick getting everyone's needs met. Mostly I find myself lowering my standards. Instead of eating at the table, I might serve dinner at the coffee table where we can all sit on the floor. I can help my toddler eat and let my baby play on the floor next to us. It is less stressful for me than trying to corral both of them into a high chair and booster seat. Also meals are ridiculously easy when I am alone. Oatmeal, cereal, fruit/cheese/sausage, etc. Even with my husband’s help, we have found shortcuts. For instance, bath/ bedtime is a streamlined process and a shadow of its former self. We have taught my toddler to shower alone and have basically done away with baths entirely. My toddler goofs off for a bit in the shower and then one of us helps him soap up and rinse off. That person then gets him out, dried, diapered, dressed, hair brushed, tooth brushed and finally all of us sit down for a family book read of my toddler’s choosing. Kisses all around and off he goes to bed. I suppose because we haven’t allowed much room for lollygagging, he goes to bed fairly easily. Mind you he spends about half an hour talking and singing to himself in bed but in my book he is asleep. Once my toddler is asleep, I shower with my baby. I can’t remember the last time I had a shower or bath alone. However, by showering with my baby, I can knock out two birds with one stone. When I get done showering both of us, I dress quickly and do the routine on my baby (diaper, dressing, nursing, etc.) to put him down for the night.

My toddler is two and a half and my baby is seven months. Even now I watch my toddler like a hawk and don’t leave him alone with my baby. He sometimes means to hurt the baby because of frustration or jealous or attention seeking. Other times he is overly excited and wants to play with him or to help me with my baby. Twice my toddler has gotten a hold of my baby and dropped him. That makes me feel like a bad mother but in the blink of an eye things happen. Fortunately babies bounce and toddlers are short so there isn’t far too fall. I will put my baby wherever it seems safe while I tend to my toddler. Obviously I have learned the hard way via those two falls what is and isn’t safe. When my baby was four months or younger, he spent a lot of time in his wheeled basinet or bouncer. Now that he is older, he sits up unassisted and spends a lot of time on the floor. Also his exersaucer is a good choice. It is tough because a determined toddler can reach a lot of places even if it only means he can reach an arm or leg for pulling or a head for hitting. Plus it is amazing what a contained space a playpen is and how much toys hurt when my toddler throws them in on top of my baby. I am sure you have learned it is not all roses in my house but we manage and we are learning and adapting along the way. Your family will too. I say worry less and enjoy your children. It all goes way too fast anyway. Good luck.

I don't think there's anything wrong with putting the baby in a bouncer, a swing, or on an activity mat. The baby will probably really enjoy watching the older sibling, too. Big kids are very exciting to babies.

You need to find something better to entertain your toddler while you're nursing so that you can give some special 1-1 time with the baby. Let him watch TV or play on a good kids' website like starfall.com or pbskids.org Otherwise, find a very exciting, fun toy or two for him that he's only allowed to play with when you're nursing.