Daughter Won't Sleep in Her Crib!

I had a friend whose daughter did this. It helped some to rearrange the room. think about drafts from the vents and wnodws. Study the light. Or maybe it is a fung-shui thing. My friend moved hers so she was in the middle of the wall across from the door. there is no vent or window on that wall. Just a thought and worth trying. also, have you ever put her in the crib and talked with her? I used to do this with my daughter. I wanted her to learn to like being in her crib and even play a bit with small dolls. It worked a little at this age (she is not good at going to bed still and my son never had or still doesn' have issues with going to bed...so who knows.)

Eight Sleep Tips for Every Child
By Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Up to 70% of children under age five have sleep problems. Sleep issues are complicated and have many causes. They’re hard to deal with because when children aren’t sleeping, parents aren’t sleeping, and that lack of sleep affects every minute of every day for every person in the family because lack of sleep isn’t just about being tired. Sleep has a role in everything -- dawdling, temper tantrums, hyperactivity, growth, health, and even learning to tie his shoes and recite the ABCs. Sleep affects everything.

The following ideas are of value to almost any sleeper, of any age. These tips can bring improvement not only in your child’s sleep, but also in her daytime mood and last, but not least – improvements in your own sleep and outlook as well.

# 1 Maintain a consistent bedtime and awaking time.

Your child’s biological clock has a strong influence on her wakefulness and sleepiness. When you establish a set time for bedtime and wake up time you “set” your child’s clock so that it functions smoothly.

Aim for an early bedtime. Young children respond best with a bedtime between 6:30 and 7:30 P.M. Most children will sleep better and longer when they go to bed early.

# 2 Encourage regular daily naps.

Daily naps are important. An energetic child can find it difficult to go through the day without a rest break. A nap-less child will often wake up cheerful and become progressively fussier or hyper-alert as the day goes on. Also, the length and quality of naps affects night sleep – good naps equal better night sleep.

# 3 Set your child’s biological clock.

Take advantage of your child’s biology so that he’s actually tired when bedtime arrives. Darkness causes an increase in the release of the body’s sleep hormone -- the biological “stop” button. You can align your child’s sleepiness with bedtime by dimming the lights during the hour before bedtime.

Exposing your child to morning light is pushing the “go” button in her brain — one that says, “Time to wake up and be active.” So keep your mornings bright!

# 4 Develop a consistent bedtime routine.

Routines create security. A consistent, peaceful bedtime routine allows your child to transition from the motion of the day to the tranquil state of sleep.

An organized routine helps you coordinate the specifics: bath, pajamas, tooth-brushing. It helps you to function on auto-pilot at the time when you are most tired and least creative.

# 5 Create a cozy sleep environment.

Where your child sleeps can be a key to quality sleep. Make certain the mattress is comfortable, the blankets are warm, the room temperature is right, pajamas are comfy, and the bedroom is welcoming.

# 6 Provide the right nutrition.

Foods can affect energy level and sleepiness. Carbohydrates can have a calming effect on the body, while foods high in protein or sugar generate alertness, particularly when eaten alone. A few ideas for pre-bed snacks are: whole wheat toast and cheese, bagel and peanut butter, oatmeal with bananas, or yogurt and low-sugar granola.

Vitamin deficiencies due to unhealthy food choices can affect a child’s sleep. Provide your child with a daily assortment of healthy foods.

# 7 Help your child to be healthy and fit.

Many children don’t get enough daily physical activity. Too much TV watching and a lack of activity prevents good sleep. Children who get ample daily exercise fall asleep more quickly, sleep better, stay asleep longer, and wake up feeling refreshed.

Avoid activity in the hour before bedtime though, since exercise is stimulating – they’ll be jumping on the bed instead of sleeping in it!

# 8 Teach your child how to relax.

Many children get in bed but aren’t sure what to do when they get there! It can help to follow a soothing pre-bed routine that creates sleepiness. A good pre-bed ritual is story time. A child who is listening to a parent read a book or tell a tale will tend to lie still and listen. This quiet stillness allows him to become sleepy.

Work with these eight ideas and you’ll see improvements in your child’s sleep, and yours too.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers (McGraw-Hill 2005)
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

Posted by:
C. M., CBE, CLD, MWA
www.westsidebirthconnection.com

My 10 month old daughter use to be the same way. Depending on your parenting style, I suggest letting her "cry it out." It was extremely hard to hear my daughter cry at first but honestly, they quickly learn to fall asleep on their own. I lay my daughter down for naps and bedtime when she is still awake and she fusses for a couple minutes but then falls sound asleep. In the beginning, she would cry for a good 20 minutes before falling asleep. If she got really upset, I would go in and rub her back and put her pacifier back in her mouth, but would not pick her up or say anything. It is really hard to hear your child cry but they are safe in their cribs and in the long run, they will sleep better and be much happier.
This system works well for our family because it keeps my daugther on a schedule, allows me to get work done around the house during nap time, and my husband and I have time to ourselves every evening.
Good luck and do what works for you and your family.

My son had this problem a few months ago, everytime I put him down he would wake up the instant i wasn't holding him anymore. My mom made a suggestion that helped my son. At the time I only had just a normal sheet on the mattress, and the mattress was cold. What I did was put the comferter that came with his bed set under the sheet between him and the mattress. Made a big difference. If he is asleep when i lay him down he now stays asleep. Its not so thick that I wouldnt have to worry if he was on his tummy, but it's thick enough to buffer against the cold mattress. If he does wake back up a few min after he goes down, I just let him cry it out, and he usually goes back to sleep in about 20 min. Worked for me. Good luck!

Another great book is 'How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems' by Ferber. It's a great resource. He is a sleep scientist and explains all of the research & science behind his methods. It's great!

Hi M.,
I'm pretty sure this isn't what you're going to want to hear, but you may have to let her cry. If she's learned that all she has to cry to get her way, you'll NEVER sleep alone with your husband again.

I never got into the habit of letting my daughters sleep with me on a regular basis, and I STiLL went through a tough period of time, getting her to sleep in her own bed.

It sucked, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but within 4 days, the habit was broken.

I hope this helps!

Best wishes,
M.

PS Just remember, this is TEMPORARY! All of these difficulties are. You'll get through it just fine... :o)

HI M.,
I was wondering if your DD sleeps in a certain place or with/on a certain thing when she sleeps in your bed? I was having the same problem with my baby. She wouldn't sleep in her crib but then I noticed that she LOVES my pillow. So I gave it to her, had to buy me a new one. But now she sleeps in her crib and sleeps very well. I know that they say not to put pillows into the crib but my baby does really well with it and it fits snug from side to side. If she doesn't want your pillow maybe its the blanket or sheets or does she need a blankie of her own? Just a few thoughts and suggestions. Good luck!

C.

This may not be what you want to hear, but remember you are in charge. I have 3 girls-5,3,1- and my 3 yr. old was a little tough when she was 10m. My doctor told me the only way to cure the sleeping issue is to get ready for a long night and don't give in. I had to visit my daughter when she started crying to show her that I was there, but DO NOT PICK HER UP. Just cover her with her blanket and tell her you love her and leave. Don't go to your bed because it may take you 5 times before she cries herself to sleep. You may be against letting her cry to sleep, but let me tell you-it relieved me of my stress when she finally slept. It may take just one night or up to a week. Stay the course and it will help your daughter as well. Love and logic is a great resource to have in your defense when raising kids. Good Luck!

My darling son, same age, also HATES sleeping in his crib. He cries it out every night. He used to LOVE sleeping in there... but now he's SMART. He's learned that throwing a tantrum brings mama or dad back into the room. He is also going through separation anxiety (it hits now and at 18-20 months again).

My now 3 year old moved to a bed at the same age, but he is horrifically obedient and absolutely adores his bed. I would never try to move THIS child to a bed unless I converted the whole room to bed. LOL.

My best advice is to be patient. It's typical behavior for a child of this age to want to be with mama. If YOU are ready, you can move her to a toddler bed. There's no rule that says you have to keep a child in a crib until they are a certain age. If she will sleep ANYWHERE else, then what's the harm? I do suggest a baby gate and keeping her safe and contained within an area that is child-friendly and safe.

Walk out of the room and let her cry. At 10 mos it won't hurt her at all and if you go to her when she cries she is training you to jump whenever she cries.
Put her to bed only awake, do not let her in your bed at all.
It will take a while, sometimes it takes a week sometimes not even that long. Let her get mad, it stinks hearing your baby cry but it is the best gift you can give her is to her to soothe herself and she will sleep better in her own crib.
For my kids the ONLY time they slept in my bed was if they were sick, really bad dreams or thunderstorms. Otherwise your bed should be your hubby and yours santuary and where you two can be alone. Break this habit now as it will be a lot easier now then later!! :) Promise, let her cry a few times and she will learn you aren't going to take her out of her crib!!! :) Before too long it will be all about big girl beds and she will do great!!

M.,

If you aren't willing to let her cry it out, then I would recommend "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley (http://tinyurl.com/5p3cuj) It is very easy to find - our local grocery store has some copies, and you might be able to find it at your local library.

If you are willing to let her cry it out, many people like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Mark Weisbluth (http://tinyurl.com/59xnz7)

Best of luck,
S.

Best of luck,
S.

Wow, that's a tough one. What do you lay her down on when you lay her down for a nap "anywhere else?" Do you have a blanket or something? I noticed that sometimes my babies would startle when I put them down on a cold sheet. I switched to flannel and it helped. If she is used to laying on a certain blanket, or any blanket for that matter, try putting that down in the crib to lay her on it.
The other experience I've had that might be remotely related is that if my 28 month old falls asleep in the car, I can't carry him up to his crib to continue his nap. He always wakes up, I think from the motion of me leaning over the crib rail to put him in. I have better luck if I lay him down on our downstairs guest bed (no leaning necessary). So I wonder if it would help if you lowered the side of the crib. I don't know how your daughter would do with the crib mattress up higher, too, because I'm guessing she can pull up.
She's old enough to cry it out for a few minutes, too. With my first, if he cried longer than 5 minutes, I knew something was wrong and he wasn't going to go to sleep. So I'd get him up for another 15 minutes or so and try again. But that didn't work at all with my second. He was not a cry-it-out kinda kid, although now he often will cry for less than 2 minutes when we put him down for bed or a nap.
Well, I hope something I've said can help you. Good luck!

Were I in the same situation, this would be my method:
Create bedtime routine and stick to it, music, story, security item. Then, put her in the crib, talk to her, tell her over and over "this is baby-girls' bed and that's mommy's bed...you need to sleep in your bed...i love you and i can hear you from my room...maybe tomorrow we can take a nap together (give a positive option in the future)" I would NOT pick her up again, comfort as necessary, lay her down and repeat "love you, time for sleeping" for a certain amount of time, or even stay with her for a bit, but not long, set a timer if necessary. The hard part comes when the time is up, 30 minutes or less, and I'd leave and have to move away from the room knowing that she is upset.

When boundaries are set, the initial adjustment period can be rough, but ultimately it's all for the best. I have never slept that well with my DD in the bed with us, one of the first lines I had to draw: I sleep in my bed, she sleeps in hers. I get the best rest and am less likely to lose my mind in grogginess the following day.
Good Luck!

Hi M.,
I think you are right and you probably created the problem by bringing her into bed with you. The only way that I know to fix it is going to take several days and the patience of a saint. You put her into the crib and in the crib she stays. Yes, she is going to cry. . . . and cry and cry and cry. Put her in there for her nap. If her nap is 2 hours long, put her in the crib for 2 hours. After 5 minutes go to her, pat her on the head, give her a kiss, tell her you love her, but she must go to sleep. Leave. She'll keep crying. After 7 minutes, go in, do the same thing. After 10 minutes, go in, do the same thing. After that go in every 15 minutes until the 2 hours is up. She may not sleep at all - it's her choice. Take her out after 2 hours. Do the same thing at night. She will start using her crib again. This is a painful process but it only takes a short time to work and it will work. DO NOT pick her up when you go in to see her! Good luck!

I just wanted to say that this is not your fault 'becuase you bring her into your bed'. Every night we put our daughter to bed in her crib and later bring her into our bed. Sometimes around 10 when she wakes I bring her to bed, sometimes I feed her and put her back down and get her the next time she wakes. No biggie. Don't hold onto that guilt. That's NOT the 'cause of the problem'
One more thing, before we started putting her to sleep in the crib we made sure she had play time in the crib to assosiate good feelings and safety wth the space. FYI.
Good luck hon, and remember...this is temporary! It wont last forever =)
D

My 16 month old daughter did the same thing. A friend recommended a book to me which completely changed my views and my daughters sleep habits. It is called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child By Marc Weissbluth, M.D. I had to let my daughter cry it out a few times which was EXTREMELY hard but has paid off for both if us. Babies are so much smarter then we give them credit for. My daughter was crying because she wanted me and knew that I would always come get her out. She had to learn that her crib was her bed and that is where she sleeps. Now she takes naps and goes right to sleep with out a peep. It is hard to let your child cry but in the long run you are doing something to help her sleep well. Best of luck!