Daughters Aggressive Behavior

I have to agree with Jae T. in her response. Your daughter's friend was physically interupting the play, so the solution your daughter used was also physical. My mom used to say "unless there's blood or broken bones, don't come to me with it!" Several of my mom friends now use that philosophy with thier kids. There is a lot to learn from working it out among themselves. I don't think girls should always be "sweet and kind".

She also has a right to defend herself against her older brother (I had two of those myself).

My daughter started Karate classes when she was five (I am in Karate, too). I think martial arts training is a wonderful thing for all kids, but especially girls. It does not teach violence at all, but teaches kids to speak up, be aware of themselves, be confident in unexpected situations, and defend themselves if necessary. It's also a great and safe way to get out frustrations and physical energy!

I don't think it's a big deal. She is still young enough that you will occasionally have to remind her to use her words. Have the girl's made up yet. I suspect this is something they can work out themselves. And while you still need to model problem solving for her, she also needs some practice on her own.

My daughter is 6 and my son is 8 and they get physical sometimes - and yes, lately it's been more of her starting it. I told my son thru out previous years of him picking at her, that once she was big enough, he'd better watch out for paybacks!!
As far as the instance at school - if it was 2 boys would we even be talking about it? Sounds like they were both bad, but it's not like your daughter punched her. We don't know how hard she pushed her - she might have been trying to push the girl off of their drawing.
Just this one instance, I wouldn't worry too much.

What do you mean she is aggresive towards you?? Now THAT's not tolerable.......

I still have to remind my kids (7 and 5) to use words, tell people how they feel when they get up set.

I would just remind her to say something like...Please be careful that made me really sad. Then most likely the other kid will most likely help to redo it.

The problem with mole hills if you don't say anything it could become a mountain. But I would not punish her for it the first step is just to remind her about her words. If she is still doing that type of thing in a month then she certainly knows better and then some kind of punishment is needed.

No doubt her little friend claimed she didn't do it intentionally! Little girls start at a young age by being jealous and catty to their friends. Perphaps her friend was upset that she was playing with other children and not with her?If your daughter was not the instigator, then I don't see an issue. Did anyone scold or disipline the little girl who started the fight?
I am all about letting kids work out there differences. As long a no weapons are used, then I am all for letting them fight it out. As a society we have gotten away from that, and honestly my opinion is that it shouldn't be frowned upon. You have a right to defend yourself and we are teaching children to tattle and talk about feelings instead. It's making the kids soft, and it isn't teaching the agressors any consequences. Just my thoughts!

Hi Erin,

How frustrating for your daughter! (and for you!)

I don't think you are making a mountain out of a molehill, but I DO think it's a good time to work with your daughter on how to help her find alternative ways to cope when someone wrecks her stuff or life doesn't go her way.
This is developmentally appropriate at 6 anyway, that's generally when they spend more time independently, in sort of a "fend for yourself" way.

I would ask her to come up with a list of stuff that she can do INSTEAD of reacting with physical violence. I would also validate for her how frustruating it must be to have worked on something and then have it destroyed - intentionally or not.
Unfortunately we learn from our older brothers (speaking from personal experience) that destruction and peskiness most often IS intentional, and we sort of carry that through to how we view the motives of others. That will automatically ramp up our response.

Does she participate in any extracurricular activies? Tae-Kwon-Do is supposed to be FABULOUS for kids. I was on swim team when I was little and it is a GREAT way to blow off steam. Both of these activities boost self esteem and teach you tons of lessons in individual results that are also very integral to your team, so they are a good balance.

Good Luck!

I would put a stop to the pestering from the older brother. She is learning that being aggressive is what works. My granddaughter never had an agressive bone in her body until an cousin of her mom's started staying at their house and he picked on her and he was in his 20's. She would come and tell me about how he would "flick" her on the head and push her and I told her mom to put a stop to it. She started hitting and being onery at this time and I would just remind her that people don't like to be hit or picked on. That we use our words when we get mad. Once the cousin was being called on his behavior it got much better.