Day Care Strees and Adjustment for 2 Year 3 Month Old

I agree with Christy Lee. As a mom who had two kids go through daycare, I can tell you consistency is key. While the part time schedule may seem like a kinder, gentler solution, it's hard for the part-timers to get into the schedule. I would consolidate the days to be consecutive. Maybe Mon-Wed, instead of every other day.
I can also tell you the adjustment period is stressful, but everything you mentioned is completely normal. Give it some time. Also, some kids just take longer to adjust. My son had a hard time with change and transitioning, but he eventually got there. He's now social, intelligent, and bright. My daughter had no problems with the daycare transition.
Hang in there, and good luck.

I imagine that 3 days a week would be very confusing. Monday at daycare, Tuesday at home, Weds at daycare, Thurs home, Friday at daycare. Yikes. That's inconsistent. Poor kiddo doesn't know WHERE he's going to be!

I suggest that you take him to daycare every weekday and not going half there and half with granny. Pick one caregiver and stick with them. It will help him transition easier because he'll become used to the schedule more quickly and learn to recognize the people and bond with them. He needs consistency. Give it to him. Don't make him feel like he has no security in his environment because it changes every day.

He's going to be okay.

Hi Dallas,

First of all it's been either 2 or 3 days, right? The transition is going to take a bit longer than that. I say give him a couple more weeks. Talk to the teachers about how they help kids transition when they are new. At his age, his day should be structured heavily by the teachers.

Also at 2 years old - the kids are mostly doing "parallel play" and not really interacting with each other the way you might think they should.

That being said it would be a cold day in h*ll and pigs would fly before I would have my inlaws come live with me :-) but I don't know what your relationship with them is......

As far as the "required" socialization.... WHO Is requiring it? There are PLENTY of ways kids can get socialization that don't include daycare (said from a mom whose kids were in daycare) so if you don't WANT your kids in daycare and you have an option that is workable to you and your family then you should do what feels right. You can enroll your son in swimming, gymnastics, music, playdates etc to get socialization. And most school districts have some form of pre-school that starts at either 3 or 4. there is nothing "required" at 2.

5-6 hours is a long day for a toddler, and he's only being doing this for a few days. Kids don't understand interaction and socialization at first. That's okay.

It takes time for him to understand the routine. And if he's not napping, his tears when you pick up could be based on pure exhaustion.

I'd take him 5 days for less time if you can, like M-F 9-12.

Are you making his lunch and sending it in? Then do that at home for every day, including the weekends, so he sees the lunchbox as something routine. Put all the food in there in the morning and then sit with him while he opens it and starts in on the different choices.

Inviting your in-laws to move in for a year? Depends on your relationship. That's a massive change, and you bring in the whole idea of them doing things differently than you would do them.

But no matter what you do, he's not going to get the hang of it for a few weeks at least. That's okay. When you drop him off, get him to show you some of the things he's going to play with that day. When you pick up, do the same thing. Always have a big smile on your face and say how fun these things look, etc. Also get to know the other kids and their parents so you can talk about the kids and say how nice they are. My son's preschool had a little sing-song tune about "Your mommy comes back…" (or "your daddy") and it was very reassuring.

It just sounds like you need to give it a little time. My son started daycare at 9 weeks and never had an issue but the kids who started at 2-3 years had much more trouble adapting. Still - they were pretty happy within a week or so. I see no problem with 3 days a week as long as they are consecutive days. After all it's not like they can process M-F is the work week and Sat/Sunday are not. My son did T-W-R daycare for years and had no issues knowing or not knowing what day it was.

I would consider very carefully whether you would really want your in laws to stay with your for a year. Receiving free child care from relatives is not really free - it has big implications for the relationship as well as for how you parent. The daycare provider will follow your guidelines for feeding/bathroom/discipline. A grandparent will likely follow their own inclinations. The upsides are it is free and a relationship with a grandparent is a valuable thing for a child.

We went with at home care after trying the daycare facility thing. It just seems to be a better fit for our kids. Depending on the cost of who you find this may be a cost effective option for your family too. I found our caregiver on the care.com. We are very happy with who we hired. Now my girls are 5.5 and 3.5 years old. My oldest is in TK and my youngest in a 2 day a week preschool half days for socialization. They're perfectly happy and well adjusted.
Some kids do well in a day care facility at a really young age. But my kids were not adjusting. The really did well in their home environment with a different caregiver. If your inlaws can help you without moving in with you that would be ideal. But of course you have to do what is right for your family and your living situation. There are many options and solutions for this. This is common problem with no right or wrong solution. Good luck. Let us know what you decide and how it works out for you.

This is normal. He's going to take a couple of weeks.

How you can make it easier on him.

Tell him, in the car, that you love him and will see him later. Then head in without talking about anything to do with how he's feeling or going to adjust or going to be okay, nothing. You'll be making him feel like it's not normal and he has to fix something.

Tell him bye when you hand him over to the teacher or he leaves your side to go into the classroom.

Turn around and walk away. Do NOT look back, do not hug him and say it will be okay, don't do anything or say anything, just walk away, all the way to the front door and out to your vehicle.

Also, you might know him better than us but by not taking him in every day you're giving him a mixed message. He knows you have to go back to work and that's great. It's not harmful to him in any way. But by having him home several days of the week it's confusing to him.

PLUS by picking him up at the end of nap time you are setting him up for a huge melt down as soon as you go to work and don't pick him up at this time. He's going to get up, be half asleep, and go get his stuff ready and sit and wait for you. When you don't come he's not going to want to go have snacks, he's waiting for you, then he's not going to want to go outside and play because he's waiting for you and something must have happened, he thinks you've forgotten him, so he's got to sit right there and wait so you don't forget him.

He's confused and really waking up now but you're not there and he can actually get frantic because this has never happened before.

Taking him for a shorter day is not good for him. He needs to be there the entire time you'll be working so he knows what to expect, when he might change rooms, who the other staff are because a LOT of child care places hire high school students to come in after school so their full time teachers can go home and the high school teachers come in fresh, they're young and like to play with the kids, and it's just a good thing.

The most important part of what I have to say to you.

Get him to full days for the whole week soon. He needs to be there the full time so he can really get used to it. What you're doing isn't going to do it all the way and he's going to be right back at the beginning of adjustment when you do take him for full days all over again.

Taking him in and turning around then leaving will make the adjustment go smoother and quicker but getting used to the schedule and going every single day full time will be the beginning of his adjusting.

What you're doing now isn't even starting the adjustment or transition.

he might do better with going every day, just for a couple of hours. the staggered days don't give him a chance to get used to the new schedule as a 'routine.'
do you adore your in-laws? that's a pretty drastic step!
but if you do it, why put him in daycare?
there is no 'required socialization.' that's an artificial construct created by our largely artificial society. if your in-laws become your daycare providers, they will surely take him to the park, and make friends, and arrange for him to get together and play with other friends. you don't have to send a toddler to an institutionalized setting to 'socialize.'
khairete
S.

The ladies answers before mine are spot on - if he is going to be in day care put him in full time and commit to it. The shorter, softer transition actually makes harder on him. It has only been a couple days, so let the process continue and it will get MUCH easier! I know it is hard, but he is going to learn so much and have so much fun - as soon as you let him. When you leave, drop - kiss - hug then turn and GO - no matter what you hear or see. Do not go back and do not look back - it makes it really hard on the kids to drag it out. Within a couple weeks he should be eager to go to school and stay there. But YOU have to be the strong one in this situation not him. When you say he bursts into tears when he sees you, is this because he was miserable or he thinks you were?

Only one thing you mentioned in your post bothered me - it said he isn't engaged or interacting with others. It is normal for 2 and 3 year olds to play beside each other versus with each other. But the teacher should be trying to engage him and bring him back into the group. If she isn't - be sure to mention that to her or ask the director about it. Good luck!!

Unless you have an amazing relationship with your in-laws I could not imagine having them live with me for a year. It will take time to adjust, longer than a week, but if he is in the right place (good teacher) he will. If it were me and I could afford it I would hire a nanny, and she could just bring him to the park etc for play time with other kids.