Daycare Question - Glenwood,MD

I have a home daycare and wouldn't expect payment for the week. After all, parents either had to take the week off unexpectatly or pay someone else to care for their children. Has she asked for the money? If not, she likely isn't expecting you to pay. Did you pay someone else for the week? If so, then explain that you can't afford to pay 2 people, and although you understand her situation, you can't pay 2 people for the same week.

why don't you just come right out and ask her? This will come up again--not that her father will die, but she'll get swine flu, she'll break her ankle, her house will need to be treated for termites....all kinds of reasons besides a death in the family that she might want a few days to a week off unexpectedly. This is a perfect time to get it clear. Maybe you can split it down the middle, and pay her half-time or something.

Wow Robin. Could you possibly be ruder? C. is raising her own family; she has found a wonderful person to help care for her children when she's doing the right thing by helping to provide for them financially. It's 2010, for pete's sake!

C., my best advice is to ask your provider how she would like to handle it, and follow her lead. Perhaps she doesn't expect you to pay her since she closed. If she does, I would politely offer to pay her half of what you normally pay her. If she balks, it's not worth the fight because she seems really great, and I would pay her the whole thing. But if she's as wonderful as you say she is, I'd just go ahead and consider it karma if she would like you to pay her.

Good luck. And never feel bad about working. No doubt you love your children and are doing a great job raising them, no matter what anyone says.

I thing you should pay her. My kids go to a great inhome daycare and she gets paid for 2 weeks vacation a year and any sick days. We have been lucky and she has not called in sick once in over 2 years so that is nice but in a situation like that i would still pay her. If you dont she is loosing out on all that money to and really when you think about it a daycare provider really does not get paid that much when you look at the hourly wage and they have a big resposibility caring for children. Plus they still have to pay taxes, and licensing fees, and insurance out of pocket possibly, etc. Im sure she had to dish out some money for the funeral to. I know at my work we get paid for a week if a parent, spouce, etc pass away, and like 2 or 3 days for a grandparent or aunt/uncle, etc. Im sure she feels bad for having to close for a week but she has a lot to deal with lossing her father. It is tough to dish out the money yes but it is one week and unless you had to pay a bunch for alternate child care i would definatly pay her for it. It is a blessing to find someone wonderful and trustworthy to care for your kids.

For what it is worth, this is my opinion:
Relationships are more important that money. Her dad died. You trust her with your child, your most precious gift. Pay for the week. Send her a card. Offer to help her for a day. Your instinct to pay it forward is right on. Go with your gut. Money is tight for you, but I believe good deeds are repaid in time ten fold.

I guess if you signed a contract, I would refer to that. If it says she gets only one week of paid vacation then you should not have to pay for the additional week. However, if there are any references to paid sick days or paid emergency days...Then you should pay for that week. Also, check to see if the contract specifies "business days" vs calendar days. For example, if she took her vacation from Monday thru Sunday, that is only 5 "business days" and might mean she has another 2 business days to use toward her "week of paid vacation".

Good daycare is valuable -- I would be careful about how you approach this. Maybe wait until she says something, and then innocently say, "Oh -- I didn't know if I should pay because you already took your paid vacation..."

My logical assumption would be that if the contract you agreed to was paid holidays + paid vacation (which was already taken) you do not have to pay for the week. I had to take 3 weeks off for a death in the family the same year that I had already taken all my sick and vacation time during my maternity leave. My company was very kind in allowing me to take the time I needed, but I did have to take unpaid leave.

It is such a personal relationship that most of us have with our daycare providers so it is easy to forget that it is indeed a business and rules and contracts should be abided by. I would actually be surprised if the provider expected you to pay for the week. They probably assume that it will be unpaid.

Edit: After reading some of the other answers, I just want to repeat and stress that even though it is very personal relationship you have with the provider, a daycare, in-home or otherwise, is still a business. You should not have to take into consideration the providers taxes, licensing fees and insurance. Those expenses should already have been taken into account when the provider worked out her business plan and decided on her rate.

One more thing to consider... If you had to take time off (whether it was just for a vacation or for an emergency) and did not bring your child to daycare for a week, your provider would still expect to be paid for that week. Because it is not a charity. It is a business. When I had to take three weeks off due to the death in my family, I still paid my in-home daycare provider because those were the terms of our contact. It would be a double-standard to say that you must follow the terms of the contact, but the provider does not. Again, I know that it is much easier said than done. We used an in-home daycare provider as well and she and her daughter felt like members of the family, but you have to remind yourself that it *is* a business.

Have you tried asking her about it? I know it seems a hard subject to bring up because you definitely don't want to offend her. It is always best to discuss policies such as this. My children are in a amazing state-regulated (college campus) daycare, but even if they are sick and I have to keep them home, I am still paying for their slot. Of course, it's always got a long waiting list.
If you guys have a good history together, talk to her. Be honest, ask what she expects you to do, and be sure to emphasize that you are just trying to cover your bases, and not hurt her in anyway.
I hope that this situation works out, good childcare is a gem!

Pay her-you have a contract and an obligation. She is raising your family for you.

I take it you didn't put any of these types of extenuating circumstances in your contract? Here's a big question - since her home daycare was closed, did you need to pay someone else to watch your daughter? If you did, I think you really need to sit down with her and talk it over. Explain that you'd be paying twice. If you worked something else out and did not have to pay someone to watch your daughter while she was closed then I would probably pay her. I taught for a year and had my daughter in a home based daycare. We had no contract, but I truly loved our sitter, so I paid her for the week between Christmas and New Years, and Spring Break (even though I kept my daughter home with me) I sort of figured it this way - "I" was getting paid for that time, so should she. I think it was just the right thing to do. Sounds like you have a great relationship and you wouldn't want to do anything to spoil it. I hear so many horror stories about daycare. I bet you want to keep this good relationship especially with another baby on the way. BUT, like I said, if you had to pay someone else while your primary sitter was closed then you need to talk to her about that. Definitely a sticky situation. Good luck :)

I completely understand your situation, I have been there pretty recently myself. I see that you get the following but I believe a few of the other posters do not so I will say this anyway: Daycare providers as well as centers expect payment for their vacation and holidays AND you pay if your child does or does not attend. With in-home providers this often includes so many sick and/or personal days as well. Please keep in mind that although it is not convenient for a provider to close (you still need childcare and have to juggle work) especially when a provider's own family emergency becomes yours as well, this is their job. Just like us in our jobs, we expect vacation, holiday, sick, personal, and/or bereavement time. When we are out, we want to be paid and so do they....smart ones build it in to their contract.

As for your specific situation...take a look at your contract to first see what you are responsible for. Most will include 3 sick days and 2 personal (or something to that effect) in addition to vacation and scheduled closings. Use that as your first guide. If it is spelled out you will have the answer to what you must do. If it isn't, you are not obligated to pay for her that week. You could then talk to her, as a friend since you do have that relationship. Say something like "I am sure that on top of your loss, having to close for a week wasn't easy financially". "Can I pay you in advance for next week to help you out?" Tread lightly on that though unless you are well aware of her financial situation.

It would be incredulous for any business to expect payment in this situation. It is sad that she lost a loved one and if you want to donate something in light of the loss then fine, but I wouldn't pay for nothing either. The real question here is what you feel like doing; is it more important to you not to take a chance on your friend's feelings or is it more important to save money for upcoming family (congratulations by the way!)

I have worked as a family child care provider for the last 15 years. As others have said, check your contract and talk to her. Has she opened back up since being closed? It is possible that with her father passing she closed and did not even think about letting parents know they wouldn't have to pay for that week. I think we can all relate to having to deal with an emotional crisis such as this and needing time to get our bearings back. Chances are she is planning on addressing the issue when she opens back up. I personally have vacation days and emergency/personal days in my contract. If it was my child care and I had not used any of the emergency days, you would be required to pay. However, if I had previously used my emergency days due to illness or another situation I would take the time off without pay. It sounds like she has plenty of child care experience, between her mother and herself so she should be very familiar with standard child care policies and reasonable to deal with...talk to her, communication can make or break any child care relationship.

It's customary to pay when you can't have your child in daycare for whatever reason, but I think it's the opposite if your daycare provider can't be available to provide care due to a situation on their end. If they close their daycare, you have nowhere to take your child so expecting to be paid for that doesn't seem right. The paid vacation may be something that you've negotiated, but paying her for time off due to a loss in the family, I would think, is completely different.
I would talk to her. She's likely happy that everyone was willing to make other arrangements for their kids for her to have the time off during this difficult time in her life. You won't know what she's thinking until you ask her though.

I'm sure things will work out fine. Just talk to her.

Best wishes!

i'm thinking you are not required or expected to pay under these circumstances. i understand your feeling torn, i would too. i'd continue with your theme of 'split right down the middle', send her a card that includes a check for half the week, and your offer to cover for her if she needs more time.
khairete
S.

I used to do in-home daycare and I never expected payment for time not served. I had to take time off b/c of multiple reasons (my kids sick, myself sick, vacation, etc.) and she should NOT expect payment for that week. If you feel like you wanted to help her out, maybe pay her 1/2 just to be nice b/c of the circumstance, but you are certainly not obligated.

if you cant afford it right now, say something to the provider- like, "I really wished I could pay you for last week, but with the new baby coming- we really cant afford anything extra right now- I'm really sorry".

that way she knows you are not avoiding paying her- and that your intentions are really good- plus you feel bad that you cant pay. Get it out in the open so she knows what you are thinking and feeling.

I dont see any reason to pay for something you didnt receive. The money is better in your bank for the baby than in hers- its YOUR MONEY- keep it.

then when you do have some extra money- pay it forward to someone that could use it- just as you did when your co-workers heled out.

You wrote that you are on her list as an emergency caregiver. Yet, you also have a job to which you must report. Well, this is an emergency situation, and though you are pregnant now, what were the terms for her list of emergency caregivers? I'm sure if her father has died, she probably is in a very emotional state right now, but she is also a businesswoman and you might have to either remind her of her emergency action plan. Delicate way, "I'm sure work is the last thing on your mind right now, honestly, but you need to focus. Now, I know I can't work either as your emergency backup, but I can help by calling that person and every parent on your list to rearrange your clients until you can get settled again." I haven't experienced such a loss, but folks who have lost a parent have told me there's quite a bit that has to be done and she might have to close her business for longer than a week. If you are friends and you are also on her sublist for emergency purposes, then you are a short-term employee who can help direct her attention during this time. It's tough. But, you can be a friend by offering the emotional support she needs and reaching out to offer some assistance to her right now. I don't know what the terms of your "substitute list" arrangement is nor the contract you have with her as your caregiver, but you should refer to that now. You wrote that she has been super flexible when your mom was ill and passed. If she didn't charge you for those random days or hold you to strict guidelines, then it seems you have a relationship with her that could be reciprocated under these circumstances and maybe this could be your family's contribution to her. It's difficult given your baby is due next month, but consider the long-term affects of how you handle this situation. Good caregivers are hard to find and you will have two children who need a good caregiver once you stop maternity leave. Plus friendship has no price.

just because you feel like you should pay it forward doesnt mean you have to do it now. next time shes in a bind help or once baby is here and you need extra help with childcare because you need extra sleep maybe give her a little more that is expected.

Hi C.,

Consider yourself extremely lucky to have a trustworthy child care provider! They are difficult to find. I would not make it an issue, and I would just pay for that week. After just losing her father, I am sure she has other concerns she is dealing with right now and doesn't need any added stress. Plus, if your child was at a Kindercare, etc, you would be paying for every week of the year...holidays, vacation, summer...whether your child attends that week or not. That is just their way to hold your child's spot in the daycare, so you still have a better deal with your friend if you pay for that week.

Check out the site www.freecycle.org. It is an excellent source of baby items, etc. For my first daughter, we didn't pay for anything except diapers, and co-pays for doctor visits, literally. Everything else was gifted, handed down, or acquired from freecycle. Why spend tons of money on fancy stuff, when everything is outgrown so quickly. And at such a young age, they don't realize that their clothes were already worn by their older cousins.

Believe me, I totally understand watching the budget especially with one on the way (I have two little ones myself), but jeopardizing access to quality child care is not worth it!

Good luck and congrats,
L.

I suggest that if she expected to be paid she would've told you by now. I'd just let it slide, i.e. not pay her and if she asks for payment say that you didn't realize that you should pay and then pay her.

It's usual to pay whether or not the child attends. That is part of the contract. Whether or not to pay when provider is ill or takes time off should also be part of the contract. IF it's not, I think it's reasonable to not expect to pay. My daughter does not pay when her day care worker's home is not open.

For the General public this may be a hard question but for someone who DOES childcare for a living this is an easy question. If you are taking your 2yr old out of care while you have a new baby and want to go back tot he same childcare provider you should pay her while you are gone. The reason being while your daughter is gone your provider still lives. Normally when she looses a child in her care she would just replace her but if she did this now you wouldn't have a place to come back to. So in order to hold your place you need to pay her. You could risk it and put your 30 days in and hope she hasn't replaced her but the chances are slim she can't find another 2yr old to watch. In addition to it might very well be nice to have somewhere to bring your 2yr old when your in the hospital or if for any reason you need space like maybe a dr. visit for he new baby. Good luck

well i have a friend who does a daycare out of her home. She is really stuck to her rules of payment and stuff but i do know that if she didn't watch your kid. why pay? If she took a week off why pay her for not watching the child. Now she should understand why your not paying. If you where to go to one of these other daycare institutions like kindercare or something i do know they make you pay no matter if you take your child or not. Also if your as good terms with her. See if theres a different way like maybe watch the kids three days or something for her instead. or maybe see if theres a project that shes going to work with the kids on if you can buy the materials. If not I really don't see you paying for a week that your child wasn't even watched by her, do to her personal issue.